There had been a time when I would leave a club pumped, full of energy and ready to take on the night—or what remained of it.

That wasn’t tonight.

Actually, that hadn’t been any of the nights in recent history, although I hadn’t been quite this determined to leave before either. It wasn’t boredom or melancholy that made me want to go, but the need to be able to think. I just wanted to find a quiet place where I could figure out what to do next.

“Good show, Jacen.” One of the locals who’d put in an application to join the permanent show here walked by and clapped me on the shoulder. “Looking forward to working with you.”

“Yeah, you bet.” I couldn’t remember his name. That was pretty shitty of me, I knew, but I had one thing on my mind: a petite woman with long, wavy hair and crystal blue eyes that broke my heart.

Broke my heart.

Shit, I was in over my head. But maybe that wasn’t a bad thing, I thought as I headed for my rental. Camry had gone back to her place not long after we’d...I wasn’t sure what to call it now. Fucking? Sleeping together? Having sex? None of those sat quite right with me, but I sure as hell wasn’t ready to call it making love. Not without figuring out all this shit in my head. Maybe the two of us could talk if she was awake. Maybe we could…

Everything in me turned to ice as I saw the figure slumped against the front of the car parked next to mine.

“Camry!”

I ran toward her, registering everything else as mere background. The hack graffiti job on the window, the newly acquired dings that looked like they might have come from a bat, the long, thin scrape that was from either a key or a knife. Her car looked like it had been through the ringer, but it was nothing compared to the shape Camry was in.

“Camry!” I shouted her name again as I dropped to my knees, ignoring the sharp pain that shot through my right one.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at me, her gaze locking on my face for a brief second. Her pupils were huge, her hair a snarled mess. She had blood on her face and clothes. Her shirt was torn, and bruises were already starting to show on her skin.

What the fuck had happened to her?

“I knew I’d find you,” she said softly. The corners of her mouth started to turn up, but before she could smile, her body went limp.

“Camry? Cam?” I scooped her up, still saying her name as I carried her to my car and strapped her in to the passenger’s seat. “Come on, sweetheart. I need you to wake up.”

My hands were shaking as I started the car and I kept talking to her the whole way to the hospital, stopping only when I was inside the ER, calling for help.

After I’d given them what little I knew about what had happened, I’d been asked to wait until they came for me. I’d started to argue, but then realized what I had to do.

I told them I was Camry’s husband and hoped like hell no one would contradict me until I found out what was going on with her. I knew if I wanted to know shit about Camry, I had to have a bonafide reason to ask—family member or husband would do it. Lover, boyfriend, family friend…none of those would work.

The doctors had finished all their preliminary stuff and then let me into the room with her while they waited for tests to come back. A nurse had followed me in, saying they had a couple more questions for me.

“Is your wife allergic to any sort of antibiotics?” the nurse asked.

“She’s allergic to penicillin—very allergic.” I remembered suddenly. About six months after Kaleb and Camry had moved in, all three of us ended up with strep throat, but she’d ended up in the hospital after having a bad reaction to the penicillin. Sometime her junior year, Kaleb had told me she’d almost died when an idiot doctor hadn’t bothered doing a thorough history and had given her the stuff again.

“We’ll be sure to let the doctor know.”

“Is she going to need antibiotics?” I demanded, looking from Camry’s still face to the nurse’s. Nobody had told me any specifics about her injuries.

She’d been cleaned up some and dressed in a hospital gown, but she still looked banged up. Her own clothes were in the bag sitting on a chair next to the door. “Was she…” For a few seconds, I was afraid to ask. “Was she raped?”

“No.” The nurse gave me a gentle smile. “Somebody knocked her around pretty good, but she wasn’t sexually assaulted. We confirmed that during the exam.”

“Why isn’t she waking up?”

“The doctor will discuss that with you.” She checked the machine connected to Camry and hummed under her breath. “Her blood pressure has come back down to normal since you came back here. Guess she likes having you around.”

I brushed some hair back from her face before pressing a kiss to her temple. “Can I…she’s still got dirt and crap in her hair and face. Can I clean her up better?”

