Chapter Three: I Burst Like the Freaking Fort Peck Dam
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you want to wring me by the neck and feed me to flesh-eating turtles. Beth!”
“I don’t want to do those things to you, okay, fine, maybe not the second one.”
I’m lying on my stomach, on my bed observing my two best friends and witnessing a very surreal, Freaky Friday-like moment. Is soul switching possible? If so, then it’s definitely what happened to Megan and Beth. I should ask them if they had Chinese food recently, but I don’t really want to poke that particular bear right now.
How do I approach this gently?
“Guys, would you stop pacing? I’m getting a headache here.”
Their banter immediately stops, and a guilty expression crosses their faces. I’m sick of everyone treating me like I’m made of freaking glass and looking at me like I’ll crack any second. We were doing fine a minute ago; they were discussing the latest development in my love life like the morning news. Then I had to open my big mouth, and suddenly everyone’s on alert to dial 911—wonderful.
“Sorry, we were just…” Megan stuttered and mentally, I smacked myself around.
“I understand and I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have snapped at you guys like that but just…just sit down and stop threatening to violently kill each other.”
That got rid of the tension. But it wasn’t the only problem, by far. The two of them settle down and it begins again. I’ve just told them about Lan’s visit to me yesterday, and it’s caused some strong reactions. It’s also obvious that at some point I told them about what happened at the beach house, what Cole did, and everything up to the point where I basically crushed him with my words in the parking lot. They weren’t happy. I had to barricade the door to prevent Beth from stabbing Cole. Hey, he hurt me, but I still want the guy alive and breathing.
Now, however, after what Lan told me about Erica and her history with Cole, I’m all kinds of confused, and my best friends aren’t helping. They’re like the devil and angel on either side of my shoulders, making me question everything.
Beth, the always practical and pragmatic no-nonsense kind of girl, has told me to go with my gut and not immediately give up on Cole. I want to believe her, accept what she has to say to me and go with it more than anything else right now.
But then there’s Megan.
“Don’t you think it’s just a little convenient? He just happened to be so drunk that he couldn’t remember what he did? And doesn’t it seem unrealistic that he’d confess to you when he was hazy about the details? Why would he throw away everything for what could be a misunderstanding?”
Megan voiced all the questions I didn’t want to ask.
I sigh as they start arguing again. I don’t know; I absolutely don’t know what to do or whom to trust. The only person that could give me some answers is also the person I want to feed to the three-headed dog in Harry Potter.
Yeah, it’s better if Erica and I don’t ever cross paths again.
“Tessa, think of it this way—you have nothing to lose. If you just talk to Cole…ask him what he really remembers about that night, then maybe…maybe you could finally have some closure. That’s the worst-case scenario; you could move on.” Beth sighs, plopping down on the bed beside me.
My brother has made her quite the optimist; I want to puke. The words move on swirl inside me, twisting my heart and causing all kinds of visions to flash in my head. Me with someone else, Cole with someone else, and eventually we’d become strangers.
It’d be like I never met him. We’d be dismissed as the doomed high school couple people knew would never make it into the real world. One more casualty of puppy love—the thought breaks my heart.
“And what if Lan’s wrong?” I whisper. “What if something did happen? I can’t go through that again.”
“That’s why we need to think this through.” Megan is our voice of reason right now, and I’m clinging to her. She joins us on the bed too, leaning against the headboard. “Don’t rush into it; you could just be setting yourself up for disappointment.”
That’s what I fear the most.
***
“Hey.”
I smile widely at my brother, who hands me a cup of coffee. He’s all dressed up wearing a button-down shirt and slacks. He’s even managed to tame his hair, which is quite a big feat for someone from a family that has obvious issues with frizz. Looking at Travis, I can’t be more thankful for how far he’s come. If he were in the same headspace he’d been in last year, Travis wouldn’t have known that I’m graduating today, let alone dress up for the occasion.
But now? He’d been up and going even before I got a chance to wake up, and he treated me to his special Kit Kat pancakes.
“Yeah?”
