Ella checked her watch once more as butterflies took flight in the pit of her stomach. She had called into Nate before she went to collect Max from her parents’ house on the pretense to see how Nina was. Ella was relieved when he said that Nina wasn’t there, that she had gone to collect the girls and then she was going to visit her mother.

Ella told Nate that he could call by about three o’clock to meet Max properly which had made him really happy. She explained that she would not introduce him as his father, not until she was sure that this was the right thing for Max. Nate agreed, but Ella could see the disappointment on his face.

Ella didn’t think she would feel as nervous as she did, but as the time drew closer, the nerves in the pit of her stomach grew. This was huge, and Ella knew it would change things for them all for good.

She stood and watched Max playing on the living room floor, lining up his collection of animals just like he always did, completely oblivious to everything that was about to happen. She had no idea how he would react to Nate. So far, Max had handled the move better than Ella had expected, but she knew that it wouldn’t take much to push Max into meltdown.

Ella wished more than anything that she could talk to her son, explain to him who Nate was, and most importantly, hear what his opinion on what was going on. She was worried that Nate would expect too much of Max.

Ella found that just because Max looked like other kids, people expected him to behave like them too. It was the hardest part of having a child with Autism; dealing with other people’s ignorance. Ella found it all exhausting.

At exactly three o’clock, the doorbell sounded. Max didn’t even look up from his animals as Ella turned and walked to the front door.

She paused for a moment and took a deep breath before she reached for the handle and opened the front door.

“Hi,” a very nervous looking Nate said, the moment he saw Ella. He was holding a big, colourful bag, full of gifts for Max. “I’m not too early, am I?”

“No,” Ella replied with a smile. “You’re right on time.”

“I hope you don’t mind,” Nate said as he nervously stepped into the hallway. “I got him a few things. I didn’t really know what he liked, and also I have a few birthdays and Christmases to catch up on.”

“That is very kind of you,” Ella smiled. “But you don’t have to buy anything for him. I just want you to get to know him.”

“I want that too,” Nate said as his face flushed slightly. “This is all very new for me.”

“For me too,” Ella reassured him. “Just take it slow with him, and you should be fine.”

“Thank you,” Nate replied, grateful for her words. He gave her a smile. The same smile he had given her the night they met, and she fell for him.

“Are you ready?” Ella asked as she pushed those thoughts from her mind.

“As I will ever be,” Nate replied and released a deep, steadying breath. Ella was a little surprised at just how nervous he seemed. She hadn’t really considered he would be. She hadn’t really considered his feelings at all; but now seeing him looking almost as scared as she felt, it helped her, somehow.

She gave him another smile before she turned and walked into the living room, to where Max was, followed closely by Nate.

“Max,” Ella said as she approached her son. “Sweetie, you remember Nathan. You met him the other day when you were with Mimi.”

She looked up, and Nate gave her a questioning look.

“He calls my mom, Mimi,” Ella explained before she turned her attention back to her son. “Max, Nathan has come to play with you. Are you going to say hi?”

“Hi,” Max said without looking up at Ella or Nate.

“Hey, buddy,” Nate said as he moved closer to Max, taking care not to get too close and overwhelm him. “What have you got there?”

“My friends,” Max replied as he reached down and picked up one of his little animals and held it out to Nate. “This is dog. Woof, woof.”

“Do you like dogs?” Nate asked as he took the dog from Max.

“Dog says woof,” Max repeated as he moved over to let Nate sit down.

Nate gave Ella a happy grin before he slipped off his jacket and sat down next to Max on the floor.

“I will leave you two alone,” Ella said with a smile before she turned and left the room.

“Dinner’s ready,” Ella called from the kitchen a little over two hours later. She had checked in on the two new pals a couple of times, and they were getting on very well. Ella couldn’t believe how good Nate was with Max. He was so calm and didn’t try to push Max at all. Ella felt so relieved.

A few moments later Nate appeared in the doorway, followed closely by Max.

“I hope you guys are hungry,” Ella said as she carried the food to the table. “I have your favourite Max, spaghetti with chopped up hotdogs.”

“Yum,” Nate said as he gave Ella a happy grin.

“Actually,” Ella replied with a laugh. “We’re having risotto.”

“Is it wrong, I’m a little disappointed?” Nate sighed then grinned.

“Really?” Ella asked, giving Nate a questioning look.

“Who doesn’t love spaghetti with hotdog bits?” Nathan asked with a deep laugh.

“Okay then,” Ella replied and smiled as she picked his plate back up. She returned moments later with a plate of spaghetti with chopped up hot dog, and Nate gave her the biggest smile.

Ella set Max’s plate in his usual spot. He always sat in the same spot, as he did in her parent’s house too, but to her surprise, Max climbed up on the chair next to Nate.

Ella was stunned. She had never seen him take to anyone like this before. Ella’s heart swelled, and tears suddenly stung her eyes.

“Ella,” Nate said, giving her a worried look. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she replied quickly and forced a smile, as she turned back to the counter and tried to look busy. She needed a moment to collect her thoughts. She was being stupid, and she knew it. She wanted Max to love Nate, as much as he could love anyone.

Ella had been concerned that Nate would be expecting more of Max than he was capable to give, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe she had sold Max short.

She picked up her plate, took a deep breath then turned and walked back to the table. When she sat down, she gave Nate a warm smile, before she tucked into her dinner.

Max chatted away to Nate most of the way through dinner, all about animals. Ella was stunned to see Max like this, he rarely said a word to anyone, but something about Nate seemed to have clicked with him.

