Chapter 14: Change of Plans

Mariska

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Pete leaned over the bar to peek at the sketch I’d returned to in my recipe book. “I didn’t know you did portraits.”

Snatching the book back, I flipped a few pages over my drawing. “I don’t.”

“Who was that?”

“Nobody. It was... a homework assignment. We were supposed to see how well we could draw from memory.”

His brow lined, and I could tell he didn’t believe me. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t interested in explaining Stuart or discussing any of it with him.

“Did you need something?”

He stretched his hands out on the bar, and I knew it was to make his muscles flex. Everything Pete did was to show off his physique to me. In the past, I’d tried to get onboard with all his flirtations. Now they just fell flat.

“Kenny tried to make my cinnamon bun protein shake while you were gone and it tasted like ass.”

“Kenny doesn’t follow recipes.” Flipping through my notebook, I found the drink in question. “You want one now?”

“Please. And be sure to dip that little finger in it.” Frowning up at him, he winked. “To make it sweet.”

“Oh, good lord.” I shook my head, and he laughed, going back to the weight room to spot his client.

I was doing well. I was on Day Two of being back at work, and I only wanted to crawl under the counter and cry once every fifteen minutes instead of once every five. Watching Kenny and Slayde together did not help. They were so blissed out by their reunion, they hardly ever stopped touching each other. It was heart wrenching. Kenny said it should be encouraging, since none of us believed they’d ever make it back to love. I was truly happy for her, and I couldn’t look at them.

Rook was very understanding about my prolonged absence. He made some comment about that was what he got hiring overly dramatic college kids, but I noted that I was in graduate school. His response: Same difference.

Returning to the sketch in my recipe book, I used the crappy No. 2 pencil behind the bar to add some shading along Stuart’s jawline. His beautiful eyes watched me, brows lowered over them, of course, as I finished his straight nose in a perfect point. Top lip a little fuller than the bottom one, and that light shadow on his jaw. A shiver moved across my shoulders. I’d added a dark cowboy hat, even though I loved threading my fingers in his brown hair. Defying all logic, sketching him made me feel better.

“You’re blushing.”

I jumped and made a little squeal. Slayde’s ice-blue eyes narrowed at me, teasing. I slammed the book closed and pushed it under the phone book.

“What do you want?”

“Wow. I thought we were friends!”

Shaking my head, I rubbed the daydream away. “I’m sorry. You startled me. Did you want a shake?”

“I was going to ask if you’d like to have dinner with us. I’m making steaks. Kenny’s making salad. Bring your coffee pot.”

“My coffee pot?”

“I need another reading. I’m thinking about asking Rook for a raise.”

That made me laugh. “I think we’d do better slipping him a special smoothie before you meet with him.”

“You’re saying I’m not worth it?”

“I’m saying our boss is a tightwad, and he’s planning to add a nursery to keep that new Y from stealing all our young mothers.”

“Fucking YMCA.”

His tone was totally teasing, and I smiled. “It’s fun to stay there.”

That got me a rare Slayde laugh. “See you tonight.”

“Hey,” I reached for his arm. “I’m really glad you’re back. Kenny was a wreck without you.”

“Thanks. I was worse.”

* * *

Lane was on my hip twirling his baby fingers in my hair, and I was doing my best not to imagine him as Stuart’s and mine.

“Mare-Mare pretty.”

His little blue eyes blinked at me, and I kissed his nose. “Laney is my sweet boy.”

Shaking his head hard, he pointed a fat finger toward the patio where Kenny and Slayde were watching the steaks grill and talking.

“Lainey is Mommy.”

Whoops! “Right! Lane has two mommies.”

Kenny slid the glass door back at that moment, and he started to wiggle. A huge smile broke across her face, and she ran over to scoop him from me. “Who’s my baby?”

He wiggled again, shaking that towhead in the most hilarious way. “Not a baby!”

Kenny only buried her face in his neck and kissed him. “Right. You’re mommy’s big boy.”

“Lainey?” His big blue eyes held Kenny’s, and hers instantly filled with concern.

“Do you miss Lainey?”

His head dropped on her shoulder, and her eyes flew to mine. I recognized that look of panic.

“It was my fault, I called him Laney.” Her lips pressed into a little frown, and I was afraid I might cry. “I’m sorry!”

“It’s only been a week, but of course he misses her.” She gave him a little bounce. “Want to call Lainey?”