“Where’d you go?” he asks, his lips tilting up in amusement.
“I just feel happy. We’ve never had the best parents, but right now I feel like I have all the family I’ll ever need.”
To my utter embarrassment, my eyes begin to tear up, while Travis’s eyes reveal panic. Remember the thing about fragile glass? Well, you’re witnessing yet another effect of it. Quickly I wipe away the tears from my face, sniff, and let out a mortified chuckle. “I’m sorry; I didn’t really mean to be such a girl.”
Travis doesn’t say anything; he just hugs me close and kisses the top of my head.
“You know I’m really proud of you, right?” he says when he lets me go.
I snort, “Yeah, right. You literally had to watch me like a hawk the past month while I moped around. I just…I blocked you out; I blocked everyone and everything out. How could you be proud of someone like that?”
“Do you think after everything I put you through the last two years, I would be in any position to judge you? Tess…I…” he struggles to get the words out, and I hurt for him and all the guilt he carries. “I abandoned you when you needed me the most. If anything, you should hate me but you don’t. You still look at me like…”
“Like you’re my hero.” I leave no room for an argument. “You’re the only person in this family who’s never made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough for Mom to stay or even attend my graduation,” a bitter laugh leaves my mouth, “Dad’s only coming because the school requires him to be there. With parents like that, no wonder we turned out the way we did. But you make things better; you always did.”
I wasn’t wrong when I noticed how Travis’s eyes glistened and this time I hug him, holding my brother a little tighter because he’s been there for me in a way no brother should have to. He’s gone above and beyond what’s asked of an older brother and I appreciate that so much today. Whatever this day brings and no matter how much my life changes, I know that Travis will always be watching out for me.
***
We are waiting for the ceremony to begin, teetering around the gym while the parents and other guests sit down. Without even noticing that I’m doing it, my eyes keep darting around the space looking for a certain someone.
I haven’t seen him since the parking lot incident. I skipped prom and heard that he did, too, even though he was voted prom king. Lauren, the cheerleading captain, had been crowned prom queen. When Cole didn’t show up, they gave the crown to Jay, who was the runner-up.
I can only imagine what that did to Jay’s “always second best” complex. Poor guy.
But now, right here, it’s inevitable. I will see him eventually, and the new information that I hold has me all kinds of twisted and knotted. I don’t know what I’m feeling. A part of me wants to see him, is craving his presence, but another is dreading looking into those soulful blue eyes and seeing the hurt behind them.
Let’s just call me bipolar and get it over with.
“Looking good, O’Connell.” Lan has his arm looped around my waist and kisses my cheek before I even know what’s happening. I place a hand on his chest and create some space between us. Clearly, they don’t teach you the meaning of personal space in military school.
Cole has the same problem.
My friends watch him with gaping mouths as I stutter, “W-what are you doing?”
“I’m telling you that you look beautiful because my best friend obviously can’t.” He grins.
He’s being charming! How am I supposed to react to that and why…I whirl around looking for Cole; he must be close by. I don’t see anyone from the Stone family, though, and they’re a hard bunch to miss, given their striking looks. Disappointment courses through me, and it’s a feeling I’m becoming very well acquainted with.
Shaking my head, I introduce him to Megan and Beth and, being the perfect picture of social etiquette, they immediately bombard him with questions and, well, accusations, courtesy of Megan. We slip out inconspicuously and head to the empty courtyard toward the back of the school. The ceremony won’t start for another thirty minutes, and we won’t be needed until the last ten. Maybe that time will help us all make sense of what’s happening.
“Do you really believe what you told her? You think nothing happened between Cole and what’s-her-face?” Beth asks Lan as the four of us sit on the steps.
He doesn’t even think about his answer for a second. “Absolutely. I know that girl; she’s one hundred and ten percent of crazy locked inside that pint-sized body. She showed up knowing what she wanted to do and she did it…successfully. But you can’t let her walk her crazy ass into the sunset, Tessa.”
Confusion and even more of it sweeps through me, making my head ache. I don’t respond to him and instead let my pair of angel and devil battle it out.
