Home sweet home; I thought walking through the doors. It has been a while since I’ve been home. The ring box is burning a hole in my pocket. It was the right thing to do. Hailey deserves it after everything we have been through; I knew I hadn’t been there for her as much as I should have but the band has just taken off and we are getting more and more media exposure. We have even been asked to fill in on the festival tour at the last minute – it was our big break. But I knew Hailey wasn’t dealing well with the miscarriage, and if I was honest, neither was I.
I love Hailey, we are high school sweethearts; she’s the love of my life. But we were given a shit hand when we lost our baby. I was excited at the thought of being a dad even though I wasn’t ready to be one. While I was away she lost the baby early in the pregnancy and I couldn’t get time off to see her, so instead, like a dick, I decided to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs and went a little crazy on tour, nearly getting myself kicked out. But I’m back now to let her know that I am sorry that I wasn’t there for her over the last couple of months and that I want us to get married, to become a real family and have her travel with me on the road with the band, no more time apart.
I took the first flight out from LA to Houston as soon as the tour was finished. I wanted to surprise her when she woke up; with me on my knees asking her to be my wife. Slowly creeping through our house, making my way to the bedroom, I push open the bedroom door. My heart is racing with excitement and nervousness. It had been too long since I had seen her. Opening the door further, there she was, laying in bed. But my eyes were drawn to the second figure in the bed with her. I stepped closer, not believing my eyes, because my Hailey couldn’t possibly have someone else in bed with her. As I did, the floorboard creaked alerting them to my presence.
“Evan, fuck. What are you doing here?” Hailey screams, waking up the second person in the bed. My eyes grow wide when I realize who it is; Kevin, my best friend, the man I asked to look after her while I was away, the man I trusted.
“You fucking bastard,” I roar, launching myself at him.
***
Waking up with a start, my heart is racing. I try to work out where the hell I am this week; my body’s bathed in sweat from my nightmare. Fuck, I haven’t dreamt about Hailey in years, why the hell am I starting to now? Sienna! Fuck. I scrub my hands over my face in disbelief. The past couple days since Paris, Sienna has been avoiding me. I’ve tried texts, emails, face to face. I even sent her flowers. Everything has been ignored. I miss her. I fucked up big time in Paris. Never in my life have I forgotten protection and now there could be a chance that I’ve knocked her up, even though she told me that it would be highly unlikely because she’s on birth control. But the thought that Sienna could be pregnant is driving me crazy.
Maybe that’s why I’ve started dreaming of Hailey again; I’m worried that the same thing might happen to Sienna. It would destroy me to lose another child. I’m older, wiser now and the thought of having kids doesn’t scare the shit out of me as much as it did in my early twenties. But being a rock star isn’t the life for a kid or a wife.
***
“Hey dickhead, stop mopping, we are in fucking Amsterdam,” Finn says, grabbing me by the shoulders. “You okay?” He queries, looking at me with concern on his face. I nod that I’m okay as we walk along the hotel’s hallway towards the lifts. We’re heading down to the lobby where the other guys are waiting.
“Are things not so good for you and Sienna?”
My eyes look at my friend with gloom. “Yep, it’s all gone to shit.”
Giving me a knowing nod as I believe he’s getting the same treatment from Isla as I am from Sienna.
“Women, man they will drive you crazy but we wouldn’t have it any other way,” He says, a bright white smile crossing his lips. The man could be a damn Abercrombie and Finch model with his all-American football star look. Instead, he is a rock star.
“Come on, it’s boys night tonight. We are going to celebrate by hanging out in the red light district that Amsterdam is famous for,” he says excitedly, giving me a hard punch in the arm.
Sounds good, might get myself half-baked on some special cookies they have here.
***
Lounging in the darkened bar in the middle of the red light district, Derrick is not looking very impressed being surrounded by naked women all night. Currently, I had a naked brunette gyrating on me giving me a lap dance, my dick is not interested, no matter how hard she tries. Finally, the dance is over; she made me motorboat her tits as a finale, much to the delight of the boys. I raise my beer towards them plastering a fake smile on my face.
