Stacey

 

In the month I’ve been back in New York all I’ve done is work on this case. It’s consumed me, and I think since my heart is bleeding, it’s for the best. I haven’t had time to think about how much I miss Ryan. I only dream about his voice, his touch, the way he made me feel, made me laugh. The beautiful places we picnicked, swimming at the lake, and hiking around the resort. But when Mike came into my trailer asking if Ryan had just left, it started to spiral out of control.

 

I told him I’d fallen in love, and he told me flat out that Ryan was not capable of returning my feelings. That if I wanted to protect myself, my heart, I’d leave. I didn’t believe him. We fought, damn did we fight. The more stories I heard, the more I started to wonder if it was just something I wanted so badly, that I didn’t see the truth. If I had convinced myself of this amazing relationship that wasn’t real. Fear set in, reality came crashing down, and when I got the call for this case...I ran.

 

“Stacey, it’s going to be another all-nighter, so you better order some food for yourself,” my boss says to me as he gets ready to leave for the night.

 

“Okay,” I say as he closes my door. Another all-nighter by myself.

 

After eating Chinese takeout and working several hours, I drop my pen and rub my eyes. Exhaustion is setting in, yet I have so much more to do. I start typing on the computer and as the words  blur together I shake my head. I need to get a little sleep.

 

Thankfully I have a small couch in my office and I climb onto it letting sleep pull me under.

 

Those haunting eyes, so sad and hurt. I’m standing in my trailer back at Westlake, and I feel those eyes on me no matter where I go. I decide to go sit outside, hiding from their hard gaze.

 

I smile when I breathe in the air. It smells crisp and fresh, like wildflowers and the woods. It’s intoxicating, making me happy I came back. Looking over to the right I see muddy footprints, and I cock my head because I don’t remember seeing them when I walked out here. My curiosity gets the best of me and I get up to see where they lead.

 

I follow them all the way to the lake and they seem to just disappear, but out of the corner of my eye I see more. The day has suddenly turned to night and a cool breeze has me rubbing my hands on my arms, but I still need to find out where these footprints are leading.

 

I blink my eyes and I’m inside a grotto. It looks so familiar, yet I can’t place it. Have I been here before or maybe just dreamt about it? The moonlight shining in is beautiful and lets me see just how stunning it is in here.

When I hear footsteps I know it is whoever I am looking for. Part of me is excited, but part of me is nervous. I sit down on a log and wait as the footsteps grow nearer. I hear leaves moving and bite my lip waiting to see who exactly it was that has lured me here to this little piece of paradise.

 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever brought here. It took years to make and I’m so glad you like it,” I hear a familiar voice say and jump up.

 

“Wow. I’m the only girl you’ve ever brought here?” a high pitched, squeaky voice says.

 

“Yes, you are. Now let’s have sex because you are beautiful and I love you,” he says and I suddenly can see the two people.

 

One of them is Ryan and the other, I have no idea who she is, but she is loving the attention he is paying her. He’s lying to her because I’m the only one he’s brought here, I remember now. This is his grotto and this is where we had our first unofficial date.

 

Just as I smile thinking of the memories he kisses her, and I start to cry. “Ryan, no! Ryan, stop please! I’m here, Ryan, I’m here,” I scream trying to get his attention, but it’s no use. He doesn’t hear me, doesn’t see me, yet I hear and see it all. How could he do this, just forget me so quickly and bring someone else here?

I’m sobbing trying to get him to notice me, and when I realize he never will…

 

I wake up screaming. Holy shit, it was just a dream. I hold my hand over my pounding heart and take a second to gather my thoughts. That’s when I realize I’m actually crying, heavy tears running down my face. “It was only a dream, yet it felt so real,” I whisper to myself as I stand up to get a sip of water.

 

After calming myself down, I shake the thoughts of my dream and get back to work. The only sound I hear is the clicking of my keyboard. I look over toward the clock and say, “The damn clock.”

