Chapter 5

Noah cleared his throat, trying to get it to open up because right now he felt like he was suffocating even though he was outside with the fresh salty air that he loved.

Krista cocked her head to the side and pointed a finger. “Don’t tell me you forgot.”

He shook his head softly. “No.” In fact, the memory had even haunted his sleep last night.

“Good.” Krista crossed her arms at her chest and looked up at the stars. She sighed dreamily. “God, I wish this was my view every night.”

His throat started to tighten again. He’d never had a panic attack before, but this must be what one felt like. Was she aiming to move in with him now?

She glanced over, concern lighting her blue eyes. “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”

Everything is wrong.

“I’m fine. Just need some water. Want some?”

“Sure.” Krista was smiling again, even though her brow was slightly furrowed.

Noah took one deep breath and followed that with another as he entered his tiny kitchen and poured himself a glass. He drank half its contents before heading outside to see Krista again. He had to tell her. A relationship with him would never work. He needed to tell her about his college girlfriend, proof that he was a relationship dud. He couldn’t handle commitment. He was flawed and that would probably never change.

Krista frowned. “It’s just one day, Noah. You said you’d take Adam out on the boat and he really needs this. I will owe you big-time.”

Noah blinked. His fingers tightened around the glass in his hand. “What are you talking about?”

Krista pointed at the chair. “Sit down. Are you sure you’re all right? You’re acting really weird, even for you.”

He handed her the water he’d poured her and sat down. “Is that what this is about? Taking that kid out fishing?”

“What did you think it was about?” Her eyes searched his. “Oh, no. Please tell me I didn’t say anything when you took me home the other night. What did I say?” She covered her ears. “No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I always embarrass myself when I drink too much.”

Despite his near panic attack a few moments earlier, he chuckled under his breath. “Getting you drunk is how I access all your secrets.”

Her gaze slid over. “I only have the one. And you’re the only one who knows that I am a total pig after dark.”

Noah laughed harder, his mind pressing in and objecting that Krista only had one secret. She had two. She loved his little dimple. That didn’t mean anything, though. Maybe their kiss was no big deal. He cleared his throat and looked at his friend. She had no idea what had happened in her bedroom the other night. Relief poured over him. They didn’t have to talk about the kiss. They didn’t have to acknowledge it or figure out what to do about it. It didn’t have to mean anything. The elephant in the room was merely a fly sitting on his shoulder now.

“I’m just teasing you,” he told her.

“Oh.” She blew out a breath. “Phew. So Adam. Can we do the fishing trip tomorrow? I know it’s last minute, but you’ve been impossible to get in touch with over the last forty-eight hours. He’s a really sweet kid. You’ll adore him.”

“I don’t really think I have a choice, do I? I told you I’d take him on the boat, so I will. It’s officially the weekend and tomorrow is just as good a day as any.”

Krista cheered. “Okay, great. I’m going to go call his mom right now and set it up. I’m so excited I can hardly think straight. Thank you, Noah.” She reached over and touched his forearm, a simple gesture that she’d been doing all their lives. Simple until it was complicated by that not-so-simple kiss.

“No problem,” he said, stiffening under the graze of her fingers.

Krista stood. “Talk to you tomorrow morning.”

With a small wave and a huge smile, she left Noah to his stargazing.

She didn’t remember the kiss. Now if only he could forget.

Being on a boat was second nature to Krista. She loved the breeze, the sun, the buoyancy of the water below making her feel like she was weightless. She glanced over at Adam and smiled. It was his first time experiencing the feeling. His wide green eyes lit with pure childlike excitement. After the week he’d just endured, he deserved this.

Krista hugged one arm around his tiny shoulders and turned to look at Noah. He stood behind the helm, dark glasses shading his eyes. She couldn’t tell if he was looking at them or the water. Or if he was simply lost in his own tangent of thoughts, which was often the case. Especially this week. He’d fallen off the earth after Wednesday. She’d had to track him down last night and he’d been jumpy at first, almost as if he was scared of her.

What is going on with him?

Adam drew her attention, pointing to a fish jumping out of the water. Another followed, followed by another after that. Noah brought the boat to a stop and walked out on the front deck to lower the anchor.

