Chapter 11

Alex

The barbeque I’d gone to at the clubhouse had been nothing like I’d expected. Sure, it was very man heavy, and all of them looking like the rough bikers they are, but I didn’t feel threatened or out of place for one moment. The old ladies—it seems strange to refer to women my age as that—had been welcoming, and everyone, both male and female, so kind to both me and my son.

The chance to get out and make new female friends had been wonderful, and I’d already been thoroughly enjoying myself when their president dropped that bombshell on me. Not only had they extended the hand of friendship, but they’d come up with an idea to help raise money toward getting Tyler the treatment he needs. It might end up only being a small drop in a very large ocean, but what had blown me away was they cared enough to make the suggestion.

I’d still been bemused when I’d got back to Celine’s, still unable to believe this group of strangers are going to help me raise money for Tyler. Why would they bother? They owe me nothing, the tenuous link is only that they own the club where I work, and I’ve only been there for less than a week. Other people I’ve told my son’s story to might have offered sympathy at the most, but not a suggestion of practical assistance.

Realistically, I know time’s running out. Tyler’s now six, and that means it could already be too late to convince any doctor to try a transplant. We’re at the point now that we have to try something. If I do nothing, he lives with that threat hanging over him every day of his life. A stem cell transplant could be a complete cure and might give Tyler the chance of a normal life. For the first time in months, maybe even years, Drummer’s offer to help raise money has made me feel optimistic. Maybe there’s more I can do to get what I need myself. Instead of wallowing, it’s given me the push to begin coming up with ideas myself. The kick up the backside to do something, anything. I owe it to my son to try.

When I awake Monday morning it’s with a sense of purpose to do more than just cope and exist. Ron never cared, but suddenly, with this club of bikers behind me, I wonder whether there might be light at the end of the tunnel after all. People raise money for causes all the time, perhaps I should bury my pride and see what’s available to help my boy.

I don’t have long to think about it, Tyler’s up already, running into my room wearing his cartoon pyjamas, and I take a moment to notice he looks like any other kid as he jumps on my bed and gives me a hug and a kiss. It’s our way in which we start the day, and I can’t think of anything better as I tickle my son, making him giggle and squirm.

The rest of the morning proceeds as normal. Cutting an end to his antics, I get myself out of bed and dressed, and him ready for school. Having seen him off to the bus, I’m suddenly at a loss. Yesterday’s amazing outcome has got me buzzing with energy, a nervous excitement, and my mind’s working ten to the dozen.

I’ve got the whole day to myself, no working tonight, and the house is empty, both Celine and Craig are at work. While my brain’s racing, thinking of possibilities, I decide to keep myself active by being useful. Even though I’m now bringing in some money, Celine will only accept the minimum for food. Doing housework will keep my hands occupied, and help her in some small way.

By mid morning, I’ve cleaned the kitchen, started a load of laundry, and tidied all the toys in the living room away. I take out the vacuum and go to plug it in when there’s a loud knock.

My heart leaps when it shouldn’t. Maybe it’s Dart? But I realise I hadn’t heard a loud motorcycle pull up, so tamp down my anticipation as I go to open the door. Despite my warnings to Tyler, I’m not even cautious, just fling it open wide. And then I have cause to remember my own instructions. Always check before opening the door.

“My dear wife.” The words might be sweet, the tone of delivery anything but.

Quickly I try to slam the door closed, but I’m not fast enough. He’s ahead of me there, putting his foot in gap to stop me.

A chilling shiver runs down my spine, but I try to stop my voice from shaking, imbibing it with a strength I don’t feel. “Why are you here, Ron?” I’ve been here two months, apart from thinking he’d no idea where I’d gone, I hadn’t expected he’d even want to look. Now that he’s standing in front of me, it’s like my nightmare turned into reality. Although my voice might be steady, my trembling hand still holding onto the door betrays me. And when he reaches out his arm, his fingers painfully biting into mine, I feel a flicker of fear.

“I’ve come to take you home. Back where you belong.”

The coldness in his voice does nothing to reassure me. My heart starts to pound in my chest. Going anywhere with him would be a bad mistake. I try to shrug of his touch, he just tightens his hand.

While knowing it’s probably useless, I try to reason with him. “You can’t want me back, Ron. Let’s be sensible about this. I’m out of your hair and not asking for anything. Surely you’re better off living on your own?”

