Chapter 19

“I hear you ran the caregiver support group the other night,” Karen said, walking up to Krista the next day. Krista had gotten Thanksgiving Day off, but unlike a lot of other professions, she didn’t get to take a long weekend. Her patients needed her, and she’d just taken a mini vacation when she’d gone to the cabin with Noah.

Krista swiveled in her chair to look up at the head nurse. “Yep. And I’ll be filling in again next week. I actually really enjoyed it.”

Karen cocked her head. “That kind of thing seems like a good fit for you. You like inserting yourself into other people’s lives.” She didn’t say it in an insulting way, but it still made Krista’s spine stiffen just a touch.

“I wouldn’t exactly call being a friend to others ‘inserting’ myself.”

Karen waved a hand. “You know what I mean.”

But Krista really didn’t. Karen had never said anything about Krista’s performance in filling in as head nurse during her own time off. She was set to retire in just three weeks. Krista wanted to know for sure if the position would go to her.

“Things ran smoothly around here when you were with your family at the beach,” Krista said, broaching the subject herself.

“So I hear. Good job, Krista. Although I wouldn’t have asked you to step in if I didn’t trust that you could run things.”

There. That was a compliment, and it encouraged Krista to delve deeper.

“I wasn’t intimidated by the job at all.” Which was only a tiny lie. Talking angry patients down was just a little intimidating. And the job itself had pulled away from patient care. The satisfaction she got from making sure her patients were comfortable and well cared for had gone down last week while she was busy handling staff needs and other head nurse business.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Karen smiled. “Well, I’m off for today. I’ll see you Monday.” She hugged her clipboard close to her chest. “Only a few weeks left for me and I’ll be out of here for good.”

Karen waved and headed toward the elevators. Was that how Krista would feel when it was time to retire from this place? Like she was finally ridding herself of a ball and chain? The days could be hard here, but she loved this job. She loved helping patients. She’d do it forever if she could. Something twisted in her gut. She didn’t want to turn into Karen, not in the slightest.

After work, Krista ran home and dressed for Grace and Jack’s rehearsal dinner. Tomorrow was Grace and Jack’s wedding day! Krista couldn’t be happier or more excited for her friend. With the holidays, Krista had seen a lot of her friends and family, and introduced them all to herself and Noah as a couple. Even her father, who was a hard sell, had shaken Noah’s hand on Thanksgiving and pulled him in for a pat-the-back hug. Then he’d invited him to go fishing with him after the New Year. That was a small miracle in Krista’s mind.

Krista parked at the local beach access and headed between the dunes, spotting Grace under a large tent. The wedding was taking place on the beach tomorrow afternoon. Both Grace and Jack loved the water and they wanted a simple wedding. Since it was fall, the flowers and dresses were cream and eggplant, but Krista decided it was much more romantic to describe the décor as wine-colored. Against the backdrop of sand and water, the whole event promised to be absolutely gorgeous.

For the next hour, the wedding party ran through what would happen the following day, working out the kinks. When it was done, Krista joined hands with Noah and went for a walk along the water’s edge as the sun set in the sky.

“It’s official. I’ll be house-watching for Jack and Grace while they’re on their honeymoon,” he said. “Which means I’ll finally have hot water.”

Krista laughed, intertwining her arm with his as her bare feet squished in the cool sand. “Hopefully the repairman can get to your place sometime next week.”

“From your lips to God’s ears. Then I can have you back in my bed every night and wake up to you every morning.”

Krista’s heart skipped a beat. That sounded awfully committed to her. Whatever freak-out he’d had last week was over. “I’d like that.”

“I ran into Adam and his mom at the store yesterday,” Noah said then.

Krista looked up. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“It slipped my mind, I guess. It’s been a busy week.”

“It has,” she agreed.

“I told the little guy that I’d take him fishing again in the next few weeks.”

“Oh.” Worry like she’d experienced when he’d made a similar promise momentarily settled on her brow. “You know, if you tell a kid something, they’re going to hold you to it.”

“Good. Because I was serious.

“Why the frown? You don’t think I’ll keep my word?” he asked.

