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Hudson: Please answer your phone. We need to talk.

Hudson: I can explain everything. Just call me back.

Hudson: Lennon?

Hudson: At least tell me you’re okay.

Hudson: Tell me where you are. Please.

I ignore message after message as well as decline every call Hudson has made over the past half an hour. I’m assuming, given the way my phone started blowing up not long after I left Emma’s, that he’s out of jail.

Is it bad that I almost wish he weren’t?

Tossing my phone onto the passenger seat, not wanting to deal with Hudson right now, I climb from the car before looking up at the large four story hospital in front of me.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. Honestly I had no intention of visiting Gage. I was driving around, feeling more lost and helpless than ever before when I found myself sitting in the visitor parking lot of the county hospital.

Letting out a slow breath, I make my way through the main entrance, turning left to find a reception desk manned by an older lady who barely glances up from her computer when I approach.

“Can you please tell me which room Gage Dawson is in? He was admitted last night.”

“Gage Dawson,” she repeats, continuing to type away on her keyboard. “Room three sixty-four. Take the elevators down the hall to the third floor. Once there, make a left.” 

“Thank you.”

She meets my gaze, gives me a brief nod, and turns her attention back to her computer.

The ride up feels like an eternity. My heart races in my chest, filling the small box with the thud of my nerves. By the time the doors finally slide open, I’ve all but talked myself out of visiting Gage.

It’s crazy really. I don’t know why I care. I shouldn’t care. But deep down I feel like I need to make sure he’s okay.

A part of me feels like I’m to blame for what happened last night. Not entirely given that it wouldn’t have happened had he not kissed me. But I still bear a great deal of weight and no matter what Gage has done, I don’t feel like he deserved what Hudson did to him.

Yes, he’s an incredible asshole. Yes, he’s put me through more shit in the last year than is even close to acceptable. Yes, he’s the reason I have a hard time trusting anyone. But he’s still the man I once saw my future with.

Peppered into all the bad memories are some good ones. Some really good ones. And it’s those memories, those little glimpses of the man Gage has the potential to be, that has me wrapping lightly on the door of room three sixty-four before pushing my way inside.

The room is dim. The overhead lights are turned off and the blinds are drawn, casting an almost orange glow into the room.

“Lennon?” Confusion is clear in Gage’s voice the instant he spots me.

My heart sinks into my stomach when I catch sight of him lying in the bed. He looks awful. His face is bruised and swollen. There are stitches across his left cheek and white tape running along the bridge of his nose. One eye is almost completely swollen shut while the other has a dark bruise underneath it. A deep slit runs down the center of his bottom lip to what appears to be more stitches across his chin.

“I hope it’s okay that I’m here.” Stepping further into the room, I continue, “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice is strained, eyes looking anywhere but at me.

“I know. I can go,” I say, turning.

“No.” I hear the bed shift and turn back to see him sitting up fully in bed. “I said you shouldn’t be here, not that I didn’t want you to be.”

“I’m not here...” I start, but he instantly cuts me off.

“I’m not stupid enough to believe that you being here means you’ve changed your mind.” He shakes his head. “I think that message was delivered pretty clear already.” He gestures to his face.

“I never wanted this to happen.”

“I know you didn’t. And I don’t blame you that it did. It was on me. I was drunk. I pushed myself at you. If you were still mine I would have done the same thing to anyone stupid enough to put his hands on you.”

“You were drunk. And way out of line. But people step out of line every day. You didn’t deserve to end up here because of it.”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Maybe I did.” He pats the mattress and for reasons I don’t fully understand, I close the distance between us and take a seat at the foot of his bed, angling myself to face him. “I’ve done some messed up shit, Len. I’ve hurt you in ways I never wanted to hurt you. I was selfish and scared, and I acted out because of it. I never dreamed it would all blow back on me the way it did. But despite everything, I really did love you. Hell, I still do.”

“Gage.” He holds up a hand to stop me.

“I knew you’d come. I knew you’d come because that’s just who you are. You care about people. Even when you shouldn’t. That’s one of the many things I love about you. You wanted to make sure I was okay even though I don’t deserve it.” He’s so sure of this. Of something I wasn’t even sure of until minutes ago when I found myself outside of the hospital.

“And are you? Okay I mean.”

“I will be.” He offers me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Doctor said I should be released later this afternoon.”

“That’s good news.”