“But no one’s that drunk that they just believe whatever they’re told. Something must have happened, something Cole was very aware of.”
Thank you, Megan.
“She could’ve gotten him drunk to the point that he wouldn’t have the sense to know what he was doing. Trust me on this; I’ve been there, and it can happen. Everyone’s heard of a drunken girl being taken advantage of; why can’t it happen to a guy? Say they did kiss and maybe did something more, Cole didn’t do it intentionally.”
Nicely put, Beth.
I groan and rub my temples. There’s no point arguing and hypothesizing when we all know that the only way to get to the truth is to talk to Cole and Erica.
I hate how I just thought of their names together; it sounds wrong.
“You know what you have to do, Tessa.” Lan tries to calm us down. “Talk to him; ask him to find out what really happened. He won’t lie to you; you already know that. The guy thought he’d done something wrong and he blabbed it all out to you without even checking if the story was straight. There’s nothing he won’t tell you.”
I think about what everyone’s said as we all head up to get our caps and gowns. I’m near my best friends since our last names are literally in alphabetic order, but that also places me near the Stones. First Cole, followed by Jay. I see Jay first, since he’s headed right toward me with a big smile on his face. For the second time today, I’m hugged against my will. What I wouldn’t give to live in a world where people didn’t touch you unless you specifically asked them to.
“Can you believe we’re graduating?” He grins, and I can see why he still has legions of girls falling all over him. He’s the perfect all-American nice guy, the guy you want to marry, the guy your parents want you to marry. I can now see clearly why I’d thought that he was the love of my life. For me, Jay had represented perfection, something I could never attain. He was everything I thought I needed to have the perfect life. But then I met someone who taught me that it was okay to not be perfect and to accept and love the imperfections of others.
Jay isn’t perfect to me anymore, but I’ve accepted him, flaws and all. We’re…friends now, and it’s nothing like before. I don’t have any feelings for him anymore, not like the ones I have for his brother. I’m not constantly starstruck and dazed when he’s around, and we can actually talk about things without fear of his girlfriend.
“I counted the seconds to the day, Jason; I couldn’t be happier,” I say, my voice laced with wariness. His enthusiasm is tiring; I need to bring him over to the dark side.
He tilts his head to the side, his smile getting a little less bright. “How’re you holding up? Have you seen him?”
The him in question rolls in lazily just as I’m about to tell Jay no. My reaction to Cole is immediate and uncontrollable. Pounding heart? Check. Clammy hands? Affirmative. Ball the size of Texas choking my throat? Definitely.
He hasn’t seen me yet, and I’m hidden by Jay’s looming frame. I duck around him, just as Cole nears us to grab his cap and gown and stumbles a little on his feet. It’s then that I notice how disheveled he looks; still devastatingly gorgeous, but it’s obvious that nothing’s changed since I last saw him. He’s still not sleeping, still not eating right, and at this very moment…
You have got to be kidding me. Are you actually drunk right now?
Alex voices my exact thoughts, and the school secretary’s eyes become as wide as saucers. The gown she’s handing him is now quickly thrust at him as she scurries toward the next student. I would laugh at how scared she seems, but any humor dies when I see the state Cole is in. He is, in fact, drunk, and hopelessly so. Everyone’s staring at him, and the muttering starts. He walks around clumsily for a while, high-fiving random people and letting girls paw at him. My vision turns hazy, and the amount of anger I feel is not normal. After what happened the last time he got drunk, I’d think he would be more careful with his actions, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. He’s still doing the same old shit that got us here in the first place.
“We should get him out of here,” I hear Jay say, and I watch as Alex and Lan try to talk him into leaving. But it’s too late, and I know why they’re in such a hurry to get Cole out. His eyes meet mine and then dart to Jay.
Oh Crud.
If he looked terrible before, well, he looks worse now. His face pales, and an undeniable hurt flashes in his eyes. I know where his mind’s going; he can’t help it. I hate the thoughts running through his head, and his expression mirrors them. He’s looking at me like I betrayed him…like I broke his heart.
