I was barely keeping it together. The last few weeks were like being strapped into a rocket headed straight to hell. My nightmares were back in full force when I managed to close my eyes long enough to sleep.

Every day Esme went to school I feared she wouldn’t come back to me. The temptation was so strong to keep her tucked in beside me. Her sadness that Mel was gone was palpable. I didn’t know what to do. Everything happened all at once. Killian showing up, Rachel betraying me and then the money in Mel’s bank account. I hadn’t wanted to believe it, but were my feelings interfering with my ability to see what was really going on? Had I fallen into a trap or had I just made the biggest mistake of my life?

The horizon looked darker than ever. I was hurtling toward the earth from 20,000 feet, bracing for impact and then a parachute appeared out of nowhere to save me. Allan was dead. He’d died of an overdose. With his history, it was an open-and-shut case. The time for the paternity test had been drawn out, using every stalling technique possible to keep it from happening. So as far as anyone knew, he’d been a junkie looking for some quick cash by making baseless accusations against an upstanding member of society.

The minute my lawyers told me he was dead I was in shock. I staggered down the hall to Esme’s room and gathered her tiny sleeping frame up in my arms and held her tight. The tears I’d willed back for as long as I can remember came spilling out. I tucked her head under my chin and rocked her back and forth like I’d done all those years ago when she was so tiny in my hands in the hospital. The danger was over, no one would take her from me now.

And as happy as it made me, there was still a part of me that was hollow without Mel. I wanted her there with us to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s. I wanted our family dinners to be filled with old diner stories and laughter. And more than anything I wanted to wrap my arms around her and breathe her in at night because I knew, when she was close, the nightmares of my past melted away into the dreams of my future.

I’d let Killian turn me against someone I should have protected. The board elections threw me off and I didn’t see how little that mattered. How little the money mattered when my little girl’s fate hung in the balance. I expected the next blow to come. The next challenge, but the board election dates came and went without a word from Killian. No bombshell revelation. No eleventh-hour surprises. The boards all voted to reelect me. My birthday came and went. Everything I’d ever wanted was laid out in front of me. The full inheritance, over a billion dollars, at my fingertips, and it all paled when I ran my hand over the empty bed beside me. Cold and smooth instead of a warm, rumpled mess that sometimes elbowed me in the head during the night.

Every time Esme asked for Mel, it was another slice to my heart. I’d driven her away. How could I make this right? My last-ditch-effort video message seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. I needed her. We needed her. And I didn’t want to do this on my own anymore, and I didn’t want to be with anyone else but Mel.

Now that I could breathe again, it was time to finally settle everything with my parents’ estate and start the plans I’d had in mind for a long time. The big plans that would finally give me my own freedom, but none of that mattered anymore. My anger at my parents was still there, simmering, but paled in comparison to what I’d lost now. I had left the lawyer’s office late that evening, heading to near-midnight dinner with the legal team. Esme hung out with Derek, who turned out to be a much more competent babysitter than I’d imagined. Seeing him decked out with a tiara and his nails painted hot pink was enough to make me think his assignment might need permanent reshuffling. It wasn’t like we’d need a security detail for much longer.

I needed a drink, so why not have one on the lawyer’s dime? It wasn’t like I had anything to go back to in the apartment. Esme would be asleep by the time I got back. I rode over with one of the senior partners. Addison was a cut-throat ballbuster, which was why I’d hired her in the first place. Men often underestimated her because she was beautiful, but I hadn’t. I’d seen her chew people up and spit them out on more than one occasion.

As we stepped out of the car, I stepped into a giant icy puddle right outside the door. The frigid water seeped into my shoes. Addison stepped out and I put my hand along her back to guide her away from the water. I’m sure her shoes cost a hell of a lot more than mine. A laughing group of women came toward me, dressed for going out. Addison smiled and thanked me, tugging her coat around her tighter. The group was only a few feet from us now. There were legs for days, but the only legs that mattered were the ones that belonged to Mel, walking toward me. I stopped like the sidewalk had turned to ice and frozen my feet there.

Mel stopped and the group around her paused to see what had grabbed her attention. My eyes were riveted to her. Soaking her in. It had been so long since I’d seen her in person. I had tried to pry her address out of Derek. I knew he’d dropped off her things. But he was enragingly tight-lipped. She looked beautiful. Her hair fell in soft waves around her face, the ends tucked into her coat collar. I wanted to run my fingers through her curls and pull them free from the coat and let them run wild like they always did. Addison and the girls with Mel looked back and forth between us.

“I’ll see you inside, Rhys,” Addison said, tapping on my arm before heading into the restaurant.

“Mel, you okay?” one of her friends asked, looking from her to me. Mel nodded, she glanced to her friend.

“I…I’m fine. Go ahead and I’ll catch up, okay?” Small puffs of her breath formed in front of her face. As the group left, glancing back at us the whole way, I took a couple of steps toward her. I approached her slowly, with caution, as though I was afraid she would scamper off if I moved too quickly.

“Hi,” she said, running her fingers over her mouth before glancing up at me.

“Hi,” I said, every word I imagined I’d have to say to her in person, gone. I was like a blank slate and everything I’d thought about over the past month died in my throat.

“How are you?” we both said at the same time. My hands itched to touch her, but I shoved them deep into my pockets. I had my answer when she didn’t respond to me. I had my chance. I’d had a taste of the sweetest life I could have imagined and now it was gone. Standing so close to her now almost hurt, a keen piercing stabbed me through the heart that I couldn’t touch her.