“He’s finally asleep,” Ella said as she walked back into the kitchen to where Nate was waiting for her. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but it took forever to get him to settle tonight.”

Ella stopped when she saw Nate. He was supposed to be doing the dishes, but instead, he was standing at the sink, staring into space, looking lost and broken.

Ella sighed as she walked up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist and pressed her head to his back.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Ella asked, even though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer to her question.

“I was just thinking about the night we brought Cassie home from the hospital,” Nate replied as he closed his hands over Ella’s. “I hadn’t thought it was possible to love something as much as I loved her. Then when Nina said she was pregnant with Shelby, I was scared. I didn’t think I could love another person as much as I loved Cass, but I was wrong.”

“Kids have a way of getting under your skin,” Ella replied with a smile as she thought about the night Max was born. “It’s like you lose the ability to think about anything else but them. They become the centre of your world.”

“The day I found out about Max,” Nate continued as he turned to face Ella. “I thought my life was finally perfect. I thought finally. I was going to be happy.”

“You know you will be happy again,” Ella said as she took his face in her hands. “We are going to find the girls. I know we are.”

“What if we don’t?” Nate sighed as he looked down into Ella’s eyes. “You hear about it all the time. Kids vanish with one parent for years. What if I never see them again?”

“You have to believe that you will,” Ella replied wishing she could make herself believe the words too, but she was afraid that Nate was right. Nina could be anywhere, and Nate might never see his girls again.

Before Nate could reply a scream echoed through the house, and Ella knew it was Max. Without missing a beat, Ella hurried out into the hallway, and up the stairs followed closely by Nate.

When she reached Max’s room, she found her little boy still asleep in the bed, kicking and hitting out at some unknown monster.

“Max!” Ella exclaimed as she ran to the bed and tried to scoop him up, but it was no use, Max was too strong and fought her off. Still, she tried to calm him down. “Max, Mommy is here. It was just a bad dream.”

Max opened his eyes, and instead of being relieved to see Ella there, he just began to scream louder, and throw the mother of all tantrums. Before Ella could react, Nate scooped him up in his arms and took him to the chair in the corner, and held him closely. Max fought him, but Nate just remained calm and spoke to Max in a soothing voice.

“It’s okay, Buddy,” Nate whispered over and over. “Your dad has you; the monsters are all gone.”

Max fought Nate until he was beyond exhausted and he just passed out in his arms. When Max was finally asleep, Nate looked over at Ella and gave her a nervous smile.

“How did you know how to do that?” Ella asked as her heart raced deep inside her. There were so many thoughts running through her head at that exact moment; she suddenly felt so overwhelmed. She wanted Nate to love Max, and be the father he deserved, but sometimes sharing Max was harder than she thought it would be. She found it hard to let someone else be there for her little boy, but she knew it was something she needed to accept. Nate was his father, and he was part of his world too.

“I remember you doing it that day out in the back,” Nate explained giving Ella a worried look. “I just thought that…I just wanted to help. That’s okay, isn’t it?”

“Of course, it’s okay,” Ella nodded but for some reason her eyes glazed over with unshed tears, and she was glad that the room was cloaked in darkness.

“Does he often have these dreams?” Nate asked as he looked down at his little boy now asleep in his arms.

“Only when he’s stressed out,” Ella replied, and she could see the look of guilt instantly spread across Nate’s face. She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t anything to do with him, and what was going on, but she would have been lying, and she owed it to him to be completely honest.

Ella knew that Nate was already blaming himself, but she knew that lying to him was not the right thing to do for Max. It wasn’t the right thing to do for any of them.

“This is my fault,” Nate said as he looked down at Max once more, and Ella knew Nate’s mind was working overtime. “I did this to him?”

“This is not your fault,” Ella tried to reason, but she knew it was no use. She could see it in his face that there was nothing she could say to make this situation any better. It was like this was the last straw for Nate. Ella could see the last traces of fight disappear from Nate’s face and she didn’t know what she could say to help him right at that moment.

Without saying another word, Nate stood up, walked to Max’s bed and gently laid him down, taking great care not to wake him once again.

He kissed him softly on the head before he stood up and still without saying a word, he headed for the door.

Ella followed him out of the room and down along the hallway, then down the stairs, as her heart hammered in her chest.

“Nate, what is it?” Ella demanded as she hurried down the stairs behind him. “What’s wrong?”

“I shouldn’t be here,” Nate said as he headed straight for the door.

“What do you mean, you shouldn’t be here?” Ella said as she picked up the pace and reached the door before he could open it. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t stay here,” Nate said as he looked down into Ella's eyes. “And you shouldn’t want me here either.”

“Why shouldn’t I want you here?” Ella exclaimed, completely thrown by what Nate had said. “You’re making no sense.”

“You said it yourself when I first found out about Max!” Nate said, and it was clear he was completely unraveling. “Max is not like other kids, He can sense something is wrong, and it’s affecting him. I promised you that I would never do anything to hurt you or him, but me staying here is hurting him.”

“It was just a bad dream,” Ella tried to reason, as she tried to remain calm despite the fact her heart was hammering out of control in her chest.

“It was a bad dream because he is stressed out,” Nate replied as he pushed his hands through his hair. “What sort of a father allows his little boy to get so stressed out that he screams in his sleep. I can’t do this, Ella.”