Hilarious.
“Don’t,” I tell Jay, “He’s gotten the wrong idea about us. He’ll want to pick a fight with you. Let them take care of him.”
He listens to me, but there’s a strange look on his face, almost hurt. I don’t have it in me to figure it out. There’s enough trouble in my life due to one Stone brother; I don’t want to bring in another one. Cole manages to tear his eyes away from us long enough to pay attention to Alex and Lan, and whatever they say to him must have made sense since he nods and walks out the door with them. I can only hope that they manage to sober him up in time. His father would not be happy if he looks the way he does right now while getting his diploma.
***
The ceremony thankfully goes off without a hitch, and Megan gives the perfect valedictorian speech, which has the parents in tears. Travis cheers embarrassingly loud for both me and Beth, which makes me love him even more. There’s no commotion when both Cole and Jay get their diplomas, and I finally let out the breath I’d been holding for so long. But the tension between them is obvious. I keep glancing to where the family stands. Cassandra looks stressed as her sons are locked in yet another stare-off. The Stones are hosting the first graduation party of the summer, and the only one I’ll attend before leaving for the road trip.
I have to go; my dad’s making me. I don’t want to, but I will go.
“Hey, do you want to get out of here?” My brother watches me with ever-present concern. He notices that I’m outright staring at the Stones; maybe he’s waiting for a meltdown. No, I’m not at that stage yet, but I still need to leave. I can’t see him like this anymore. His sadness is tearing me apart, especially when I know that I could make it go away.
He hasn’t looked at me once since he saw me with Jay. I know he’s angry, but there’s only so much I can do to convince him that I feel nothing for Jay anymore, not in the romantic way. His harsh words from the trip constantly haunt me and make me feel that he’ll never get over the stupid crush I had. Maybe that’s why we’ll never work as a couple. Our combined insecurities are a recipe for disaster.
“Yes, please,” I tell him and avoid looking at the once-happy family.
That’s me, ladies and gentlemen, Tessa O’Connell—the destructor of happiness.
***
I go home and change, deciding on a simple, knee length white summer dress for the party. My mother’s left me a voice mail with congratulatory wishes, but there’s more gushing about the new man in her life. Mom has gone ahead and found herself a man with more money than most developing countries, Patrick McQueen, a Wall Street heavyweight. She is of course thrilled with her new relationship and never hesitates to tell me all about it. I feel the urge to throw up. My dad’s meeting us at the party and will no doubt want to talk to me about staying with Mom for the summer, but I’d rather gouge my own eyes out.
“Ready to go?” Beth asks as she comes to sit on my bed. She looks amazing in her cobalt-blue, knee-length dress, but not only that, she looks happy. We were all worried that the day would be difficult for her, knowing that her mother wouldn’t be there to watch her graduate. But she seems to be handling it really well, and I know Travis has a huge role in that. He’s been so attentive today, to both of us. I almost feel bad for him, having to deal with two emotionally unstable teenage girls in his life. Almost, because I’m selfish enough to know that I’d crumble away into a pile of self-pity if he weren’t there to support me.
“Is that a trick question?” I ask her, applying the final coat of mascara to my lashes.
“It’s going to be okay, you know. Yeah, it could be awkward as hell, but maybe this is what you need to do. You’ve avoided him long enough.”
I swivel in my chair and frown at her. “Your optimism and practicality is killing me here.”
She smirks. “Blame your brother; he’s brainwashing me. I can’t handle all the feels.”
“Did you just use feels in a sentence?”
She shrugs. “I’m a changed woman; kill me.”
We burst out laughing, and that’s how Travis finds us ten minutes later. By the time we make the five-minute walk to the Stones’, the butterflies are back in my stomach. They’re not your typical pretty little ones, either, these are mutant butterflies, mammoth ones. Travis and Beth flank me as we go around to the backyard where there’s a BBQ set up, and Sheriff Stone is working the grill. I see most of my classmates and their parents, but my eyes don’t find the person I want to see the most.