“Of course. Just be careful not to jar her, and I wouldn’t touch the back of her head, yet. She hit it pretty hard against something.”

Nodding, I waited as she slipped out of the room and came back a minute later with some clean towels and a plastic comb in a plastic package. I thanked her as I took them and then went to the sink to get the towels wet. I wouldn’t touch the back of Camry’s head, but I could smooth out some of the tangles. She always had her hair neat when she went in public, whether it was down or pulled back. Of course, when she first woke up, it was another story, especially if she’d–

“Stop thinking about her hair,” I muttered. I needed to focus on what I was doing, stop thinking about anything but making her as presentable as possible.

But I couldn’t quite turn off my brain. They’d already told me she hadn’t been assaulted, but whatever had happened, I’d have to deal with it when they told me, because she would have to deal with it. And I was through lying to myself about how much she meant to me. I would be there for her through all of it.

I wiped the streak of dirt from her face, her jawline, and neck, being as gentle as possible while still getting her clean. Then I used another damp towel to begin working some of the dried blood from her hair. I hadn’t seen anything bleeding freely when I’d brought her in, so I didn’t know where that much blood could’ve come from, unless she’d done some damage to whoever had hurt her.

I hoped that was the case.

And if she had any idea who it was, then I wanted to know because I planned on gutting him. Slowly.

She made a noise low in her throat, mouth trembling.

“Shhh…” I bent low over her and whispered against her temple. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here.”

I stroked my hand up and down her arm, waiting for her to calm and silently wishing that I could get my hands on the man who’d hurt her.

She was so small, looked so frail.

Finally, she stopped shaking and I straightened, going back to work on her hair. Once the rag stopped coming away rust-colored, I studied her. Her hands were bruised, like she’d been hitting somebody.

“Good girl,” I murmured. Carefully, using another towel, I dabbed at her knuckles, although it looked like somebody had already attended to that chore.

I was just getting ready to start brushing her hair out when there was a polite knock at the door.

A man in blue scrubs came into the room. “Hello, Mr. Hastings.”

“It’s Barbour,” I corrected. Then, remembering the lie, I added, “My wife kept her maiden name.”

“More and more of them do,” he added cheerfully. Then his face sobered, like somebody had flipped a switch. “Why don’t we sit?”

That look worried me. More than anything else, it worried me.

“Is…fuck, is she okay?” I demanded, following him to the seats at the foot of the bed. “Did she hit her head or something? Is that why she’s not waking up? What the hell happened, Dr…hell. I don’t even know your name.”

“Dr. James. Look, let’s sit and talk, shall we?” He nodded at the seat and took one himself. “As to your questions, well, there are some answers we won’t have until she wakes up, but it’s rather clear she was assaulted at some point. Somebody knocked her around a few times, but she has defensive injuries, so I’d say she did him some injury too.”

“Assaulted.” The word made me sick.

“No sexual assault.” He managed a small smile. “I know you already asked and the nurse assured you that hadn’t happened. Let me add my voice to that. I looked her over from head to toe, and there are no signs of sexual trauma.” He hesitated and added, “She has had sex in the past day, but there’s nothing indicating it was anything less than consensual.”

Heat flooded my face. “That was…us.”

He nodded. “Most of the injuries are simple enough and will heal in a few days. She does have a knock to her head that I want to monitor. Either she fell or somebody hit her in just the right way. She has a moderate concussion, so when she wakes up she’ll have a headache.”

“Okay. That’s the worst of it?” Finally, I felt like I could breathe again.

“Well, no.” He hesitated now and pressed the tips of his fingers together. “Mr. Barbour, does your wife have a history of drug abuse?”

Fuck.

“Why?” I demanded.

He reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose before meeting my eyes again. “We found heroin in her system. There are some track marks on her arms, probably a year old or so, but those aren’t the only places users shoot up. It was a very large dose. It could have killed her. She needs help.”

He said more after that, but I didn’t register any of it. When he left, I got up and walked over to stand by Camry’s side, staring down at her face.

I’d been an idiot.

