Chapter 13: Aftermath

Stuart

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Derek stood over me frowning. “I thought you were getting better when I left.”

Sitting up, I held my hand up to block the blaze of sunlight streaming through the window over the sink. It was fucking freezing.

“Chinook ended.” My voice still sounded like sandpaper.

“No shit.” My partner went to the fireplace and started loading wood. “I flew in expecting to find you on your feet.” He pushed the empty bottle of Jack with his boot. “I thought Johnnie Walker was your brand.”

“Are you alone?” Squinting around the wrecked cabin, the last thing I wanted to see was...

“Patrick’s with me.”

My brother stood in the kitchen, leaning against the sink.

“What the fuck do you want?” I stood then, but my head felt like it’d been hit with a sledgehammer.

“Good morning to you, too, fuckhead.”

“This is no time to fuck with me, Patrick.” I pulled down a glass and went to the sink thinking he’d better move his ass.

He slid down. “What happened yesterday?”

Taking a sip of water, I glanced at his relaxed face. How could anyone be so goddamn happy all the goddamn time?

Slamming the glass by the sink, I stepped toward him. “Why the fuck did you come out here?”

His hazel eyes burned, and he straightened. His nose almost came to mine. “Bill’s my uncle too, asshole. I’m visiting my family.”

“You’re aiding and abetting, and I’m going to kick your ass.”

Derek was at the sink in two steps. Only one person outweighed and outranked me in this room, and his hand gripped the front of my shirt.

“I’m going to kick both your asses if you don’t settle the fuck down.” His deep shout filled the small space.

Patrick took a step back and went over to sit on the couch. “If you weren’t such a dick, you’d see what was right in front of you.”

“I’d see you laughing behind my back.” The idea of him and Elaine gossiping about me like a couple fucking teenage girls almost sent me into another rage.

Derek cut through the tension. “I don’t know what either of you are talking about.” He looked at me. “I came back to check on you, and you’re fucking back in this cabin looking like shit.”

I rubbed my face with both hands, taking a breath. The whiskey was gone, my head felt like a hammer, and my guts were shredded. Fucking women.

“I don’t need you here.” My voice was low, controlled. I wanted to be alone to get over this. Just like I wanted to be alone to get over the drugs. “I can handle this.”

Patrick exhaled a jab. “Still proud.”

My eyes flashed, but Derek stepped between our line of sight. “You saved my life, bro. I’m not leaving you out here alone.”

“Well, I sure as hell don’t need his ass here.”

“Dude, can you ever stop being such a fucking pussy?” Patrick spoke from the couch, and I took a step forward.

Derek stepped forward as well. “You really want to us to go? Would that help you?”

Going back to the sink, I turned to the square window. Snow would blow in soon, covering everything feet deep, isolating this entire region. It could happen tonight. I rubbed a hand over my eyes.

“I don’t know.” Looking down, I just said it. “I survived one battle only to find myself caught in another.”

The cabin was quiet. Thankfully, neither of them spoke. I didn’t want to hear what they thought I should do, with their fucking charmed lives. I wasn’t like either of them. Love wasn’t on my To-Do list. It was on my To-Don’t list, and then when it fucking appeared (unwelcomed), it kicked me in the balls.

“I need to get back to the desert.”

Derek’s voice was calm. “Okay.” He watched the fire a moment. “Your mom leaves day after tomorrow. Come back to the ranch, and we can see what’s available.”

I knew he was trying to get me from this remote location. I knew it wasn’t safe for me to be here alone with the weather looming. Still, the idea of seeing Mariska again was just... No.

“I don’t want to go back.”

Patrick’s voice cut in fast. “She’s gone if that’s what’s worrying you.”

Frowning, I looked over my shoulder. “What?”

“Mariska left last night. We woke up this morning, and she was gone. No note or anything. I had to call Kenny to find out she’d asked her to pick her up at the airport.”

“She left? I told her not to go.” The last part was under my breath.

Why her leaving tore at my already-shredded insides was anybody’s guess. I didn’t care what she did. I wanted her to go. She played me.

Staring out the window, I focused on a place far in the distance. That was where my peace was—as far away from me as it could possibly get.

I didn’t know if I’d ever get it back, because as much as I wanted to hate her. As much as I wanted to take her by the arms and shake her until her teeth rattled, just that much I wanted to hold her against my chest. I wanted to take a deep breath of jasmine and chase her kisses. I wanted her to chase mine with the force I knew was in her.

God, fucking Mariska. What have you done to me?

* * *

Mariska

Bayville was as uninspiring as ever, and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t be happier. Kenny met me at the airport alone. Little, pale, and thin, she wore a black sleeveless top, and with her asymmetrical purple hair, black skinny jeans, and stilettos, she was every bit the badass I wished I were. I was just a crazy, impulsive girl who’d ruined the best thing in her life before it even began.

I struggled not to cry. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“What happened?” She caught me by the shoulders. “I had to leave Lane alone with Slayde, and that makes him nervous.”