Alex and Megan join us shortly, and even Alex has no idea where Cole is; apparently, he disappeared after the ceremony. I’m starting to freak out a bit, and there’s a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. The more time that passes without Cole being here, the worse the feeling gets. I try to catch Cassandra’s eye, but she’s too hassled handling her guests, though I can tell that she’s worried, too. She keeps on checking her phone every five minutes, calling someone and hanging up when they don’t answer. I find myself doing the same.
But neither of us can get a hold of him.
I don’t know why I’m panicking. He might just be getting drunk again somewhere, but that theory is vaporized when Lan calls us an hour into the party, telling us that he’s checked every place that he thinks Cole could be and that he can’t find him anywhere. I start hyperventilating at the idea of his car stuck in a ditch somewhere. He could be anywhere right now, possibly hurt and definitely alone.
“Don’t panic, Tessa; we don’t know anything yet.” My friends and brother are huddled around me as we try to hide from everyone else. The people outside don’t have any idea that I’m having a panic attack, and I’d like it to stay that way.
“But we can’t find him! He’s not answering his phone, and he was so mad when he left…he could’ve done something incredibly stupid.” I quickly wipe away a tear with my wrist. Now is not the time to lose it. The only thing I can think of is what my last words to Cole were…when I left him in the parking lot. Oh God.
“That doesn’t have to mean that something bad has happened to him. You can’t think like that.” Megan’s voice is shaking as she says that, so it’s not quite reassuring. I can see the panic in her boyfriend’s eyes. Even he knows that something’s wrong with his best friend.
“What are waiting here for, then? Why can’t we leave and find him? I—”
I never get to finish my sentence; there’s a loud crash from where the party’s held. All of us immediately jump to our feet, and I’m out the door in what seems like a second. My heart’s racing furiously, and it has due cause when I see the scene before me.
My first reaction is to exhale in relief. He’s okay; he’s here and he’s okay. My second reaction is fury when I see the state he’s in, nearly unconscious and barely able to keep his eyes open. He’s leaning heavily on Jay while his parents try to get him to talk. The crash was caused by what appears to be him colliding with a table laden with pitchers and bowls of punch.
That’s not what makes me angry. It’s the redhead who’s standing with the family, sobbing hysterically as she tries to explain what happened. My blood boils as she hugs Cassandra, babbling on and on about something I can’t make out.
“Is that…” Megan gasps.
“Yeah, that’s her.”
“Let me at the bitch; she won’t walk out of here alive.” Beth sneers, moving forward, but Travis restrains her, and I’m glad he does—I don’t have enough good sense right now.
“What the hell did the crazy chick do now?” Lan groans from beside me.
My feet cannot move. My brain’s screaming at them, but they refuse to do anything but remain firmly planted on the ground. I watch as they take Cole inside the house, and immediately everyone starts whispering, probably once again coming up with conspiracy theories about the people who’ve fed them the entire day. The last thing the family needs is these people making up stories. So, I ignore the redheaded elephant in the room and get to work.
“Ask everyone to leave; the party’s over.”
I push everyone away and head into the house. Sheriff Stone and Cassandra are sitting at the dining table, both looking obviously stressed. They look up when I enter, and I watch them have a silent conversation.
“Tessa, honey, we know that you two aren’t together anymore, but could you…” Cassandra’s eyes tear up midsentence, and my heart breaks. Just like my family and friends witnessed my meltdown, Cole’s family must have seen his, too. I now know how much that can hurt the people around you, and clearly, it’s hurting Cole’s family.
“I’d like to talk to him.”
The sheriff gets up and does something completely out of character. He hugs me, and it’s as awkward as can be, yet strangely comforting. “Help him, Tessa; just help him.”
I rush up the stairs to his room, blinking tears away. I’m in such a hurry that I ignore the loud voices coming from Jay’s room. He’s arguing with her. She’s still here, in extremely close proximity to me, and if weren’t for Cole, I would definitely let my fists have a conversation with her.