He nodded, and she carried him to the MacBook Patrick had bought her. “What if we Facetime? Then you can show her your turkey tummy.”

That brightened his expression. He patted his stomach. “Turkey tummy.”

She sat down at the computer and started clicking, kissing the side of his neck. “Lane ate all the turkey.”

They laughed, and in a few moments, Elaine’s face appeared on the computer screen. The entire room burst into shrieks and I love yous and I miss yous. I hung back, but I couldn’t help peeking around Kenny’s shoulder, wondering if I might catch a glimpse of anyone else at the house so far away.

Patrick’s head soon joined Elaine’s, and the conversation got even more animated. They talked about the weather and flights back and forth. I decided to slip out to the patio where Slayde was finishing dinner.

He stood by the balcony railing, looking out at the stars. “I love how this place is far enough from the city we can see the stars. It reminds me of being on the ship.”

I walked over and stood beside him, remembering a night under a star-filled sky, making a wish on a shooting one. I’d wished we would always be together.

“That must’ve been an amazing experience.”

“I was pretty miserable the whole time.” He glanced at me. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you. I know how that feels.”

“It’s okay,” I shrugged. “I didn’t listen to my instincts. It was great while it lasted, but it was doomed from the start.”

“Not forever.”

“That’s the part I don’t know.”

I leaned against the balcony wall and thought about the week of time I’d stolen with Stuart. Even if I’d known it would end like this, I had to confess, I wouldn’t change a thing. From the ride back after he pulled me out of the lake to the massage to the nights in the cabin, all of it was so worth the risk I’d taken.

“Hey.” Slayde bumped my shoulder, and I glanced up. “You’re a beautiful girl. You went out there because you wanted him. Trust me. From a guy’s perspective, that’s fucking huge. He’ll come around.”

My chin dropped. “If he can ever not think of me as a crazy, gold-digging stalker.”

“I’ve been around you long enough. You probably acted crazy, because that’s just you. The gold-digging stalker part? He’ll realize that’s bullshit. Or he’s not a very smart guy, in which case you’re better off without him.”

I blinked up and smiled. “You’re pretty awesome, you know that?”

“Just making up for my mistakes.”

* * *

Stuart

Patrick and Elaine were on the computer talking to Kenny and Lane. I’d ventured from my wing of the house because it was dinnertime, but now this was happening. Even my mother and Bill were getting in on the action. Nikki had left the day I disappeared, so it was just the family and Derek now, although Derek was family. He was like a brother to me—and Patrick.

Naturally, my thoughts drifted to Mariska. Patrick trusted Kenny to keep Lane while he and Elaine were here having a vacation or whatever they were doing. Kenny and Mariska were best friends—from what I understood. Would Kenny be best friends with someone who’d con me? My younger brother wasn’t known for his good judgment. Who knew Kenny wasn’t the same. I stared at the fire as I turned these conflicting thoughts over in my head.

“It’s hard being away from him.” I looked up to see Patrick standing beside me.

Dropping my leg, I straightened my shoulders. “I wouldn’t know.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” His expression was serious.

“Okay.”

“It’s two things, really.” This time he put his boot up on the hearth. “Elaine and I were thinking about getting married here. At Christmas.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Is that enough time—”

“It’s quick, I know, but we’ve made great memories here. We love it.” He rubbed a hand across his chin. “I know you’re wanting to head out pretty quick. Think you might be able to come back? Or stick around a few extra weeks?”

The idea of prolonging my stay for a wedding was not the most appealing suggestion I could imagine. Patrick seemed to read my mind.

“I know we’ve never been tight, and I know you’re sort of ticked at us over how things went down with Mariska... I guess, just think about it.”

I nodded. “What was the other thing?”

He glanced over his shoulder towards Elaine still talking to Kenny and his son. Mom and Bill were standing behind them smiling, and I noticed my uncle’s hand on her lower back.

“You ever picked up on that?”

I blinked a few times, and it was like a curtain sliding back. “No.”

“Me either, but I guess it’s been brewing for a while.”

Mom and Bill? Flipping through the pages of history, these past days, the months after Dad died, how much Bill had stayed around. Then he left with no explanation, came out here to the ranch and kept his distance. Yet at the same time, he was always there whenever Patrick or I needed anything.

“I felt like an idiot when I realized it,” he whispered looking back at the fire.

“You are an idiot.” I couldn’t resist, and he socked my arm. I mentally noted the strength Derek had warned me about. “What you got on your mind?”

