~ Andrea

“You thought of I Spy?”

I take my eyes off the road for a second to raise an eyebrow at Clay in the passenger seat, who just announced what we’re going to play somewhere along our seven-hour drive to Minot, North Dakota.

“Why not?” Clay asks, tapping his lap and nodding his head a little to the song drifting from the speakers – Almost Unreal by Roxette.

This time, since I’m in the driver’s seat, I get to choose the music, though Clay doesn’t seem to mind.

He looks at me. “It’s a classic, isn’t it?”

I shrug.

Yes, it’s a classic but that means it’s such a simple game, something little kids usually play. Then again, we do have one little kid in the backseat. Besides, if it’s a simple, straightforward game, then it shouldn’t bring up any memories or awkward situations or give Clay room to tease.

“On second thought, I think it’s a great game,” I tell him.

“So, I just have to choose something that I can see and then let you guess?” Rose asks.

She really picks things up easily.

“That’s right,” Clay tells her.

“Then it’s like that other game we played.”

“A bit,” Clay says. “But we don’t get to ask about the object. We guess the object.”

“And we can only have a few guesses, not twenty,” I add. “And then if we don’t guess, you give another clue.”

“Okay,” Rose says.

I glance at her reflection in the rearview mirror, smiling. She really does seem like an ordinary child now, as if she had been born under normal circumstances. Then again, we haven’t really brought her out of her cage, just made that cage mobile.

Well, we’ll get there.

“Why don’t you go first?” I suggest to her.

“Okay.” She leans forward, peeking between my seat and Clay’s then looks around.

“You have five seconds to think of something,” Clay tells her.

“Okay. I spy with my little eyes something fluffy.”

I grin as I cast a knowing glance at Clay, both of us already aware of the answer. For a smart girl, she sure isn’t that good at playing these games.

“Is it that marshmallow you were eating earlier?” Clay asks.

“No. I already ate that so I don’t see it anymore.”

“Right.” Clay nods, still tapping his lap. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Is it a dog you saw out there on the road?” I ask.

“I don’t see any dogs.”

Of course, not. I guess it’s just as hard trying not to guess something you already know so as not to make a little girl feel bad as it is trying to guess something you don’t know.

“Is it the carpet?” Clay asks.

I hear Rose rub her foot on it. “It’s not fluffy.”

I chuckle.

“Do you want me to give another clue?” Rose asks.

“Yes, please,” Clay and I tell her at the same time.

“I spy something colorful.”

“Aha!” Clay leans towards the backseat. “It’s your shirt.”

“It’s colorful but it’s not fluffy.”

“I know,” I say, unable to contain myself any longer. “It’s one of your ponies.”

“Right!” Rose confirms excitedly. “But which one?”

“Which one?” I touch my chin. “That is the question, isn’t it?”

“You have just as many ponies as there were at that toy store,” Clay says, sitting back. “I think maybe someday, you could fill a whole room just with ponies.”

“That would be nice,” Rose says.

“But then you wouldn’t have any space to move around in it,” Clay says. “Like you’d just open the door and they’d all spill out.”

“Then we’d put them in two rooms,” Rose says.

I grin. “I told you she’s smart.”

“So, did you guess which pony?” Rose asks.

“The knitted one I got from Moorhead?” I guess.

“Nope.”

“The pillow I got then,” Clay guesses.

“Yes. That one.” She moves back into the backseat. “Now, it’s your turn.”

“My turn, huh?” Clay pauses.

I hold my breath.

“I spy with my big eyes something hard.”

Hard. Really?

“And no, it’s not that,” he adds quickly.

I roll my eyes at him. “Really?”

“Though it might be if you keep looking at it.”

I lift my hand. “I was not…” I exhale, putting both hands back on the steering wheel. “Never mind. Just forget it.”

“Is it the car?” Rose asks.

“The car is hard, isn’t it?” Clay answers. “But it’s got some soft parts, too.”

“Is it my teeth?”

“No, though I’m sure your teeth are hard. They look nice, too.”

“Thank you,” Rose says shyly.

