Chapter 7

Alex

I knew that it had shocked Dart seeing Tyler have one of his episodes, but the difference between his reaction and that of my ex couldn’t be more different. Ron just used to walk out and leave me to deal with it. Dart had stayed to help, even though he’s just my boss and owes us nothing at all. But he’s sitting beside me, his arm around me, and selfishly I’m taking all the comfort I can. It feels a relief to get it off my chest.

What mother ever wants to learn they’ve given birth to a child who has a lifelong disease with complications which could arise at any time, shortening or ending his life? It’s the first thing you do, find out everything to watch out for, wanting to make every moment precious.

I’m trying to give Tyler as normal a life as possible, and to be honest, since we’ve come to Tucson the frequency of his episodes have reduced. Until this afternoon, I’d been hoping the change to this dry heat and no longer being exposed to the stress of my strained relationship with Ron had been beneficial to his health.

Dart’s gone silent, as if he knows there’s nothing he can say or do to help. Slowly he pulls his supportive arm away and stands up. He stares at me for a long moment. “Doll, take the night off. Stay here with Tyler.”

“No, Dart. I can’t do that. Celine will be home and she’s happy to watch out for him. I need the money. If I save enough, I might be able to pay for the procedure.”

He gives me a sad nod. He understands my plight, and that I’m fooling myself that I could ever get enough dancing for tips, but I won’t give up trying, I owe that to my son. I watch him fidget for a second as though he doesn’t know what to say or do, and it doesn’t surprise me when he tells me he needs to go.

Of course he does. I’ve taken up too much of his time. I get to my feet, wiping the last of my tears away. It’s unusual for me to cry, normally I’m stronger than this. I cried my heart out in the first year of Tyler’s life, before realising getting upset about what can’t be fixed doesn’t change anything. Just as I’m stepping up to get the door for him, it opens.

“Hey, we got a visitor? Who has the bike?” My brother-in-law Craig swaggers in, his muscles bulging as he carries in heavy bags.

“That would be me.” Dart steps forward and holds out his hand. “Dart.” He introduces himself.

Craig drops one of the bags and complies with the handshake. They seem to hold it a little too long, as though testing each other out.

“He’s my boss,” I explain. “He just dropped by to give me my tips from last night.”

“Nice sled, man.” Craig jerks his head backward.

“You ride?”

“Sure do. Got an Indian out back.” And then they’re off talking bikes. Craig drops the other bag and they both go outside to inspect Dart’s bike.

Celine’s standing wide-eyed in the doorway. As the men disappear she pretends to fan herself. “My, but he’s hot, girl.”

“I work for him,” I hiss, pretending like I haven’t noticed. But I’m not blind. It’s just right now I’m more concerned for my son and sorting out my predicament than getting laid, and the last thing I would do is risk my job by making things awkward with Dart. Sure, I’m not blind, and he’s been so kind and caring this afternoon, but I need to squash any thoughts in that direction down. Knowing how easily my sister can read me, I change the subject fast. “Tyler had an episode.”

She closes her eyes and takes in a breath. “Is he alright?”

“He’s come through it. He’s having a nap.” My sister loves her nephew as though he were her own. I know she’d like a child herself, and she’s the lucky one, Craig doesn’t carry the sickle cell gene. “Dart offered me the night off, but I need to go to work.”

“Of course you do, Tyler will be fine with me. I’ll keep him quiet.”

“Yes, but don’t fuss.” It’s important to me that Tyler is treated like the six-year-old he is, the cotton wool I’m wrapping him in kept invisible. He goes to school and plays like any child. We just have to watch him so he doesn’t get over-fatigued, dehydrated, too hot, too cold, too anxious… The endless list of possible triggers continually goes around my head.

I nod at the bags. “Want help putting those away?”

She accepts my offer, and we’re still putting packets and jars in the cupboard when I hear the roar of an engine start up, and then the sound slowly fades. He’s gone. Why do I feel this sudden emptiness?

When I enter Satan’s Angels later on that night, I’m still trying to suppress any improper feelings toward my boss. I mean, he’s hot as fuck, but I’ve so much on my plate. I can’t do anything to risk losing the one job I was able to get. Everything between us must be kept strictly professional, and I must forget that I spent the good part of the afternoon in his arms. Yeah, I’ll just be casual when I see him, I’ve too many complications already to add anything else into the mix. Already I regret telling him so much, but having such a sympathetic ear that’s not been offered before, somehow everything just came spilling out. When I see him tonight, I’ll just be polite, and maybe offer an apology for taking up so much of his time.