“Bill was always more of a father to us than Dad. He kept us every summer, spent time with us, listened to our problems. Maybe they’re worried we’ll be angry. Maybe they need our permission.”

“Maybe we should keep our noses out of their business.” I was still smarting from my little brother’s “help” with my love life.

“Either way, if you get the chance, be ready to green-light the hell out of that shit.”

“Mom’s a grown woman. She can do what she wants.”

He turned back to the fire and watched the blue flames licking over the black logs. “I’ll be glad when you get your head out of your ass.”

“What the fuck?”

“Time passes, situations change. Mom never expected Dad to be killed, but it happened. Now she’s looking at a new path.” His hazel eyes cut to mine. “You’ve got to see when it’s time to change paths, start something new.”

Stepping back, I patted his shoulder. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Stuart!” Mom was headed in our direction.

I considered our conversation. She was still a beautiful woman with years of life ahead of her. Why shouldn’t she spend them with Bill?

“Derek said you’re heading back to Chicago on Tuesday with me.” She stopped between my brother and me at the fire. “Does this mean I’ll have my son back under my roof for a few weeks?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’ll find a place.”

“What! You’re only going to be in town a short time. Am I right?” Her eyes were flashing, and I remembered how hard it was to argue with her.

“Yes.”

“Then why not?”

“Because I’m a grown man.”

“So you’ll spend countless hours finding a place to rent for only a few weeks, for which you’ll probably spend a fortune, rather than stay with your own mother?”

Shit. “Yes.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line, and I could almost see little curls of smoke rising from her ears. “I swear sometimes you are exactly like your father.”

Patrick snickered, but I didn’t like the comparison. “I’m not just like him.”

“Stubborn as a mule. Proud.” Her arms crossed, and I could read that body language a mile away. She was hurt. Dammit.

All I’d been trying to do for the last two weeks was find a place where I could be alone for a little while, to think. The closest I’d gotten were those first nights with Derek, and I’d been so cramped up and suffering, I hadn’t been able to enjoy them.

The muscles in my stomach were tight, but I caved. “I’ll stay with you, Mom.”

Instantly her eyes lightened. She reached out and squeezed my arm. “I’m so glad.”

That was how I ended up in her place in Chicago my final nights before leaving the States.

* * *

I hadn’t been in a Chicago winter for at least six years. It was cold as fuck, and when the wind blew across the lake, only wool could face down that onslaught. I had on wool slacks and a thick wool topcoat over my button-down shirt and tweed blazer.

Tonight after dinner, I’d said I needed a walk. Mom said I needed my head examined, but I took off before she had a chance to finish her lecture on catching pneumonia. Now I was thinking she was right, although I’d keep that to myself. Patrick learned gloating at his mother’s knee.

Her condo was on the Lakefront, so I headed east of Michigan Avenue down Grand. My thoughts were miles away, and when I looked up, I was facing Navy Pier. It was such a tourist trap, I had no idea why I’d walked out here.

The night was dark, and snow flurries were already drifting down. The place was deserted at this time of night, the Ferris wheel wasn’t running. I walked all the way to the end and stood looking out across Lake Michigan. I wanted to be near the water. Something about the waves made me feel closer.

Everything came together easily when I arrived back in town. I made a few phone calls, put it out there I was back, and the next thing I knew job offers came rolling in. I had my pick of the best. I should’ve been pleased.

Derek asked me to stay. He made the hard sell of expanding Alexander-Knight to include whatever type of business interested me. He suggested I move to Wilmington. He suggested I stop running.

Those weren’t his exact words, but he touched on that idea of something new to serve and protect. My thoughts went to Mariska, and I couldn’t say yes. The nagging pain still twisted in my chest every time I thought of her. If I stayed, I’d never get over her. I had to get over her.

A bell rang on one of the buoys far out in the darkness. I looked towards it, straining to see the light. Why the hell did she have such a hold on me? I barely knew the girl. We’d only been together a week, and the first half I’d spent trying to avoid her. Yes, the last half had been pretty fucking fantastic, but the way it ended...

Maybe that was my problem. It hadn’t ended. I’d walked away. She’d run away. We never said goodbye. The door of possibility was still cracked, and it had me thinking crazy thoughts. Thoughts like she let me be myself. She touched me and the pain went away. She helped me sleep. She made me laugh. For the first time outside of being in the military, I was happy. Also, she had my body responding stupidly. My chest would tighten when I smelled jasmine or caught a glimpse of chestnut hair.

