Stacey

 

After Ryan leaves, I go into the house and sit down on the couch. No longer am I interested in TV or this bowl of ice cream. I’m so confused. What kind of guy comes to your place to tell you nothing happened and then admits that he normally does sleep around? I felt satisfied when he admitted that, but when he said that he actually did the right thing and took care of me, I don’t know, I think I believe him.

 

The way he said it with such sadness in his voice, it felt truthful. He never broke eye contact with me, he didn’t sweat or smile. Holy shit, what kind of lawyer am I? I should be able to know immediately if someone is lying and now I’m questioning it all. I think I may have judged him on what I heard at the bar that night. I don’t know him, not anymore, yet I assumed I knew it all.

 

I go into the bedroom and pull out Ryan’s shirt that I washed earlier and frown. When I told him to leave yesterday, I didn’t bother taking it off and he hadn’t asked.  Maybe I shouldn’t have been such a bitch and rushed to label him. I should have listened to what he had to say instead of kicking him out of my trailer. Oh my God, what kind of person am I?

 

I flop down on the bed and cover my face. Even though no one can see me, I feel the need to hide. I’m humiliated that I was so awful to him, not once but twice. I’m sure he thinks I’m a bitch and he wouldn’t be wrong considering how I treated him the other day.

Not wanting to think about it anymore, I close my eyes and hope that sleep pulls me under quickly.

 

**

 

After a restless night of sleep, I get up and shower. It’s strange not to have a schedule. I’m used to getting up, showering, going to work, and repeat every day.  Having this time to myself is wonderful, yet confusing. I feel like I should be doing something, not just sitting around drinking coffee. I look around the beautiful resort and decide that today I will go exploring. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here and I’d like to reacquaint myself.

 

Changing into a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a pink tank top, I toss on my flip flops and head out. Following the different trails, I admire the beauty around me. There is such a vast variety of trees, bushes, and flowers all mixed throughout the resort that I could walk around for weeks and never identify them all.

 

One path leads me to the lake, and I love the tranquil feel when I reach the water’s edge. I sit down and take it all in. It is so quiet and peaceful. The only sounds I hear are birds chirping, leaves rustling, and the water kissing the shoreline. It relaxes me, pulling me into a meditative state.  In New York, I never take the time to enjoy the world around me. It moves at a sprinter's pace and you do your best to keep up. There is no time to slow down and enjoy yourself, not if you’re trying to climb the corporate ladder. The sounds I usually hear are honking horns, construction, and loud talking and that’s just on the way to work. Once I’m there it is the sound of my keyboard, the phone ringing, and the sound of the damn clock hand ticking, taunting me with how much time is passing while I do nothing to make me truly happy.

 

I bring my focus back to my stunning surroundings. I’m sitting a bit secluded, letting the sun beat down on me. I look across the way when I hear hammering and notice a group of guys working on a cabin. I don’t know how I missed it, I guess I was focusing too much on the beauty around me. Although, now that they have gained my attention I am pulled in to watching them. They are joking with each other and  look like they are having a great time working. Makes me a little jealous that I don’t feel that same enjoy in my job.

 

They turn some music on, and while I can’t make out the song, the beat carries over to me and I  nod my head to the rhythm. One of the guys yells to another trying to get his attention over the music, before he laughs at something  inside that I can’t see. I look over and son of a bitch, it’s Ryan.

 

He’s shirtless, showing off that incredible upper body of his. Regret that I had pushed aside resurfaces. I don’t know where I get the courage, but I’m on my feet and walking over to the cabin. The need to apologize to him is overwhelming.

 

The closer I get the louder everything is—the hammering, the shouting, the music, and the laughter. Before I’m even to the cabin one of the guys notices me and flashes me a flirty grin. I smile back and walk over to him, thinking he seems to be friendly. “Hi. Is it possible for me to talk to Ryan real fast? I won’t take up much of his time.”

 

“Whatever he did to you, I’ll fix it,” he says giving me a wink and I laugh.

 

“Stacey? What are you doing?” Ryan says from behind me, shock clear in his voice.

 

I turn around and take a deep breath. I try to compose myself because seeing him shirtless is screwing with my head. I have no idea how he is going to react to me walking up on him while he is at work. “Can I just talk to you for a minute, please?”

 

He nods his head and hands his hammer to the guy that I was talking to. “Jim, I’ll be right back.”

 

I follow him away from all the noise, taking notice of his muscular back as his walks. I shake my head trying to focus on my apology. He stops and turns around, crossing his arms over his bare chest. “You forget to throw in a dig last night?” he says with a mix of hurt and anger in his voice.

 

“Ryan, I’m so sorry. I never should have rushed to judge you. I don’t have any memory of what happened the other night, and I should have believed you,” I say in my best attorney voice.

 

“You know what it doesn’t matter. I need to get back to work.” He goes to push past me, and I stop him with my hands on his chest.

“I fucked up, alright? I admit it. Everything I did was the complete opposite of what I was taught. You should have been innocent until proven guilty, but I had you guilty without even hearing your case.” He’s doesn’t say a word, so I  continue. “I wanted a night of fun,  that’s what I set out for. I saw you in the bar, and I’ll be honest, I was attracted to you. So when you came over, I was so overwhelmed with finding out who you were, I kept drinking.” I shake my head and look out at the lake. “I don’t know what else to say. I know you think I’m a bitch and I don’t blame you, I’ve been one.  I’m sorry for everything.” He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t leave either. I don’t know what I should do at this point. I’ll admit it, I’m attracted to him.  “I think I just wanted to believe so badly that someone as sexy as you would be attracted to someone like me, and I hoped we did something.” I admit, shocking myself.

 

He closes his eyes for a second before snapping them back open just as quickly. “Stacey, I did right by you that night, but don’t let it fool you. I came over to you at the bar for something else entirely.”

 

My pulse races as I wonder what kind of things he would have done to me if I hadn’t drank so much. I smile and look back to the cabin he’s working at. “So, I guess I shouldn’t keep you. But do you think you’d like to come over for dinner tonight?”

 

He gives me a sexy grin and asks, “Are you asking me on a date, Stacey?”

 

I laugh, mostly out of embarrassment and shake my head. “No. I thought it would be nice to get to know you, without alcohol.”

 

“I get off work at five,” is all he says and walks past me to goes back to work. I guess that means he’ll be over. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I have butterflies swarming my stomach.