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“Please tell me you have ice cream,” Emma announces, not even bothering to knock before she pushes her way inside the front door.

“I have ice cream.” I laugh, looking up from my laptop that’s resting across my legs just as she appears in the mouth of the hallway.

“I swear to god I’m going to weigh five hundred pounds by the time this baby is born.” She drops her keys on the kitchen island before heading directly toward the refrigerator.

“I highly doubt that,” I tell her as she rifles through the freezer, reemerging with a half-gallon of Cherry Cordial ice cream moments later.

“I’m serious, Len. Look at me.” She holds her arms out, showing off her growing belly.

“Pretty sure that’s all baby.” I laugh, watching her grab a spoon from the silverware drawer before joining me on the couch.

Plopping down on the opposite end, she props her feet up on the coffee table and peels the lid off the ice cream before settling the tub on her belly.

Emma is about half way through her pregnancy and I swear she only gets cuter as the weeks go by. Though it’s clear she doesn’t see it that way.

“That’s what you think.” She digs the spoon into the creamy goodness before shoveling a large bite into her mouth. “Oh my god.” She groans around the bite. “I swear ice cream tastes a million times better now. I can’t stop eating it. I go to bed thinking about it, dream about it, and then wake up wondering how pathetic I would be if I had a big bowl for breakfast.”

“That’s me on a normal day and I don’t have an excuse. Guess that’s why I’ve never been able to get rid of my ass.” I laugh, snapping my laptop closed before sliding it onto the coffee table. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I had a few errands to run this morning. Drove by and saw your car in the driveway, so I decided to stop in.”

“So you came to see me or you had a sudden craving for ice cream?” I ask, my voice riddled with laughter.

She thinks on that for a long moment. “Both. I feel like I never see you anymore. Seriously, what’s it been, a month?”

“I saw you last week,” I remind her. “Remember, you and Robert came to the birthday dinner that Starr and Mark had for me.”

“Oh yeah. Now I remember. The dinner where you moped all evening because your hot country singer couldn’t come.”

“I did not mope.”

Though if I did, I totally had a right to. Starr had planned a special twenty-eighth birthday dinner for me and she’d scheduled it around Hudson’s availability,  but he ended up canceling the day of the dinner saying he got tied up. And of course, Starr told me all of this thirty seconds after I had walked in the door, instantly putting a damper on my mood.

It means a lot that she tried, I just wish she hadn’t told me because I ended up spending the whole evening disappointed that he couldn’t make it and wondering what he was tied up doing that prevented him from coming.

He did somewhat make up for it the next day – my actual birthday – when a man showed up at my front door, serenaded me with ‘Happy Birthday’ while holding twenty-eight long stem roses. It was totally something Hudson would do. I can’t help but smile when I think about it.

“You totally moped.” Emma pulls me back to the present. “You played it off well but I could tell.”

“I can’t ever get anything past you, can I?”

“Nope.” She smiles, shoveling another bite of ice cream into her mouth. “How’s all that going anyway?” she asks after swallowing.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean? With Hudson, duh.”

“It’s good.”

“It’s good,” she mocks me. “It doesn’t sound good.”

“I miss him.” I blow out a breath. “A lot.”

“Is the show you and Starr went to the last time you saw him?”

“Yep. Five weeks ago.” I nod, pulling my legs up.

“Do you know when you’ll get to see him next?” She swirls her spoon in the carton.

“He’s doing that huge country festival in Georgia at the end of this month.”

“Shine Fest?”

“Yep.”

“God I wish I wasn’t pregnant. That’s the festival that sells like every flavor of moonshine you could possibly think of.”

“You could still come with me. Colton has four tickets for me. Since it’s a three day festival I thought maybe I’d make a whole weekend of it.”

“Is Hudson going to be there the whole time?”

“No, he’s playing Friday but has another show Saturday in Tennessee, so he’ll probably leave shortly after his set is over. We should get some time together Friday before he goes on.”

“Who’s headlining Friday night?”

“Travis Travers. Hudson goes on right before him.”

“Well at least you know Starr is in.” She snorts.

“Oh, she’s already claimed one of the tickets and Sandy claimed the other. I was saving the last one for you.”

“I’ll pass. As much as I would love to go, I just don’t think I’d be any fun.”

“You realize your pregnant, not dead, right?”

“Then why do I feel dead most days?” She lays her head back and lets out a dramatic sigh.

“Come on, Em. Please.” I pout out my lower lip, not above begging.

“Not a chance.” She shoots me down instantly. “The last thing I want to do is go to a festival where everyone is drunk off their asses and I can’t drink. Thanks but no thanks.”

“You suck.” I stretch my leg out and nudge her with my foot.