“But you just said it yourself, he is not like other little boys,” Ella said hoping that somehow she could get through to Nate. “He will get through this, Nate. We all will.”

“I just don’t know if I can be the father he needs,” Nate sighed as suddenly he could no longer look at Ella. “Not now. Hell, maybe Nina was right to take the girls. I am the common denominator in all of this mess. You are all better off without me.”

“THAT’S CRAP, AND YOU KNOW IT,” Ella yelled, stunned by what he had said.

“Is it?” Nate said as he allowed his eyes to meet Ella’s. “Since I came back into your life, I have turned your world upside down. Max doesn’t need me in his life, neither of you do. Max needs someone who can be there for him, and right now I don’t know if I can be what he needs.”

“If you really believe that, then you should go,” Ella said as a sudden calmness settled over her. She stepped towards him and looked up into his eyes. “If you can’t be the father that Max needs, that Cassie and Shelby need then go. I know how scary it is to have to deal with a childlike Max; I have been dealing with him from day one. But if you’re going to run the first time the going gets rough, then you aren’t the man I thought you were.”

“Ella, this isn’t what I wanted for us,” Nate tried to reason with Ella, but she was hurt and angry, and there was nothing he could say right at that moment to make what he was doing okay.

“Then just go,” she choked out the words as she reached for the door. Without looking at Nate, she pulled it open.

“Ella…” Nate whispered, but he stopped.

“Just go,” Ella breathed out as she choked back the lump of grief in her throat.

Nate hesitated, but then turned slowly and walked out of the house as Ella slammed the door behind him.

She stood for a moment, just staring at the door. She wanted to cry, to scream, something, but she couldn’t do anything. She was just numb.

Ella suddenly felt exhausted. Taking a deep breath, she turned and slowly made her way back up the stairs, and headed straight for her room. She walked to the bed and sat down, as she tried to get her head around what the hell had just happened.

She spotted Nate’s t-shirt sitting on the footstool at the end of the bed. She reached out and picked it up. Bringing it to her face, she breathed in, and the smell of his aftershave filled her head as a sudden sob escaped from deep inside her.

Ella buried her face into the shirt and let go of the hurt she was feeling right at that moment. Why did her life always have to be so damn complicated?

Suddenly, she felt the bed dip next to her, as Nate wrapped his arm around her and drew her closer to him. Ella was stunned when she looked up and saw him sitting there next to her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he pressed his lips to her forehead. “I was being stupid and selfish. There is no way I could leave you or Max. Please don’t be mad at me.”

Ella didn’t reply. Instead, she closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest and sobbed harder. She wasn’t sure why she was crying, but her heart was broken, and she didn’t know if she would ever stop.

“Please don’t cry,” Nate pleaded. “I never meant to make you sad. I never meant to hurt you; I’m just so afraid that I am getting this all so wrong. I don’t want to be the reason Max is sad. I love him too much, but I am afraid I am getting this so fucking messed up.”

“He…he’s not sad,” Ella stuttered as she lifted her head and looked up at Nate. “He is confused, but if you vanish from his life, that won’t make it better, it will just confuse him more.”

“I want to be the dad he needs…” Nate sighed as he looked down at Ella, but she stopped him mid-sentence.

“You are the dad he needs,” Ella assured him. “Yes, he is unsettled because he can sense something is wrong, but he is still just Max. He is still your son, and you can’t just walk away from him. You…you promised that you would never let us down.”

“I could never walk away,” Nate replied, but Ella could see the conflict inside him. “Even if I believe it is the right thing to do. Don’t you think I know how complicated I have made your life, how hard all this has been on you? I wish that I was strong enough to have just walked away, but I can’t.”

“Then stay,” Ella pleaded. “This is where you belong now. I know your heart is broken, Nate. I know you want your girls back, and I do too. But please don’t lose the one child you still have here. He deserves to have his father too.”

Nate drew her against his chest and held her tightly.

“I give you my word that I will never let you down again,” Nate whispered as he kissed the top of her head. “I love you both too much ever to lose you again.”

“I know that being Max’s parent is scary,” Ella sighed as the tears finally seemed to stop. “I have questioned every single decision I have made since the day that he was born. I have blamed myself for him being the way he is. If maybe I had done this different or that different, would Max have been okay? I have cried because I don’t know what kind of life Max will have and what will happen to him if I am not here to take care of him. But then I realised, isn’t that what all mothers do. At the end of the day, he is still just a kid, and we are not always going to get it right. I know his challenges are different, and sometimes they are so exhausting. But as long as he is loved, there is nothing that we can’t get past.”

“Then we will do this together,” Nate said and gave Ella a grateful smile.

“Okay,” Ella replied and kissed Nate softly on the lips. She sat back and looked up at him for a moment before she continued. “I was thinking that maybe tomorrow, I could ask Mom to take Max and keep him over night. I think you need a break. These last two days, you haven’t stopped to draw a breath and you have to be beyond exhausted.”

“I can’t stop till I find the girls, Ella,” Nate sighed sadly. “They are out there somewhere, and I need to know I am doing everything I can.”

“And you will,” Ella said as she took hold of his hand. “But when you find them, they will need you to be at your best. They are going to have so many questions. I just think you need to stop and take a breath.”

“Okay,” Nate nodded and pressed his lips to Ella’s. “I really do love you.”

“I know,” she whispered as he claimed her mouth once more.