Chapter Thirteen
Colin Gerrard, I do not like secrets being kept from me.”
Colin looked up from his breakfast into the flashing eyes of Lady Raeburn, wreathed in emerald green, a matching feather, and a golden brooch so large it was ostentatious. Her eyes narrowed at his lack of immediate response and she tilted her head dangerously.
He cleared his throat and attempted to form thought. “What secrets, my lady?”
When she sniffed indignantly, he tried frantically to remember what he had not told her. He had slept horribly and was only barely conscious now, which meant it was far too early to face her inquisition. He had no strategy and absolutely no defense.
“I saw you walking with Miss Hart yesterday morning, Colin.”
He was likely to revisit his partially digested breakfast at any minute.
“You were holding hands in the most intimate of fashions. And neither of you were wearing gloves.”
That was it? That was all she saw? His stomach settled noticeably and he could force a smile. “I never wear gloves, Tibby. You know that.”
“And her excuse?”
He shrugged. “Perhaps she does not have any. Not all ladies wear gloves, you know.”
“The lack of gloves is hardly the important part,” Tibby said, sniffing again and raising an auburn brow. “I have eyes, my dear boy, and I know a secret affair when I see it. Believe me, I have been in my fair share.”
The urge to be sick flared once more at that thought.
“I will not advertise my findings,” she informed him, as if that were a kindness, “because I am just too delighted to see you so deliciously pummeled by any woman, and that was not even my reason for coming to you so early.”
“No?” he asked, dabbing at the corner of his mouth with his serviette carefully.
She narrowed her eyes again. “No. I am collecting your sisters and Mrs. Creighton, as you are still incapable of procuring an instrument for them. Really, at this rate, they shall have no accomplishments whatsoever.”
“You would never let that happen, Tibby,” he commented with a grin. “Take Freddie, too. He would love your house.”
Tibby hummed dangerously. “What does Duncan have to say about your little liaison with your ward’s mama?”
Colin chose that moment to yawn, stretch, and look at the ceiling with a great deal of interest.
“He doesn’t know?”
The floor was also very interesting at the moment. He ought to consider a new rug for it, the old one was a bit worn in places.
“I revise my threat,” Tibby said at once.
Colin looked at her immediately. “What threat?” he barked.
Her smile was bordering on the menacing. “You tell Duncan, and the others, about what you have going on. Or I will.”
He slowly rose from the table and leaned forward on it. “You wouldn’t dare,” he murmured.
She matched his pose and expression. “Try me.”
“Tibby!” shrieked two very high-pitched voices thundering their way down the stairs.
Tibby gave him a very dangerous warning via the regal quirk of a brow, and turned from the room. “Darlings! Ready to go and make the world sing anew?”
“If Bitty’s playing, there will only be squawks of protest,” Rosie said in her matter-of-fact way, sending Bitty and Freddie into a fit of giggles.
“Master Frederick, it is lovely to see you again,” Tibby said as she smiled down at the lone male in the group.
He bowed, perfectly as always. “Lady Raeburn.”
She trilled a bit like a bird. “Sweet boy, you may call me Tibby, as the girls do. Though I applaud your excellent manners and form. Must be that wonderful mother of yours,” she added tilting her head slightly to bellow the words to Colin in the dining room.
He fisted his serviette in his hands and forced himself to take a steadying breath. He pushed out of the room and into the entryway where they all stood. The girls grinned up at him, and he nearly smiled back.
“Come on and hug me farewell, then,” he grunted, going to his knees.
All of them, even Freddie, hugged him tightly, and Bitty went so far as to kiss his cheek, which instantly smoothed away his agitation.
Mrs. Creighton took Ginny by the hand and smiled down at him. “Nice to see you have the ability to be on your knees, Mr. Gerrard, despite all evidence to the contrary.”
Tibby looked at the governess in a whole new light that Colin did not care for at all. Tibby’s approval for independent thought and brash speaking was never something he applauded. He got to his feet with a grunt of disgust. “Well, why don’t the two of you go off and vaunt my flaws amongst yourselves while you corrupt the children? I’ll wait here for my ears to burn.”
The women gave him a pitying look and were soon gone with the children in tow.
Colin rubbed the back of his head for a moment, considering what Tibby said. He knew he ought to tell his friends about Susannah; the real story, and they ought to meet her. And then he really ought to tell them that he was in love with her and had asked her to marry him…
Those were fairly important details.
But after everything that he had said and done concerning his friends and love and the like over the years, he would be in for a very rough confession indeed.
