When I wake up the next morning, Bear is sitting on my chest. He grunts like some kind of wild animal instead of the adorable cat I know he can be. He’s hungry. I smile and scratch behind his ear because I can’t even be mad at him. I know what it’s like to have that hollow feeling in your belly. It’s probably the reason he’s so robust. I wouldn’t ever call him chubby, but he’s definitely on the upper end of his weight requirements.

“Look at you wasting away to nothing. Let’s go get your breakfast,” I coo as he prances on the bed, waiting for me.

I walk out of my room and straight to the kitchen. There’s no chance of me seeing Roxy this early. He usually sleeps until noon, which was nice when I had later classes. But my new schedule means I don’t get the place to myself much anymore.

When Bear is fed and no longer screeching like he’s dying, I head back to my room to get ready. Thankfully I’ve got my own bathroom. I can’t even begin to imagine what Roxy’s looks like. I was tempted to go peek a few times when he was out, but I knew I couldn’t un-see whatever was in there.

When I’m showered, I lotion up and then grab the clothes I laid out for the day. I wanted something nice to wear into the gallery, and I noticed no one really wore color. That eliminated about half my wardrobe, but luckily, I’ve still got plenty of black.

I needed an outfit to wear into work while I was on the floor, as Lilith said. So, I chose a sleeveless black shift dress with black ballet flats. Then I have a small bag with a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and sneakers. It gets hot as hell in the warehouse, but I need jeans because I might have to climb on some crates.

I pile my long dark hair up in a messy knot, but it still looks cute. I put on some dangly earrings and remind myself to take them off when I change later. I line my hazel eyes and put on dark mascara, then just some soft pink lip gloss. I want a simple look that seems professional and young. I don’t know if it’s right, but I’m just going to go for it.

When I’m all finished I grab my bag, pet Bear one last time and then go to the kitchen. I grab my to-go coffee and keys then make my way to work.

Thankfully my feet have recovered from yesterday and the simple flats are good for a walk this morning. Once I’m outside, the warm morning air is already thick with humidity. Growing up in Louisiana I’m used to this kind of steam, but I don’t believe anyone is ever truly comfortable with the south in the summer. Thankfully Charleston is one of those old port cities that’s on the ocean, so we get a bit of a gentle breeze. It will keep about one percent of the mosquitos off of you, and that’s better than nothing.

My favorite way to go to work is down Rainbow Row. The brightly painted houses are like little beacons of hope as I walk by them. These are homes I’ll never be able to afford, even if I had ten lifetimes to save. But they sure are pretty to look at.

Suddenly my mama’s voice rings in my head saying, “they got more money than God,” and I can’t help but laugh. At least there are some good memories I can hold on to.

I walk by one and notice a sleek charcoal-gray car. The windows are so black I can’t see inside, and I wonder if some kind of international dignitary is living in one of those places. I stop for a second and look it over. Something about the car catches my eye and I love the way it looks. I stand there probably longer than I should, because suddenly I feel like someone is watching me. It’s an odd sensation, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I even reach back to touch it, thinking maybe a mosquito got me, but there’s nothing there. It’s like a cool breeze just drifted across that one spot, and though I don’t feel scared, I feel aware.

I look up and down the street but don’t see another soul on either side of the road. There aren’t any cars either this early in the day, but I know with everything inside me, there are eyes on me at this very moment. I give the car one more glance before I decide I may have worn out my welcome on the Row.

When I make it to the gallery, I’m about a half an hour early. Lilith is standing at the front desk looking at something when she hears me come in. She actually gives me a surprised smile when she sees I’m already here and ready to work.

“You’ve beaten Gemma,” she says, and there’s a smugness to her voice, and her Spanish accent is thick.

“Oh, is that a bad thing?” I ask, now unsure if I should have come so soon.

“She’s going to really hate you now,” Lilith says, and lays a stack of folders on the desk in front of me. “Since you’re here I’ll give you these myself. I’ve got a conference call with Germany in five minutes, and I was about to leave a note for Gemma to give them to you. This saves her the trouble.”

“Thank you,” I say, taking them from her. It’s a thick packet and I can already tell my day is going to be full.

