Chapter 40

Alex

Dart and I sit with Tyler as long as we can. I hardly recognise my little boy any more, he looks so tired and wan. His hair has fallen out, and he is constantly sleepy. Yesterday saw the end of what they call the conditioning treatment, high doses of chemotherapy to destroy his existing bone marrow cells. The process has taken it out of him, and it’s so hard for me to look at the tube that’s inserted into a vein close to his heart.

Though Dart and I have been allowed to visit, we’ve gowned-up and masked to avoid passing on any infection. A process I’ll need to get used to.

I defy any mother to not break her heart at the thought of any serious treatment being given to her child. This is not as simple or as necessary as having a burst appendix removed, this is an elective procedure that I could have decided against. But with Tyler’s condition worsening, those damn wrong-shaped cells of his could stop his heart at any time, and that’s the risk I’m not prepared to take.

Today he’s having the actual transplant, and then it will be a waiting game. Tyler’s going to be hooked up to a machine as the stem cells are passed through a tube into his body, hopefully working so he starts producing normal cells of his own. I’m allowed to stay, Dart has to leave.

Tyler’s in a special germ-free room. He wanted to bring his cut with him but wasn’t allowed. Nothing that might hold bacteria could be brought in. Dr Crowther’s explained to me the things that might happen. If he experiences vomiting or doesn’t want to eat, he may have to have a tube running from his nose to deliver nutrition directly to his stomach. Depending on his red blood cell count, he may need blood transfusions and/or regular transfusions to top up his platelets.

It’s all such a lot for such a small boy. When the transplant is over, Tyler goes to sleep. The nurse tells me he’ll probably be out for a while. I leave the sterile room and take off my protective clothing, feeling a hundred years old.

Dart lets me cry, understanding the angst that I feel. By allowing him to have this procedure, I might have just said goodbye to my son for the last time. There could be any number of complications that could take him away from me.

And his recovery will take a long time, at least one or possibly two months or more in the hospital, while he’s kept free from infection and monitored carefully, hoping his sister’s cells work to multiply and take over from his own. I spare a thought for my daughter who never drew breath, and hope somehow, somewhere, she knows that while she had no chance of life, that she existed at all has provided this chance for her brother.

Dart doesn’t give me platitudes, he can’t tell me it will be alright. He’s holding me close, his chest moves under mine, a tell-tale he’s affected like me. Tyler’s been calling him ‘Dad’ since the poker run, and the bond between them already closer than it had ever been with my ex.

“He’ll be out for a few hours.” Dart reminds me what I’d been told. “What do you want to do? Stay here?”

I know he’ll let me do whatever I want. I’m not hungry, or thirsty, and I won’t be able to concentrate if I try to read. What does a mother do?

“The primary procedures went well,” he reminds me. “They’ll let you spend as much time with him as you can, but you must look after yourself. “Shall we go into the waiting room? Or outside to get some air?”

I’m reluctant to leave, wanting to stay as close to my child as I can, while understanding it’s foolish. He’s in the best hands, there’s nothing I can do.

A nurse comes along to go into the anteroom I just left, and gives me a sympathetic glance. “Go get a coffee, or better still, something to eat. You’ve got to keep your strength up to. If we need to contact you, you’ll have your phone on you, won’t you? We’ll get in touch immediately if there’s a reason.”

Anything would cause my rebellious stomach to revolt. But I nod. I just don’t know how to get through this torturous time.

“This is the turning point, doll. Up to now it’s been the preparation, but after today Tyler can start moving forward. You’ve got to take some time to look after yourself. I, or one of my brothers will come and sit with Tyler any time you take a break.”

He’s right. I can’t afford to get weak, or I’ll come down with something that I could pass onto him. I force myself to follow Dart to the hospital cafeteria, and then to eat something that I don’t really want. I’ve got to stay strong. For my son.

Over the next four weeks we can do nothing but wait and hope. Tyler has so many catheters all over him. They are either constantly taking blood or feeding him cocktails of drugs. The doctors give me encouraging words, but don’t give me a definitive answer as to whether it worked. Today I’ve got a meeting with Dr Crowther to go over Tyler’s progress to date.

Tyler’s gone back to sleep, he’s such a tired child, but he’s getting stronger each day. I wipe my hand over his head and kiss his forehead. Then I go to see if Dart’s arrived, as he wants to be with me when I hear what the doctor has to say. Reliable as always, he’s already waiting for me, just outside the door.