“Slayde’s back?” I sniffed. Despite my misery, I couldn’t believe it. Looking closer, I saw her eyes shining with joy.

“He came back on Thanksgiving. He... he’s a hero.”

“What? What happened? I mean... I’m so happy for you! Tell me—”

Our fingers clasped as we walked to baggage claim. “I’ll tell you everything, but not now. Now you’re going to tell me why you dragged me out of bed at this ridiculous hour. What happened?”

We were at the carousel waiting for my black suitcase to appear, and I had the most distinct case of déjà vu—I was arriving in Great Falls and panicking over the crazy thing I’d done. I knew it would end like this. Yaya had told me to trust my premonitions, but I never did.

Checking my watch, I saw it was seven. “I remember a time when you’d be up before now beating the shit out of that body bag at the gym.”

“That was P.S.” Her ice-blue eyes winked. “Pre-Slayde.”

In spite of my misery, I managed a smile. “I’m sorry. You’re the best friend ever, and I owe you big time.”

“Yes you do.” My bag appeared, and she skipped forward to drag it off the carousel.

“I know I’ve said this before, but you amaze me with your sense of balance. And strength.”

Clicking out the handle, she pulled my rolling case behind her. “Thanks. Now spill.”

I sighed, taking her arm. My brown hair was swept over one shoulder. All I could think about was Stuart’s face buried in it. His beautiful body in my arms. That luscious mouth kissing me roughly, taking me hard. “I don’t know if I’ll survive this one.”

Her slim arm went around my waist, and she pulled me close. “You will. You’ve got me.” Another squeeze. “You held onto me when all the shit went down with Slayde. Don’t think I’ve forgotten it.”

Tears burned in my eyes. “I just need to be home for a little while. I need to be alone.”

We went through the sliding doors to the parking garage. She let me go and nodded back. “Trust me. I know that feeling well.”

* * *

Two days hiding in my bed, and I had to get back to work. I’d only put in for a week off, and I was on a week and a half now. Rook was cool, but his patience only went so far. Also we were in those critical weeks leading up to Christmas. The club was jammed with members either trying to fit into holiday clothes or hold on to their figures through the holiday eating and drinking.

I was curled under my covers when I heard the door open and the sound of a little boy’s voice. “Mommy! Elephant!” It was Lane.

“Don’t touch that, baby.” The thud of tennis shoes coming down my hall made me peek my head out from under the thick duvet. Kenny hopped up on my bed and crawled to where I was balled up like a baby kangaroo. I felt the smaller thump of Lane falling against the bedside.

“I know you want to be alone, but two days is a long time.”

I blinked up at her. “What time is it?”

She was dressed in gym clothes, and her purple hair was up in a ponytail. “Ten. You have plenty of time to get dressed and ride with us to the gym.”

Taking a deep breath, I looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t know if I can do it today.”

She stretched down beside me. “I know. The first day is the hardest. But you keep doing it, and eventually you realize...”

I was pretty sure both our thoughts had drifted to how she was when she and Slayde were apart. “How much you never stop missing him?”

More silence. The two of us lay on the bed with our heads together while Lane sat on the floor playing with his truck and making motor sounds with his little mouth.

“Want to tell me now? Why you came back so suddenly?”

Instantly, tears heated my eyes. I took a shaky breath. “He thought I was there to trick him. He thought I was after his money.”

The shock and outrage I anticipated never came. She didn’t answer, and I twisted around to look at her. “That doesn’t surprise you?”

“I mean, it makes sense. He’s probably got more money than fu... freakin Derek.”

“How do you know that?”

“How do you not know that? First, their family has money. Patrick’s loaded. Second, he’s thirty-six, single, no debt, worked in overseas security. He was active duty so long, he never paid taxes... He’s gotta be at least a millionaire.”

Now it was my turn to be quiet. “I never thought about it.”

My friend rolled onto her stomach and smoothed back my hair. “What did you think about?”

I remembered the day he walked into the gym. “He was hurt. He was wounded, and he needed me.”

“He’s also hot as hell!”

A hint of a smile tickled my lips. “Okay, I thought of that, too.”

“Good in bed?”

“Ugh!” The duvet was over my head again.

“Seems like I remember saying he would be.”

I didn’t come out. “He’s the greatest lover.”

“Yeah he is, slut. You gave him your cherry!”

Lane’s little engine noises stopped. “Cherries!”

“Oops!” She laughed. “Sorry, baby. They have cherries behind the juice bar at the gym.”

I slapped the duvet down. “Is that a veiled reference?” Kenny’s round eyes met mine. We both burst into giggles. After a few moments, I took a deep breath. The pain only receded for a moment before it washed in again full-force.

“I miss him so much.” My voice cracked.

Kenny pulled at the shirt I wore. “What’s this?”

“I stole his shirt.”

She leaned forward and gave me a big sniff. “Mmm.... Stuart Knight smells sexy.”