 

Ryan was right, I just ran back to the same boring life I had. Why the fuck did I do that? Mike had no right to interfere, but ultimately it was me who made the decision to leave.  I was so happy there, so in love. I jump up and grab my things before writing a quick note to my boss. 

 

Good thing I got a few hours of sleep, because I intend to drive until I reach Westlake.

 

**

 

It takes close to fifteen hours of straight driving, but I finally pull up to my trailer. The second I see it my heart beats faster. I hate that the last memory I have of this place is the sadness on Ryan’s face. I shake my head and grab my suitcase before going inside. I take a deep breath and smile. “I’m home.”

 

After sleeping until dusk, I get up and take a shower making sure to do my hair and makeup to perfection. My nerves are getting the best of me, but I need to find Ryan. I have a lot to apologize for, and I can only hope that he will take me back.

I step outside into the cool air and wrap my arms around myself. Without even thinking, I head straight for the grotto. I don’t know why, maybe it was my dream or maybe it was that this is where I starting to fall for him. Either way, my feet carry me and before I know it I’m ducking under the branches. As soon as I step in the air in my lungs is sucked out. It’s empty, yet I feel Ryan all around me. I walk over to a log and sit down. Looking around makes my heart hurt. I’ve really fucked up. I never should have left, I should have followed my heart.

 

I sit for a while and when I realize this isn’t getting me anywhere, I stand up. Just as I walk toward the only way out, I hear leaves rustling in the wind and my pulse picks up. What if Ryan is actually bringing a woman in here. As much as it hurts to think that, how could I blame him? I did exactly what he feared, I left him.

 

I stand frozen in place and the second Ryan steps into view my knees go weak. In that moment, seeing him after a month, I know that he is my world.

 

“Stacey? What the hell are you doing here,” he asks with a bite in his tone that I expect.

 

“Ryan, we need to talk,” I say, hoping he will hear me out.

 

He crosses his arms over his chest and keeps his distance from me. Even if he doesn’t accept my apology, I still need to do it. He deserves that at the very least.

 

“Remember when we first met and you were so pissed because I didn’t believe you when you said nothing happened with us?” He gives a slight nod of his head and I’m grateful to have his attention, it spurs me on. “Remember how you went out of your way to make sure I knew what happened, that I knew what an amazing guy you really are?” I move a bit closer to him and he doesn’t budge an inch. “That’s what I’m doing now. I need you to know how sorry I am. I was selfish and hurtful. You were right, I ran back to New York to continue with my boring life. The thing is, I finally realized the reason my life is boring, unfulfilled, and lonely in New York is because that isn’t where I belong. I belong here, with you.”

 

I move to stand right in front of him and I want to reach out and touch him, but he still has a hard look on his face. “It took you leaving to realize that? I fucking knew that long before you left,” he says looking through me.

 

“I fucked up. I fell in love with this place, with the residents…with you,” I whisper.

 

“You left, Stacey, just like I knew you would. I don’t know why you want to come back just to leave again,” he says with more hurt in his voice this time.

 

“I left the resort, I left South Carolina, but I didn’t leave you, not completely.” I take a chance and rest my hand on his arm, and I feel the muscle flex beneath the skin. “I left my heart with you.” He searches my eyes looking for the truth and I let him because I have nothing to hide.

With my pulse racing and my heart in his hands I take a leap. A leap to my happiness, my future, my forever. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I can’t say it enough, but I’d like to make it up to you for the rest of our lives.” I can’t help the tears that run down my cheeks, but I continue, “I love you, Ryan, and I want to come back. Can you give me another chance? A chance to prove it to you, like you proved it to me?” I don’t know what else to say, yet I feel I need to say so much more.

 

In an instant he pulls me into his arms and my tears are unstoppable. He hold me so tight to him that it’s hard to breath, but I don’t give a shit. “Stacey, this last month has been as hard if not harder than losing my parents’. I don’t know if I can trust you completely or even if I forgive you, but fuck I need you,” he says, and I hear the emotion in his voice.

 

He releases his hold on me slightly and presses his lips to mine. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know for sure it includes Ryan, because I didn’t know what living was, until him.