He’s got one hand pressed against the wall, he looks tired and drawn himself. “The house is all done now. Every surface has been cleaned and sterilised. The new furniture is in, and everything set up.” Dart’s been wonderful. He’s bought a new home for us, and has set it up to be as clean as possible when Tyler’s able to come home. We knew we couldn’t take him back to the clubhouse, it would only take one person to get a cold and Tyler’s health would be threatened, not the least to say it’s hardly the cleanest place in the world.

This man of mine has done so much, it’s hard to know how to thank him. “Dart, that sounds great. I can only hope for good news today.”

“When we seein’ the doctor?”

“In about half an hour.”

“Do you want to go to the waitin’ room, or to get a coffee or somethin’?” He places his hand under my chin and turns it up to face him. “I know he’s not out of the woods yet, but while I’m no doctor, I’d say he’s doing great. He likes that new game I bought him.” I nod to agree, he certainly does, well anything concerning motorcycles is bound to be a hit. “Can’t wait for him to come home and see his new room. Oh, and I can’t wait to show you our bed, doll.” He winks, and I place my hand on his chest. I’ve been missing my man too. I’ve slept beside Tyler for the last four weeks on a bed provided by the hospital, hardly ever leaving his side. Dart or one of his brothers takes over for short periods to give me a break, which means I’ve not seen much of my fiancé at all, and certainly not quality one on one time.

“Let’s go to the waiting room.” I come to a decision. And then my eyes fall on what Dart’s carrying. Tyler’s cut. The leather vest that he wore, only taking it off to sleep up—and then only reluctantly—until he was admitted to the hospital.

Dart sees what I’m looking at and pushes it into my hands. “Brought this in case he’s allowed to come home. I want to be prepared.”

Raising it to my face, I inhale deeply. Along with the leather, I detect the scent of my son. What I wouldn’t give to see him wearing it again. Clasping it to me, I let Dart lead me into the waiting room which is crowded to the point of overflowing. Pennywise, Salem, and Grumbler have commandeered seats at the back, with Bones, Kink, and Blaze are along one side, Token, Dusty, and Scribe along the other, and Brakes and Deuce are sprawled on the floor.

Eva’s sitting next to Salem and she gives me a little wave, and there’s question in her eyes. I give her a small nod, then my eyes widen as I notice Candy, Tits, and Pearl, the other club girls standing just inside the door.

As a hand lands on my shoulder, I turn around to see Lost. “We wanted to be here to hear the news with you, Alex.”

My jaw nearly drops onto the floor. I didn’t expect anyone to be here, let alone everyone. Fresh tears come to my eyes at the unexpected support.

“He’ll soon be back and wearing that cut,” Lost continues, and nods at the leather in my hands.

“And getting under our feet.” That’s from Grumbler. But he smiles as he says it.

“And helping in the shop,” Salem puts in.

“And making us smile.” Eva laughs.

I’ve been around the club for a while now. I like all the men, and even got a grip on how to handle the club girls. But this is the first time it’s really sunk in. It is one big family. They’re not just here for Dart, they’re here for me and my son too.

“Now who’s going to shift their ass and give Alex a seat?”

Pennywise stands and waves me over. Dart gets there first, and I sit down on his lap, Tyler’s cut in my arms, and Dart’s hands on my hips.

“Everyone’s here.” I breathe.

“Niran’s downstairs watching the bikes. He wanted to be close, doll.”

“And Lloyd and Dave are back at the compound. They sent their best wishes for good news today.”

I thank Lost, and again look around. Businesses are running without the Satan’s Devils, or must be closed up. The thought’s overwhelming. Everyone’s here for Tyler? If the outcome could be influenced by the good vibes coming his way, he’ll sail through this.

“Right, who wants coffee? Seein’ as I lost my fuckin’ seat,” Pennywise pauses to look down and wink at me, “I might as well make myself useful.”

“Could do with visitin’ the head. I’ll come with.” Salem gets up, and Blaze and Kink stand too. Having taken the orders, including one from me, everyone being here is helping to settle my nerves, the men depart.

A cup of coffee later and the hour hand of the clock on the wall shows that it’s time. Dart and I stand and go to keep our appointment. I pass Tyler’s cut over to Lost for safekeeping.

When we come back I open the door to see that Grumbler has started a poker game with Brakes, Bones, and Kink. Somehow, they’ve managed to squeeze four chairs around a low magazine table and look very uncomfortable. Pennywise is looking through a bike magazine, and the others are chatting in low voices.