He’s passed out on his bed when I enter, but the irregular rise and fall of his chest tells me that he isn’t asleep. If he realizes that someone else is in the room, he doesn’t show it. I cross the distance to him silently and sit at the edge of his bed. One look at him and my heart breaks all over again. His cheeks look sunken, his face lifeless and devoid of color. There are purple-colored bruises beneath his eyes, and his jaw is scruffy; no matter how many times I see him like this, it still rips my heart into two.
“Hey,” I whisper and immediately feel him tense.
He’s definitely awake.
“You don’t have to talk to me; just listen to what I have to say, okay?”
No answer, but he squeezes his eyes shut even more.
“This isn’t you. Whatever happened between us…well, it happened, and I can’t change that. I spent a month wallowing, and it got me nowhere. All it did was hurt the people around me. We can’t do that to them just because of how messed up things between us are. Drinking like this, not caring how much it’s killing your parents…Cole, you are not this person. Please stop, I can’t…”
My sobs don’t allow me to complete the speech I had planned. One minute I’m lecturing him and trying to remember what the school nurse told us about underage drinking, and the next minute, I burst like the freaking Fort Peck Dam. Any sound that then comes out of my mouth is like something akin to a dying cat.
In a split second, Cole is up and has his arms around me. I clutch his shoulders and cry into his shirt, which reeks of booze. He rubs up and down my back, trying to calm me down, but all I can think about is how bad he looked when Jay carried him in.
“Please don’t cry, Tessie, please.” His voice is raspy from lack of use, and it makes me cry even harder.
Everything is so different between us. It’s like all those little things that made us us have died a painful, merciless death. And it’s all the fault of a person who is within killing distance.
I wonder if the sheriff will vouch for me if I commit manslaughter in his house.
“You can’t do that anymore! You nearly killed me today; don’t disappear like that, ever, and promise me you’ll stop drinking so much.” I hit his shoulder, and it’s so familiar and easy that I want to wring his neck for destroying what we once had.
“You care?” His voice is gruff. “I thought you decided you wanted nothing to do with me.”
The pain in his voice basically claws my heart out of my ribcage, leaving a bloody, tattered mess behind. “Cole, do you have any idea how much you hurt me?” My voice is a little louder than a whisper. “You broke my heart. The least you could do is expect that I’d resent you for it.”
He winces.
“Do you? Do you still resent me? Hate me?”
Sighing, I look into his eyes and see the hope brimming in them. It’s like everything depends on what I choose to say next. No pressure or anything.
“I’m confused. On one hand, I’ve had the time to think about it and realize that maybe both of us made a lot of mistakes that day. It was a whole chain of catastrophes waiting to happen. On the other hand…there’s her, and she’s here. You brought her here, and I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“But you’re not outright saying that you hate me?”
I groan. “Did that seem like the only important part? Tell me you’ll do better; tell me you won’t drink.”
“You want me to get sober?”
“Yes!” I say exasperatedly, throwing my hands up in frustration.
“Then give me another chance.”
I stare open-mouthed at him, watching some of his old spark and determination return. It’s like magic, how he immediately starts looking better. But, dear lord in heaven, is he trying to negotiate our relationship here?
“Excuse me? We are not making a deal here! We’re talking about you cutting your life short by becoming a raging alcoholic and…and I won’t let you do that!”
“So, trust me again, let me prove to you that I made a mistake, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
“She’s in your freaking house, and she brought you home! What kind of an idiot do you take me for?” I nearly scream at him, getting up from the bed and pushing myself against a wall.
“It’s not what you think!” He struggles to get up, and it looks like he feels dizzy. Groaning, he falls back into his bed. “Lan told me about what he said to you; he told me about Erica…”
“Did he tell you that she’s crazy and spends her free time sacrificing animals at the shrine she’s dedicated to you?” I huff and Cole seriously looks at me like I’m deranged.
Great, make me the lunatic here.
“I found out about her…problems, and I left to see her, ask her about what really happened that day. It was weird that she was staying in town, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it. When I went to her hotel, she started crying and getting all grabby. Apparently, she’s had a change of heart and doesn’t want to lose me as a friend.”
