I can’t remember how old I’d been when I’d first realized I’d liked Jacen Barbour, but it had always felt like forever.

He’d always been too old for me, but that hadn’t stopped me from daydreaming about him or imagining sweet, chaste kisses back when I’d first started even thinking about kissing boys.

By the time I was old enough to actually try to catch his eye, though, he’d already moved on to bigger and better things—definitely moved on to flashier and more sophisticated women. Not that he would’ve paid much attention to me anyway, a big-time athlete like him.

Besides, I’d barely been nineteen when I’d started turning tricks, first just for Stefano so he’d feed my habit, then for his friends, then for anybody who’d pay me…all for drugs. I couldn’t even say how many men I’d been with during those two years.

It had been years since I’d thought about kissing a guy for no reason other than because I found him attractive, or because he found me attractive.

I wasn’t certain how to handle it the moment his lips first brushed mine.

The kiss was…soft.

It was gentle and sweet, nothing like the rough, unwanted kisses I’d gotten from the men who’d paid me to pretend I wanted them. Jacen’s tongue slid out, brushed against my lower lip before retreating. I shivered, pressed myself closer, and when I felt his tongue again, I opened for him, moaning.

And then he started backing away, so I pushed up onto my toes, wanting more. Needing more.

Before my mouth could touch his, I met his eyes.

They glittered down at me, black as night, full of heat.

He licked his lips, and I realized I wanted to do the same thing. When I leaned forward again, he met me halfway, and this time, he didn’t pull back when I traced the line of his mouth with my tongue. Nor did he stop me when I curled my arms around his neck and set about exploring his mouth.

His hands came up, gripping my arms, but his touch wasn’t constraining or restraining. Still, I sensed a wealth of strength in him, and part of me worried about it. Turning tricks for money wasn’t exactly the safest sex out there. I’d been fortunate to get out as unscathed as I had.

No matter what had happened to me, I wasn’t scared of Jacen. There was a gentleness to his strength that made me feel…safe.

Safe, and yet, heat pricked inside my body in a way I’d almost forgotten. My nipples stabbed into the thin cotton of my bra and I pulled myself closer to him, needing more.

And he gave me more, pulling off the jacket he’d given me, then yanking my shirt up over my head. With a quick twist, he had the clasp on my bra undone, and then, he had my naked breasts cupped in his hands.

With a startled gasp, I broke away, looking first at his hands, then up at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were on his hands and, slowly, I looked down again. I’d put on weight since getting clean, but I’d always been slender, my breasts on the small side of average. Most johns hadn’t complained, but whenever Stefano had been feeling particularly cruel, he’d loved telling me that it was too bad my tits were so small because he could’ve gotten more money if they’d been bigger.

Jacen didn’t look disappointed though. He rolled my nipples between his thumb and forefingers, then flicked them, electric bursts of pleasure arcing through me. I whimpered and pushed myself deeper into his touch, half falling into him as my exhaustion and arousal combined to make my legs unsteady.

He went with my momentum, and we fell back onto the bed just a few feet from where he stood.

The springs squeaked under him as he held me steady, locked on top of him with a forearm.

My chest tightened as the reality of the situation came crashing down on me. I was half-naked. On top of Jacen Barbour. Jacen fucking Barbour.

“What are we doing?”

The slow, lazy smile on his face burned away panic...and thought and oxygen. Hell, I was half-surprised it didn’t burn away my panties, too.

“What’s it feel like, Camry?”

He caught my ponytail, wrapped it slowly around his fist until he had my head arched up and back, exposing my neck. The scrape of his teeth against my skin felt divine, and I shuddered, lost in the sensuality of it. Without thinking, I shifted my weight and braced one knee on either side of his hips. I could feel the hard bulge pressed against the seam of my jeans, putting pressure right where I wanted it.

Breath hissed out of him and he stiffened, then rolled, putting me beneath him. Startled, I put my hands against his chest. He was lean, but solid, and I couldn’t help but admire the firm feel of him even as I blinked up at him.

“Are you okay?” Jacen’s voice was tight, raspy.

“I….” I squirmed, unsure of how to answer.

He shuddered, his hips flexing, pushing him against me. Heat exploded through me. Heat, sensation…my mind went blank, and I went a little crazy. Without thinking, I grabbed onto his hips and began to move us against him, moaning, whimpering. Dimly, I heard him saying something, but I had no idea what it was. Everything in me was focused on the hot, tight knot of need gathering in my pussy, and then he was stroking me between the thighs, right through my blue jeans.

I came hard and fast, the most intense orgasm of my life. Panting and shaking, I let go of him, hands falling slack to hit the mattress.

Fuck.