His face darkens, and his features rearrange themselves into the expression I’d last seen that day in the kitchen just before he’d hit me. “I’d have left you alone if you hadn’t brought shame on the family. Fuck, Alex. You’ve been whoring yourself out.”

Oh shit. He knows I work at a strip club. But how does he know? His description of what he thinks I’m doing gets my blood boiling. “I’m not whoring myself out as you put it so nicely. I’m dancing.”

“You’re taking your clothes off.” He’s getting angry now, and I regret speaking back to him. That flicker of fear rapidly morphs into full blown panic.

The words to try and justify myself tumble out quickly. “I don’t take all of them off. No one’s ever seen me naked, except for you Ron.”

The slap around my face isn’t totally unexpected, but there was such force behind it, for a moment I see stars. He takes the opportunity to uncurl my fingers from the door and drag me out onto the porch. There’s a car waiting, engine still running. I can’t let him take me away.

Regaining my senses, I pull hard against him, but he’s too strong and is winning, inch by inch. My mind’s working. At least he’s only come for me and not Tyler. Celine will look after him as if he was her own. If I go with him, he’ll kill me.

A sense of self-preservation makes me scream, but it’s a workday and the houses around appear empty. Either that or no one wants to get involved.

“Shut up!” he snarls. “If you don’t want to worry the boy, you come quietly.”

What?

“Yeah, that got your attention, didn’t it, bitch? I went to the school and collected Tyler. He’s waiting in the car and watching us right now. I suggest you do what I say and don’t fight me.” One side of his mouth turns up in a twisted grin. “There’s no way you’d win, Alex. And Tyler will witness what happens when you disobey.”

He’s got Tyler? How? The school wouldn’t let anyone but me or Celine take him, would they? Then I realise there’s little doubt he’s telling the truth, probably all he needed to do was flash his police identification. All resistance leaves me, I can’t abandon my son to this monster. Reluctantly I let him take me to the SUV and get me settled in the front. As he’s doing so, I turn and try to summon up a smile for my son sitting in the rear seat. His bottom lip is quivering, but he says nothing at all. Par for the course around Ron. I notice he’s at least remembered to bring a booster seat. Jesus, how long has he been planning this?

The car’s too cold, but there’s no point saying anything. Ron’s all for his comfort and not anyone else’s. I compare that with how Dart was so kind, letting me keep a comfortable temperature for Tyler. Ron doesn’t give a damn. There’s no point in mentioning it, I’d only get another back hander, and I don’t want my son to see what a violent man his father has become.

As he puts the SUV in drive, I try to sound calm as I ask, “What about our things? I can run back and pack…”

“I’ve wasted enough time. You’ve got stuff at the house at San Diego.” Yeah, when I’d run I’d left everything behind. So he’s really taking me home. Why? To pick up playing house where we left off?

Again, I look over my shoulder. Tyler might be young, but as his eyes flick to me he knows this is wrong, but thank God he’s not uttering any protest or objections. Ron’s wound up tight, it would take little to set him off. I want to hold my son, to cuddle him, to reassure him, but Ron’s never approved of what he calls mollycoddling. I have to content myself with offering another forced smile. It’s meant to be comforting, but from Tyler’s expression I’ve not been successful.

And then the SUV’s moving, taking me away from the only place I’ve ever felt safe or happy, and the new life I was building for myself and my son. I feel a tear escape from my eye and turn to look out of the window so as not to give Ron the pleasure of seeing it.

I’d knew there was something lurking beneath his civilised façade, even when I’d first been introduced to him. I’d never have married him if I hadn’t been so young and pressured into it. I’d been a virgin, he’d taken me roughly, and that side of our marriage didn’t improve after our wedding night. All too quickly, I learned my own pleasure meant nothing to him. When he’d done what I now know is called stealthing, removing the condom and getting me pregnant without my permission, the beast inside him began to come to the fore.

He dropped all pretence as soon as we knew the fate of the babies, but at that time he hadn’t hurt me physically, it was just mental abuse and starting to avoid me. Staying out nights and hardly coming home. The one good thing, was he’d never had sex with me again. He put the blame on me, for being so unattractive.

I was only eighteen, and accepted it was my fault. Beaten down until I was ashamed that our marriage wasn’t working, I did what I could to try and improve it. When that hadn’t worked, I just settled into a loveless relationship. I shouldn’t have stayed, but I was young, stupid, and naïve. My parents had no sympathy, siding with him and insisting the failure of my marriage was down to me. I should work at it harder, they said.