“That a pile of crap and you know it.”
“I do now. I tried asking her to tell me everything about the night. I was stupid back when I accepted her explanation that day. It just felt like I’d done something wrong, and when I asked her to tell me the truth, she just broke down. She became hysterical, and I didn’t know what do to.”
“You send her to get some professional help and therapy.”
“Yeah, well, in this case, I had some tequila in hand, and I thought she needed to loosen up a little. Probably should’ve gone to see her when I had more alcohol in my body than water.”
“But how did she end up being the one who brought you home?”
That’s when he looks at me sheepishly. “I might have finished my first bottle before she even had a shot.”
I want to ram his head into the wall repeatedly. “Did you learn nothing from what happened last time? Do you realize the things she could’ve done to you? I…I don’t get you!”
“Well, what was I supposed to do? Jay was all over you at graduation today, and you wouldn’t even look at me. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“Oh, great, it’s that excuse again. You never think straight, do you? Even after everything that’s happened, you say it like it’s my fault. Jay is my friend, Cole, my friend. Unlike you, I know where to draw the line with them.”
That’s a low blow, but he deserves it.
“I’m sorry; I know I should stop bringing him up, but it hurts, okay? I hate seeing him with you.”
“Well, then imagine what it felt like to see you with Erica, today and that day, too. And you acted like I was being paranoid. Then you go ahead and do the thing I feared most. I was right, Cole; I was right and you, on the other hand, don’t have any proof to base your insecurities on.”
“I told you that I will apologize to you every day for the rest of my life for what I said, for what I did. Just please, don’t leave me. I love you, Tessie; damn it, I can’t lose you. Not when I just got you.”
I slump down to the ground and practice my breathing. It would be really easy to say yes, to tell him that I would give him a second chance. It would be even easier to believe that Erica somehow tricked us all. But would that make me a fool? The fact is that I love him, and I’ll always love him. Remember what they say about your first love? Well, they’re right; you’ll never forget that person. I know that Cole is engraved onto my heart and in my memories forever.
So, is it worth my pride and trust issues to suffer that kind of a loss?
“I’m leaving with Megan and Beth tomorrow, you know? I won’t be back for a while, and even when I do come back, I’ll be off to college. How do we even…”
“What if I tell you that I applied to Brown, too?”
I gasp and check to see if he’s joking. My heart’s doing these weird flip-flops, and I’m tingling all over. What the…
“B-but Duke. You were going to Duke; you had scouts come to the games and everything. How…why?”
“I applied before everything blew up. It was always the plan, Tessie; Duke was never an option. I managed to get an athletic scholarship there, a better one, actually.”
“And now you assume that we’re…Cole, there’s so much wrong with this situation. It’s like we’re sweeping all our problems under a rug and just deciding to move on.”
“Then let’s not do that. Let’s talk about it; let’s figure out what to do next together. We always planned a summer road trip, all of us. Let me come with you.”
My head starts to spin at the possibility. Yes, we’d made plans, and the boys were included in them. But after what went down, those plans changed drastically. The whole dynamic was disturbed, and bringing boyfriends wasn’t an option.
“It would be so awkward.” I breathe. “Can you imagine how weird things would be between us?”
I couldn’t believe we were even having this conversation.
“C’mere.”
Hesitantly, I walk toward him on the bed and sit close. He gingerly touches my cheeks, his thumb grazing my bottom lip. It feels like heaven, especially considering how long it’s been since we were like this.
“We can go back to who we were; maybe we could even come out of this stronger. Don’t give up on us so easily, baby.”
“But Erica…I can’t…how do I deal with that?”
He sighs, shoulders sagging in defeat. “I don’t know what I can do about that except apologize and maybe try to remember what happened that night. I know something’s off…the way she’s acting now. If it helps, I won’t try to come on to you until I’m sure of what happened.”
“Do you seriously want to come with me? I’ll probably be very mean to you at times.”
The corner of his mouth lifts in a small smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less. I’m willing to risk castration as long as I’m around you.”
How do you say no words as sweet as that?