Four Years Ago
LETTING SOMEONE GO was never easy, but sometimes an unfortunate necessity.
An unavoidable evil. It left a bitter taste in your mouth and tore you apart from the inside. Your stability was taken—rocked by knowing that they’d no longer be a part of your normal.
Moreover, because it was the right thing to do, tonight, I let her go.
Erica and I weren’t in love. It was more like we tolerated the other. We used each other; scratched the itch whenever we wanted. What we shared was not exciting or all consuming; it was just the comfortable knowledge of having someone.
No pretenses or bullshit acts of foolish love. We just were. For years we just were.
The perfect “it” couple to everyone on the outside.
High-school sweethearts.
Prom king and queen—the envy of everyone in our school. It was expected that we’d always be together.
No one knew the truth. No one ever would.
And now she’s gone. Would soon be on her way to college in Tennessee.
Pulling into the curb, I turned the car off, got out, and then walked around back. I settled on an Adirondack chair, it groaned under my weight, legs scraping against the terra-cotta tiles around our pool.
Silence surrounded me. Drowned me.
My thoughts were running an endless marathon. Everything I knew and was accustomed to was no more. Tomorrow everything would change:
Where I lived. Slept. Who I fucked.
Every. Damn. Thing.
For some reason that bothered me, and not because I suddenly realized that I cared for Erica. Because I didn’t. Not in that capacity.
This restlessness I felt was about more than her. My frustration was due to the why that evaded me.
Why did I feel miserable, instead of excited?
Why was there a deep pang inside my chest?
Graduating and leaving for college was normal. Heck, even the small sabbatical I’d planned to take before my first semester started wasn’t weird. No work or school. Just some downtime before the fall semester started.
Plenty of people took a break between graduating high school and starting college. Mine would just be for a few short months until my nineteenth birthday.
I wanted to let go, and once school started, I had to somewhat behave—allow minimal indulgences when it came to partying or sleeping with random women.
Suddenly, the sound of the sliding glass door opening was heard faintly in the background, but no footsteps followed. I knew who it was before she opened her mouth.
She always brought a slight smile to my face. “For Christmas I’m buying you a cowbell, little B.”
Two thin arms wrapped themselves around my neck from behind. “Don’t be a jerk, Hunter.”
“Just speaking the truth, kid.” At my words, she huffed and smacked my shoulder. It stung a tiny bit. “Why so violent?”
“Call me a kid again, and I’ll knee you.” Bailey walked around me and placed herself in my line of sight. Hand on her hip, she stood over me with a glare. However, that mock anger evaporated at the sight of my somber expression. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
Green eyes looked at me with such a soft expression that my chest ached—gave a harsh thump inside my chest, and I rubbed the spot. The truth of the situation was hitting me dead in the heart.
Bailey and Emily were going to grow up without me here to protect them. Already beautiful, in a few years they’d make heads turn and dirty minds wander.
I wouldn’t be here to punch out the first jerk-off who makes them cry.
“Melancholy’s hitting me hard, little B. Nothing else.”
“Make room,” she demanded, and I opened my arms for her. Within seconds, she’d placed herself on my lap with her head nestled into the crook of my neck.
It was comforting
This was something we’d done since we were young and needed to vent. Sit close and talk. Just be. Didn’t matter that I was considered an adult at eighteen—a high school graduate—while she’d just turned fifteen a few days ago.
We were family.
Close. Bailey had been as much my best friend as she was Emily’s.
Since the age of seven when we met, she’d been my little confidant. The one person I could talk to that wouldn’t judge me.
“Comfy?”
“I am. Thank you so much for asking.” Her giggle was muffled by my shirt’s collar.
“Brat,” I muttered under my breath, but she heard and elbowed me hard. Immediately, I wrapped an arm around her midsection and held tight, making it impossible for her to move and try to hit me again. “Behave, or I’ll toss you in. I hear the drowned-rat look is all the rage in those girly magazines you and my sister worship.”
“Do it, and I’ll shave your eyebrows at night while you sleep.”
I threw in a dramatic gasp. “You wouldn’t dare. I’m too handsome.”
She raised her head and tilted it to the side. “Want to bet?”
“Truce?” Because there was no doubt in my mind that she’d do it, too. That slightly crazed look in her eyes confirmed as much.
“Thought so.” Bailey snorted and then resettled on my lap. “Now, enough with the distractions, Hunter. Talk to me. What put that sour look on your face?”
“Erica and I—”
“Why am I not surprised this involves her,” she interrupted, her tone dripping disdain.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gently, I pushed her back so I could look into those expressive green gems. Bailey had a poker face like no other, but her eyes gave her away every time. To me, they were like an open book. “Please explain. You never disliked Erica before.”
Rolling her eyes, she resettled her stare away from me. “Always so defensive when it comes to your precious girlfriend.”
I didn’t correct her. Something about the way she said “girlfriend” worried me.
My ex never liked little B. but to my knowledge had never shown the distaste. I’d warned her to be very careful in how she treated Bailey.
With a finger under her chin, I tilted her face up to meet my eyes. “Wait a minute, sweetheart. Where’s all this animosity coming from?”
“Never mind. Forget I said anything.” Shoulders dropping, she made a move to stand. “Let’s pretend this never happened.”
That wouldn’t do.
With my arm still anchored around her waist, I pulled her tighter to me. We were almost chest to chest, and it was at that moment that it truly hit me: her body had developed into that of a young woman in the last year.
I felt her curves molding themselves against my harsher planes, my over six-foot frame dwarfing her petite stature; something I loved in the girls I dated.