“Did you see all the fish?” Adam asked him, freeing himself from Krista’s arms and running forward.

“No running on the boat,” Krista warned, unable to help herself. He had on a life jacket and there was no way Noah would let anything happen to him. She trusted Noah with her life and Adam’s.

“Yeah, buddy,” Noah said, grinning back at Adam. “That’s why I stopped the boat. All those little jumping fish are trying to get away from a bigger fish. That’s how it works down there.”

“Really?” Adam whipped around to look at Krista. “Did you hear that? There’s a big fish down there in the water!”

Krista laughed. “Mr. Noah knows how to find the fish. That’s why I asked him to take us out. This is what he does all day.”

Adam turned back to Noah. “That is so cool! Can you teach me to catch a big fish?”

“Yeah, little man. That’s my plan.” He gestured to the back of the boat. “I even brought you a lucky pole to learn with.”

Adam jumped softly on his feet, making the boat rock just slightly.

If Krista wasn’t imagining it, Noah looked right at her and grinned. With his dark glasses, she couldn’t be sure, but she smiled back anyway. He was the hero of the day for doing this for Adam. Adam’s hero, and hers.

Noah led Adam to the back of the boat for several minutes. They chatted in low voices that Krista couldn’t make out. Closing her eyes, she tipped her head back and absorbed the sun, letting the stress of the week pool out of her. This day was utter perfection, thanks to Noah.

Her heart did that thing it often did when she thought of him. It swelled until it was hard to breathe. She needed to stop feeling this way about him. She knew it down to her core, but she couldn’t shake the bone-crushing crush she’d had on him for so long. Maybe if she went out with Dr. Dale, he could fix her heart and stop the constant palpitations she had when Noah was around. Noah had even suggested she go for it with the young doctor the other day, so why hadn’t she?

“Hey.”

Krista opened her eyes to meet Noah’s. “Hey,” she echoed back. There went her heart again, swelling with helium, floating into her throat, and giving her this shrill voice that she had to consciously temper.

“You sleeping on the job?” he asked. “You said if I brought you two out here you’d lead the show.”

“I never said that.”

He lifted a brow. “I’m surprised you remember what you said.”

His tone of voice made prickles of awareness ride up her spine. “What do you mean by that?” she asked, lowering her voice to a whisper so Adam couldn’t hear her. “Did I say something the other night? After I drank. You said I didn’t, but I’m not sure I believe you.” She pointed a finger. “Noah, you better—”

Adam came bursting between them. You’d never know he’d just spent a week in a hospital bed. “Let’s catch that fish before he gets away! Come on, Noah!”

Krista’s gaze moved to Noah.

“I told him to drop the ‘Mr.’ Makes me feel old,” he explained.

“When in reality, you’re nothing but an oversized kid.”

“Exactly.” Noah turned back to Adam. “Let’s go! Fish beware!”

Krista stayed back, watching them together. Noah was so good with Adam. He helped the boy position the pole just right in his hands and hovered behind him, waiting for the line to jerk. A few minutes later, Adam squealed and Noah hugged his arms around him, guiding the child’s hands to reel in the fish quickly.

“Oh, I think this is going to be a big one,” Noah said, loud enough for Krista to hear.

She sat up to watch, excitement fluttering through her veins.

Adam squealed and cheered even louder as a silvery fish landed on the floor of the boat. “I caught one! I caught one! Miss Krista, I caught a fish! Is it big?” he asked, whirling to look at Noah. There was pure joy and admiration in his eyes.

Noah took his time assessing the fish. “Yeah. I’d say that one’s a winner. Seven inches long, maybe half a pound. Look at the color on that fish.” He gave his head a shake. “I might be hiring you for my crew one of these days.”

Adam’s grin stretched to both ears. “Really?”

Noah looked at Krista. She wasn’t imagining it this time. Even with sunglasses, she could feel his eyes trained on her. He’d protested a little when she’d asked him at Castaways, but he was enjoying today.

“I wish you were my dad,” Adam said then, throwing his arms around Noah’s waist.

Noah’s smile and eyes fell. So did Krista’s floating heart.

“You would make the best dad,” Adam said, looking up.