What choice had I got? I had no skills and no money, my only option to keep up the pretence with my man. If I left him with no job, and nowhere to go, he might have got custody of my son.

And while his hate had only been expressed verbally, I could cope with just words. I wasn’t stupid, despite my inexperience I read the signs, and had known for a while that his anger was building, but still, he hadn’t raised his hand to me. Until that day he exploded and given vent to six years of pent-up rage. I don’t trust him. Not with myself, and definitely not with Tyler. He got away with hurting me once, and now I know he’s going to put me through hell again. He tried to kill me last time. Now that he’s got his hands on me again, he’ll probably succeed.

Casting him a sideways glance, I realise the man driving the SUV bears little resemblance to the man my parents first introduced me too. He’s let the animal inside him out in the open, and now it’s never going to be put back in its cage.

“How did you find me, Ron?” I’d asked why before, but didn’t get an adequate response.

“For fucks sake, Alex. You’re so fucking stupid. I’m a cop. I’ve got contacts in all police departments. You thought you hid that you were in tight with your sister? I knew about that all the time. Your phone records told me.” He thumps his hand on the steering wheel. “Didn’t really care you were gone, at least you took the brat with you. But I’ve had people watching you. When you started stripping I couldn’t allow that! Fuck, I’ll become the laughing stock of the department when that gets out. And liaising with a fucking outlaw biker club? Probably whoring yourself out to them? That was the last fucking straw.”

If I was a good mother I’d stop him swearing in front of my son. But if I was a proper mama, I’d have left him years before. I bite my lip, not knowing where this is going. And I’d been so foolish, thinking he would have been glad that I’d left and not bothered to find me. And I never considered he’d be able to use the tools of his job. He’s right. I’ve been stupid.

Another few miles pass, and I look at my son. The smooth vibration of the car has lulled him to sleep.

I take the opportunity to find out what I already know I’d rather not hear. “What are you going to do with us, Ron? Surely you don’t want to pick up from where we left it? The marriage hasn’t been working for years.” If it ever had.

He doesn’t answer, just leaves me guessing. And while he doesn’t let me into his plans, I doubt there’s a rosy future in it for me. Or for Tyler.

Miles pass, and then we’re approaching Winterhaven, the border between Arizona and California. Maybe this is my chance. I could shout out we’re being abducted, but when we slow ready to stop at the checkpoint, Ron gets out his police ID and we’re waved on past.

If only I’d been able to get that restraining order. With that in place there’d have been a reason to report him. But I’d found how hard it is to prove something against a cop. His colleagues had rallied around him, and it had never been filed. Clearly his team were more worried about not having him on their side than they were about what was happening to me. Briefly my mind flicks to the bikers who people call criminals, and how different they were to the man beside me, and the colleagues who rallied around him.

No one had believed me, except the doctor who’d treated my injuries.

“Mom. I wanna go potty.”

Ron swears loudly as I glance at my son. Having woken, his face is scrunched up, his legs crossed, and he’s fidgeting. Sure signs an accident is close unless we do something about it.

“We’ve got to stop, Ron.”

He heaves an impatient sigh and swears under his breath, but pulls off at the next rest area. “Stay in the car,” he tells me. “I’ll take Tyler to the bathroom.”

“I need to go too, Ron.” And perhaps there’ll be someone I can talk to in there, tell them I’ve been kidnapped or something.

“Once Tyler’s sorted I’ll come back and get you. I’ll escort you inside.”

“You can’t go into the girls’ bathroom.”

“I’m a cop, babe. I go where I like. Anyone asks I’ll say you’re a fugitive.” He leans over and painfully entangles his fingers in my hair, pulling me toward him so he can whisper straight into my ear. “Stay here like a good girl. Be quiet and don’t attract attention or speak to anyone. I’ll have Tyler with me, remember.” Then he gets out, grabs Tyler from his seat, and locks up the car with the windows closed. Tyler throws a look of panic over his shoulder, but there’s nothing I can do to help him. I try to give him a reassuring smile. Surely Ron wouldn’t do anything to hurt his son? But he’s scared me enough that I bide by his threat and do nothing to make my predicament known.

I heave a sigh of relief when they’re both back safely. By that time I’m overheating and finding it hard to breath the stuffy air. Not wanting Tyler to be trapped in a hot car, I refuse the opportunity to relieve myself. Only minutes later we’re back on the road, and I’m being driven to a fate that I can’t try to imagine. I only suspect it won’t involve me playing house like I did before.