––––––––

“Hey.” Starr comes waltzing into my room with her open laptop balanced in her hand.

“Thanks for knocking,” I tell her, tossing the book I was attempting to read onto the nightstand.

“My house.” She sticks out her tongue and drops down on the bed next to me, nudging me with her hip so I’ll scoot over and give her some room.

“What are you doing?” I ask, sitting completely upright with my legs outstretched in front of me.

“I need to show you something,” she says, clicking on her keyboard before sliding the computer onto my lap.

The second I see Hudson’s name at the top of the video, I push it back toward her. Having spent the last four days bouncing between work, Emma’s house, and the hospital, on top of getting crap for sleep the past few nights, I am in no mood for whatever game she’s playing.

“Stop.” She grabs the top of the screen, preventing me from moving the computer more than an inch. “I just need you to see something.”

“I don’t want to see it,” I tell her, refusing to look at the screen.

“Please, Lenny. You really do need to see this.” She clicks on a key and Hudson’s voice instantly fills the space.

The sound causes tears to sting my eyes and a thick knot to form in the back of my throat. But then I hear her voice and my stomach churns. Even after all is said and done, a part of me still blames Annabelle for how everything fell apart. I can’t help but think if she wasn’t part of the equation then maybe Hudson and I would still be together.

“I’m not watching this.” I look directly at my sister.

“Just wait a second,” she tells me impatiently, fast-forwarding through the video. “Okay there, she’s gone.”

Even though it’s the last thing I want to do, my eyes turn toward the screen, my chest exploding in an all-consuming ache that makes it damn near impossible to breathe the instant my eyes land on Hudson. It’s a video shot by someone in the audience. The camera pointed up at him in all his glory. God, I had almost forgotten how gorgeous he was. I knead my lip between my teeth, not sure what I’m waiting for but knowing it better happen soon before I have a complete and total meltdown.

“This was recorded three nights ago at a festival in Ohio,” Starr tells me. “Watch the whole thing,” she says, patting my leg before quickly climbing out of the bed.

The door latches moments later but I’m too glued to the screen to look up. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until this very moment. Or maybe I did but I was too stubborn to admit it to myself.

He looks out over the crowd, his shirt wet with sweat, face red, and my god if he’s not the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.

My heart beats a little faster.

“I’m gonna get serious with you all for a moment if that’s okay?” He grins at the random hoots and whistles coming from the audience. “I wrote a song recently. It was brutal; the whole process ripped me apart. Because, a few weeks ago someone walked out of my life and left a huge hole in it. I’m sure some of you have been there.” The crowd gasps at his every word and so do I. “So I dealt with it the only way I knew how. I wrote a fucking song about it.” He chuckles and the crowd laughs with him.

I don’t even have to guess if he’s talking about me. I know he is and the fact that he’s standing up on stage pouring his heart out to his fans does something to my insides I can’t quite explain.

“You guys wanna hear it?” he asks and the audience erupts in response. “It’s the first song off my second album and this is the first time anyone is hearing it.” The crowd cheers even louder. “Well alright then. I’m going to strip it down for you since the band hasn’t done this one before.” He smiles and even though I can’t see his dimple, I know it’s there. I can see it as if he’s standing right in front of me.

He takes a seat on a stool in the middle of the stage and slides his guitar strap over his neck. “This song is called Tequila Burn and I hope you like it,” he adds after adjusting the microphone into its stand. Seconds later his fingers begin moving along the strings.

I’m completely paralyzed. I can’t move, can’t breathe. All I can do is watch Hudson in the middle of the stage. Just him and his guitar. One solitary light shining on him. Illuminating him in a way that almost makes him look other worldly.

He closes his eyes as he starts to sing and I swear it’s like he’s singing just for me.

“It’s easy to lose yourself in a tequila haze. To let the music carry you away. The feel of your hands warm on my chest. The way I felt by the press of your lips. But when the fog cleared and you were gone the urge to feel the burn was still too strong. I’m addicted to your taste, your touch, your smell, and this bottle of tequila reminds me too well.”

Tears pour down my face. The emotion – the pure rawness of his performance is enough to bring anyone to tears. Knowing that I did this. That I put that pain there. That I’m the reason he’s hurting rips the hole in my chest wide open and I swear everything I’ve been holding inside pours out of me.

I’m sobbing by the time the song ends, the sound of the audience fresh in my ears as I shove the laptop aside and head for the door. When I pull it open Starr is standing on the other side with a knowing look on her face.

“He’s at the beach house,” she’s says, dangling a set of keys in front of me.

“How do you know that?” I ask, my voice hoarse.

“I saw the Chevelle there this afternoon.” She shoves the car keys into my hand. “Now do us all a favor and go get your man back.”

“Starr,” I start to object.

