~ Clay

A pony, huh? I touch my chin as I stare at the shelf in front of me.

After some time searching – not counting the time I spent enjoying a bit of the beautiful outdoors – I’ve finally found a Toys ‘R Us store in Rapid City, less than an hour away from Custer. Custer is an old, laidback city so it doesn’t really have too many shops. On the other hand, Rapid City is one of the largest and most bustling cities in South Dakota.

Now that I’m here, though, I feel more lost than ever.

Which pony should I buy?

Come to think of it, I’ve never been in a Toys ‘R Us before or any toy store for that matter. When I was a kid, my mother never took me to toy stores because she never had the time or the money. I simply came up with my own toys or borrowed some from neighbors or classmates, though I was more interested in climbing trees, riding my bike, watching TV and reading books.

Now that I’m all grown up, I don’t have a reason to visit a toy store. No kids. No nephews or nieces. Sure, every Christmas, my company gives away toys to orphanages along with food, cash and computers but I’m not the one who goes shopping for those. I just approve the budget and sign the card.

I place my hands on my hips, sighing. I never thought there would be so many toy ponies.

“You seem lost,” a woman’s voice breaks into my thoughts.

I turn my head, finding a woman with short, black hair who looks like she’s in her thirties next to me. A saleslady? No. She’s not wearing the uniform so she must be another customer.

“I imagine my husband would feel the same way if I sent him here to buy toys for the girls,” she goes on. “Which is why I don’t.”

So she’s married. That’s good. That means Andrea has no reason to be jealous.

I have to admit I felt happy when I learned she was jealous. And there’s no denying it – she was jealous, which means she’s still interested in me.

A woman can take only so much jealousy, though.

Yup. It’s a good thing this woman’s married. And she has kids, too, which she seems to adore. That means she probably doesn’t want to take me home and sleep with me. Also, she can probably help me out.

“Yeah, I am a little out of my depth here,” I confess.

“Well, what exactly are you looking for?” she asks.

“Just a pony,” I say. “For a six-year-old girl who loves ponies.”

“I see.” She nods. “Just like my Bella. So, does she watch My Little Pony too?”

What’s that?

“No.” I touch my chin again. “Actually, she just really likes ponies. It doesn’t matter what color they are or what they’re made of. She just likes them.”

“I see.” The woman grabs a box from the shelf. “Well, these are mostly from My Little Pony. It’s a cartoon with, well, ponies. Magical ponies. It’s not a bad show. I’ve memorized some of the songs.”

“Oh.” I don’t really know what to say since I don’t have a clue what she’s talking about.

She returns the box to the shelf. “If she’s not a fan of the show, you can just go for some of the other toy ponies from the other shelves.”

I raise an eyebrow. There are still ponies in the other shelves?

“They’re actually cheaper,” she whispers.

“Okay.”

“There are battery-operated ponies that light up and prance and sing and there are ponies that you assemble. There are also Lego ponies, though I don’t really like those. They tend to fall apart and the pieces go missing and you can’t find them until you end up stepping on them.” She shakes her head. “You wouldn’t believe how such small pieces can hurt so much.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“There are stuffed ponies, too, and stick ponies, though frankly, I find those a little creepy since they’re just the head, you know.”

I agree. I think I’ve seen those and I find them creepy, too.

“I think there are also pillows with ponies on them. That’s next to the teddy bears section.”

I nod. “Wow. You seem like you come to this store a lot.”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “I probably know more than the salesladies here, probably because they don’t have kids. Otherwise, they’d be at home taking care of them.” She sighs. “Anyway, how many kids do you have? Just the one?”

“Yes,” I answer.

“And your wife’s taking care of her?”

“Yeah,” I say, not really wanting to explain the complicated truth. “She’s at home, taking care of her.”

“That’s what we mothers do.” She raises her shoulders and hands. “So, do you know if she…?”

“I’m sorry,” I interrupt her, realizing the conversation is dragging on. “You’ve been very helpful but I think I have to go get that pony now and get out of here. You know, the wife and kid are waiting.”

She nods. “I understand. So, have you decided which one to get?”

“I think so.” I start walking off.

“Just a tip,” she says, not yet done. “Since this seems to be your first time getting your little girl a toy, make sure you stay around for the unboxing, okay? And give her a hug after. I think that matters more.”

I wave at her. “Thank you.”

“Oh, and hug her as often as you can. Little girls love the feel of their father’s arms. It makes them feel safe, I guess.”

I nod, placing a hand in my pocket. “I will.”

Boy, do I have a lot to learn about being a father.

“By the way,” she shouts after me when I’m almost at the end of the aisle. “What are you getting?”