Tiny enough to manipulate to my liking.
A curvaceous doll.
And for as much as the thought perturbed me: we fit perfectly. There was no denying that.
Bailey isn’t rebound material. Too young. Quit—
Little B. shifted, and that subtle scent of sweet vanilla creme infiltrated my senses, causing me to utter a low groan. Something she didn’t realize.
What the hell is wrong with me? She’s like a sister.
“...going to bed.” Lost in my head, I missed the beginning of what she’d said. Bailey pushed herself off my chest; my hold had slackened, and she’d used it to her advantage. Had taken a few steps back.
Our eyes met, and she looked worried for some reason.
Hiding something.
I stood up and she moved again—took a few paces backwards.
“Stop,” I demanded, ignoring my body’s reaction to hers. The sudden closeness. The now gaping separation. “I’m not mad at you. Ignore my asshole mood...” especially this confusing interaction “...and talk to me. Why am I just hearing about your objection to her? Did something happen between you two?”
“I’m tired and grouchy. Ignore it.”
“Bullshit.”
“Leave it alone, Hunter.”
“Last chance...” I trailed off. Bailey didn’t heed my warning and took another step back. This was my chance. We were almost to the edge of the pool when I decided to say fuck it.
Before she could realize her mistake, I’d launched myself at her and we tumbled into the deep end of the pool. A scream bubbled out of her before we dipped beneath the surface of the warm water, and she kicked my shin.
Fought against my hold to break free.
I never wavered, and we came up intertwined to the surface.
Jesus, I knew that I should pull away. That the way I was touching her could be considered inappropriate, but it couldn’t be stopped. No matter what my mind screamed, the rest of me refused to accept its advice.
Even soaking wet and spluttering like a fish, she was truly a beautiful girl. Her wet hair looked like ink floating in the water. Those green eyes shone bright, the pool’s lighting catching the different jewel tones in them.
Her lips were pouty. Fuller than I ever remember noticing them to be.
“What the hell is wrong with you!” Bailey screamed; she’d managed to get one arm free and was beating my upper back with her tiny fist.
Not a clue. “Warned you, B.” No matter what, she’d never know of the southern turn my thoughts had taken.
Eyes narrowed, she hit me again. “Asshole.”
I returned the glare and dug my fingers into her hip. “Don’t curse. You know I hate that on you.”
“Don’t throw me in the water,” was hissed from between clenched teeth in rebuttal.
“How about you don’t hide shit from me then,” I snapped back, releasing her for a minuscule second—a moment she took advantage of by putting some distance between us.
“Then quit dating vapid girls that treat me like shit.” It left her on a whisper, but I heard her loud and clear.
“Bailey.” Every muscle in my body locked into place at her confession. Anger loomed in the periphery of my subconscious, but I kept it there. Didn’t let it seep into my actions. Didn’t want to push her further away. “When? Please, tell me how it happened?”
Ignoring my questions, she walked back over and jammed a finger into my chest. “I’m not beneath them, you know. Just because I have a crush on...” Bailey slapped a hand over her mouth, face shocked at the outburst. It was as though she’d let something slip she didn’t want known.
“A crush on who?” That sudden revelation rocked me where I stood. Jealousy pulsed, and confusion reigned.
I needed the motherfucking who, what, and when, or I’d go insane. For some reason, I didn’t like the thought of my little B. dating.
“God, you are so clueless at times.” Her hand—which had stopped poking and was now grasping my wet T-shirt—released the stretched fabric. She left it there, though, right over my heart. It beat faster beneath her fingertips. “Always looking, but never in the right direction.”
“Give me his name.” My lips parted, and she followed the quick swipe of my tongue over them with her eyes.
“Take a wild guess.” Pulling herself closer, Bailey’s mouth was a few inches from mine. Her slim fingers wound themselves into my hair. Jesus, this was so wrong. She’s fifteen, and I’m now considered an adult. “It’s not that complicated.”
I breathed in her next exhale. “What’re you doing?”
She hovered but made no move to come closer. “Waiting.”
“For what?” It left me on a shaky breath. She couldn’t be talking about me.
No. No.
It’s a crush. Just a crush...
“On you to regain your sight. That, or disappoint me. Either way, I’ll have my answer.”
It took everything within me to resist the pull of her lips so close to my own. Instead, I brought her hands down and held them in my grasp.
Then, I took a few steps back. Again, she made no move.
Didn’t so much as blink when I squeezed them once and let them fall between us. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be. I’m not.” Green eyes locked on mine; she smiled and then moved past me toward the small ladder on the left side of the pool. She was a few feet away when she paused, took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Erica didn’t deserve your commitment or affection, Hunter. She was a bitch, plain and simple, and yet you forgave it all. Ignored the rude looks and snide comments she sent your sister and me. By the way, we forgive you for that.”
I turned around, giving her my back. “Give me a minute, B. Just a minute.” Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath trying to ignore the painful way my heart clenched inside my chest.
Bailey carried on as if I hadn’t spoken. “Just make sure that the next woman you’re with makes you happy. Deliriously so, and I’ll do the same with whatever guy I choose. Good luck.”
“This is too much, Little B. Let me think...” Suddenly, her lips were pressed against the center of my cotton-covered back, cutting off my reply. Pleasure zipped through my every nerve ending—goose bumps broke across my now sensitive flesh and once again, my cock jerked within its confines.
She’d rendered me a confused mess.
And then, with one final kiss, she pulled back, and I felt empty all over again.