“Don’t.” She holds her hand up to silence me. “You saw the same thing I did on that video. A man does not write a song like that about a woman he’s not still insanely in love with. He’s hurting, Lenny. You’re hurting, no matter how much you try to pretend you’re not. Stop fighting this and accept that you made a mistake. You thought things would be easier without him and you were wrong.”

“What if he doesn’t want me back?” I voice my real concern, knowing everything she said is true a billion times over. I knew I made a mistake the instant he drove away and I’ve spent weeks trying to convince myself otherwise.

“Did you watch the video?” she asks me like the question couldn’t be stupider. “Now go.” She pulls me from the bedroom and shoves me down the hallway.

“I need to change,” I object, having thrown on black athletic shorts and a racer back tank when I got home from work. My hair is up in a messy knot looking a complete hot mess.

“You look fine.” She gives me a quick once over. “Now put these on.” She tosses a pair of flip flops at me.

“Okay. Okay,” I say, quickly slipping them on.

“And Lenny.” She stops me as I turn toward the front door. “Good luck.” She gives me an encouraging smile.

“Thank you.” I force a smile despite the fact that I feel like an entire family of butterflies has invaded my stomach and are flapping around wildly.

—-

It takes me less than fifteen minutes to reach the beach house. As Starr said, the Chevelle is parked in the driveway which means Hudson must be here. Pulling up next to his car, I park and quickly climb out. I don’t think – I simply act, knowing if I do I’ll surely talk myself out of this.

Knocking on the front door feels so completely out of place. It seems like only yesterday this was my home. In a way it will always feel that way no matter what happens tonight.

I wait rather impatiently for a full two minutes, knocking several times over that course, but I hear nothing. Following the path that leads around the side of the house, I enter the gate code before stepping around back.

I spot Hudson before my feet even hit the sand. He’s sitting a few feet back from the water, his knees pulled up to his chest. His gaze is locked on the waves as they roll in, one after the other.

I slip off my flip flops and slide them onto the deck before quietly crossing the beach toward him. My heart is hammering so loudly in my chest I swear there’s no way he can’t hear it as I approach.

When I finally reach him, I spot the bottle of tequila dangling in his hand. I expect him to look up, acknowledge my presence, but it’s like he’s so lost in himself that he doesn’t realize I’m here.

Pulling in a shaky breath, I step next to him and without a word, slide down onto the sand beside him. Crossing my legs, I reach for the bottle of tequila, sliding it from his hand right as his gaze comes to mine.

I take a long pull from the bottle, feeling Hudson’s eyes on the side of my face the entire time. I take a second swig, feeling like a little liquid courage might do me some good right about now, before handing the bottle back to Hudson.

When I finally meet his gaze his expression is guarded, his eyes unsure, and the coil in the pit of my stomach tightens.

He stares at me for a long moment – the space between us zapping with energy – but he doesn’t say a word. I start to wonder if I misread the video; the song he wrote. Maybe that was his way of letting me go, not hanging onto me.

Eventually he breaks the connection, turning his gaze back out to the gulf just as he lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a pull.

“I...” I start, feeling like I might suffocate under the heavy silence.

“Every time I drink Tequila I think of you,” he says, his voice hoarse as he looks down at the bottle in his hand. “I remember you. How you taste. How you smell. How you feel. How you look when you’re lying beneath me. I remember it all, Lennon. And fuck me, but no matter how much it fucking hurts I never want to forget a single moment of it.” His voice breaks slightly at the end and it’s all I can do to not burst into tears right on the spot.

How did I ever think I could give him up? In what crazy reality did I believe a life without him would be better than a life with him? I felt so sure at the time and now I can’t seem to wrap my head around it.

“I don’t either,” I respond, my chin quivering as I watch him stare out at the water which is perfectly illuminated by the moon.

“I can’t do this without you, Lennon.” When he turns back to me there are tears in his eyes. Like a sledgehammer straight to my chest, all the air leaves my lungs in an instant and I struggle to pull in another breath. “I know this is what you wanted, but it was never what I wanted. All I want is you. I meant what I said. I’ll give it all up. I thought being a musician was the only thing that could ever make me happy. But then I met you and I realized it’s not about the music, it’s about what inspires the music. And you, Lennon, you are what inspires the music. What inspires me. You are what matters. None of it means a single thing without you.”

“Hudson.” I lay my hand on his forearm and I swear a shock runs all the way up my arm. “You...” I start, but he cuts in like he can’t get the words out fast enough.

“I didn’t sleep with Annabelle. I never touched her, Lennon. I swear. You have to believe me.”

“I do,” I admit.

“What can I do? What do I have to do? I’ll do anything.” The desperation in his voice, the fear in his eyes – it’s truly more than I can bear.

“You don’t have to do anything,” I say. “I’m yours. I never stopped being yours.”

“What are you saying?” He seems hesitant to believe it could possibly be that easy.

“I’m saying I love you. I’m saying that I’m lost without you. I’m saying that I want our life back. I want you back. I want it all. Everything has felt so empty, so wrong, since you left. There’s been this constant weight on my chest making it almost impossible to breathe.”