“Do you not get to see him before then?” She changes course.

“I’m not sure. Since you bailed on me I’m super busy at work.” I smile. “Plus he’s on the west coast right now, so coming home for even a day is just about impossible. His shows were more spread out when the tour first started but now he’s doing four or five a week and can’t really get away.”

“That must suck. I can’t imagine going a day without seeing Robert.”

“It’s not ideal, that’s for sure.”

“But I bet you appreciate the time you have with him more.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I agree. “It’s just hard to enjoy when the whole time all I can think about is how long it’s going to be until I get to see him again.”

“It won’t last forever.” She gives me a soft smile, leaning forward to set the carton of ice cream on the coffee table.

“Seems that way.” I huff. “I mean, it’s worth it don’t get me wrong. He makes me happier than I could have ever thought possible. I just wish I would have realized how hard being away from him would be.”

“And how’s the Annabelle situation?” she asks, knowing firsthand how knotted up I’ve been over her. If there’s one person I don’t sensor my feelings around it’s Emma.

“Who knows.” I shrug. “I know they spend a lot of time together, obviously, and while he’s been very reassuring, I can’t help but feel like he downplays how much time they’re together.”

“He probably doesn’t want you to worry. Can’t say I blame him. I know it’s hard on you but I can see how it could be hard on him too. You’re worried and he’s worried that you’re worried. Relationships fail over a lot less. I think it’s amazing that you guys are making it work regardless of the impossible situation.”

“That’s just it though, some days I wonder if we are making it work or if we’re just fooling ourselves into believing we are.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” I sigh. “When I’m with him everything feels right. When I’m not, I wonder how much longer we can realistically go on like this.”

“Celebrities have relationships like the rest of us. It has to be possible and if anyone can figure it out it’s you and Hudson.”

“I wish I shared your confidence.”

“That man loves you, Lennon. Look around. He bought you this freaking house for crying out loud. If that doesn’t say he’s serious about you and your relationship then I don’t know what does.”

“I guess.”

“You guess?” She looks at me like I’ve grown five heads. “Who are you and what have you done with my spit fire, sure of everything and never lets anything stand in her way, best friend?”

“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “I know it sounds weird but I feel like my life is on hold and it’s starting to weigh on me. More than anything, I want to be with Hudson, but I feel like as the weeks go by I recognize less and less about myself. I can’t go five minutes without thinking about him. Everything I do is to get me to the point when I can see him again. I’m just wondering what kind of life I’m really living.”

“Hey.” Emma leans forward and pats my leg. “I know this isn’t easy but I also know that what you have with Hudson doesn’t come along every day. Whether you realize it now or not, you’ll figure it out.”

“I hope so.” I force a smile even though this conversation has only further dampened the bad mood I woke up in.

“I know so.”

“Okay, enough with the heavy.  How’s everything in baby land? Still determined not to find out the sex?”

“Yep. Robert wants to know so bad but I refuse. I want to be surprised.”

“I’m with Robert on this one.” I laugh when she glares at me. “I’m not even the baby’s parent and I’m dying to know if I’m going to have a cute little niece or a handsome little nephew.”

“Well you only have to wait a few short months and you’ll find out.”

“So mean.” I laugh, thankful to be focusing on something else for a change.

I spend enough time obsessing over mine and Hudson’s relationship. In the beginning, while a little scared, I felt confident and excited to see where this road would take us. Now, I find myself tied up in knots more often than not, wondering about what he’s doing and who he’s with.

Every time I crawl into our bed and pull the blankets over myself all I can think about is Annabelle. I’m a woman possessed by jealousy and uncertainty, and that isn’t me. Or at least it didn’t used to be.

I shake off the thought and refocus on Emma.

We spend the next hour talking all things baby. By the time she leaves just after three in the afternoon, I feel slightly better. Emma has a way of grounding me and making me feel like myself in a way no one else can.

I guess that’s the perk of being friends with someone for so long. Most times they know you better than you know yourself.

I’ve no more than closed the door behind her when my phone springs to life on the island. Quickly crossing the kitchen, I snatch it up, smiling when I see Hudson’s smiling face staring back at me.

“Hello.”

“Hey babe.” I hear the smile in his voice and it instantly warms my insides.

Maybe Emma’s right. Maybe we can find a way to make this work. He’s only got a little over two months left of his tour, and even though I know another is coming, I also know that he will be hitting the studio in the coming months which means we will get to have some semblance of normalcy for at least a little while.

So with that I do my best to push past all the doubts and worry swirling in my gut and focus on what really matters. Hudson and how crazy about him I am.

Some people say love isn’t enough. I’m determined to prove them wrong.