Krista shrugged and offered up a smile. “You better,” she said teasingly, but she was serious. She’d survive if Noah broke her heart, probably, but Adam might not. He trusted Noah and crushing that childlike trust changed a kid. Adam’s own father had already crushed his spirit a hundred times in his short life.

Noah stopped walking and looked at her. “I’ve taken him fishing twice because you asked me to. Now you’re acting like me taking him fishing again is a bad thing.”

“No.” Krista shook her head. “It’s not. Those other two times were planned a few days in advance, though. We had a set date and I knew you’d be able to keep them. Having some unset date in the far future is a little different. I just want to make sure you do what you say you’ll do.”

“Geez, Kris. Glad to see you think so highly of me,” he said, releasing her hand and turning to stare at the water.

“I do think highly of you. But I also know you, Noah.” She ran a hand along his back. “Just forget I said anything, okay? I think it’s great that you’re keeping up with Adam.”

Noah’s lips were grimly set. She was sorry she’d ruined his good mood. “It’s my fault you think that about me. I’ll just have to prove you wrong.” He glanced over and winked, his mood shifting as easily as the waves rolled toward the seafloor.

“Oh.” She smiled as he took her hand again and brought it to his mouth for a kiss. “Okay. Well, let me know when you want to go fishing with him and I’ll make plans to come along, too.”

“I wouldn’t want to go without you.” He pulled her to his side and she tried not to worry that he’d hurt Adam’s fragile emotions. She trusted Noah. Or she wanted to.

After their walk, they returned to Noah’s houseboat and made love well into the night. Then Krista drove home so she would be able to wake early in the morning to meet the other women in the wedding party for hair and makeup.

She struggled to fall asleep as she lay in bed, staring blankly at her bedroom ceiling. The reality of her situation had become as clear as water to her. She’d loved Noah before, but now she’d fallen so deep in love with him that she was ruined for any other relationship in her future. Noah had made so many changes of late, but had he changed his stance on marriage and children? Because that was still something she wanted one day. She wanted to be the bride instead of just the maid of honor. She wanted wedding parties, rehearsal dinners, and a honeymoon of her own. And she wanted that honeymoon to be in the Sawyer cabin. With Noah.

This is foolish, Krista. If it were any other guy, she wouldn’t be having these thoughts so soon. The only reason she was now was because she knew Noah’s road had once been a dead end, and driving down a dead end led her away from the desires of her heart. But God, she loved being with him. When she was with him, there was nowhere in the world she’d rather be, dead end or not.

Her alarm clock went off way too early the next morning. The morning fog lifted, however, as soon as she realized what day it was. Grace’s wedding day! And Krista was maid of honor. It was her duty to make sure every detail was perfect. Well, hers and the wedding planner’s.

Krista slid her feet into a pair of slippers and hurried down the hall to go make and then guzzle a cup of coffee. Joey was already standing by the coffee maker. “You’re my hero,” Krista exclaimed, reaching for the full pot. She poured a mug, added in almond milk and sugar, and guzzled happily. Then she dashed off to the bathroom. An hour later, she pulled into the parking lot for Blushing Beauties, a fancy salon in town, and parked. She was the first one from the wedding party to arrive. She opened the bag she’d brought and set a see-through nylon bag at every hair station. Inside she’d filled the bags with mints and chocolate kisses and other sweet things to munch and snack on during the day. Abby was also bringing over some finger foods for people to have while they prettied up for the ceremony at two o’clock.

“Aww,” Grace said, pulling her hands to her chest as she walked in. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I take my job as maid of honor very seriously.” Krista wrapped Grace in a hug. “Are you ready for your big day?”

“Absolutely. I can’t wait to be Mrs. Jack Sawyer.”

Shelby, the owner of the salon, walked in and hugged Grace, too. “The bride is always first on my list. If she’s not pretty, then no one is.” Shelby ushered Grace to a chair. Then Penny, another stylist at Blushing Beauties, motioned Krista toward a neighboring one. Pretty soon the entire salon was full of excited women and laughter. It was a nice occasion that Krista was thrilled to be a part of.

“So,” Grace said, leaning over to whisper to Krista as they got their pedicures, “shall I try and toss the bouquet to you when I throw it over my shoulder at the reception?”

