Ryan

 

When I get off of work, I go home and take a shower. Since Stacey left the job site earlier today, I haven’t been able to think about anything else. To say I was shocked to see her is an understatement. I could tell she’s a woman who isn’t used to giving an apology, and I took pity on her.  I wouldn’t say I’ve gained her respect, but then again I wouldn’t say she has mine.

 

Once I get myself showered and dressed in a black t-shirt and khaki shorts, I go outside and climb into my golf cart. I’m not expecting anything from tonight. I don’t even know if going to her place is a good idea. Hell, getting involved with her in any form isn’t a good idea. She doesn’t need someone like me in her life, not to mention Mike will beat my ass, but like I said I feel a pull to her.

 

When I get to her place, I knock on the door and wait. When she doesn’t answer I walk around the deck to the back and see her sitting in the chair looking out at the lake. The sun is shining on her, giving her an almost angelic appearance. She has sunglasses on blocking my view of her eyes, but the strapless sundress she has on shows off that sexy body that she has no idea that I’ve seen.

 

I move a step closer and she hears me, turning her head in my direction. I smile and walk over to her. “I knocked first.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear. Would you like something to drink?” she asks, going to stand up.

 

“No, I’m good right now, thanks,” I say resting my hand on hers to have her sit back down. I feel a bit awkward. I’ve been with plenty of women, but never without the intention of getting them in my bed. I don’t exactly know what to talk about if it doesn’t include bedroom talk.

 

“Ryan, I really am sorry for the way I treated you. I don’t want you to think that is the kind of person I am,” she says with sadness in her voice.

 

“Well what kind of person are you?” I ask, generally interested in her response.

 

“If you would have asked me that a few months ago, I would have said a lawyer who wants to take the world by storm. Now, I’m not so sure anymore.”

 

I look at her, but she never turns her attention away from the lake. “What changed?” I know all too well how she’s feeling because that’s how she makes me feel. She has me questioning everything I thought I believed, and I don’t understand any of it. Maybe if she tells me what changed for her, it will give me a little insight on what the hell is going on with me.

 

“Honestly?” She finally looks at me and I nod my head. “The clock,” she says and smirks.

 

“The clock? What the hell does that mean?” I ask with a chuckle.

She turns her body to face me and smiles. “The ticking of the clock. It makes you realize time is passing and the longer it ticks the more time passes. It made me realize that I had all the time passing me by and I wasn’t doing anything with it. I worked, I had boring relationships, and no life at all. I want to do something with my life, but I’m not sure what it is. I know it sounds ridiculous, I shouldn’t be boring you with this stuff.”

 

The more she spoke the more intrigued I became. She’s on a quest to find herself and even though I think I’m probably the last thing she needs in her life, I want to help her. “It’s not ridiculous. Do you not want to be a lawyer anymore?”

 

“No, I love being a lawyer. I’m just not sure I want it to consume my life anymore.”

 

“Alright, well maybe when you go back home you should throw that clock away,” I joke hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

 

She laughs and stands up. “Maybe I will. I’m going to get a drink, are you sure you don’t want one?” I tell her I’ll take a water and she goes inside to get it.

 

When she comes back outside she has a platter with some fruit on it and our drinks. She places it all down before she sits. “I’m going to make burgers for dinner, but figured we could snack for a bit.”

 

It’s quiet for a few minutes while we just enjoy the warm evening, but she said something earlier that has me curious. “Stacey, you said you had boring relationships. Why were they boring?”

 

She laughs and shakes her head. “Ryan, you don’t want to hear about that.”

 

Normally, she’s right, I wouldn’t want to hear it. I shouldn’t want to hear it from her, but damn it, I want to know. “Actually, I do.”

 

“It’s kind of embarrassing,” she says shaking her head.

 

“Embarrassing? Well now you have to tell me.”

 

“Well, the guys I’ve been with are boring. They don’t like going out, drinking more than two fingers worth of scotch, or even watching TV.  Reading the newest law books, working, and a good cigar were things that held their interest. See, boring. What about you? What have your last relationships been like?” she asks, popping a grape into her mouth.

 

“Damn you are a lawyer, deflecting off the original question. Good thing for you I pay attention. Nothing you said is embarrassing. Boring as fuck, yes. Embarrassing, no. So what are you leaving out?” Her cheeks turn pink and she shrugs her shoulders and it hits me. “The sex. They all sucked in bed. I’m right, aren’t I?”

 

“Ugh. Yes alright, that’s exactly it,” she says, covering the blush on her face.

 

I pull her hands away and hold them while I grin at her. “Nothing embarrassing about that. Sometimes you just don’t connect with a person.”

 

It’s been the opposite for me. I’ve had the sexual satisfaction, but nothing else. I know it was mainly because of my lack of trust with women, though. I’ve never allowed myself to get close to anyone and I guess kind of like her, I’ve been filling that lonely void too, but with sex. I’m good at keeping my feelings out of any situation, I’ve been doing it most of my life. And up until I met her, I was fine with it. Now, I’m starting to question everything, too.