“Remember, if you need anything with those clients, come to me directly,” she says, nodding to the folder. “Anything at all.”

“Will do,” I answer, but I really would like to avoid asking her for help.

I watch Lilith click-clack down the hall and notice for the first time she’s in all black again, and still covering almost every inch of her skin. Her face is flawless, and I can only imagine her body is the same. But she’s so severe that I can’t picture her in a floral print or even something simple like sweats.

Asking her for help would be admitting defeat. I’ve got flaws and my own insecurities, but I absolutely hate to lose. If there’s a challenge I’ll meet it, and she’s given me a hefty one.

Going to my small office area, I drop the folders on the desk and close my door, clicking the lock. I change quickly in here, because I didn’t see much of a private space in the warehouse, and the bathrooms are co-ed. It’s just the three of us ladies that work in the gallery, but the guys in the back sometimes come in and I didn’t want to chance it. After I’ve got my work clothes on, I make my way back to where I’ll be spending most of my day.

When I get there, the room is already starting to get warm, and I switch on the fans to circulate the air. I’ve got my coffee, though I wish it was iced, and I begin to go through inventory.

As I work my way through the crates that have been here the longest and cross reference those with what I have on file, I find a couple that are either missing in the system or on a paper invoice I haven’t been given yet. I mark all of them down with their corresponding crate numbers and make a note to ask Lilith later. I don’t want to slow progress at this point and I don’t want to break them open either.

Most of the art out here is in large wooden crates. They’re in all shapes and sizes, but the heavy wood boxes are made especially for each piece and to protect the art. Some of the boxes are made right here in the warehouse by a few of the guys that work here. I met some of them yesterday and when they come in this morning, I say hello to them again, making small talk and trying to be friendly.

If I had to open a crate, I’d have to get a couple of them to help me, and if Lilith can identify them for me, then opening them up won’t be necessary.

There are about a dozen pieces that are overdue on shipment because they’ve been mislabeled or put in the wrong place. I sort out which ones we can do immediately and take care of as many as I can at one time, taking as many notes as possible so as not to mess anything up.

When my stomach rumbles it startles me and I glance down at my watch to see it’s after one already. I packed a bunch of snacks in my bag last night, but I left them in my office. The foreman comes over about the same time and tells me they’re taking lunch. Well, at least someone around here does.

I decide now is as good of a time as any and I’m going to take a break myself. If I happen to see Lilith on the way, I’ll ask her about the crates. Otherwise, I’ll wait. They’re not an absolute rush at the moment, and I don’t know if there are more. It’s better to give her all the ones I’ve found at one time than piece by piece.

I’m lost in my thoughts as I walk down the hall when I run into something.

“Oomph,” I say, stepping back and trying to think of an apology. “Fritz!” I shout as my mind catches up with what’s in front of me.

“Blair,” he says, almost as shocked to see me as I am to see him. “What are you doing?”

My smile drops as I see his eyes scan down my clothes. I got pretty dirty climbing over crates, but Lilith did tell me to dress this way, which I’m thankful for.

“Inventory,” I say, then shake off his confusion. “Did you come to see me?” I brighten, reaching out to grab his hand.

He visibly shrinks back, and it’s then I notice all the dirt and grime on my hand.

“I came to see if you were free for lunch. But I can see that’s not possible right now. I had reservations, but I’m afraid it’s a bit more upscale.”

I hate the way Fritz tries to cover his southern accent. He’s always been so careful to disguise it, but you can only put so much lipstick on a pig.

Squaring my shoulders, I try not to let it get to me. This is the first time I’ve seen him in weeks. “I could go get cleaned up and change. I have a nice dress I wore to work, but Lilith suggested I bring a change of clothes for when I’m in the back.”

“And I was right.”

I turn to see Lilith standing there. It’s clear she was listening to our exchange. She gives me a small smile and then turns to give Fritz a cool look. I’m surprised by her actions, and also embarrassed. I didn’t think what Fritz said was bad, I just wouldn’t want other people to hear it and get the wrong idea about him. He can be very sweet and loving, but he’s all about appearances.

“Well, it’s too late for the reservation now. I spent too long looking for you, and now I have to get back to work,” he says. For some reason I don’t believe him, but I shake the thought, thinking I’m once again being childish and reading too much into things.