Yesterday I was a bag of nerves when I arrived, tonight I walk in with confidence. The tips that I’d made showed me while Ron had never appreciated my pole dancing, other men have no such aversion. Ironically, I’m being well rewarded for doing what I love. That they’ve made allowances and I don’t need to get completely naked is the icing on the cake.

Despite my resolve to treat him no differently, I’m more disappointed than I should be when I don’t see Dart, and it’s another biker who comes into the dressing room to check on us girls.

“Hey, you must be Alex.” Well, as I’m the only black girl here, that’s a fair assumption to make. “I’m Joker.” In the middle of putting on makeup, I just give him a nod. Perching his backside against the counter he stands with his arms folded. “Dart told me to watch out for ya. You get any trouble, you come to me, okay?”

“Hey, Joker! Why’s she so special?” One of the other girls calls out. I haven’t really bothered to get to know them as yet. Last night my nerves kept me to myself, and today I’ve been preoccupied with thoughts about Tyler. But my back goes up at what could be a catty comment.

Joker turns around, and glancing up I can see him glaring. “Because she can dance.” He waves his hand around, indicating all the girls who have now stopped what they’re doing to see what’s going on. “All of you are important to us. If we don’t keep you happy, you won’t make us money. And Alex is new, she doesn’t know the score yet.”

The girl who’d spoken comes over and lays her hand on my shoulder, looking at my face reflected in the mirror. As our eyes meet, I can see she’s smiling. “I’m Vida, anything you want to know babe, just ask me.”

As I nod, Joker pats my shoulder and goes. Now the others introduce themselves, and I’m surprised to find no obvious bitchiness at all. In fact, they all seem to agree it’s a good place to work, knowing that the bikers are there to protect them.

Vida sits down next to me. “Hey, there was this one guy, he was a bouncer. Started laying his hands on us girls, thinking his job gave him privileges, you follow?”

Yes, I do. “What happened?”

“One day he went too far. The girl said no, he ignored her. Slapped her. Huh. He got a beat down to remember and was tossed out on his ass.”

“I didn’t want to work here,” I start to tell her. “But I couldn’t get any other kind of job.”

“Why do you think any of us are here? Not many of us would be here by choice, hun.” She stares at me for a moment. “And you’re certainly not the normal type.”

I freeze and wait for her criticism, my obvious differences to their slim, slender forms.

“Watched you on the pole last night. And boy, Joker’s right, babe. You can dance.”

“Those tits real?” Another girl who’d introduced herself as Bambi joins in the conversation. She’s holding her own up as if for inspection. Hers are obviously fake.

“Unfortunately, yes,” I reply, wincing as they make me top heavy.

“Alex, time to go on,” a voice calls from the hallway.

I smile at the girls, who I didn’t expect to be quite so friendly, and walk out on the stage with a spring in my step.

When I’m dancing I can forget everything and live only for the moment. It’s my respite from all the worry in my life. Even the audience fades into the background as I twist, turn, climb, and slide for myself, not for anyone else. It’s only when the music ends and I finish my set that I’m suddenly aware that all eyes are upon me, but the smile on my face is for me, the satisfaction of another flawless performance.

Money flutters around me, and with no Dart today, it’s me who gathers it up. I use the assets God gave me, a wiggle making my tits bounce, a little shake of my ass. More bills are thrown, accompanied by cat calls and whistles. Then a man gets too close when I’m at the edge of the stage, his hand wrapping around my arm…

And then he’s gone, holding a hand to his bleeding nose.

“What the fuck?”

“You don’t touch the fuckin’ dancers,” Joker growls, then says over his shoulder, “you okay, darlin’?”

I’m rubbing my skin where his fingers have pinched. “I’m fine.” Then I hurry back to the dressing room. Yeah, this job will obviously have its seedier moments, but the girls were right, the bikers seem to look out for us well.

My next two sets pass without incident, and the tips I’ve collected are more than I could earn in any other job. But even the tips won’t pay for a procedure that’s perhaps already too late.

As I take off my makeup I gaze at my reflection. After tonight, I’ve got two nights off. Though I’ll enjoy the extra time with Tyler, I smile to myself. It’s strange, but I’m actually going to miss my time on the pole, hearing the shouts of encouragement, the sort of things Ron had convinced me I’d never hear. Roll on Tuesday when I can dance again.

I might have been driven to working in a strip club, but for the first time in my life, I’m starting to have confidence in myself.