Kingsley walked me back to my car and lightly pushed me against the driver side door.
“Do I have more of these surprises to look forward to?” He thumbed the side of my breast teasingly through my coat.
I swatted his hand a little and smiled. “I don’t know. I guess you’ll just have to wait and see what I have planned for you. It’s like my own surprise. Consider it payback.”
“I guess that means I’ll have to keep planning fun things for us to do so the payback never ends.”
He winked at me as I climbed in my car and sped off.
I used the little bit of a drive to try to figure out how I felt. Some people felt really empty after their first time and some people felt a sense of disappointment. They put their virginity on a pedestal and then when it was gone, they were left wondering what the big deal was in the first place.
As I contemplated what it meant for me, I realized all I could focus on was how much I wanted to do it again. It was amazing to turn my brain off and just let my body take over. I spent so much time focusing on consequences, possibilities, and problems. But when Kingsley’s hands were on me, it was like all of the stress from the day was gone and I could focus on the physical side of things.
I headed to my dorm room and sat down on my bed. Then I jumped up, as if it were made of fire. The sheets smelled of the cologne I’d bought for Jason. I didn’t want to remember that because then guilt would start to build up inside. Keeping this secret from Kingsley was going to eat me up. I stripped the sheets and tossed them in the hamper. I quickly remade the bed and tossed my collection of pillows onto the comforter. But now I had a clean bed, so I had to go shower.
By the time I was done, it was after two in the morning. I kicked myself for not calling Christie and Violet earlier. They were going to freak when they heard all about what happened. I lay down to get some sleep in the hopes I’d be able to calm my racing heart.
***
I woke up early on Monday and started to get ready for class. My first one was at nine that morning and I didn’t want to be late. I was leaving the bathroom when Violet walked in to get her make-up ready.
“How are you doing?” I asked her gently.
“Uh, I came back here last night and I barely slept. I was afraid of the dreams I would have and all sorts of crap.”
“I could have come and crashed in Lola’s bed, or you could have snuggled with me. You don’t have to do this alone.”
“I know. But I feel like I have to. I don’t want to still be afraid of Finn. I don’t want to think that maybe someone is hiding in the shadows.”
“Well, let’s do something about it. Maybe we can take some self-defense classes or something like that. It might make you feel more empowered.”
“Yeah, I like that. We should look into it. I feel like it would make me more confident.” She nodded and gave me a huge smile. “Now hurry up and get ready, I want to hear all about your date.”
I told her about the winter festival and how we were exclusive now. Then I finally dropped the bomb about the lingerie and my v-card.
“Holy crap, are you serious?”
“I still can’t believe it happened, but it was great.”
“What was great?” Jason asked, walking up to us in the hallway.
I whipped around and looked at him with wide eyes. I wasn’t going to tell him, but Violet jumped in.
“Violet and Kingsley hooked up yesterday.”
I glared at her and she shrugged her shoulders as if to say, “Oh well.”
“Wait, what? Just like that? Didn’t you just meet him?” Jason growled.
“Don’t judge me. We just have this amazing connection and it seemed right. Besides, why should you guys get to be the only ones having sex? It’s a lot of fun.”
“Actually, Jason—” Violet started to say, but Jason quickly cut her off.
“No, she’s right. You two have fun. Who am I to stop you?” He gave me a hard look that I didn’t appreciate and then turned to Violet. “So, Vi, how’s everything going?”
“Annabelle and I decided to take some self-defense classes. I just feel like I need something like that to help me feel more confident.”
“If you guys want, I could take you to the gun range after classes. We don’t have anything to do with EET, and it’s not like we have a lot to do to prepare for the meeting tomorrow.”
“That sounds great. I’d feel like a badass. Let’s do it,” Violet insisted, giving us a big smile. “Do you actually know anything about guns?”
“Yeah, my dad has had me at the range for years. Believe it or not, I’m pretty lethal,” Jason informed us with a sinister look.
Violet and I cracked up and I gave him a little shove. Picturing Jason with a gun just didn’t seem right.
“No, seriously, you will be impressed. Meet me outside the dorms at four. I’ll make a reservation.”
***
My classes went smoothly and I was heading back to my room to drop my stuff off when I ran into Christie.
“What’s up, sexy mama?” she asked, greeting me with a hug. “How was last night? I’ve been dying to know how it went but I’ve been doing that whole respecting boundaries shit.”
“Yeah, how’d that work out for you?”
“I don’t have the patience for it, so tell me!”
“We did it in the supply closet of the firehouse.” I blushed bright red but Christie barely had time to register it as she pulled me into a hug.
“Ah, I’m so happy for you. Well, I think. Was it good?”