All their faces look up expectantly as we walk into the room and go quiet. I feel completely stunned, unable to get my head around the news I’ve just heard. What I most wanted to hear, but what I didn’t dare expect.

“Well?” It’s Grumbler who’s the most impatient. “What did the doc say? How long until Tyler comes home?”

Lost waves him to be quiet. “Is he doing okay? Dart? Alex? What’s the verdict?”

“His blood count is up,” I start to say, flicking my eyes up to Dart. “He’s got to have regular checks and follow-up appointments, but he’s turned a corner and…”

“He’s fuckin’ comin’ home today!” Dart can’t keep quiet any longer. “My son’s comin’ home!”

I’m surprised no one from the hospital comes to investigate the noise in the room. They cheer, holler, slap each other’s backs, hug me, Dart, and each other. The club girls are laughing, and Eva comes over and clutches me tightly.

“Anything I can do, Alex, you’ve just got to ask. I know you won’t want to leave him yet and he’s still got a long way to go, but when you’re ready and you want a babysitter so you and Dart could get out, just call me, okay?”

“I will do, Eva. Thank you.”

It’s a few minutes before I can escape and go tell Tyler the good news.

The leaving procedure is lengthy, paperwork to be completed and signed, instructions given and prescriptions filled. When I go to the pharmacy, I notice through the open door that the waiting room is empty, but I’m not surprised. The men have given up more than enough time already today. No point everyone hanging around as we go through the formalities.

It seems like ages before Tyler gets dressed in street clothes and a wheelchair is brought in to take him out. For my part, I can’t wait to escape. I don’t think I’ll ever get the smell of antiseptic out of my senses, but it’s worth all we’ve been through just to see that big smile on Tyler’s face.

The nurse wheels him down to the reception area and pushes him through the doors. As she comes to a complete stop, Dart takes over. I bump into the nurse’s back and, looking around her, see what brought her to such a sudden halt.

There’s a double line of Harleys all waiting, with the brothers sitting on them waiting for us, the club girls up behind some of them. There’s clapping and cheering, and they start the engines up, twisting the throttles, increasing the sound of roaring around the hospital parking lot.

Dart goes to Lost and collects something which he holds behind his back. Then he marches back to Tyler. As he hands him the leather cut, my little boy, already smiling at the bikers lined up, slips his arms through the sleeves with the biggest grin I’ve ever seen. As Dart wheels him through the bikes lined up as a guard of honour over to the waiting car, Tyler waves at the men who throw chin lifts back, rev their engines again, and give him a thumbs up.

We get Tyler in the car, and while Dart disposes of the wheelchair I get in the passenger side. When Dart comes back he gets into the driver’s seat, but turns to look over his shoulder before driving off.

“Ready to go home, Son?”

“You bet, Dad.”

Dart grins at me and then waves his hand out of the window. Eight of the bikers come and position themselves in front, the rest, with Niran at the back, pull in behind. Lost, in pole position, signals above his head, and then we’re all moving.

Tyler looks around, his eyes open in wonder as we’re given a Satan’s Devils escort to our new house.

“Dart?” I don’t know what to say. I can’t thank him or his brothers enough.

“You’re mine, and so’s Tyler. And that,” he points forward and then back, “that is our family. Nobody wanted to miss out on this.”

Yes. That’s family.

There’s still a long way to go until we can say Tyler’s been cured, but with the goodwill surrounding us, I’m feeling more optimistic as I’m driven toward our new home and new life. And with this man by my side, I feel together we can conquer anything.

“Family,” I repeat.

“Family.” Dart nods.

I look at him, his long curly hair tamed into a bun, his eyes shining with hope, still wondering how it is I’m so lucky to have him fall for me. I didn’t realise I’d been musing aloud until he barks a laugh.

“Doll, I tell ya. I might as well have had a target plastered to my back. The first time I saw ya up on that pole, it was like someone had shot an arrow straight through my fuckin’ heart.”

I glance over my shoulder at my son, who’s entranced by the bikes in front of us and behind, seeming unable to stop looking forward and back to keep them in sight. A sob comes to my throat as it sinks in, perhaps for the first time, that he’s now got a chance to live like any normal boy. Dart reaches out his hand, takes mine and squeezes it. When I look at him, he just nods, and I swear his eyes are glistening.

We continue to hold hands as we drive to our new house and our new life.