I shake my head. Clay may not know anything about being a father but he does know girls. Something tells me it won’t be long until he has this little girl wrapped around his finger.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing.” I shrug.

“Give me another clue,” Rose says.

“Okay.” Clay takes a deep breath. “I spy with my big eyes something shiny. And no, they’re still not your teeth.”

Rose giggles. “Is it the mirror?”

“Nope.”

Rose sighs.

“She’s getting a little frustrated,” I whisper to Clay.

“Okay. I’ll give you another clue,” Clay says. “I spy something that Andrea is wearing.”

“What?” I arch my eyebrows at him.

Once again, Rose moves between our seats. “Is it her teeth?”

“No,” Clay answers. “Though they’re very shiny, too.”

Instinctively, I check them in the mirror. Well, I do brush my teeth and go to the dentist regularly.

Rose takes a good look at me.

“I know,” she says suddenly. “Her earrings.”

“That’s right,” Clay says.

“My earrings?” I touch one of them.

“They’re pretty,” Rose says. “I like the color.”

“They’re amethysts,” Clay informs. “Her birthstone.”

I freeze. Not again.

Why does he remember so much about me? It’s unfair when he was the one who left me behind?

Why? Don’t you remember his birthday, too?

Yes, I do. March24. As much as I tried to forget it, I just couldn’t.

Then again, maybe that’s why I couldn’t forget it – because I tried hard to. Psychology is weird that way.

What about Clay? Did he try to forget it, too? Or did he just commit it to memory?

“I want to have earrings,” Rose says.

I glance at Clay. “I’ll leave that to your…to Clay.”

“Why not?” Clay shrugs. “I think every girl should have beautiful earrings. We can see if you can get some when we get back.”

“Yay!” Rose cheers.

“I can already sense some spoiling,” I tease Clay.

He just grins.

“Your turn, Andrea,” Rose tells me, smiling.

“I can tell you like this game,” I tell her.

“I do,” she confesses. “It’s so much fun. In fact, I think I can play it forever and ever.”

---

“So, forever and ever apparently doesn’t last long, huh?” I say to Clay an hour and a half later, Rose already napping in the backseat.

He chuckles. “I guess a kid can have only so much fun.”

I shrug. “I guess.”

“Chips?” He gets a bag of Doritos from the backseat and offers it to me.

“No, thanks. That’s one of the good things about driving, I guess. You don’t get to eat that much.”

“Oh, is that why you wanted to drive?” He puts the chips back.

“And so I can choose the music,” I tell him, making the volume just a bit louder.

“Why?” He frowns. “What was wrong with mine?”

“Nothing, but it’s not my music.”

“I see.” He nods then moves his head to the music. “I think you and I share the same taste in music, though, among other things.”

I say nothing, looking at the road ahead.

Nope. I don’t really want to go there.

Thankfully, he doesn’t say more after that and I decide to change the topic. “So, are you sure you’re okay now? You seemed to be panicking yesterday.”

“Yup, I’m okay now.” He yawns. “Like you said, I should trust the people I left in charge to do their jobs and enjoy my vacation.”

So he says, but I can tell he’s still worried just as I can tell he barely slept last night.

“Why don’t you take a nap?” I suggest. “I’ll be fine.”

“No, I’m okay,” Clay says. “I’ll stay up with you the whole way.”

---

Yeah, right, I think just moments later as I glance at Clay’s sleeping form in the passenger seat.

I knew he was sleepy. I guess it’s a good thing I’m the one driving today.

It was my older brother, Tom, who taught me how to drive and that was a year after Clay left. He said he would have taught me earlier but he was afraid I’d drive myself off a cliff. I’ve been driving ever since, though I haven’t been lately because of my tour.

It feels good to be in the driver’s seat again.

I don’t particularly like driving but I do like taking myself to places where I want to go or sometimes, just driving aimlessly, seeing where the road leads.

I wonder where this road will lead.

Again, my eyes wander over to Clay, who by now is snoring softly. I guess he really must be tired. He must be exhausted from worrying about his company.