“Will I see you tonight?” I ask. If we can’t do lunch maybe we could do dinner instead. I’m starting to think we need to talk about what is happening with us.

“I’ll text you,” he says as he starts to lean down and kiss my cheek, but instead leans back, changing his mind. “See you later, sweetheart.”

There’s no warmth to his goodbye or his departure. Lilith brazenly stood there in the same place for the whole exchange. I must look like a complete fool to her. I turn around to offer some sort of explanation, but she speaks first.

“You can do better,” she says.

“He’s not how he seems. He’s my best friend,” I defend.

She doesn’t say a word, but the look she gives me slices me to my core. She sees right through to where I’m desperately trying to convince myself that I’m right. Her smile is full of pity as she turns and walks away. I begin to wonder how many lies I have been telling myself. I push those thoughts away, grabbing something to eat before getting back to work.

When it’s finally time to leave, my legs ache today as I walk home. At least this time I don’t mind the walk so much because the night air is cool enough now that I’m no longer sweating. My feet are pretty cozy since I wore the right shoes. But my legs can’t make up for the fact that I haven’t worked out in a long time. Like maybe ever. And my muscles are not agreeing with the physical labor.

Gemma set up all my payroll stuff today and was a total bitch the whole time. I tried to make peace with her, but none of my questions about her life or what she likes to do seemed to make a difference. I just did what she asked and let it go.

I stayed late tonight but still wasn’t able to get through the stack of paperwork Lilith gave me this morning. When she came to me at the end of the day and asked me how it was going, I was disappointed to tell her I didn’t complete the file. She laughed and said it would probably take a month, so then I didn’t feel so terrible anymore. At least there was one shiny moment today.

I grab my phone and see a missed text from Fritz. I unlock my phone to read it, feeling even more tired now.

Fritz: Can’t make dinner tonight. Maybe drinks on Friday to celebrate your first week. Make sure you clean up first. Lol.

The lol at the end is bullshit and I know it. I push down the hurt and send back a heart emoji. I tell him I hope he had a great day, and that I’ll talk to him later. To be honest I’m a little relieved to not have to go out tonight. I don’t feel like getting all dressed up after the long day I’ve had already, and I know if I’m going on a date with Fritz I have to get really dressed up for the places he likes to go. Plus, I’m not sure I want to face the conversation I know we need to have about us. It’s all too much to wrap my tired mind around.

I shove my phone back in my bag and make the turn at the next block. There’s a diner here that sells good pie and I’m going to get a slice. I found out what I was going to be making each month at the gallery, and I know when my first paycheck is going to hit the bank. I’ve got enough to cover me until them and a bit left over for a couple of indulgences. Number one on the list right now is some warm apple butter pie with vanilla ice cream.

I go inside and the bell above the door rings, although I can hardly hear it over the noise in the place. There’s a jukebox playing Johnny Cash, and all the booths are taken. I go up to the counter and grab an empty stool between a couple of guys in suits. As soon as my butt hits the chair a waitress comes over and slaps down a menu.

“What’ll you have?” she says, like I should already know what I want. Lucky for her I do.

“Apple butter, with a scoop and one to-go,” I say, handing her my menu.

She comes back almost instantly and lays it down in front of me, with my to-go bag next to it. Johnny is going to love pie for dinner.

I take the first bite and moan to myself as the warm pie fills my mouth. But just as I swallow, the feeling from this morning comes back. This time it’s stronger and I swivel around in my seat to see who is watching me. It’s intense, like someone just called my name, only I know I didn’t hear it. My mind starts to play tricks on me and I wonder if I maybe someone did say it and I didn’t hear it over the noise.

“You okay?” The waitress says, filling up my water.

I turn back around, shaking it off, and tell her I’m fine and that the pie is delicious. But there’s a nagging feeling inside me, and I eat the rest of what I have much faster than I had planned.

I drop some cash on the counter and grab my bags before I leave the restaurant. It’s not that I’m scared, but I don’t feel settled. I walk quickly down the next block, staying in the well-lit parts of the streets. I make sure I go where people are milling around and I’m filled with a sense of relief when I see Johnny on his usual bench.