“I enjoyed it. Kingsley, obviously, has done it before so he knew what he was doing. All I had to do was strip and hold on.”
“My kind of girl! Make him do all the work, I like it.” She smiled, nodding her head at me. “So, what are you up to now, round two?”
“We’re actually going to head over to a gun range. Violet is just feeling a little concerned about the incident last semester and Jason thought it would be a good way to help her.”
“That sounds like such a good idea. Do you guys mind if I come too? I like to go to the range and blow off steam.”
“Are you an expert gunslinger?” I asked as I opened the door to my dorm for her.
“Obviously. I’m right up there with Bonnie from Bonnie and Clyde.”
I dropped my bag and changed my boots to sneakers and Christie walked up to my bulletin board of pictures.
“Well, Jason claims to be an expert, so it will be great to have another pro there. You could help me and he could help Violet.”
“That sounds perfect. I’ll get you bitches in shape.”
“But there is something else I need to talk to you about,” I said quietly. “Jason is going to be there today.”
“Yeah, you said that already.”
“What do I do? If Kingsley finds out, he’s gonna be pissed.”
“No, he said he didn’t want you guys alone together. Violet and I will be there ready to cock block at any second.”
“That helps. It’s just, sometimes that guy makes me so angry, and then other times he can be the sweetest person. Like, he’s giving me crap about hooking up with Kingsley and then suggests the gun range to help Violet feel better. It’s hard to stay pissed off when he pulls it together. And I don’t think it’s an act either. You know how some guys know when to put on the charm, it just seems to be the way he is. He’s almost like a girl with his emotions all out there.”
“Well, I don’t know him very well, so let me watch today and I’ll see what I can pick up.”
“I guess just let me know if it looks like I might be leading him on or something. I don’t want there to be anything between us anymore.”
“Then don’t let there be. If you feel like he is crossing the line, then tell him that.”
I nodded, but in reality, I wasn’t a confrontational person. I didn’t think I could just bring it up, but maybe I could be a bit more standoffish to him.
We headed outside. Jason and Violet were already waiting there. Their last class of the day was together so I was sure they headed out together.
“Shotgun,” Violet called as she saw us and opened the front door.
I rolled my eyes at her at her bad pun, but I was happy to see her goofing off again. Tomorrow was probably going to be a hard day when she saw Berneli at the EET meeting.
“I hope it’s okay, but Christie wants to come. She is a gun person too.”
“Yeah, sounds good,” Jason said, and gave me a smile. “I’ll just text the owner and let him know. He and my dad are friends, so he’s hooking us up.”
“Thanks,” I responded.
Jason looked at me and held my eye contact. He smiled sweetly and opened the passenger door for me. Christie walked to the other side and climbed in behind Violet.
“Thanks,” I repeated as our hands slightly grazed each other. I quickly snatched mine away and got in.
“So, thanks for letting me come, guys,” Christie said as Jason started driving.
Christie and Jason spent most of the drive talking about the guns they liked to shoot and their past experiences. I was listening with half an ear and texting Kingsley.
He told me that he desperately wanted to come with us, but he had too much other stuff to deal with at the moment. I was a little bummed, but I couldn’t expect him to be available constantly. And I hadn’t actually invited him. I told him what we were doing and he sort of took that as an invitation. It was sweet that he wanted to hang out with me so much.
Then he asked if we could hang out this weekend. I blushed, thinking about our last night together, and told him that I would definitely like our date to be a private one. That got him excited and he moved it to Wednesday. I smiled, satisfied he wanted to see me, or at least wanted to be with me that badly, and focused on my friends.
We walked into the gun shop and I was completely overwhelmed. I walked straight to the counter and looked up at the guy behind the register as if he was my savior. Christie and Violet were in the corner looking at some pink weapons and chatting quietly. Part of me wanted to know what they were saying, but the other part figured Violet was filling Christie in on everything that happened. I’d let them have their moment.
Jason walked over to me and shook hands with my savior.
“How’s it going, Jason? It must be good, bringing three beautiful ladies into my shop.”
Jason laughed and smiled down at me. “The ladies want to feel a bit more comfortable with guys confronting them.”
“We can definitely do that. What kind of guns do you want to look at?”
“Um, probably shot guns. Whatever you recommend. I was thinking a forty-five, maybe a twenty-two or a nine millimeter.”
“Considering your dad isn’t here and these lovely ladies don’t appear to be over twenty-one, I’ll get the shot guns. Nice try though.”
Jason turned to look at me and the corner of his mouth tuned up. “So, should I be scared? You with a weapon?”
I gave him a push. “Yeah, say the wrong thing and I’ll end you.” I formed my hands into a gun and acted like I was shooting him.