“I know the feeling,” he murmurs, capturing my chin between his thumb and index finger as his dark eyes bore into mine. “I meant what I said. I’m prepared to walk away from music if that’s what it takes. I can’t lose you.”

“You aren’t going to lose me. Not again. And you’re not giving up music. Music is who you are and I love who you are.”

“But I already lost you once to it.”

“It’s not the music or the fame that drove me away. It was the fear that I was being left behind.” 

“It’s not possible for you to be left behind when you’re always right in front of me. You are my number one, Lennon. Even when I was too stupid to see I wasn’t putting you first like I should have been, you’ve always been my top priority.”

“I separated myself from your world. No matter how many times you tried to bring me into the game, I insisted on staying on the sidelines. I was afraid. Afraid that if I let myself into your world I’d have nothing left of myself to come back to when it all fell apart. I punished you for what Gage did to me in my past. I had convinced myself that nothing this good ever lasts and I think I was waiting for the other shoe to drop all along. I had a really hard time believing that I could hold your interest forever. You’re Hudson James. A man who can have any woman he wants. How could I possibly compete with that?”

“By being the only woman I see. Because that’s what you are. You’re it for me, Lennon Claire. I think I knew it the moment you slid up next to me at that bar nearly six years ago.”

“You just felt indebted to me for not letting you die of thirst,” I tease, feeling the heaviness evaporate into the warm summer breeze that dances around us.

“Well that was appreciated too.” He smiles for the first time since I sat down and I swear the action sends a whoosh through my stomach that mirrors the waves crashing against the sand.

“I need to be a part of your world, Hudson.”

“You are my world.”

“But I mean I need to be in it. Not standing off to the side. I want you to get to live your dream every day for the rest of your life. I want you to share your magic with the world. Record records, tour every inch of this earth. I want you to do it all. And I want to be right there by your side as you do.”

“Are you saying...”

“Where you go I go. My home isn’t here. It’s with you. I don’t care where we are or what we’re doing, as long as we’re together. You’ve given us a hundred percent from day one. It’s about time I do the same.”

“What about your job? I know how much it means to you.”

“It doesn’t mean as much to me as you do. I have enough money saved to get me through for a while and I can always come back if I need to.”

“You won’t need to come back to it.”

“Who knows, maybe one day when things settle down I’ll be able to work for myself.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my entire life. I love—”

His lips are on mine before I get out another word. His hand snakes around the back of my neck as he kisses me hard and deep, his tongue sliding against mine sends my entire body swirling in an inferno.

“I’ve missed you so much.” He shifts, leaving the bottle of tequila abandoned on the sand as he presses into me.

I take his weight, relishing how good it feels when he’s settled over me, the powdery sand soft against my back.

“I’ve missed you,” I gasp, instantly reaching for his shirt which comes off seconds later.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much.” His mouth against my neck, his lips dancing around my pulse, up my jaw, and along the sensitive skin below my ear.

“I love you.”

He grinds his already rock hard length against me.

It’s been so long. Too long. My body aches to feel him buried inside of me.

“Make love to me, Hudson.” I pull his face back to mine, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth.

His head shoots up, doing a quick sweep of the beach.

“Wrap your arms around my neck,” he instructs, waiting until I’ve done so before sliding an arm underneath my back and lifting me from the sand.

He straightens, securing me against his chest as he turns and heads toward the house. My legs are wrapped tightly around his waist, my lips sliding across his as he carries me effortlessly through the sand.

We’re on the deck and through the back door in next to no time at all. The second the door latches closed behind us he presses me against it.

“Do you remember the first time we made love in this house?” His lips slide across the base of my throat as he slowly slides the hem of my shirt upward.

“Yes.” My skins burning hot despite the cool air that washes over me as Hudson pulls my tank over my head and drops it to the floor.

“Do you remember how I pressed you against the glass?” He bucks upward, rubbing his erection against the thin material of my shorts. I whimper, the friction only intensifying my need.

“Yes.” My lips find his again and I kiss him hard, grinding against him, desperate for him.

“Do you want me to fuck you like that again, Lennon?” He smiles against my lips, clearly enjoying how crazy he’s making me.

“God yes.”

His hand slides between us, his finger grazing the crease of my leg along the seam of my panties causing me to cry out.

Hudson moves so fast I’ve barely processed my feet hitting the ground before I’m facing the other way, my bare torso pressed flatly against the glass. Luckily the lights are off so it’s unlikely anyone can see us, not that I care at the present moment. I’m too focused on Hudson’s touch. On how his hot breath dances across my bare back as he slowly slides my shorts and panties to my ankles. On the way his hand tightens against my hip as he pulls my back end out further. On the sound of his zipper going down. On the feel of him lining his hard length at my entrance. On the groan that leaves his lips as he pushes forward.