I give one last glance at her. “I think I’ll get a pillow.”

---

“A pony pillow!” Rose shrieks with delight as she hugs my pony present right after I hand it to her in the living room. “It’s beautiful.”

I give her a pat on the shoulder. “I’m glad you like it.”

I know that woman at the toy store said to give her a hug but I don’t think we’re at that stage yet. Who knows when we’ll be?

I know one thing. I like seeing Rose happy.

“Are you kidding?” Andrea sits beside me on the couch. “She loves it.”

“Good. Because I had a hard time finding it, you know.”

“I know.” She looks at her watch. “It took you nearly four hours.”

“Well, I had to drive to Rapid City and back,” I tell her. “So, what have you guys been doing while I was away?”

“Nothing,” Andrea answers.

“It’s a secret,” Rose says, still hugging her pillow as she sits on the carpet.

I raise my eyebrows at her. “A secret?”

So she’s keeping secrets from me now, is she? I don’t think I like the sound of that.

“Don’t worry about it.” Andrea nudges my arm. “All kids have secrets. They find it exciting. It’s no big deal.”

“If you say so.”

She stands up. “I’ll set the table and see if I need to heat some of that dinner you bought. Why don’t you go change?”

I grin, thinking that she sounds just like a wife. And damn, it sounds good.

“What are you grinning for?” she asks.

“Nothing,” I tell her as I stand up.

As much as I’d like to tease her, I know I’ve teased her enough for a day.

“It’s a secret.” I wink.

She puts her hands on her hips and pouts.

“What? You said it’s no big deal, right?” I walk to the stairs.

“I said when kids keep secrets, it’s no big deal. With adults, however…”

“Fine.” I pause at the third step of the stairs to look at her. “I was just thinking how beautiful you are.”

Just like earlier, her face turns red.

Fuck. She looks even more beautiful when she blushes. And she’s even beautiful when she’s angry, which she is right now.

“Why, you…”

I run up the stairs, escaping into my bedroom. I don’t mean to tease her so much but I just can’t help it. Her reaction is priceless.

Fuck, it turns me on.

Just seeing her pout makes me want to kiss her and seeing her blush makes me want to make her blush even more, makes me want to see that blush on the rest of her body, the image of which is enough to cause something to stir in my crotch.

She doesn’t know it but she’s actually teasing me when I tease her.

Alright. Maybe the teasing should stop.

As I change my clothes, I decide to spare a few minutes to check my email. Most of them aren’t important, just regular updates and memos that the person I left in charge issued. But then I see something important – a message from Alex.

As I read it, my eyes grow wide.

Fuck.

It seems that Instinct 1.6 is causing some problems for other programs.

Quickly, I get my phone to call Alex and within minutes, I confirm what I’ve just read.

Instinct 1.6 is a disaster, a disaster only I can fix.

I put the clothes I’ve just taken off back on, put my phone in my pocket and my laptop in its case. Then I carry it as I hurry downstairs.

“Where are you going?” Andrea asks when she sees me. “I thought you were changing?”

“There’s an emergency at work,” I tell her as I put on my shoes.

“An emergency?”

“I have to go back. I’ll try to get a plane from Rapid City.”

Andrea comes closer. “What do you mean you have to go back? You can’t just leave us.”

“The house is paid for a week.”

She puts her hands on her hips. “So, you’re just leaving us in the middle of nowhere.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“You said that last time.”

I stop. What the heck? Is she bringing up the past now of all times?

“Do you really have to go?” she asks. “Or are you just going because you can’t trust anyone else to sort out?”

I look at her. She’s right, actually. Alex and the team can probably fix this. Alex, the guy I left in charge, can probably handle this. Not as quickly or as efficiently as I can but he can still pull it off and minimize the damage. Even so…

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Andrea asks.

I look away. “It’s my company, Andrea.”

“And right now, you’re not in charge. You’re on vacation, Clay, remember? Let whoever is in charge deal with it. You’ve already trusted that person with running your company. Now, trust that person to take care of whatever this is.”

“I can’t, okay?” I stand up. “I just can’t.”

Andrea stands in front of me. “Can’t or won’t?”

I sigh. “Move, Andrea.”

“Answer me,” she demands.

“You don’t understand. My company needs me.”

“And we don’t?” She glances at Rose, who has just been watching quietly from where she’s sitting on the carpet.

I look at her as well but quickly look away when I see the sadness in her eyes. “Rose will be fine. She has you.”

“Your company will be fine, too,” Andrea says.

Fuck. Why does she have to be so difficult?

