Xander

I’d spent the entire Uber drive numb from the shock of Elsie walking out on me, made more numb by the Jack Daniels. When I got home I raided my liquor cabinet until I passed out.

Now I’m flopped out on the sofa in my New York City apartment, the TV on the wall blaring with some sports match somewhere but I’m not paying any attention. I’ve been doing the same thing since I got here — research on my laptop.

Until Elsie I never knew anything about multiple sclerosis but have Googled every last corner of the internet about it. I’ve read about the disease, medical research and above all else, personal accounts. Now filled with knowledge of the subject, I completely understand every last word Elsie said.

I would’ve done the exact same thing in her shoes.

That doesn’t mean I miss her any less. In fact, I love her more now than I ever did. It physically hurts me that she’s going through this and tears me up that I’m powerless to help. If only I could make her better.

An email notification from my lawyer pops up on my screen and I click into it.

Finally found him, scared the fuck out of the guy — no need to worry about the drone footage ever getting public. As requested, here’s a copy. No, I didn’t watch it. Brent

Relief floods me. At least I’ve been able to save Elsie from the embarrassment of the drone footage. Curious to see the video, I pick up my laptop and go into my office, shutting the door behind me.

Setting my computer on my glass top desk, I press play and enlarge the video to full screen. Elsie is playing with her nipples in the waterfall and just like then I’m instantly hard. Mesmerized, I watch us in the pool, her under the water sucking my cock, me bending her over the side and fucking her senseless. Her screams fill my office and my soul.

The video ends and I restart it. It’s amazing to think how healthy she looks in the video considering what’s going on inside her body. She’s far and away the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and all the blood in my body rushes to my dick.

She throws her head back and I trace her neck with my finger, aching to feel her softness in real life.

Fuck it, I undo my jeans and take my shaft in my hand. With my eyes fixed firmly on her face I stroke faster and faster, trying desperately to pretend her walls are wrapped around me instead of my own hand.

The door swings open and Luna bursts into the room. “Jesus, put it away.”

Scrambling, I slam the lid of my laptop shut and pull my jeans up, cursing myself for having a glass desk.

“What are you doing here?” I bark.

“Tonya, your thoughtful housekeeper, told me you were home. She’s worried about you. She said you haven’t moved off the couch since you got home and that you’re in a hideous mood. I told her I’d come over and cheer you up.”

“You can’t. Go home,” I say, tapping my index finger against the glass.

Luna chuckles and plops herself down in the armchair on the other side of my desk. Propping her elbows on the glass top she says, “We haven’t seen each other since your little interview. We need to talk anyway, so here I am.”

“No, we don’t. Now fuck off home.” I don’t want to see anyone right now. Not that I know who I would even turn to. Luna, I suppose. There is no one else. But I want to be left alone.

“Tonya is very concerned.”

“Remind me to fire her.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s upsetting you? Is it because of me?” she says in her fake sweet voice.

“No, it’s nothing to do with you. Now how many times do I have to tell you to leave?”

“Enough, we both know I’m not going anywhere.”

I exhale sharply, knowing that she won’t leave. Though my mind is firmly on Elsie I ask, “Why did you do it? Why fuck my father? He’s almost like your own dad.” Maybe I’ll get a different answer away from the heat of the moment.

“It was just a bit of fun, you know that. Life is about having fun, isn’t it?”

“Within reason, and if you’re able to.”

“Well, I am able to, so I’m going to have all the fun in the world.”

“Fuck happiness, right? Because carrying on with that scummy old man doesn’t make anyone happy,” I say and smack my fist against the desktop.

“Easy. Tonya’s right, what is up with you?”

I bite my lips and glare at her. There is no way I could even begin to explain how I feel right now. How could I when I don’t really understand it myself? Elsie listened to me and offered me hope for my future when I had none, only to yank it away from me when I thought I had everything figured out.

“Is this about the hotel girl? I told you things between you would be over in a flash, didn’t I? It’s not too late you know, we can say we got back together and you can come back on Lunatics. Everything will be perfect,” she says excitedly.

“It’s not like that and I’m not coming back on your show unless hell freezes over.”

“That’s a bit dramatic. Think of what it would do to the ratings.”

“Would you stop being so self-centered all the time? Some people have real problems you know,” I blurt.

“Touchy, I must be getting close to the root of the problem. So, where is your lover then? Still at the hotel?”

“She’s sick,” I say in a firm voice.

“Got the flu and your balls are blue waiting for her to get better? That would explain your sullenness.”

“Not the flu. A real sickness that’s never going to get better.”

Luna’s face drops and she says, “Shit, sorry.”

“Yeah, it’s like that.”

“At least you had a lucky escape. Could you imagine if you’d done something stupid like married her and then found out? Better to get out while you can, right?”

Rage courses through me and I jump out of my seat and throw the desk forward, tipping it on Luna. The glass shatters and she screams. I don’t care if she’s cut. I don’t wait to find out. Moving as fast as I can, I stride out of the room before I break something else.

“Get out of my home,” I yell as I enter the hallway.

“Fat fucking chance. I’ve never seen you like this before, I’m hardly about to leave you,” Luna says, running after me, blood smeared on her arm.

Spinning around, I rise to my full height and from the pit of my stomach I yell, “I need to be alone. I need to figure out my life.”

But I already know the answer. Every question I ask myself leads to the same place. Seeing Luna reconfirmed everything. I take a deep breath and in a calm voice say, “Actually, I do want back on your show.”