He did not want to do it, but he knew better than to tempt Tibby. She would not only carry out her threat, she would expand upon it and worse. If she had her way with it, not only would Duncan know, but all of London as well, and none of them would have the correct details. No, Tibby would create all manner of scandal just for spite and to fan the flames of Colin’s reputation, which would mean he would either be forced into marrying Susannah to save them all, or…
He grinned and chuckled. That alone was a tempting enough reason to let Tibby run with it. But he would not go there. Susannah had reasons for her secrecy and discretion; he ought to act with the same decorum. His friends would understand, and, undoubtedly, would be able to help.
After they had finished laughing at him, of course.
He leaned back against the wall with a heavy sigh. “Bartlet!” he called.
For the first time he could recall, he heard the tread of Bartlet’s shoes rather than his voice. Colin turned his head at the approaching steps. Bartlet stopped just before him. “Sir?” he asked calmly, expression as devoid of emotion as ever.
His butler sounded fatigued, which had to be distressing, as Bartlet was never anything but perfect. Further proof that life was changing for all of them.
“Bartlet, I need you to send for the troops,” Colin said returning his gaze to the ceiling.
He heard Bartlet exhale, but whether it was from relief or irritation, he couldn’t tell.
“Very good, sir. And what shall I tell them?”
Colin bit back a smile at the imperious, yet curious tone.
“Tell them they were right.”
Bartlet said nothing.
Colin looked over and saw his butler gaping at him. He grinned at the sight. “That should get them running, don’t you think?”
Bartlet snapped his mouth closed and cleared his throat. “Indeed, sir.” He clicked his heels, and was gone in his usual, vanishing manner.
His friends were even more efficient than he had predicted they would be. Less than thirty minutes after he’d dispatched Bartlet with instructions, all four were in his drawing room, looking as eager as young boys with the prospect of a holiday.
“What,” Nathan began with a gleeful note in his voice, “was the meaning of that message?”
Colin sat on the couch behind him and gestured for the rest to do so, but they remained standing. He mumbled a curse under his breath, ran his hands through his hair, and clasped his hands before him. This was going to be more difficult than he thought.
“I… have been dishonest,” he started slowly, his palms beginning to sweat.
“Well, there’s a revelation,” Derek muttered.
Colin ignored both him, and the snickers from someone else. “I never told any of you about it because it was too embarrassing, too painful.”
“An embarrassing Colin story I don’t know?” Geoff snorted and moved to sit. “I am all ears.”
“Shut up,” Colin snapped more viciously than he meant, glaring at him.
That stopped Geoff in his tracks and he raised his eyebrows in shock.
Colin swallowed and looked away. “I am going to tell you the story now, late though it is, due to the threat of exposing my status now…”
“Threat?” Nathan asked at once.
“What status?” Duncan broke in, looking suspicious.
Colin sighed. “Tibby thinks she knows something, and maybe she does… it is Tibby, after all. She threatened to tell what she knows if I didn’t tell you first.”
Duncan made a sympathetic face, and told Colin his suspicion had merit.
“Why didn’t you tell us… whatever this is?” Derek asked, gesturing with his hands.
Colin gave him a look. “Would you come forward to you lot with something so personal that it could eviscerate your soul to relive it?”
Four sets of widened eyes met him, but no one said a word.
“Susannah Merritt was a girl I met during my summers at Seabrook,” he said, rubbing his face. “We were best friends for those few months at a time, and we wrote back and forth the months we were away. I…” He swallowed harshly and pushed off of the couch, pacing a bit. “I fell in love with her when I was fifteen. Didn’t tell her, didn’t understand what it even meant at that age, but I knew it. I finally worked up the courage to kiss her when I was seventeen, and that was my first kiss.”
“Not Clara Maxfield?” Derek broke in suddenly, looking a little windblown.
Colin shook his head. “Clara was a distraction for the rest of the world. She was obsessed with me and I was content to let her be. I led her on a bit, it was good for my ego and took away the anxiety of Susannah. I never actually kissed her, or did anything else, for that matter. I just let the world think so.” He saw their frowns and he added, “I felt horrible about the way I treated her, and apologized a few years ago. She says she enjoyed every minute and knew full well it would go nowhere. She’s very happily settled in Kent now, so wipe those expressions off of your faces.”
They looked at each other, then back at him.
“The day after I kissed Susannah, she asks to meet me, tells me she is engaged, and vanishes. I didn’t know who or when, and I never found out. I never saw her again.” He exhaled slowly. “Until… a few weeks ago. I saw her here. In London. That friend that I told you I was helping? The one who needed work? It’s her. I’ve seen her so many times since then, and suddenly it’s not enough. None of it is. I cannot do enough, extend myself enough, help her enough. I brought her son into my home because I couldn’t think of what else to do.”