“You don’t understand, Andrea. I…”

“No, I understand,” she interrupts me. “I completely understand that your company, your work will always come first. After all, you built that company with John. It’s like the child you raised. But remember, you have another child to look after now, the same child John left the company to take care of, the one he thought was worth more. Do you really want to turn your back on her now that she’s starting to get to know you?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself down. “I’m not turning my back on her.”

“Yes, you are!” Andrea’s voice raises a notch. “Just like before, you’re pushing us away and all because of your precious company and your stupid obsession to be in control of everything that happens to it.”

“I’m not…”

“Fine, go!” Andrea walks away. “We mean nothing to you, anyway.”

“That’s not true. It’s just…”

“Hurry. Or your company might collapse without you,” Andrea adds. “Just remember, not everything you leave behind will still be there when you come back.”

What’s that supposed to mean?

I don’t get to ask her, though, because she grabs Rose and goes upstairs. For a moment, I just stand there in the living room then I head out the door.

Fuck.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

---

“Just stay there,” Gavin tells me as I drive the car. “I’ll talk to Alex and make sure everything’s under control.”

I say nothing, unsure if I want to accept his decision. I don’t even know why I called Gavin when I intended to go back and fix everything myself.

No. I know why. It’s because of everything Andrea said. As much as I’ve tried to push her words away, I can’t. They’re stuck in my mind, muddling my thoughts.

“Just stay with Andrea and Rose and relax,” Gavin goes on. “Everything will be alright, Clay.”

Before I can have a chance to say more, the line goes dead and I toss my phone on the passenger seat.

Everything will be alright, huh? Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of. Maybe I don’t want the company to be alright without me. Maybe I want to be the one to solve all of its problems, to do everything that needs to be done.

Andrea’s right. It’s not that I can’t trust others to run it. It’s that I don’t want to. I don’t want anyone else to be in control of it. It’s like my masterpiece. I started it and I want to keep it perfect, to keep working on it every step of the way until it’s finished .I don’t want anyone else to dabble with it, to change it. After all, what if they ruin it?

But Andrea’s right, too, when she said that my company is not all I have now. I have Rose now. I can’t just leave her whenever I feel like I’m needed at work, not just because John wouldn’t like that but more so because I’m her father. And a father puts his child first. At least, he should.

Then there’s Andrea. I can’t just leave her.

That’s what you said last time.

If I leave her now, I may never be able to win her back and I want to.

Not everything you leave behind will still be there when you come back.

As much as I hate to do it, I know I have to choose – Rose and Andrea or my company. And as much as I want to be in control of my company, I know I have to loosen my grip on it so that I can hold on to other important things, specifically to two important people.

I know what I must choose.

I sigh. Oh, John, how did you do this?

I wonder if he had a hard time deciding just like me. I wonder if it gets easier. I guess it will take some getting used to. For now, though, the most important thing for me is to go back and straighten things out with Andrea and Rose before they get worse.

Now, that’s something only I can do.

---

“I’m sorry,” I tell Andrea and Rose as I stand near the door to Rose’s bedroom where they both are. “I shouldn’t have made such a hasty decision, a bad decision. And I shouldn’t have said those things.”

Andrea and Rose say nothing.

I take a deep breath. “I’m still new to all this, okay? And old habits die hard. But I am trying. I do want to make this work.”

Still nothing.

“So, won’t you guys give me another chance?”

For another moment, the two remain silent, their backs turned to me. Then Andrea turns to Rose.

“What do you say, Rose?” I hear her whisper.

Rose looks at me. “Okay.”

I heave a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Rose.”

Andrea sighs as she turns around to face me. “If Rose says it’s okay, then it’s fine with me. Besides, you didn’t really leave.”

I smile at her. “Thanks.”

“But you have to promise not to try to bolt off again,” Andrea says.

I know what she’s thinking. She’s still afraid about what I did before.

I raise my hand. “I promise.”

“And that you’ll buy us ice cream tomorrow,” Rose adds.

“Okay,” I agree.

“And make sure there are no spiders in my bedroom,” Andrea adds.

I give her a salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

Rose giggles.

“Any more?” I ask them.

“You’ll let me drive tomorrow?” Andrea says. “So far, you’ve been doing all the driving. I think it’s only fair that I drive some of the way, too.”

I give her a look of surprise. I didn’t know she wanted to drive. Actually, I didn’t know she could drive.

“Do you have a license?” I ask her, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Of course.”

“Are you a good driver?”

She pouts. “What kind of question is that?”

I sigh. “Fine. If you want to, you can take the wheel tomorrow.”

“Yes!” Andrea throws her fist in the air then looks at me. “You know what that means, right?”

My eyebrows furrow. “What?”

Did I miss something?

She grins. “It means you get to think of games we should play so we don’t get bored on the road.”