“You doing okay, kid?” he asks when I sit down beside him. “What got you all worked up?”

“Nothing,” I say, feeling totally fine now. I feel silly because it must have all been in my head. A moment ago I got a little spooked, but I’m here safe, so there’s no need to dwell on it.

“Apple butter?” he says, looking down in the bag. “You’re going to fatten me up.”

His easy smile is once again infectious and all my thoughts from before vanish. We sit for a short while and talk about our day before I tell him goodnight and head up to my apartment.

When I listen at the door, silence on the other side greets me. I cross my fingers that tonight Roxy might actually be out at a show or something and I can have some peace and quiet before bed.

I walk inside, and Bear is sitting in the armchair, which is a clear indication that Roxy isn’t home. My night improves immensely, and I happily greet Bear.

“Looks like it’s you and me tonight, handsome. What shall we do with ourselves?”

I walk into my bedroom and suddenly I stop. There’s nothing in the room that is totally different, yet it feels like someone was in here. I inhale and there’s a faint scent of cologne. It’s nothing like the stink of Roxy that I can smell from the other side of the house every time he puts it on. This fragrance is expensive and rich. It smells like oak and fresh trees, and I inhale again to try and get the scent. But it’s faded now and almost gone. I look around my bedroom and I don’t see anything out of place, but something is off.

I check the bathroom and even go back to the living room and kitchen, but everything is where it should be. I walk over the front door and check the locks just to be sure. Then I scoop up Bear in my arms and go back to my room. I close and lock my bedroom door, thinking I must be going crazy.

I’ll ask Roxy if he or his friends were in here before they left. That has to be the answer. Otherwise, what’s the alternative?

* * *

I tuck the key into my pocket as I close the door behind me. I keep waiting on the guilt to hit me, but it hasn’t happened yet. When it comes to her, all I ever really feel is obsession.

When I got a copy of her key, I told myself it was only going to be for an emergency. But that didn’t last long. I keep finding reasons to follow her just to be near her. And now when I know she’s not at home, I come here to be close to her things. Feel connected to her in some way.

Bear comes out of her room and pads over to greet me. He purrs as he rubs against my pant leg, and I reach down and scoop him up. I carry him through the apartment, checking on things.

Blair is at work right now, and her roommate just left after getting a call about an audition. He’s got to go across town, so I’ve got plenty of time. I made sure of that. I don’t like him being near her, but I can’t change the situation. No matter how much I want to, but the warning and stack of cash I gave him should work for now.

I put Bear down on her bed as I walk around her room. She doesn’t have much, and I ache to give her more. For her to have all that her heart desires. I pick up a shirt she has hanging on the back of a chair and bring it to my nose. I close my eyes as the scent of sunshine fills my lungs. It makes every inch of my body come alive and ache for her.

Running my finger along her dresser, I touch the earrings she has lying there, wondering which ones she has on today. It’s all these small, intricate things that make up who she is, and I can’t stand the not knowing. I want to know every little detail.

When I walk into her bathroom, I see lipstick on the counter. The tube is slightly open, like she was in a rush. I close it all the way and stand it up straight, then wonder if she’ll even notice. There’s a hair tie beside it, and I pick it up. It smells like her shampoo, and though I shouldn’t keep it, I slide it on my wrist, dying to have something of her with me. It’s small, though, so maybe she won’t notice.

I walk out into her bedroom and sit on the bed, and Bear comes over beside me. It’s silent except for his purrs as I sit in her room and think about Blair.

I’ve always worked for what I wanted, but with her it isn’t that easy. What I want is to take her and make her mine. But I can’t. The anger and frustration that causes me is nearly unbearable.

I’m in the room so long, it becomes dark and I know I’ve stayed too long. I stand up, ready to leave, when I hear a key in the door. What if it’s her? My heart pounds and I think maybe if I stay I could explain why I’m here.

But I hear the door open and I know I can’t. No matter how much it kills me, I have to leave her alone. I turn and go to the window, sliding it open and stepping out onto the fire escape. I close it behind me and duck down, watching as the light comes on and she enters the room.

It’s like a knife in my chest every time I have to leave her, but I push away from the window and make my way down the stairs. I don’t know how much longer I can put myself through this pain.