Something final, a conclusion would fix this. Then I could leave behind dreams of her hands on my ass, her soft lips touching mine, her moans... Shit. Pulling out my phone, I touched the digits Elaine had given me.

* * *

Mariska

The ocean breeze was frigid in the winter. I wrapped my fleece jacket tightly around me before heading out to the shore. I missed Yaya. I wanted to feel close to her, and for whatever reason, sitting in front of rolling waves under the full moon helped with that.

Two achingly long weeks had passed, and the hole in my chest was gaping as ever. I’d tried so hard to tell myself to let him go. It didn’t matter if he never came back. I was young. I had my whole life ahead of me. Not only that, I was lucky. I had a beautiful memory of my first time with an incredibly sexy man...

It didn’t work.

I parked near the wooden pier by Slayde’s old place. He’d moved in with Kenny, and now those apartments were set for demolition. The last of the old beach shacks would soon be gone, and in their place would be high-rise condos. Huge blocks of concrete.

Turning away from that, I watched the water lap against the pier posts. Closing my eyes, I indulged in memories I’d tried to stop having. I saw his smoky hazel eyes, his beautiful smile. I felt his strong arms pulling me against him, his rough kisses, his gentle touch. I remembered sliding my hands down his back, tracing the lines of his muscles, his ass... Before I realized, I was sniffing.

“Oh, Yaya,” I lifted blurry eyes to the black sky. A million stars filled the space, and all I could think of was making love in an Indian blanket by a crackling campfire. “I really screwed up this time.”

A lone tear streamed down my cheek, and the pain of heartbreak burned in my chest. I missed him. I missed being happy. I missed being able to take a deep breath without pain.

Resting my head against the post, I thought of my grandmother now in heaven. She’d told me so many times to control my gift, to listen to my instincts. I’d shot it all to hell in what was possibly the most important moment of my life. I’d wanted him so much, I’d forgotten everything she taught me.

Pulling my knees under my chin, I hugged them. “I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me I’d be okay, tell me I’ll make it through this.”

A buzz from my phone cut through my misery. I’d forgotten it was in my pocket, and fishing it out, I expected to see Kenny’s picture smiling at me. Instead it was an unknown number. I almost dismissed it, but the tiniest pull in my stomach made me slide my finger across the face.

“Hello?” I hoped I didn’t sound like I’d been crying.

“Mariska?” His voice was like a jolt of electricity to my heart.

“Stuart?”

For a moment, neither of us spoke. I heard his breath on the line, and I felt the stream of tears on my cheeks. My chest rose and fell with my rapid breathing. He called me! What did this mean?

“I got your number from Elaine.”

His tone was terse as always. I didn’t care. I closed my eyes and saw his strong jaw. I thought of the time I’d run my tongue up it.

“Okay.” I held my tone neutral. “How are you?”

“I took a job with AI.”

“I-I don’t know what that is.”

“It’s a private security company.” He paused. “I’m going back to the desert.”

Pain twisted in my chest. He called to tell me goodbye. “When?” I could only manage one word.

“Three days.”

The stream of tears running down my cheeks grew thicker. I couldn’t speak.

Finally, he continued. “I don’t write letters.”

I covered the phone and took a shaky breath then I asked, “Why did you call?”

“Why did you fly to Montana?”

We were back to that question. I tried to answer as truthfully as I had the first time. “I needed to see you. I felt like you needed me.” Taking a chance, I added, “I wanted to be near you.”

More silence. The winter wind blew my hair back and the waves lapped against the pier posts. I closed my eyes holding my phone as if it were his face against mine. Oh, how much I wanted to hold him this way.

“You said you had a dream.” His voice was rough.

“That’s right.”

“Why?”

I wasn’t sure if he were asking why I said it or why I dreamed it, so I went with the latter. “I’ve always had vivid dreams, but it was the first time they weren’t about me.”

He didn’t speak, and I waited. I didn’t know what difference it made, but I’d determined to be completely honest with him going forward if I ever got the chance again.

“Okay.” A note of finality was in his voice. “Take care of yourself.”

My hand flew to my mouth, and I clutched my lips, fighting for control. Taking a quick swallow, I blinked and more tears fell. Even I could hear the tremble in my response this time. “You too.”

The line went dead.