The night continues like this for the next couple of hours. I have noticed over the course of the evening that Derrick is glued to his phone with a frown permanently stuck on his face. Usually, he loves guys night, especially when he tricked Christian into partying in a gay bar where he was mobbed by a group of over enthusiastic drag queens – it was pretty funny, Christian complains he still has nightmares of that night.
“Everything alright, Derrick?” I ask, while the others are getting their lap dances.
His dark eyes are looking at me then back at his phone, and then back at me. I could see the worry written across his face.
“Fuck, is everything okay?”
Frowning, he hesitates then shows me his phone.
There was a glossy photo of Sienna’s ex with his mistress in a full page spread in some magazine smiling with their newborn baby. Fuck!
“Has Sienna seen these?”
Derricks’ face drops. “Yeah, and it’s not pretty.”
My heart sinks.
“She’s gone off the rails, the girls are trying to get her to go back to the hotel but she won’t go, she won’t listen to anyone.”
Jumping up and out of the booth my heart begins to race. I need to get to her and make sure she is okay. She shouldn’t be drinking if there’s a chance she’s knocked up.
“Come on, I’m going to get her.”
Derrick looks at me shocked before quickly jumping up after me.
“Y’all there’s a problem with one of the girls, I have to go.”
They all stop what they were doing, and give me their attention.
“It’s Sienna.” I confirm.
Christian and Finn give me an understanding chin lift.
“Yep, sure, let us know when everything is alright,” Axel calls out from behind a blonde.
Turning to Derrick, I grab him by the shoulders and say, “I’ll look after her, I promise.”
Derrick gives me the directions to the club the girls are at. I ask Sean, one of our security guys to come along and he gives the directions to our driver. Ten minutes later we are outside the club, Sean’s ushering me inside and I see her immediately. She is dancing on a table, singing to the music, giggling to herself. She looks totally wasted swaying up there.
Vanessa and Isla look shocked at seeing me. “What the hell are you doing here?” Vanessa frowns at me, stepping in front of Sienna, who hasn’t noticed me yet.
“I’ve come to help.”
Rolling her eyes at me, she snaps, “Don’t you think you’ve done enough? I warned you, Evan, to stay away but you couldn’t, could you. You just couldn’t leave her alone.”
I know Vanessa is pissed off at me right now, and I guess rightly so. I’m not sure what Sienna has told her about what’s happened between us, but judging by her frosty tone, it’s probably everything.
Taking a step towards her, I say, “I care about her Ness. I heard about Beau and I know she’s upset.”
Letting out a sigh, Vanessa moves away from the table.
I look up at Sienna, who seems lost in the music and her dancing. Fuck, she shouldn’t be drinking, not until I find out if I knocked her up or not.
“Sienna,” I call out her name, but she is too busy dancing to hear me. Grabbing her by the legs, I pull her to my chest. She starts to squeal as her feet leave the table but her eyes focus on me; her green eyes soften as I hold her in my arms.
“Evan,” she whispers my name, looking shocked to see me here. Her hands touch my face trying to work out if I’m real or not. “You are so hot,” she mumbles, as she continues to stare at me. I slowly put her feet on the ground but I don’t let go of her. “Fuck, I miss your wonder cock. I’m so fucking horny. My fingers don’t make me come like you do.”
Fuck, she didn’t just say that. My wonder cock stands to attention hearing his name. Bending down I whisper in her ear, “My hand is a horrible substitute to your pussy.” I know she will probably not remember any of what I say to her.
Sienna lets out a groan, wrapping her arms around my neck she pulls me hard against her, kissing me as if her life depended on it.
I push her away slowly. “Sienna, you’re drunk, sweetheart.”
Letting out a girlish giggle, she says, “I’m not drunk enough that I couldn’t fuck your brains out.”