I heard a zipper rasp in the silence. I’d have recognized that sound anywhere, and in the past, it had filled me with foreboding, but now, I just…sighed and closed my eyes, smiling a little. After that amazing orgasm, I had no problem lying here and letting him have the rest.

But my jeans were still on. And he didn’t shove my legs open, didn’t thrust in hard and fast.

Then something rhythmic began to move the bed.

Forcing one lid up, I looked down....and, saliva drying in my mouth, I found myself mesmerized.

Jacen had his hand wrapped around his cock, and he was stroking himself. Up and down, up and down, over and over, fist pumping in a furious rhythm, the head of that thick shaft disappearing inside the cave of his fist only to reappear. Low noises came from him, then abruptly, he stopped.

“Hey…” I looked up at him and realized he’d caught me watching him.

“You can’t fucking do that, or I’ll have a hard-on all night,” he said roughly.

“Then maybe you should let me help you take care of it.” My hand shook as I closed it around him the best I could. He was so thick, so heavy, the skin blazing against my palm. He shuddered as his hand fell away, letting me follow the rhythm he’d set, including the way he twisted his wrist at the end. My belly clenched, hot, tight, aching in ways that were entirely foreign. Even the few consensual encounters I’d had in high school hadn’t made me feel like this. That had been about just not wanting to be alone. This was…

“Stop,” Jacen urged, his mouth pressed to mine. He gripped my wrist and tightened, slowing my movements as he pulled away.

“But I don’t want to stop.” I stared into his eyes, hardly able to believe how much I meant it, how much I needed this.

My entire body was thrumming. My panties soaked clean through, and my jeans halfway there. My lips sensitive and swollen from his kisses. My nipples tight, breasts aching. Need, hunger, all of it licked little flames against my skin, and I wasn’t sure I could handle much more.

But then he gave me….

So.

Much.

More.

A pained look crossed his face, then resolve. He lowered his head. “Let’s do it then,” he murmured against my mouth, folding his fingers over mine as he began to use my hand.

I’d given hand-jobs before, more than I wanted to know, and the ones I remembered had always been impersonal. Always the preferred choice, but never something I’d enjoyed.

Until now.

Mouth to mine, he growled, “I’m going to come right now if you don’t stop.”

I shook my head. “I’m not stopping. Deal with it.”

He chuckled, and then he came. The hot, heavy pulse of it hit my skin, startling me, but I didn’t miss a stroke. He groaned, head falling forward, hips jerking as his cum decorated my stomach.

“I want to fuck you, Camry.”

His words sent a pleasurable tingle through me. “I sure as hell hope so.”

Slowly, he straightened, but I kept hold of him, lightly stroking his still twitching cock.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he panted, resting his forehead on mine.

I might have returned the compliment, if he hadn’t kissed me at that very minute, his lips stealing my breath, my thought…everything.

Then he pulled back, gaze lingering on the mess he’d left on my stomach for a moment, and then he reached for my jeans. The last of my clothes were unceremoniously dumped on the floor, and then he stood. I watched him pull off his own clothes, revealing his body with all the grace of a natural athlete. Then, just before he dropped his pants, he pulled a condom out of his pocket.

“I’ve only got one rubber. It’s a good thing you already had your wicked way with me,” he said softly as he climbed back on the bed, stretching out on top of me. “Otherwise, we might have been in trouble.”

“I, uh…okay...”

He laughed as he kissed me, nudging my thighs apart. “I haven’t lost it like that since I was a teenager. I’m tempted to do it again, too. You’re hell on the head, Camry Hastings.”

Since I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, I didn’t.

Hearing the foil packet of the rubber tear open, I held my breath, somewhat disappointed and trying not to show it. Everything up to this point had been great, but I knew this part too well. This part was always less so, something I knew from experience. Even the guys who’d tried to make sure I enjoyed myself – including those who imagined themselves to be fantastic lovers – hadn’t been all that great at it. At least not for me. Sometimes I could help myself along if the guy was okay with it, but most of the time, they took it as a personal insult if I acted like I couldn’t come from their magical penis alone.

“What’s wrong?” Jacen asked as he resettled between my thighs.

“Nuh—nothing,” I said, pasting a wide smile on my face. He wouldn’t hurt me, I knew that, and I wanted him to like this.

“You’re lying, Cam. You went and got nervous on me.” He smoothed a hand down my belly, the tips of his fingers teasing the curls between my thighs. “Maybe you’re not ready…”

“I am. Please.” To prove it, I lifted up and kissed him, twining one thigh around his hips and arching up. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to try to work me up again, and then I ended up faking it anyway.

“As you wish.”

The head of his cock brushed against my clitoris and I couldn’t quite smother the whimper that escaped me. That was new. When he stroked back and forth over me instead of entering me, sweat broke out over me.