“I’m sorry, Lennon. I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I’m sorry for the cheating and the lies. I’m sorry for how I handled everything that came after. I’m just fucking sorry. I want you to know I’m done. I’m done hurting you. You deserve so much more than I’ve given you and it’s time I step aside and let you find that happiness. Even if it’s not with me.”

“How hard did he hit you?” I joke, wondering who the hell the man sitting in front of me is. It’s like Hudson knocked some actual sense into him.

My stomach churns at the thought of Hudson.

“Pretty fucking hard.” He chuckles, gesturing to his face again.

“Why didn’t you press charges?” I ask, though I’m pretty certain I already know the answer.

“I wish I could tell you I’m not someone swayed by money, but that simply wouldn’t be the truth. After the marathon your boyfriend did on my face, I wasn’t the least bit sorry to take every penny they offered me. But, between you and me, I wasn’t going to press charges anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. I know it’s too little way too fucking late but I’m hoping one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“Gage.”

“I know what we had is over. I know. I’m not asking for that kind of forgiveness.”

“So no more?” I question, feeling like this might be too good to be true.

“I’ll leave you alone, Lennon. You have my word on that. I know my word doesn’t mean shit to you but I’d like the opportunity to change that.”

“I’m sorry everything turned out so messed up.” My chest tightens.

“Me too.”

“So I guess this is goodbye then?” I look at my lap where my hands are knotted before finally meeting his gaze again.

“Looks like it.” He nods.

He reaches over, grimacing as he does, and pats the back of my hand twice before shifting against the stack of pillows behind him.

“Take care of yourself, Gage,” I say, slowly standing.

“You too, Lennon.” He turns his head toward the blind drawn windows and if I didn’t know any better I’d swear I saw tears swimming in his eyes as he did.

Deciding I got what I came here for, I turn and exit the room.

Not really sure how to feel about what just happened, I run it over in my head at least a dozen times as I make my way out of the hospital and to my car.

How did everything shift so quickly? How did Gage go from being the biggest asshole in the world to showing me he actually does have a heart? How does Hudson go from being the center of my world to someone I can’t even think about without wanting to vomit?

How? How? How?

I’ve almost reached my car parked in the back of the lot when I feel the shift. I don’t know how to explain it, but whenever Hudson is near it’s like the atmosphere charges with energy and I can feel it.

Glancing up, my knees nearly buckle under my weight at the sight of him leaning against my car. Hair disheveled, dark aviators pulled down over his eyes. It’s enough to make me momentarily forget why I hate him so much right now.

Only I don’t hate him, not even a little. No matter how much I wish I could. Hating him would make this all so much easier.

I don’t even question how he found me. Clearly, like Gage, Hudson knew I would come here. Normally, I love that he knows me so well, but right now my feelings on the subject are on the other side of the playing field. I’m irritated and annoyed that my efforts to avoid him have failed.

Gathering my resolve, I quickly close the distance between us, not bothering to look at him again as I step past him and attempt to open the driver’s side door of my car.

Before I can pull the handle, Hudson shifts, pressing his weight against the door so I can’t open it.

“Lennon.” His voice is a soft rasp and damn near breaks me. “Lennon,” he repeats when I keep my gaze on the ground. “Fucking look at me.” His desperate plea has my eyes darting to his face even though it’s the last thing I want to do.

“Get out of my way, Hudson,” I grind out, managing to keep the water works that threaten to spill over at bay.

“Steph isn’t my wife.”

“Get out of my way,” I repeat.

“She hasn’t been for a very long time,” he continues as if I didn’t even speak.

“Get out of my way,” I lower my voice in warning.

“Not until you let me explain.”

“Explain what exactly?” I explode, everything I’ve been holding in for the past few hours bubbles over and pours out of me at rapid speed. “Explain how you lied to me? Explain how you conveniently neglected to tell me that you were married? I trusted you.” I shove at his chest. “I trusted you and you fucking lied. You are no better than Gage. Now get the fuck out of my way!” I scream in his face.

“I am nothing like him,” he says the word like it’s poison on his lips. “You’d know that if you’d stop for two fucking minutes and let me explain.” 

“The time for explaining has passed.” I step to the side, attempting to pry open my door even though it won’t budge.

“Seriously?” He spins on me forcefully, causing me to stumble backward a couple of steps. “After everything, you’re just going to turn your back on me so easily?”

“Newsflash, asshole! You’re married!”

