Elsie

“Where are you going? I just told you to work in here and get through all the work that’s been missed since you’ve been off,” Cynthia says, her eyes narrowed.

“Oh, right,” I say and close the door to her office. I’ve been in here for an hour, but I stopped listening after she said I still have a job. I only have a vague idea of what she said to me after that because I can’t stop thinking about Xander.

Being back in the hotel where we first met has brought a whole new level of hurt to my heart. Everywhere I look reminds me of him.

I sit at one of the computers. There is a stack of papers beside it and I pick them up and look through them as if I am focusing on what I’m doing.

“Good, I have an off-site lunch meeting with a vendor, I’ll be back later,” Cynthia says. I force a smile at her as she takes her purse and leaves the office.

As soon as the door is closed, I take my phone and spin the chair away from the computer monitor. I don’t even have to Google Xander Whitman anymore to get his photo up. I’ve already saved a hundred or more and I scroll through them, pausing on each of my favorites.

The last one is my favorite of all. He’s shirtless except the camera only captures him from the shoulders up. You can just see a hint of the top of his tattoo sleeve. But it’s his eyes that get me the most. They are staring through the camera lens and straight into me. He looks wounded and I know why.

If nothing else it makes me immensely proud that I was able to help him with Luna and all his family issues. It’s my one gift to the man I will always love.

The idea of texting him to find out how he’s doing keeps popping up in the front of my mind, but I always come to my senses before I can follow through. We both need a clean break to make things as easy as possible.

At least for now. Maybe one day we will be able to talk or even be friends, but right now the feelings are too raw.

It’s a good thing Cynthia didn’t put me on the front desk today because all I want to do is wallow. I sigh and glance at the paperwork. Nathan wasn’t kidding when he said the place has fallen apart without me. What has Cynthia been doing while I’ve been off?

Apparently nothing.

Knowing that, statistically, I’ll have to stop working in a few years, I struggle to force myself to do the work. My enthusiasm for the job has vanished. Instead, I start wading through the papers with little attention or interest.

There’s a tap at the door and Nathan pokes his head through.

“How did it go with Cynthia?” he asks, stepping into the room.

I shrug and say, “Fine, I suppose. I have a job anyway, probably because she needs someone to do the work.”

“It’s not like she does any herself,” Nathan says, gesturing around the room.

Holding up the stack of papers I say, “Tell me about it.”

“Anyway,” Nathan says, pressing his index finger to his cheek. “We’ve got a guy kicking off in room two-fifteen and I can’t calm him down.”

My nose scrunches up. “What’s the issue?”

“I don’t know. Something about the TV.”

“What about it? Did you send maintenance up?”

“He’s not interested. He’s demanding to speak to the manager.”

Rolling my eyes, I say, “Can’t you pretend to be the manager? I’m not in the mood.”

“What? You’d rather stay here and do Cynthia’s boring paperwork?” Nathan says, grinning like a fool.

“Good point, at least it will give me an excuse for not having it all done when she gets back,” I say and stand.

We walk out of the room together, laughing about Cynthia’s failure to cope on her own.

“Good luck with him,” Nathan says as we reach the front desk and he moves behind it.

I roll my eyes again and make my way up the stairs and to the room. I tap on the door and it flings open.

Xander fills the doorframe, his eyes heavy and piercing, and my heart stops at the shock.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, my voice a mere gasp.

He pulls me into the room and shuts the door. Before I can ask the question again, he closes his lips over mine and backs me up against the wall.

Placing my hands on his chest, I try to push him away, but he doesn’t budge. We can’t do this, but he is a rock and impossible to act against. He runs his tongue along my lips, coaxing them apart and I’m powerless to resist as he deepens the kiss.

Every last iota of my body fills with heat and love and the oxygen I lost when I walked out of the apartment on him.

I wrap my arms around him and my feet seem to float off the floor. All the heaviness is drained, the weight of the diagnosis gone. His mouth on mine breathes life back into me.

My mind races with questions, what is he doing here? Is this really happening? Should this be happening?

I pull my lips away and once again ask, “Xander, what are you doing here?”

“Kissing the woman I love,” he says and slams his mouth against mine. His tongue circles mine in a firm motion that lays bare his claim on me. Shivers race over my skin and a moan escapes my throat.

In a quick motion, Xander hooks his arm behind my knees and cradles me in his arms. I grip his neck as he walks across the room, my core bubbling with heat and my heart torn in two. In my mind I know we can never be together.

This is wrong. I have to stop it.

Although one last time together is probably okay. Right?

He lays me in the middle of the bed and lies alongside me, propped up on one elbow. I don’t know what to think or say, so don’t think or say anything at all. Xander smooths my hair away from my face and drags his thumb down my face, awakening all the emotions I’ve been trying so hard to suppress.

Cupping my cheek, he says, “I was on my way to film an episode of Lunatics. One last episode. In it I was going to publicly profess my love for you to the world and how I don’t care about any stupid disease you have because without you my life is meaningless.”

I open my mouth but Xander holds a finger up to it and continues. “But in the car I realized that doing something like that on a TV show isn’t real life, and if there’s one thing our relationship is, it’s real. So, I drove straight here, to tell you in private, like a normal person.”

“But you don’t understand, I’m not a normal person and nothing in my life will be normal,” I say, blinking back tears because I want more than anything to melt into him and cling on for dear life but know I can’t.

Xander shakes his head and in a low voice says, “I do understand. I’ve read all about it and no matter how bad it gets it won’t be near as bad as not having you in my life.”