“What are you…” I bit the rest of the question back before it could escape, but he heard enough.

“I’m enjoying myself. I’m enjoying you. What are you doing?”

But I couldn’t answer him. Because I didn’t know. My breathing sped up and then he slipped inside me and I forgot to breathe. Oxygen trapped inside my lungs and I sank my nails into his shoulders, arching up under him and whimpering, nearly sobbing at all the new sensations coursing through me.

And still, he continued to work his cock inside me.

Rocking against him, trying to take him deeper, I fought against the ache building inside me. I knew what it was. I’d had climaxes before. More often than not, it was when I did it on my own. Stefano, when he hadn’t been in the mood to hurt, had been able to make me come, but it hadn’t felt like this. It had been about his control over me. A couple times, he’d made me come by accident. He’d laughed then, saying I was a slut for being able to come that way. And the times he’d done it intentionally, it had been about forcing a reaction from my body, whether I wanted to or not.

This...this was…luscious. It was sweet and decadent. It was like forbidden candy, the most expensive chocolate. Something that wrapped around me and threatened to consume me even as I consumed it.

Finally, I felt the entire length of him inside me and I shuddered, shaking around him as my brain tried to process. I gripped his arms, feeling like I just might die if he didn’t move.

I must have said something out loud, because he gave a strained laugh. “Trust me, baby…I’ll move soon…I just…fuck, you’re so damn sweet and I don’t want this to end before it really begins.”

I couldn’t ask him what he meant, though. He wasn’t moving yet, but the pulsations of his cock had me bucking and arching and that alone was enough to have the climax drawing closer and closer.

“Fuck,” he groaned abruptly as he shoved up on to his hands, pulled back, and then thrust deep. “You can’t…just…be still, Cam. Be…”

He stopped talking then and began to ride me, hard and deep and it was so sweet, I thought I just might cry.

And maybe I did—I couldn’t tell.

Because I came and it undid me and I might have screamed out his name and it was all okay because he was here and he was safe and he wouldn’t let me go.

* * *

Vegas was sleeping.

Or at least as much as it ever did anyway. Jacen lay behind me with his arms around me, leg thrown over my hip, face buried in my hair. He was sound asleep, his breathing deep and even.

I’d woken up almost an hour ago, and my mind had started whirling too much for me to be able to fall asleep again. I’d been living such a simple life while trying to get and stay clean that I felt like the past two days had put me into overload.

I didn’t know how to process what had happened between us during the night. It was coming up on four in the morning, and I knew I needed to get my rest. Jacen and I had covered a lot of ground, including some places I’d been dreading going to on my own, but there were other places to look. Holes where I’d buried myself deep during those awful years. Even Stefano hadn’t been able to find me, though I doubted he’d looked. There’d been no point since my addiction had always drawn me out and right back to him.

There were cheap hotels where you could pay cash, and the attendant wouldn’t even so much as look at your face. There were any number of buildings to squat in. Abandoned ones. Ones being renovated. Hell, there were some places so big that if you figured out the routine, you could get away with living there for days before being caught. And there was always the sex option. Cozy up to some old man at the casino, show a little boob and bat your eyelashes, then you just might find yourself on his private jet back to Texas.

No, it wasn’t surprising that I hadn’t been able to find Daytin yet. Frustrating, yes, but not really what had my head spinning.

No, my spinning head was from what had happened just hours ago. The fact that I could still feel the imprint of his lips on my body, the satin over steel of his cock. Taste him on my tongue. His scent surrounded me, consumed me, and each breath just brought up a new memory.

I’d fucked and been fucked. I’d had sex. What had happened between Jacen and I...it had been something more. Something that a part of me argued was making love. I’d never made love before, not even before the drugs.

Which then brought the question, if I’d never done it, how did I know what it was? For all I knew, he just wanted a piece of ass and I was there. Making me come only meant he was a skilled and considerate lover. Just because he wasn’t a john didn’t mean what we’d done had meant anything more to him than it would have if I’d been some random woman he’d picked up at a bar.

My chest began to tighten, my heart thudding loudly against my ribcage. A too-familiar metallic taste on the back of my tongue. Spots at the edges of my vision.

Shit.

I needed to get out of here before I woke Jacen up by having a full-blown panic attack next to him. Carefully, I slid out from under the covers and went into the bathroom, closing the door before I turned on the light. I blinked as my eyes adjusted, my hands gripping the countertop hard enough to turn my knuckles white. I stared at my reflection, telling myself to see what was there rather than what I wanted.

Not a pretty, sexy woman who’d finally gotten her childhood crush to notice her. Not a strong, confident woman who’d captured the attention of a gorgeous man. No, nothing but a pale, red-eyed girl who’d been foolish enough to think she was anything but a fun one-night stand.