“Was married,” he counters just as loudly, stepping toward me. “As in not anymore.”

“So you just happened to be married this morning but not this afternoon.”

“Actually, yes.”

This catches my attention and I pause, trying to wrap my head around what he’s saying.

“Steph was at the courthouse to sign divorce papers. That’s why I called her. We haven’t been together for a long time but because of her family I never made it official. I never thought I’d find someone I’d care for enough that it would even matter. But I did. You, Lennon. I found you. And I knew I was going to have to tell you but every time I opened my mouth to say it the words wouldn’t come out.”

“Well how convenient for you,” I hiss.

“I wasn’t lying to you, Lennon.”

“Omission is the same thing as lying.”

“Maybe so, but the fact still remains that even though Steph and I are legally married, we haven’t actually been together in years.”

“And what about that night? Were you still with her then?” There’s a pause as confusion covers his face. “The weekend after we met. I saw you with her, Hudson. In Nashville. She was the girl you were kissing. So you what? Go on vacation and screw whoever you want before going home to your wife?”

“That’s not what happened.”

“Are you sure? Because it sure as hell seems that way to me.”

“Steph and I hadn’t been together in over two years at that point. That night you saw us together was the first time I had seen her since I moved to Nashville.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Then ask Colton.”

“Right. I’m going to ask your best friend who’s already proven he’s willing to lie for you to give me the truth. God, how stupid do you think I am?”

“Steph is Colton’s younger sister.”

“What?” I take a step back, running a hand through my hair as I try to process this information.

“Do you really believe he would allow me to cheat on his sister?” he questions.

And while I don’t respond, I have to agree I don’t think Colton would turn a blind eye to something like that. At least not from what I know of him. “I told you that our families have been close my entire life. Stephanie and I started dating very young. I loved her, but I was never in love with her to the point that she was the only woman I could see myself with forever. With pressure from my parents and hers, I ignored what I really wanted and did what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. Things were never great between us. I think she knew my heart just wasn’t in it. After Colton and Steph’s dad died everything changed. Things between us deteriorated rapidly and within a few months I was done. I couldn’t pretend anymore. So, I packed everything I owned and moved to Nashville. She didn’t try to stop me and she certainly didn’t come after me.”

“But why not divorce her?” I ask.

“Because her family had already been through so much and I wanted to give them time. I wanted to give her time. It was a very fragile situation, and to be completely honest, at the time I didn’t really think it mattered one way or the other.” He blows out a slow breath. “The night you and Emma came to Nashville was the first time I had seen her in nearly two years. She was there visiting Colton. She had a little too much to drink that night. She sat in my lap, kissing me one minute, then sobbing on my shoulder about how much she missed me the next.”

“Did you sleep with her that night?” I don’t know why I can’t leave it alone, but want to know.

“I almost did,” he admits. “She was familiar and comfortable and a part of me will always love her but nothing about it felt right. I stopped it. She left angry. And that was it. Five years ago. Nothing has happened between us since. Hell, I’ve only seen her maybe twice since.”

“And now you’re not married anymore?” I’m still trying to break all this down and digest it.

“We signed papers today. Our marriage will officially be over once the judge signs off which should be in the next few weeks.”

“Did she know she was here for that?” I ask, suddenly feeling a little bad for her.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I was afraid if I told her the truth she wouldn’t come and I needed her to come. I needed to close that chapter of my life so I can move forward with you.” He takes a step toward me and I don’t step away. “This isn’t how I wanted to do any of this, but Steph’s a Florida resident, so it worked. She’s only a couple hours west of here so I called her to come. The attorney the label sent was more than happy to help. I saw my opportunity to kill two birds with one stone and I took it. I only wish I could have explained everything to you before you were standing face to face with a woman who introduced herself as Mrs. Hudson Demasi.”

“Colton told you.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Lennon. I know I’ve made a mess of all of this but you have to know I never truly lied to you. Yes, I kept the legal aspect of my marriage from you, but Steph and I have been separated for years. I planned to tell you everything today after the papers were filed with the court.”

“Why would she introduce herself as your wife?”

“Because she found out who you were and decided to take a shot. Stephanie has always been very possessive of me. I made it very clear today that I do not belong to her.”

“And what about Gage?” I completely shift gears. “Were you cleared?”

“Based on the fact that he decided not to press charges.”

“Because you paid him off.”

