~ Andrea

“We are not getting married. No way.”

I stop pacing the living room so I can look at Clay, shaking my head as I cross and uncross my arms in front of me.

“Don’t look at me,” he says. “It wasn’t my idea.”

I look at Gavin. “I knew I couldn’t trust you.”

Gavin leans back in his chair. “I know you’re upset, Andrea…”

“Upset?” I fold my arms over my chest. “I’m more than upset.”

“But this is for Rose,” Gavin continues, clasping his hands as he leans forward. “You saw Nora. She wants Rose. What do you think will happen to Rose if she ends up with her, hmm?”

I shrug.

“Nora doesn’t know Rose and Rose doesn’t know her. Rose doesn’t want to be with her and John wouldn’t want Rose to be with her. Tell me, do you want Rose to end up with Nora?”

“No.”

“Then marry Clay,” Gavin tells me. “Nora is married. She has two kids. If Clay is married, he’ll have a better chance against her, especially since he has no other children to take care of.”

“I know.” I sit down. “I understand that. It’s just…” I take a deep breath. “We’re talking about marriage here. It’s not a matter to be taken lightly.”

“It doesn’t have to be real,” Gavin says.

I give him a puzzled look.

Gavin stands up. “I mean the papers will be real. The ceremony will be real. Everyone else will believe it’s real, even Nora and the judge – especially Nora and the judge. But it doesn’t have to be behind closed doors. You and Clay don’t need to have sex unless you want to.”

Inadvertently, my gaze meets Clay’s and I quickly look away, trying not to blush.

“And you and Clay don’t have to stay together forever. You can get a divorce after a few years. I’ll even help you.”

“And how will Rose feel then, hmm?” I ask him. “How’s that the best for Rose?”

“She’ll be with Clay and that’s what matters. That’s all that matters.”

I tap my fingers on the arm of my chair. “Is there no other way?”

“Is getting married to Clay really that bad?” Gavin asks.

I don’t answer.

“At least, he’s not a stranger.”

“That’s the problem.”

“Sure, he’s not perfect. He’s stubborn and he can’t cook.”

“I can, too,” Clay protests.

Gavin ignores him. “But he’s good-looking and he has a lot of money. You can do much worse.”

“Thanks,” Clay mutters.

I sigh. “And if I refuse?”

“I’ll look for someone else Clay can marry,” Gavin answers.

“You will not,” Clay says. “I’m only agreeing to this idea of yours because it’s Andrea, someone Rose knows and trusts.”

Well, at least, I know he wants to marry me. That makes one of us.

“What’s more important to you?” Gavin asks him. “Getting Andrea or Rose?”

“They’re both important to me,” Clay answers.

It’s a good answer and I have to admit Gavin’s idea isn’t all bad but I’m still not convinced.

I stand up and walk across the room.

“Where are you going?” Clay and Gavin ask at the same time.

“Out,” I answer. “I need to think. Like I said, marriage isn’t something to be taken lightly.”

“Only if it’s real,” Gavin reminds.

I look at him. “I’m sure, Mr. Beckett, that lies and pretenses come easily to you but not to me. Besides, real or not, it is a serious matter.”

With that, I head to the front door, leaving. I need to clear my head and I know exactly how to do it.

---

Several hours later, I come out of the Oasis Spa in Madison, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Now, all that’s left to get is coffee and something sweet and I already have an appointment with it.

Well, actually I have an appointment with Paul at Yola’s Café, having received his message while I was at the spa. Apparently, he’s in town and he’s leaving and I thought I owed him one more meeting – no, not a date – after how the last one went.

This time, he’s there ahead of me, sipping his coffee. I order mine along with my choice of pastry before joining him.

“So, you’re leaving tomorrow, huh?” I ask Paul as I sit down.

“Yup. Going back to Duke.”

“I bet they miss you.”

Paul grins. “I’m glad you’re in a good mood.”

“I’m sorry about last time,” I tell him, fidgeting with the strap of my purse. “Clay was rude and I was a mess.”

“Are you still staying with him?” he asks curiously.

“Yes. But we’re not together. Well, we used to be but…” I take a deep breath. “It’s a long story.”

Paul glances at his watch. “My flight from O’Hare isn’t until five in the morning.”

For a while, I hesitate, but after the waitress comes with my coffee and cake, I start telling Paul everything between sips and forkfuls. Everything. Even Gavin’s proposed idea of marriage.

“So, are you going to say ‘yes’?” Paul asks, his nearly empty cup of coffee in hand.

“I don’t know,” I confess. “It seems the right thing to do.”

“But…”

I shrug. “Marriage is a complicated thing. Can you imagine me getting married?”

“I used to imagine it a lot,” Paul tells me, stroking his cup. “I used to imagine us getting married.”

The confession takes me by surprise. He thought that far?

“Paul…”

“But I know now that’s impossible,” he says. “Because you’re in love with another man. You’ve been in love with him all this time, haven’t you?”

I don’t answer, looking down at my empty plate. Have I?

“It’s okay,” he tells me. “It’s not your fault. He was your first love, after all.”

“He was.” That much I’ll admit. “He also broke my heart, though, and I never thought I’d see him again.”

“But you did. You’ve been living with him and now, you’re going to marry him. Like you said, it’s what’s best, not just for Rose but for you.”

“For me?” My eyebrows crease.

Paul reaches for my hand. “I know you’ve been trying to fight how you feel and I can tell you’ve had a hard time. Stop being so hard on yourself. Give yourself a chance to be happy.”

I look at him. “Will I be happy?”

“If you allow yourself.” He pulls his hand back. “Allow yourself, Andrea. You deserve another chance at love, at happiness.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know. I was just so hurt before, regardless of the reason.”

“Then allow yourself to heal,” Paul says. “Marry this Clay. Give him a chance and if you find that you really can’t be happy with him anymore, then leave him once Rose has officially been adopted. Do it for yourself because you matter more than anyone, even an innocent, little girl. If you call me, I’ll be there for you.”

I nod, knowing he means every word.

“But if you think the two of you can be happy, if you feel that you really belong with him, if you truly still love him, then let go of the past and embrace the future. Start a new life with him. Hold nothing back. Forgive. Heal. Be happy.” He takes a deep breath. “If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.”

“Oh, Paul.” I place a hand over my chest, which suddenly feels tight.

Paul and I have parted ways before but now, I feel like he’s really letting me go.

I reach for his hand. “Thanks, Paul, for everything.”

He nods, squeezing my hand. “So, your mind’s made up?”

I nod.

“I’d go to your wedding but I’m afraid I’ll be busy starting tomorrow,” he says. “Plus it would hurt too much even if it wasn’t real.”

I give him a sad smile. “I understand.”

He places his other hand over mine, smiling. “But even if I won’t be there, I know you’ll be the most beautiful bride in the world.”