Jason’s hands flew to his chest and he acted shot before falling dramatically to the floor.
I laughed and reached down to help him up. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
“I actually think I’m going to stay out here. I don’t have a crazy stalker’s assistant after me and I’m not the biggest fan of guns.”
“Relax, guns aren’t a bad thing if you know what you’re doing.”
“Well, that’s the issue. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I’ll stick by you. You’re not going to shoot yourself in the foot or anything.”
“Oh yeah, and what if I shoot you in the foot?”
He turned me around, placing his hands on my shoulders, and dropped his head to look me in the eyes. “Keep the gun pointed down range and you won’t shoot me in the foot. However, even if you do, I won’t die, but you’ll have to take care of my every need for a few weeks.”
I pushed his arms off my shoulder and rolled my eyes. “Well, there’s the motivation I need to make sure I don’t shoot you by mistake.”
The owner came back and called us all over so he could take us to the range.
We walked into a very long room with what looked like a bunch of little cubicles. They were facing, what I guessed, was the actual range. It was just like the movies. There were posters with silhouettes on them really far away from the cubicles. They were definitely too far. There was no way I was going to be able to hit any of them. Each little cubicle had a chest-high shelf on it and partitions that separated each spot from the rest.
“Ladies, this is Mike, he’s the owner of this range. He’s going to give you some instructions so that you don’t kill anyone,” Jason told us as we all walked to our own cubicle.
“All right, ladies, I’m going to show you how to load them, but before you even touch a gun, there are some things that you need to know. Always point the gun down range. Never point it at someone, even if you’re joking. Always think of the gun as loaded. It could be empty, but you should treat it like it isn’t. Fire at your own target, or at least aim in that direction. When you’re done shooting, place the gun back in the case you got it out of.”
He gave us some more instructions and I felt my heart pounding. I was nervous about this. People died from guns. I really didn’t want to screw anything up. These partitions kept me from shooting someone else, but not myself.
When it was our turn to load the weapons, I was barely able to open the case. My hands were shaking and I dropped it to the counter. Jason laughed and came to my cubicle.
“Here, watch me before you kill yourself.” He took my gun out of the case and showed me slowly how to load it.
“Stop, it’s not funny. I’m actually really afraid of that. This is not my cup of tea.”
“No, you can do this. I’ll help you.”
Jason stood behind me and handed me the gun. “Okay, grab the gun but keep your finger away from the trigger. I’m going to hold your hands and adjust your grip.”
He smelled amazing and was still wearing the cologne I’d bought him. At this rate, I’d have to buy him a new one for his birthday in March. Then I shook my head and realized what was going on. This was not what Jason and I should have been doing. I tried to move, but he wasn’t letting me out.
“Annabelle, I don’t want you to be afraid of this. Just trust me, I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Don’t you believe me?”
I took a deep breath. I did trust him. There was nothing that could happen here at the gun range. Besides, I wouldn’t let it happen. Today was about Violet, and I also didn’t want to fight with Jason. If he thought I didn’t trust him or believe in him, then we would definitely be fighting.
“Yeah, of course I believe you. Let’s just get this over with.” I put the gun down so I could secure my earplugs in place. Then I picked up the gun again and Jason wrapped his hands around mine. He lifted the gun up and tried to adjust my aim.
“Okay,” Jason yelled, and moved my finger to the trigger. “So the gun still has the safety on. You won’t be able to fire. Try it.”
I did and nothing happened. I couldn’t pull the trigger all the way.
“While the safety is on, aim. See the little notch at the top? That’s what you use to aim. Match that up with where you want to hit. But keep both eyes open.”
Nodding, I moved the gun slightly and aimed so that I’d get the poster guy straight in the nose.
“Great. Now I’m gonna drop my hands and hold your hips. This gun has a bit of a kick and I don’t want you falling on top of me.” His hands slid down my arms and rested on my hips. My shirt had slid up a little and I felt Jason’s fingers on my bare skin. It was like a blast of heat radiating through me. “Take the safety off, like Mike told you, then fire whenever you’re ready.”
“Okay, I’m ready.” I squeezed the trigger and was slammed back into Jason’s chest.
“Easy there, slugger. Plant your feet and try again,” he shouted in my ear.
I placed the gun on the counter in front of me and kind of shook all over. Jason lifted his hands off me for a second but as soon as I stood still, he was there again. My shake had raised my shirt up even higher and now most of his hand was on my bare stomach. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the feeling.