“I don’t want you to rig the bouquet toss, but…” Krista thought about it. “I’d love to be next up the aisle.”

“With Noah?”

Krista grinned. “Who else?”

“Just be ready to catch,” Grace advised. “Might have to battle my mom for it, though.”

Krista laughed and looked over at Grace’s mother a few chairs down. “If it comes to it, your mom can have it.”

“No. The last thing my mom needs is another husband. She’s fine,” Grace assured her. “You have to beat her to the punch. Got it? It’s your final duty as my maid of honor.”

Krista fanned out her polished toes. “Got it.”

“T-minus ten minutes,” Noah announced as he headed into the room where his brother Jack was waiting to get married. “Ready for me to drive you to the beach?”

Jack took a deep breath, blew it out, and stood as if he were being marched to his executioner.

“Whoa. What’s this about? Are you nervous, bro?” Noah asked.

Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “Of course I’m nervous. I’m terrified.”

“But Grace is awesome. You two are perfect together and—”

Jack held up a hand. “I don’t have reservations about marrying Grace. I love Grace. It’s the crowd and the commotion.”

Noah furrowed his brow. “Are you serious right now? You just had an open house for your new business and half the community was watching.”

“Yeah, watching me cut a ribbon. That’s easy. But I wrote vows for Grace. I poured my heart into the words on this paper.” Jack tapped a folded piece of paper in his chest pocket. “What if I screw them up? This day is the day. The one that Grace will remember for the rest of our lives. What if what I wrote sucks, and people laugh?” Jack sat back down and leaned forward on his elbows, looking sick to his stomach.

“Geez. Are you having a panic attack?”

“Not quite, but I’m headed there.” Jack looked up and blew out a breath. “What do I do, man?”

Noah’s gaze flicked all over the room as if the answer were somewhere hidden in the corners. “I don’t know. Think happy thoughts,” he finally said, returning his attention to his brother. “Forget about the other people. They don’t matter. Just think about Grace. She’s what today is about.”

Jack inhaled deeply.

Noah took that as a good sign. “Visualize Grace in her dress, waiting for you at the gazebo you’re getting married under.”

Jack closed his eyes. For a moment, Noah was amazed that his older brother was actually taking his advice for once. “There’s no crowd in sight. Just you and Grace. Now, take out your paper, unfold it, and see yourself reading those words to Grace. See her smiling back at you. Maybe there’s even a happy tear in her eye,” Noah said, imagining it himself. He led his brother through the entire event, all the way to the point where the preacher pronounced them man and wife.

When Jack opened his eyes, he looked a lot calmer. He actually smiled up at Noah. “That worked,” he said. “Where the heck did you learn to do that?”

Noah shrugged a shoulder. “It’s just something the guidance counselor taught me to do in school when I got worked up about a test or something. I just close my eyes and imagine the situation ahead of time. It seems to help.”

Jack stood. “Yeah, it helped. Now, if you don’t mind, drive me to the beach before Grace thinks I’m standing her up.”

“That’s my job as your best man. Anything you need today.” Noah jingled his keys. “Now let’s get you hitched, bro.”

Noah had never really paid attention at weddings. They didn’t usually interest him, but today he took it all in. Maybe it was because he was standing front and center as best man. And maybe it was because Krista was standing just a few feet away, wearing a wine-colored silk dress with a low hanging neckline. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, and he couldn’t wait to touch her. Krista’s eyes were misty as Jack read the special vows he’d written for Grace. There was no chance of anyone in the crowd laughing as Jack had feared. Jack’s words were romantic and sincere, and even Noah felt a lump tightening his throat.

The ceremony took all of fifteen minutes and then the wedding party and guests dispersed back to The Landing, which was closed to the public for the night. The tables were decorated in Grace’s colors, a simple vase of gold and deep purple flowers at the center of each. Tables were shifted to create a dance floor and music hummed through the speakers.

Noah weaved through the crowd looking for Krista. She’d been understandably busy all day, but the day was coming to a close and he needed to see her, kiss her, steal her away to the dance floor, and then to his bed.