For a moment, Krista felt sorry for more than Adam. She felt sorry for Noah, too, because he looked absolutely lost on what to say. She worked with kids every day. She was used to witnessing their broken hearts and responding to impossible questions. Noah wasn’t.

“Afraid I’m not dad material,” he finally said, a stunned quality to his voice. “I make a good friend, though.”

“You don’t have kids?” Adam asked.

Noah shook his head. “Nope.”

“Why not?”

Krista hung on Noah’s answer, too. Adam was right. Noah would be the best dad. He was great with children.

“I, uh…” He gestured to the fish, still flopping around on the floor. “Should we put this on ice to take home or throw her back?”

“Throw her back?” Adam asked. “Why would we do that?”

“Well, sometimes a fish deserves a pardon. She could stand to grow a few more inches.”

Adam thought for a moment, the question he’d asked Noah long gone from his mind. “Yeah, okay. But we should take a picture so my mom can see.”

“Definitely.” Noah nodded.

Krista pulled out her cellphone and opened the camera app. “Boat photographer is my job,” she said. “You two squat down behind the fish…Smile,” she said, then pressed her index finger to the button at the bottom center of her phone. Click. “Great. I got it.” She lowered her hand and watched as Noah expertly pulled the hook out of the fish’s mouth and set it free back in the water.

Not dad material. Noah’s words said it all. She’d always wanted kids in the same way that she’d always wanted him. Noah was never going to grow up, but she had. And it was time she started going after grown-up things. Things that he didn’t want and would never be able to give her. Maybe it was time she said yes to Dr. Chandler Dale.

Noah was a lot more comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt than the suit he was now stiffly wearing.

Jack slapped a hand across his back. “This might be the first time I’ve ever seen you in a suit.”

“And it might be the last,” Noah said, inspecting himself in the mirror.

Noah’s older brother Sam stepped up beside him in his own suit. “We are a couple of handsome bachelors. Maybe we’ll get lucky with one of the bridesmaids.”

Noah frowned and turned to look at him. “The bridesmaids include Krista and Abby. And Abby hasn’t given you the time of day in, oh, about two years now.”

Sam’s smile fell to a flat line. “I was only joking about the bridesmaids. And it’ll be two years in February, but who’s counting?”

Jack patted Noah’s back with a chuckle. “Well, maybe Sam’s not getting lucky, but you could always give up the fight and admit that you wouldn’t mind stealing a few kisses from Krista. Unless…” Jack raised a brow.

“Unless what?” Noah busied himself adjusting his tie in the mirror.

“Unless you already have and we’re all just clueless,” Jack said.

Noah whirled to face him. “She’s my friend. Best. Friends. How many times do I have to tell you two before you get it through your thick skulls?”

Both Jack and Sam were belly laughing now. They enjoyed ribbing him way too much—one reason he’d never liked his position as the youngest brother.

“Assholes,” he muttered, tugging on his suit jacket, too. It was hot and uncomfortable and he couldn’t wait to take the thing off.

Jack looked at his watch. “What do you two say we change back into our regular clothes and go grab a bite at The Landing? I’m starving and it’ll be good sport to watch Abby throw daggers at you with her eyes,” he told Sam.

Sam heaved a sigh. “Or poison my food.”

“She’d never do that.” Noah was glad that the teasing had bounced back to his older brother. “I’m all for Abby’s cooking. That always makes things better. Missing a day of fishing and trying on suits with the likes of you two all morning demands a good meal.”

Jack nodded. “Great. Let’s change and get out of here.”

Twenty minutes later, they sat down at a table in the popular Blushing Bay restaurant, menus in hand even though they’d been eating here since the place had opened. They all knew the menu nearly by heart. Abby switched things up every now and then and created some fancy seafood dish that no one could pronounce. The brothers usually stuck to the basics, though. Fish: fried, grilled, poached, raw, didn’t matter. They loved it all. Add in a side of hush puppies and they were made.

“Hey, guys,” Abby said, addressing Jack and Noah only. Sam may as well have been invisible. “Hungry?” she asked.

“Always.” Jack closed his menu and handed it up. “My usual,” he said.

Noah did the same.

Abby nodded. She knew what their usuals were. “And for the other one,” she said, still refusing to look at Sam.