It wasn’t him I wanted, but I was just too sexually energized. Holding the gun was filling me with adrenaline and it had nothing to do with being this close to him or smelling the cologne I bought him. I needed to see Kingsley and get that dealt with. I nodded with that thought and aimed at the target again. I fired a couple more rounds, and this time, I didn’t fall into Jason.
***
“Not gonna lie, I’m a little afraid of you,” Violet warned as she examined my target. “Are you sure you haven’t done this before? Because I’m thinking you might need to be my new body guard.”
“Right, maybe she’s a super spy,” Christie suggested. “Though, if you were a super spy and didn’t tell me, I’d be disappointed.”
“No, I was just excited. This…I don’t know…it all got me amped up.” My pulse was pounding and I felt a little winded.
Violet and Christie looked at each other and tried to control their giggles.
“What?” I asked, feeling self-conscious.
“You’re a little horny now, aren’t you?” Christie asked me.
I blushed and shook my head vehemently. “No, it’s just…” I was at a loss for words, because as soon as Christie said it, I realized it was true. I was practically shaking with it.
“It’s the adrenaline. It goes straight to your hooha,” Christie assured me.
“Why are you all talking about hoohas?” Jason had just walked up and it was probably the worst time. I ducked my head and tried to ignore the pounding of my heart in my ears.
Violet, as per usual, stepped in, but she didn’t have my back. “Well, Annabelle was just telling us how turned on she felt when she was shooting with you.”
My head flew up and I gave her the death stare. I couldn’t believe she said that. Jason also appeared to be shocked, as he didn’t say anything. But she and Christie were snickering behind their hands.
I quickly responded, “Well, no. It wasn’t you behind me. I barely noticed you there, actually. I was just thrilled to control that kind of power. Pulling the trigger was the best feeling ever,” I rambled, turning to look at Jason and forcing a smile. “It wasn’t you, promise.”
“And you’d never break a promise, right?” Jason asked me. He looked at me as if I was the only one in the room and it made me very nervous.
There was only one thing to say. “I’d never break a promise to you,” I insisted.
Jason nodded lightly and headed to the register to talk to Mike. As soon as he was out of earshot, I slapped Violet on the arm.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What?” Violet asked, lifting her hands in the air, clearly pretending she was innocent.
“Why would you say that? I’m with Kingsley. I don’t need Jason thinking he turns me on. That’s not what happened.” I shrugged and ran my fingers through my hair. This was ridiculous.
Christie and Violet looked at each other again and seemed to have a telepathic conversation that I was not included in. Those bitches.
“Okay,” Violet started, and then turned around to make sure Jason wasn’t watching. “The other day, David and I told you about how we think Jason is in love with you.”
“Right, and I told you that’s nuts. He has feelings for Janice.”
“Yeah, and he also has feelings for you. Even Christie figured it out by watching you two today. Anyone can see the sparks that are flying off the two of you, because guess what, honey, I know.” She nodded and paused for dramatic effect or whatever crap she was trying to pull.
“What do you know?”
“I know that you care about him too.”
“Wrong. He’s my friend and that’s where it ends. I don’t have feelings for him or anything.”
“Lie to me, but I hope you’re being honest with yourself. I know you like Kingsley and I know you want it to work, but that’s because it’s neat and tidy. Jason comes with messiness and risk but he could—”
“Don’t even say it. He isn’t the one. He is the one I’m friends with, just like I’m friends with the two of you. That’s where it ends. It wouldn’t work with Jason anyway. He is a slob, he dresses like a thirteen-year-old boy, he laughs too loudly, and he has a girlfriend. I’m not a homewrecker. What do you want me to do, walk straight up to Jason and say, ‘Hi, so, I might be in love with you, but I’m not one hundred percent sure. Leave your girlfriend of almost three years and be with me. By the way, we could possibly ruin our friendship. I also have feelings for Kingsley, so that could complicate things.’”
Christie probed me, joining the conversation. “You told me yesterday you had feelings for him. Are those feelings actually love?”
I felt slightly defeated. “Kind of. Okay, I was at one time. But then I realized there was no point. Kingsley came into my life and he’s good to me. He listens when I speak and looks out for me. I want to be happy with him.”
“Well, what’s stopping you?” Violet whispered.
My smile wavered for a second as I thought about this. I was happy, right? I wanted to be with him. I didn’t have doubts when we were together. Hell, I just gave him my virginity. No, nothing was stopping me. Actually, there was one thing. “You hoes are stopping me! Let’s get out of here so I can meet up with Kingsley.” I started walking to the door, ignoring the feeling in the pit of my stomach, refusing to label it. I turned around. Jason was still talking with Mike but Violet and Christie had started walking toward the exit with me.
“Jason, we’re gonna leave you,” I called to him, and then walked to the door, my jacket in hand.