Yeah, I knew some addicts beat the addiction, but it wasn’t a one-time fight, a one-year fight. It was a daily one, and maybe I should have seen this coming. As much as she kept chasing after Daytin, knowing where she’d likely find her…

I was an idiot.

Putting in a call to Kaleb, I told him where she was. I picked up the bag of clothes, thinking I’d give it to him so he could get her some fresh ones.

Without looking back, I left the room.

I’d wait for him in the lobby. And then I’d go.

He got there in record time, his expression grim as he walked up to me. I waited for him to say something, because I knew he would. I would have if our situations had been reversed.

“I tried to tell you,” he said quietly.

“I don’t want to hear I told you so, man.” Wearily, I stared through the windows at the palm trees stabbing up into the sky. I’d come to California to try the area out, thinking it might be a better fit than moving around all the time. In a way, it had reminded me a lot of home—the ocean, seeing Kaleb…Camry.

But now it was too much.

“I don’t think I’m the man to headline the show here,” I said out of the blue.

He waited a beat, then asked, “They have any idea when she’ll wake up?”

“A few hours. Tonight. Tomorrow. They didn’t say. They said she showed signs of exhaustion and was underweight, slightly malnourished.” I’d assumed she’d always looked tired because she’d been so busy, but maybe that had been wishful thinking on my part.

“You’re not going to be here when she wakes up, I take it.”

“No reason to be.” I shrugged. “I was falling for one woman, and it turns out she’s another. I can’t deal with that. I’ve got to look out for myself. Most days I can get by without wanting to drink, and I want to keep it that way.”

When I looked at him, he nodded. “I understand. I wish Camry had made that commitment to herself. To us.”

I wished I’d talked to her, told her I wanted that kind of commitment to me. I knew she cared. I could see it in her eyes, in the way her face had calmed when I spoke to her, even while she slept. Maybe—

No. Love didn’t fix addiction.

Love.

Now, when I realized I was going to be walking away, I finally admitted the whole truth of what I felt for her. Life really was a bitch.

“I want her to get better.”

At that, Kaleb laughed, a deep, bitter sound that I’d never heard from him before. I wanted to defend her, even now, but he’d been dealing with this shit before I’d even understood what the fight was.

“You want it. I want it. We all want it, mate. Even she wants it. But she doesn’t want it enough.”

The doors to the ER opened then, and I looked over, watching as a family went through, the mother holding the hand of a young girl, while the man—the father—wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

The mother was pregnant.

Something sharp twisted inside me.

“You want to go back and tell her goodbye? You can wait until she wakes up,” Kaleb said. A ghost of a smile came and went. “I’m not going to tell anybody you’re not her husband.”

“No,” I said quietly. “I don’t think there’s much of anything to say.” I held out my hand to him. “Take care, Kaleb.”

For a moment, he eyed me warily, then he looked down at my hand, understanding dawning.

I wasn’t just refusing to say goodbye to Camry.

I was refusing to say goodbye to him too.

But that’s what this was anyway.

I’d fallen for her, and being around her after this, being around anything that reminded me of her, was going to be more than I wanted to handle.

“You sure you want to do it this way?” he asked, voice a little hoarse.

“Easier this way. You know me. Always taking the easy way out.” I hated myself even as I said the words. This man had been like a brother to me, had saved my life, and how had I repaid him? I’d fucked his sister, and now that shit was about to get real, I was taking off.

But I couldn’t do it. He’d been right about me all along. He was just too good of a person to call me on it.

He nodded, then reached out, clasped my hand. For a minute, I thought he’d pull me in for a hug, and I probably would have let him.

But he didn’t, so I left without saying anything else.

As I walked to my car, I wished I’d done things differently. We all would have been better off if I’d told her back in Vegas I didn’t have the time to help her, and then called Kaleb to come get her. If I’d never let myself get to know the woman she’d become.

I scowled. That wasn’t right. I hadn’t gotten to know the woman she’d become. Not then. Not until tonight. This was who Camry Hastings really was, not the girl I’d thought her to be. She was an addict who didn’t want to change.

The girl I’d fallen in love with had never existed.