I don’t blame him. I know how much he loves his company. That’s probably what makes him a good CEO and what has made his company so successful over the years. For years, it has provided him with a purpose, his life with meaning. It’s all he has, after all.

But not anymore. Now, he has Rose. Maybe that’s why John entrusted Rose to him, so he would have something else to live for, something real. Maybe John felt the same – he was all wrapped up in work until Rose came along and she became his world and he realized how much better that world was. Maybe he wants Clay to feel the same, to not miss out on the important things in life.

Of course, it will take some getting used to. It will take time. It’s a major adjustment, after all. But little by little, I know Clay will adjust and then everything around him will follow.

Already, he’s taken that first step – deciding to leave work at work, to let the people he left in charge handle the crisis. He stayed.

Frankly, I didn’t think he would. I really thought he was gone, so I was surprised when he returned.

He returned – something he didn’t do last time.

I shake my head. No. This isn’t about us or about me. This is about Rose.

I glance at the rearview mirror, getting a glimpse of her sleeping just as soundly as Clay. A week ago, I didn’t think she’d recover or survive. Now, though, I see a strong, smart girl and I just know she’s going to be alright.

She and Clay are going to be alright.

I can already imagine them together at the ranch, running around, having picnics. I can imagine Clay tucking her to bed and reading her stories. I can imagine Clay helping her with homework when she finally goes to school. I can imagine Clay giving her talks on the front porch about boys, warning boys to stay away from her, hugging her and telling her everything will be alright when the first boy breaks her heart just like my brother and my father did for me.

As I imagine them, I feel a pang of sadness, knowing that I’m not in the picture, knowing that it’s their future, not mine.

But it can be yours. All you have to do is stick around.

This time, I imagine myself with Clay and Rose, having dinners with them, watching Rose as she grows up, combing her hair and helping her pick her clothes, attending her graduation with Clay sitting next to me…

I stop, shaking my head. It’s tempting but no. It’s not that simple. Maybe if Clay hadn’t left me, it would be. Everything would be just too easy. But he did leave me. And that makes all the difference.

But he’s here now.

I shake my head again. The fact that he’s here now doesn’t make up for all the years he was gone, for all the nights I cried for him, for all the…

No. I don’t want to think about that now, not about the past or about the future. I won’t. I should be focusing on the road anyway.

I take a deep breath as I grip the steering wheel, my eyes fixed on the road.

I’ve still got a long way to go.

---

“That was probably the longest drive I’ve done in a while,” I say, stretching my arms as I sit on the couch in the living room of our new home in Minot.

“Hey, no complaining,” Clay tells me, already back in the room after bringing the bags upstairs.

“I’m not complaining.” I sit back. “Just saying.”

“I still think I should drive the rest of the way.”

“Fine,” I tell him, not in the mood to argue.

Right now, all I want to do is just relax.

“Why don’t you go take a shower while I prepare dinner?” Clay suggests. “I can put Rose to bed afterwards, too, so you can rest.”

I look at him. Has he always been this sweet?

I don’t know. And no, I don’t want to remember. Not now. I’m too tired.

“Are you sure you can cook?” I ask him.

He frowns. “Here I am giving you a break and you’re insulting me.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll come up with something edible.”

I grin. “That’s promising.”

“Now, go upstairs. You can choose any of the showers. None of them have spiders.”

He checked?

“It’s a big house,” Clay goes on. “Lots of rooms. It even has its own gym.”

“Good for you.” I stand up and stretch some more. “Any chance this house has its own spa?”

“None that I saw,” Clay says. “But you know what I did see? A massage chair in the library.”

“A massage chair?” My eyes grow wide.

That sounds amazing. I’ve always wanted to try one of those and now seems a better time than ever.

“I thought you’d want to try it.”

I rub my back, already imagining how it would feel against the chair. “Are you kidding? After being in the driver’s seat all day, it’s heaven-sent.”

He chuckles. “You can try it all you want after dinner while I look after Rose.”

I smile, already excited. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer, thank you.”