My eyes catch Vanessa and Isla’s who are trying not to laugh, great friends they were.
“Sweetheart, I like my women to be a bit more sober than you are at the moment.”
Resting her face on my chest, she replies, “As long as they’re groupies, they’re the only women you like to fuck, aren’t they?”
Tensing at her words, I frown at her.
A single tear falls from her cheek. “I’m never good enough for anyone. They always want more from someone else.”
My heart aches for her. “Sienna,” I whisper into her ear, trying to get her attention, but she won’t look at me.
“Just take me home, Evan, I’m not having fun anymore.”
Pulling her to my side, I let Vanessa and Isla know she is ready to go home. We make our way from the club to the waiting car. Sienna falls asleep as soon as her head hits my shoulder.
“She’s a mess, Evan,” Vanessa comments, holding onto Sienna’s hand.
“Seeing those photos of Beau tonight showed her what could have been. She’s really lost at the moment. Thank you for coming tonight,” she says, giving me a strained smile.
“I would do anything for her, Ness.”
She nods and turns her attention back to the window, watching the lights of the city going past. Arriving at the back of the hotel, I pick Sienna up in my arms and make my way up towards my suite. There is nowhere else Sienna is going to stay tonight. I want her waking up in my arms. We are going to have a serious talk about everything.
Vanessa and Isla give me a look when they realize I am heading to the penthouse level and not to Sienna’s room, but surprisingly they both stay quiet. Saying their goodbyes, they get off on the floor underneath mine and I travel up one more level with Sean. I make my way into the suite through the foyer, past the living, dining and kitchen areas and down one of the long halls towards my room. Placing Sienna’s sleeping body on the bed I slowly start to undress her, moving her lifeless body around as I unzip the back of her white mini dress. Peeling it away from her body, biting my lip as I notice the underwear she is wearing, the white silk set I bought her. Calm down Evan, she’s asleep.
All of a sudden Sienna sits up in bed, her head crashing right into mine. Fuck! I’m probably going to have a black eye.
Blinking a couple of times, Sienna looks at me “I miss you, Evan.”
Everything stills in me, I can see the hurt and pain etched across her face, pushing her hair back from her face I say, “I’ve missed you too, sweetheart.” Because fuck, I do miss her more than I like to think.
“I hate him, Evan. I hate her. I hate that she is living my life. I should be the one in those pictures. I should be the one having his baby.” She cries out in frustration.
My stomach drops. She could be carrying my baby, but instead wishes it is Beau’s. Running my hand over my head, I feel sick, almost as if she’s just sucker punched me. Slowly, I start to move away from Sienna, I might sleep on the couch tonight, apparently she doesn’t want me. But then her hand clutches mine.
“But I’m also not sorry it happened because I would never have met you.”
No, she doesn’t mean it, she’s just happy to meet her celebrity crush. Giving her a weak smile, I say, “We’ll talk in the morning; you need some rest. Go to sleep, I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.” Getting up off the bed, I walk towards the door in silence. As I clasp the door handle, her arms wrap around my waist spinning me around towards her. There she stands with tears streaming down her face, looking up at me through wet lashes.
“Please don’t go, Evan, I don’t want to be alone.”
Her sad face broke my heart. I pick her up into my arms and walk her back to the bed, laying her on one side. I kick off my shoes, remove my jacket and pull off my t-shirt, but I’m not confident enough to take my jeans off. I lay in bed beside her. We are both on our sides, looking at each other, face to face; her green eyes glowing brightly against her red-rimmed eyes.
Sienna’s hand comes up and cups my face. “Thank you.”
She closes her eyes; her breathing is soft and slow as she falls asleep.
Rolling onto my back I stare at the ceiling. I give up fighting the way I feel about her. Sienna is in my bed again and this is where she is going to stay. In the morning, we are going to have a serious talk and work out what the hell is happening between us.