Ella sat quietly and watched as father and son chatted like they had never been apart a day in their life. She noticed that not only did they look scarily alike, they also had the same mannerisms and facial expressions.

She knew that keeping who Nate was a secret was not going to be an option. Ella just worried that not everyone would be as accepting and understanding as her mom had been, or as Max was for that matter.

“I can’t believe he went straight to sleep,” Ella said as she came back into the kitchen after she had put Max to bed. She was surprised to see Nate had cleaned up after dinner. “And I can’t believe you cleaned up. Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Nate replied and gave her a warm smile. “It’s my way of thanking you for today. I can’t describe to you how awesome today was. It was everything I could have hoped for and more.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” Ella said honestly. “I think you have won over Max. I have never seen him with anyone the way he was with you today. It was lovely to see.”

“He is a great kid,” Nate replied, and Ella could see a touch of pride in his eyes. “You have done a great job with him, and I know it can’t have been easy for you.”

“Thank you,” Ella said as her face flushed.

“I mean it,” Nate continued as he moved closer to Ella. “I see a lot of kids like Max coming into the hospital, and I know how hard it is for those parents. You have had to be both Mom and Dad for the last four years, and I know that must have been so hard. I just hope now; you will let me take some of that strain. I want to be his father.”

“You are his father, Nate,” Ella replied. “Even if I wanted to, I could never deny that. I think Max would never let me anyway.”

“I love my two girls, Ella,” Nate said, as he reached for her hands and took them in his. “For the longest time, they have been my only reason to live. They were everything to me; they still are.”

“I know they are,” Ella replied as her eyes locked with his.

“But all my life, I dreamed of having a son,” Nate continued. “I grew up in a house full of girls. I had four sisters, and I was the only boy, so my dad was my whole world. We did everything together. He was my best friend.”

“Was?” Ella said as her eyes never left his.

“A week before my thirteenth birthday,” Nate said, and his voice cracked with unshed tears. “He was hit by a drunk driver on his way home from work. He was killed instantly, and my world was torn apart.”

“Nate,” Ella gasped. “I’m so sorry.”

“All I ever wanted was to have that relationship with my son that I had with my dad” Nate whispered. “If that makes any sense?”

“That makes perfect sense,” Ella replied. “And for what it’s worth, I really have never seen Max take to anyone the way he has taken to you. The way he chose to sit next to you… I have never seen him break from his routine for anyone, but he has for you.”

“I love him, Ella,” Nate blurted out with a broad, happy grin. “I know I’ve only had today with him, but I love him already. He is my son, and I will do whatever it takes to make him happy. I promise you that I am going nowhere. I know you’re worried, and I respect that. But I am asking you to trust me.”

“What about Nina?” Ella asked. “What if she doesn’t see it like that?”

“He is my son,” Nate replied in a matter of fact tone. “No one will ever change that, and no one will stop me from loving him, not even her.”

“Okay,” Ella nodded and smiled. “But you need to tell her the truth. I’m not comfortable hiding the truth from her. Max isn’t a dirty little secret, Nate, so he shouldn’t be treated like one.”

“I will,” Nate promised. “I will tell her tonight. I promise you that.”

“Okay,” Ella said as a feeling of dread settled inside her.

“When can I see him again?” Nate asked excitedly.

“He is your son,” Ella laughed. “As long as he can keep to his routine while I have to work and he isn’t too unsettled, you can see him whenever you like. You’re always welcome here, Nate.”

Nate leaned forward and softly kissed Ella on the cheek.

“Thank you,” he whispered as he pulled back slightly and looked down into her eyes. Suddenly the atmosphere changed between them. It was like their bodies were calling to one another.

Right at that moment, Ella wanted nothing more than for Nate to take her in his arms and kiss her. She longed for him. Every inch of her body wanted him.

Nate stared at her, and Ella could sense his breathing change, as his pupil’s dilated. She knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. The attraction that had been there that night, was still there now and was stronger than ever.

Nate slowly leaned forward, and Ella knew he was going to kiss her.

“I think we should call it a night,” Ella said as she quickly stepped back. If things were going to work out between Nate and Max, then they needed to keep their feelings out of the equation.

 “Ella, I…” Nate began but stopped when he saw the look on her face.

“You’re married,” she whispered as she dropped her eyes down to the floor knowing if she looked at him, she would lose her will to do the right thing. “You’re married to Nina, and I can’t be the other woman. I won’t be. I deserve more, and so does she.”

“And what if she isn’t the one I love?” Nate replied, and Ella could hear the heartbreak in his voice. Still, she needed to stick to what she believed was the right thing to do.

“She is still the one you are married to,” Ella replied as she finally allowed her eyes to look up and meet his. Her heart broke. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” he whispered before he turned and walked towards the door. “Thank you again for today. I would love to drop by tomorrow for a few minutes, just to see Max.”

“Okay,” Ella replied without looking at him. She knew if she did, she would change her mind, and she needed to be strong even if it was killing her inside.

“Bye, Ella,” he whispered as he stood for a moment at the door, and watched Ella. Then he released a deep sigh before he turned and walked towards the door.

When Ella heard the door close, she pressed her back against the cold wall and slowly slid down to the floor.

For a moment she just sat there, as her mind raced. Suddenly a wave of grief hit her, as she buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

She wished that, for just once, she could have a little bit of normal. She wanted to be in love with someone who could love her back, someone she could spend the rest of her life with. Why did she have to love Nate so much?

She finally pulled herself up from the floor, and slowly climbed the stairs to bed. She felt exhausted.