“You could ask him,” Jack suggested, knowing he was walking dangerous ground with her.

She narrowed her eyes. “Noah, will you please ask the other one what he wants to eat?”

Noah cleared his throat. “Um, sure, Abby…Sam, what do you want?”

Sam’s jaw ticked. “I want my usual, too,” he said.

Noah nodded. “He wants his usual,” he told her.

She placed one hand on her hip. “I don’t remember that one’s usual. He’ll have to be more specific.”

“Oh, come on,” Jack complained, lowering his forehead into the palm of one hand.

Abby didn’t waver.

“Um,” Noah started. He looked over at Sam again. “Can you tell me what your usual is exactly?”

Sam shook his head. “Grilled trout with two sides of vegetables. Green beans and a potato. Abs knows that.”

She cut her eyes to look at him now. “Don’t call me that.”

Sam looked up, meeting her eyes, maybe for the first time that year. “Sorry.”

The tension was thick. Noah fingered his butter knife between his fingers, betting he could cut the tension between them all with one quick swipe. This was one reason he didn’t do serious relationships. If Abby and Sam could end up like this, then anyone could. In his mind, they’d been the couple most likely to make it—and they’d failed. It was depressing, really.

“Got your orders. They’ll be right out,” Abby said, turning and walking off.

Sam blew out a heavy breath.

“Yeah. That was brutal,” Jack agreed.

“Then why do you keep picking this place to eat at?” Sam asked.

“Because Abby is the best cook in town,” he said.

“In the state,” Noah added. “Her food’s been in all those big, fancy magazines. And we eat for free here.”

Sam laughed. “You two do, but she still bills me.”

Jack and Noah chuckled. It might have been depressing, but it was also hilarious.

When their meals were deposited in front of them, they ate like they hadn’t tasted food in ages. Noah was nearly done and considering licking his plate when he heard a woman laughing somewhere behind him. It was a familiar sound—not the most graceful laugh he’d ever heard, but one that had always quickened his heart and made him smile.

Turning, he looked for Krista. She came here sometimes with coworkers. She loved Abby’s food as much as the next person. His gaze landed on her. She sat several tables away, laughing with her hand on her chest as if she couldn’t breathe. She was wearing her lavender-colored scrubs today, which he knew were her favorite. Her hair was down, making soft curls that framed her now flushed face. Whoever she was with had a knack for making her laugh. Jealousy speared through him. That was his job.

Noah inspected her lunch partner now. Broad-shouldered, thick necked. It definitely wasn’t one of the female nurses she usually had lunch with. This was a man. As Noah watched, the man leaned across the table and swiped a smear of ketchup off her cheek as she laughed harder.

Noah’s teeth clicked together in the back.

“What are you looking at, bro?” Jack asked then.

Noah blinked and looked at his brothers. Jack and Sam trailed their gazes where his had been and then they both gave a knowing glance. Screw their knowing glances. They don’t know anything. “So she’s having lunch with a man. So what? I hang out with women all the time.”

“Not just any man,” Sam said. “That’s Dr. Dale, a cardiologist at BBM.”

“Built and rich,” Jack said, that teasing quality back in his voice.

“I’m built and rich, too,” Noah said. “And I’m not jealous.”

“Could’ve fooled us.” Sam shared a look with Jack.

“I’m not. If I wanted to date Krista, I could. She kissed me the other night, you know.” Noah regretted telling them as soon as the words had left his mouth.

His brothers’ jaws dropped. “What?”

Noah held up a hand. “That’s between us, okay? She was a little drunk and she doesn’t even remember that it happened. Which is probably for the best.”

“Oh, man. You lucked out. If she did remember, that could be disastrous,” Sam said.

“No.” Jack put his fork down. “It would be good because it’d force Noah to admit that he has feelings for her, too.”

“I’m not admitting anything.” Noah pointed a finger. “And I’m sorry I told you two. Don’t you even think about telling Grace,” he said to Jack.

“Can’t very well start a marriage keeping secrets.” Jack lifted his fork and continued eating.

“If you want to keep your face you can.” Noah looked at Krista and Dr. Dale again. It looked like a date, and Krista hadn’t dated in a long while. He should be happy for her.

So why the hell wasn’t he?