HUDSON
I trail my hand up and down Lennon’s arm, loving the way her soft skin prickles under my touch while she sleeps.
It’s been quite possibly the longest fucking day of my life and yet I can’t seem to bring myself to close my eyes.
Lennon dosed off not long after I got her home. She was exhausted. That much was clear when she crawled into bed, curled into my side, and was sound asleep five minutes later.
I thought for sure I’d be out by now, yet here I lay nearly an hour later staring down at the beautiful blonde waves that fall down Lennon’s back, not able to stop thinking about how I nearly lost her today.
When I walked out of that courtroom and learned what had transpired, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so terrified in my entire life.
Lennon wouldn’t answer my calls or texts. Then I showed up at her condo and she wasn’t home. I had Colton take me to the hospital next. I had a gut feeling she’d be there. Sure enough, I spotted her car seconds after pulling into the hospital parking lot.
I was prepared for a lot of things but seeing the clear indication that Lennon had been crying wasn’t one of them. I took one look at her face and it felt like my insides were being ripped from my body. I don’t ever want to see that again. I don’t ever want to feel what I felt earlier today ever again.
I fucked up with the Steph thing. I know I did. I should have come right out and told her in the beginning. But I was afraid of how she would react. Unfortunately keeping it from her this long and having her find out the way she did made the situation so much worse than it should have been.
I try to imagine what Lennon felt in that moment. Having a woman introduce herself as my wife. If roles were reversed I think I would have quite literally lost my fucking mind. I hate that I put her in that position to begin with. She didn’t deserve it and Colton didn’t deserve to be put in the middle of the woman I love and his own sister.
“I don’t understand why now,” Steph had said, sitting across the table from me looking more wounded than I expected her too.
“Because I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“You can’t possibly know that after a few short weeks. Besides, she’s all wrong for you. You have to know that. She’s only with you because...”
“Don’t,” I’d cut her off, refusing to hear her say one bad thing about Lennon. “You don’t know anything about her, Steph, so don’t sit there and act like you see it all so clearly. You and I had our shot and it didn’t work. That’s all this needs to be about.”
“What if I’m still in love with you?”
“We both know you’re not.”
I wasn’t sure how the whole process would play out. Steph and I have always been something much deeper than a couple. We’ve been family since we were children. We still are. I was hoping that would be the thing that would carry us through today.
No matter how badly Steph may not have wanted to sign those papers, at the end of the day she did it because we mean more to each other than a failed marriage. Even if our relationship didn’t work, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still love her in the way you love family. I will always care about her as I’m sure she will me. I could tell she wanted to make it hard for me, but because our past runs so deep and she could see how much this meant to me, she opted not to. For that I’ll forever be grateful.
Lennon shifts slightly in my arms and I take it as an opportunity to pull her closer, breathing in her sweet scent.
I’ve made an incredible mess of things over the last twenty four hours but I’m determined to make it right. I only have six weeks before I leave on tour and I can’t leave knowing any part of her doesn’t trust me. I may not deserve it, but if we have any hope of making this work while I’m on the road we both have to trust each other completely.
And there’s no way I’ll accept anything less.