Her laugh caught his attention first. He honed in on the sound, finding her at a decoration that she and Abby had created for wedding guests to take their pictures at. A corner of the room was overrun with flower arrangements that surrounded a burlap, picnic-style blanket for couples to sit and pose on. A picnic basket off to the side held a sign that read: GRACE AND JACK SAWYER’S WEDDING, followed by the date.

Noah smiled as he stood frozen, mesmerized for a moment watching Krista laugh, head tossed back, hand to her chest. She’d put so much effort into helping Grace and Jack with this wedding. She was a good friend. A good person. Plain good at everything she did.

And he loved her. Really loved her.

Shit.

For a moment, Noah imagined marching right up to that picture stand and telling her so. The feeling was so strong that he knew, deep in his chest, it wouldn’t fade. His love for her was interwoven in his DNA. He was as committed to her as he was to his own skin. And he wasn’t afraid that he’d scare away like he had with his college girlfriend. As long as Noah had Krista by his side, nothing scared him.

And he wanted to tell her so. Right now. Right here. The setting oozed with romance, due to Krista in large part. It was the perfect place to tell her how he felt.

He weaved around wedding guests, friends and family of both Grace and Jack, and brushed his hand over Krista’s to get her attention. Her gaze warmed as she looked at him and her smile notched up, brightening her face. He thought she’d never looked more beautiful than she did at this very moment.

“Hi,” she said.

“I’m a patient man, but I can’t wait another second to hold you in my arms.” He locked her hand in his. “Care to dance?”

The dance they’d shared at the Sawyer cabin resonated in his memory as he guided her to the open floor. “Always and Forever” by Luther Vandross crooned through the speakers, singing the exact words he felt in his heart.

“Today was beautiful, don’t you think?” Krista asked, leaning in to his ear so that he could hear her over the music and guests.

“The prettiest wedding I’ve ever been to. You made Jack and Grace’s day special. You make everyone’s day special.”

Three little words sat unsaid on his lips. He ran his tongue over them, prepping the vessel.

She cocked her head. “Why thank you, Mr. Sawyer.” Her arms draped off his shoulders, aligning her body with his. His hands rested on her waist, pulling her as close as was acceptable in the presence of others.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are tonight?” he asked.

“If you have, I don’t mind hearing it again.”

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered. “It’s all I can do to keep my hands off you tonight.”

Her cheeks darkened and she gazed up through her lashes at him. Yep, he could stare into this woman’s eyes for eternity. He was sure of that.

“Krista, I want to tell you something. I think…” He shook his head. “I know that I—”

“Bridal emergency!” Abby said, interrupting them and grabbing Krista by the arm. “Sorry, Noah, but duty calls.”

Noah cleared his throat, those three little words lodged just behind his tongue.

“Oh. I’ll catch you a little later,” Krista said, an apologetic tilt to her eyes.

He was sorry, too. “Yeah. I’ll hold you to that.”

After fixing a minor bridal mishap, Krista stood crowded in a group of other single women as Grace turned her back to them and held up the bouquet. Grace glanced over her shoulder, nonchalantly targeting Krista as she’d told her she would.

“Ready, ladies?” Grace called.

The group cheered.

Krista didn’t cheer, though. She was suddenly feeling spent. And a little nauseous. What had she eaten today? Abby’s cooking never made her feel bad, but she was feeling pretty rotten right about now. Maybe it was because she’d woken early and had run as fast as her feet would carry her ever since. Maybe she was coming down with something. Not good timing for that. Calling in sick to work right now was not ideal.

“One…two…three!” Grace flung the bouquet backward in Krista’s general direction. All the women closed in around her trying to nab their golden ticket to forever. Instead of lifting her hands to catch the flowers, Krista covered her mouth with one hand and dodged the women. She ducked away and darted toward the ladies’ room. The ladies’ room was two rooms really. One that served as a powder room and one with toilets and sinks. Krista took the covered bench in the powder room and sat down. She was suddenly shivering and sweating at the same time.

Sick. She was sick.

Leaning forward over her knees, she let the nausea roll up over her like ocean waves. This was probably just due to something she’d eaten. Except she hadn’t really eaten much today. Maybe she’d caught a virus at the hospital. A little niggle of doubt wormed into her thoughts. The condom-breaking incident was front and center in her mind again. What if she was pregnant?