“That was the label, Lennon. Not me. Since he chose not to press charges and your statement to the police, they had no choice but to let me go.”

“So you lie about being married, beat my ex-boyfriend half to death, and you get to walk away. Must be nice to be you.”

“Were you hoping for a different outcome?” Hurt flashes across his face and I instantly feel guilty.

“I don’t know what I was hoping for,” I admit, shuffling my feet.

“I’m sorry about last night.” He reaches out, his hand touching lightly against the side of my neck. I jump at the contact and he pulls away.

“I still don’t understand why.”

“Why what?”

“Why you beat him the way you did.”

“Honestly, I wish I had a good explanation.” He blows out a breath, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair so he can meet my gaze. “I saw his lips on you and I fucking lost it. I know that’s no excuse but if you understood how I feel about you, then why I did this would make perfect sense.”

“You thought he was hurting me.” It’s a statement, not a question.

He nods once and reaches for my hand, wrapping his fingers tightly around mine. “I’m so sorry, Lennon. For everything. Please tell me I haven’t lost you over this.”

I stare into his eyes for a long moment, gauging the fear and doubt that swim behind them as I try to figure out how to respond. A part of me wants to launch myself into his arms and never let him go. The other part of me isn’t sure I know what I want anymore.

“I love you,” he continues when I haven’t said anything. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I’m hoping you’ll choose to give it to me anyway, because you are the one I can see forever with. You fucking own me.” He pulls my hand upward and presses my palm flat against his chest directly over his heart, resting his hand on top of mine. “This is yours. I. Am. Yours.”

Wrapping his other hand around the back of my neck, he pulls me close, dropping his forehead to mine.

“Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”

“You haven’t lost me.” My voice breaks slightly with my admission. An admission I didn’t even mean to make but came out all on its own. And yet oddly enough I know it’s true.

He hasn’t lost me over this. Deep down I know it would never have been over, no matter how prepared I was to wash my hands of him. And while I’m still in shock and upset to learn what I did today, I understand his hesitance to tell me, especially after learning everything I went through with Gage. I don’t dismiss it, but I understand it.

“Thank fuck,” he says, his shoulders sagging as a rush of relief leaves him seconds before his lips press to mine.

I stiffen, not sure if I’m ready to let him back in, but within seconds my body melts against his the way it always has. Even in my anger and confusion, my need for him still outweighs everything else.

“Come on.” Hudson pulls back slightly. “Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I agree, allowing Hudson to take my keys before guiding me around to the passenger side of my car. “How did you get here anyway?” I ask.

“Colton.” He smiles, opening the car door and waiting until I slide inside before shutting it and crossing to the driver’s side.

“He probably hates me after today,” I tell him once he’s settled into the seat next to me.

“Quite the opposite actually. He was pretty impressed with how you stuck to your guns when he tried to keep you away from the courthouse.” He smirks, sliding his aviators back onto his face.

“Really?” I question, snapping my seatbelt in place seconds before Hudson pulls my car out of its parking spot.

“I believe his exact words were – that girl really loves the hell out of you.”

“I gave him a pretty hard time,” I admit.

“You had a right to. I put you both in an impossible situation. I promise it won’t happen again.” He glances my way briefly before turning his gaze back to the road.

“I just want to go home and forget the last twenty-four hours ever happened. Do you think we could do that?”

“I think that can be arranged. First food, then sleep. You look exhausted.”

“Me?” I question dramatically. “Have you looked in the mirror lately?” Even though he couldn’t look more handsome if he tried.

It’s clear he’s had one hell of a night, but damn if he doesn’t still look like absolute perfection.

“Is that your way of saying I look like shit?” He chuckles, reaching across the center console to take my hand, entwining his fingers with mine.

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to look like shit.” I roll my eyes, turning my gaze out the window.

“Lennon.” Hudson’s soft voice pulls my attention back to him. “I really am sorry. For everything.”

“I know.” I squeeze his hand. “I am too. For Gage, for running off, for not allowing you to explain...”

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” He lifts our connected hands and lays a soft kiss to the back of mine. “This was all on me. All you did was stop me from committing murder, stayed at the police station all night to make sure I was okay, and then refused to let anyone stop you from being there when a judge decided my fate. You fought for me, Lennon. You fought for me in a way I should have fought for you. In a way I will always fight for you in the future.”

“I like the sound of that.” I sigh, settling back into my seat.

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