My chest clenched, and I finally said the words that had been tearing at my insides. “It’s my fault. I was impulsive and reckless and I moved everything way too fast. Stuart doesn’t do fast. I knew he doesn’t do fast going in.”

“What other choice did you have?” A tear slid down my cheek. Her arms went around me, and she gave me a tight squeeze. “What about the dreams?”

“They stopped.”

“That’s significant, right?”

“I don’t know.” My voice was a whimper. “I don’t know about any of this anymore.”

She sighed, thinking. “Well, I know I love you. Lane? Do you love Aunt Mare-Mare?”

“Yes!” A little blond head popped up at the foot of my bed. He looked so much like Patrick, which in turn meant he looked a lot like...

“Hop on Aunt Mare-Mare!”

His little body plowed up the mattress and in another blink the three of us were in a ball of hugs. We stayed that way a few seconds, until Kenny pulled him up.

“Get dressed, and we’ll drive you to the gym.”

She wasn’t backing down. I’d have to go with her and start the process whether I wanted to or not. With a sigh, I pushed the covers down and staggered to my bathroom. It was going to be a horrible day.

* * *

Stuart

Derek had driven Bill’s Ford out to the cabin, so Patrick rode back on Ranger. I wasn’t in a particular hurry to collect the few things I’d carried out here with me. Besides another fifth of Jack, I only had one change of clothes.

“Traveling light these days?” He watched from the kitchen as I shoved everything into a small duffel.

“Just the essentials.”

“Jack Daniels?”

I shrugged and carried the empty bottle to the trash in the kitchen. He picked up his phone. “Patrick said Elaine brought a friend with her. Said you two spent some time together.”

“She wasn’t Elaine’s friend.” I scooped up my duffel.

“Patrick said they were friends.”

“More like... partners in crime.”

Derek went out, and I pulled the door shut then we both climbed into the Ford. The wind was now blowing cold, and I wished I’d remembered my canvass jacket. It took a few minutes before the truck was warm enough to be comfortable.

“What crime did they commit?”

I exhaled through clenched lips. “I don’t know. It wasn’t a real crime. They just sucker punched me.”

We rode for a ways in silence. “Mariska was the girl from the gym. She told us you were out here.”

“She works with Kenny.”

“Right. She’s pretty.”

A knot twisted in my throat. She was more than pretty. “She was just something to fill the craving left over by the drugs. If I’d been stronger...” I wasn’t sure of my next words.

Derek rode for a minute, turning over what I’d said. “What if you’ve got it backwards? What if the craving you tried to fill with drugs was for Mariska?”

No fucking way I was going there with him. I looked out the passenger-side window at the grasses bending in the breeze. The wind would occasionally shake the truck, and occasionally, a small flurry would drift past.

“I hope Mom’s able to fly out before the snow comes.”

“We checked the weather. She should make her flight. I’m thinking about leaving when she does. If you’re serious about the desert, you should, too. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck here for the duration.”

I nodded, thinking about time and how it would go. He was right. “I’ll get online when we get back to the house.”

“You can stay with us in Wilmington until you leave.”

My elbow was bent on the door, and I rubbed my aching head. “Thanks. I’ll probably go to Chicago.”

We were back at the ranch, and pulling up beside the house, I saw my little brother and Elaine hugged up on the porch. I couldn’t stop a frown. Leaning for the door handle, I was just getting out when Derek stopped me.

“Hey, don’t fight with Patrick. He’s strong as I am these days.”

Squinting back at him. “Are you suggesting he could kick my ass?”

He cracked a smile. “I’m saying you’ve had a tough year. That wouldn’t make it any better.”

I just shook my head and got out of the truck, grabbed my duffel, and slammed the door before heading up the porch. I wasn’t planning to stop, but Elaine called out to me.

“Stuart!” I didn’t stop, but the fast clip-clop of her boots told me I couldn’t escape her. “Wait.”

We were just inside the house when I stopped. She almost ran into me, but didn’t. Instead she stood in front of me a second twisting her hands together.

“I wanted to tell you...” She paused as if trying to find the right words. “Blaming Mariska for what happened is a big mistake.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I started to go, but she caught my arm and pulled. I was surprised at how strong she was.

“If you’re going to be my brother, you can’t think the worst of me.” Green eyes held mine, and I couldn’t miss the worry reflected there. “She wanted to leave. That first night, she totally panicked. I think she realized how crazy it was coming here.”

“She panicked because she lied.”

“She panicked because she’s young and impulsive, and she really cares about you. I made her stay because I thought it was romantic.”

“You should’ve trusted her gut.”

“She wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

My body was still sick from last night, and my insides were twisted and painful. Her words only wound the frustration and anger I felt tighter, and I still hadn’t had time to think.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m heading out as soon as I can line something up.” Elaine’s shoulders dropped and she looked like I’d kicked her favorite puppy. I reached out and patted her arm. “I won’t hold it against you. Don’t do it again.”

Her lips tightened like she might try to argue with me, but I walked fast toward my side of the house. I had work to do online.