She sat on the bench for a few more minutes. When she felt slightly better, she checked the mirror and decided to find Noah. Her maid-of-honor duties were pretty much over and she needed to go home. She pushed out of the bathroom and scanned the dying crowd, spotting him with his brothers and cousin Gabe along the far wall. She hated to pull him from a family event, but she also didn’t want to throw up on the dance floor and make that the most memorable thing of the guests’ evening. Grace would kill her.

Weaving between couples, Krista made her way toward Noah. When she was standing just behind him, more nausea curled in her belly. Without thinking, she pressed her hand against her stomach, willing the contents there to stay put.

“You’re next, bro,” she heard Sam say.

“What are you talking about?” Noah’s voice said.

“You and Krista, man.”

Krista’s ears pricked when she heard her name. She edged into Noah’s shadow, waiting to feel better and eavesdropping unintentionally. Okay, intentionally.

“Just like I warned you the other day. Now that you’re together, things will roll fast,” Sam said. “Next will be wedding vows, then you’ll be talking baby names. Just be careful.”

Krista’s heart was beating forcefully in her chest, which only made the nausea worse. How awkward would it be if they turned around now and discovered her listening in? She should walk away, find someone else to take her home. That’s what she should do. She didn’t move a muscle, though. Didn’t breathe for fear of being discovered. Something told her she needed to hear this conversation. She needed to know where Noah stood on these topics.

“Jack is the one who just got hitched. Not me,” Noah said.

“Yeah, but Jack can handle whatever comes his way.”

“And I can’t?” Noah asked. The irritation lining his voice was clear. Krista could imagine the muscles in his jaw ticking the way they did when he was upset.

“You remember what happened with you and that girl you dated in college,” Sam said. “You thought you got her pregnant and completely freaked out. Once you realized you were off the hook, you dumped her and left school. Dropped them both like a bad habit.”

“Are we recapping past mistakes now? Because you have a few I can dredge up if you want to walk down memory lane. You haven’t done the greatest job in your relationship with Abby.”

“We’re talking about you, and I’m just looking out for you.”

“Look, I was only a kid myself back then. I made a mistake. A lot of mistakes. I’m older now.”

“So you’re ready for kids?” Sam asked.

Noah laughed, but Krista could hear that he wasn’t amused. “Krista and I just started dating. We’re not ready for kids. Changing diapers is the last thing I want to spend my days doing right now, okay?”

“All right,” Sam said, as Krista finally forced her feet to retreat back into the crowd.

Why hadn’t Noah ever told her that he’d had a pregnancy scare with his college girlfriend? She remembered that he’d come home suddenly and had never made any mention of going back. She’d finished up her degree and had moved back here, partly to stay close to him.

Acid stung the back of her throat, reminding her that parenthood might be around the corner sooner rather than later. And apparently that was a deal breaker for Noah. So much so that he’d dropped out of college and come home.

Her stomach rolled.

She needed to get out of here ASAP. Ducking into a corner, she texted Joey who’d skipped the reception in order to be available for guests who couldn’t drive themselves home. He’d finished fixing his cab on Thanksgiving night and was back in business part-time.

SOS, she texted.

Then she waited with her head leaned back against the wall. Crap, what if I’m pregnant? How could she bring a child into the world with a man who might bolt? She thought of little Adam and the unfillable void his own father had left in his tiny heart. She didn’t think Noah would do the same, but she hadn’t known about Noah’s college girlfriend. That made her wonder. Why hadn’t Noah told her about that? Was he embarrassed? Did he think it was no big deal?

Her phone buzzed in her hand.

What’s wrong? Joey texted back.

I’m sick. I need to go home.

Noah can’t take you? he asked.

Krista frowned. She didn’t want to face Noah right now. She was so sick and confused and hopelessly in love with him. It was a huge recipe for disaster.

No, she texted. Can you please come get me?

Be there in a sec.

Krista sighed and leaned her head back against the wall. She’d text Noah once she was in Joey’s cab. She didn’t want him to intercept her leaving. All she wanted to do was go home to her own bed and bury herself under the covers until she felt better.