“Wait, wait,” Duncan overrode loudly. “Freddie is her son?”
He nodded and pinched at the bridge of his nose. “And somehow, even though he is the son of the woman I hated bitterly for years, the son of a man I have wished out of existence more than I care to recall… I am growing as fond of him as I am of my sisters. Much longer, and suddenly I’ll love him, just as unexpectedly as I found myself loving her.”
“Them,” Nathan said.
Colin looked at him in confusion.
Nathan’s eyes widened. “You… you mean them, right? Your sisters?”
Colin slowly shook his head. “No, Nathan. No, I mean Susannah. I still do. I never stopped.”
Derek fell sideways and had to grip Duncan for balance, Geoff gasped out loud, Nathan’s mouth hung open and slack-jawed, and Duncan looked as though lightning had struck him.
Colin smiled slowly, oddly savoring this sight. He shrugged his shoulders and scratched at the back of his neck. “I tried to tell her that when I proposed to her yesterday…”
Derek sank into a chair, staring at Colin in horror, while the others merely maintained their bewildered expressions in a paler shade.
“… but for some reason, she thinks that is a bit hasty,” he finished, shaking his head as if he did not understand. “She kisses me with enthusiasm, so I must be rusty in all things finesse. I’ll need some help there.”
Geoff fumbled for the couch opposite him and sat heavily.
Colin waited a long moment, watching his friends. Then his amusement faded into a somber reality and he sighed. “Look, I know it is hard to believe, considering it’s me, and I…”
“Wait, wait, wait…” Nathan interrupted, waving his hand. “So you’re… you’re in love with her?”
Colin folded his arms across his chest. “Yes,” he said simply.
Derek cleared his throat. “You’ve been in love with her?”
“Yes.”
“All these years that we’ve been friends?” Geoff asked, looking winded.
Colin nodded. “Yes.”
Duncan grunted. “And you’ve never told us.”
“Yes.”
Nathan had a finger to his lips, and it now pointed directly at Colin. “You have been in love with the same woman for fifteen years, even while the rest of us were falling in and out of love and marrying and having children, and you played the fool and mocked us for the whole of it?”
“Again, yes.”
“For heaven’s sake, Colin!” he cried out. “Why?”
Colin sighed and winced, but met Nathan’s eyes steadily. “Because playing the fool is easier than feeling like one.”
They seemed to digest that for a moment, and then Duncan and Nathan took seats as well.
He exhaled slowly, hands on his hips, looked down at his boots, then back up. “I love Susannah. Senseless and wild though it is, I can’t deny it. It has always been her. It always will be her. She is… she is the one for me. You all have your one and only. So do I.” He swallowed with some difficulty, then he flashed a roguish grin. “And I pride myself on finding mine first.”
Geoff cleared his throat. “Technically, Derek was first.”
Colin shook his head at once. “No, Derek did not find Kate until much, much later. All he had was Katherine, and nobody was looking for that.”
“Excuse me!” Derek cried out as the others broke into laughter.
Colin grinned in earnest, and finally took a chair with them all, feeling lighter than he had in some time. Perhaps things would turn out right after all.
“So, when do we meet her?” Geoff asked as the laughs faded into smiles. “You’ve been keeping her a secret for so long, now I’m desperate to know what she is like.”
“As soon as it can be arranged,” Colin said. “But I’ll warn you, she won’t like it.”
“Won’t like us?” Derek looked a bit offended.
“Well, that goes without saying,” Colin informed him. “Nobody likes you, they simply tolerate you.”
Derek snorted and waved a dismissive hand at him.
“No, she won’t like the attention.” He shook his head. “I haven’t figured out why yet, but she is determined to be unnoticeable to anyone or anything. She is hiding from everyone, even me, on occasion. All she wants is to earn money to pay the debts and to see that Freddie is well and safe. Mingling with you lot is likely to put her on display a little, and she’ll detest that, no matter how charming you or your wives happen to be.”
Nathan hummed in thought. “So we do this carefully, then. You all know Moira, once she gets word of Colin being in love, she will be over here in three seconds, if that.”
“Kate, too,” Derek agreed with a nod.
“Mary would want to meet Susannah, and find out all of the details of Colin’s misspent youth,” Geoff pointed out.
“And Annalise will want to adopt her and become instant friends,” Duncan said with a sigh. “I won’t keep a secret from her, Colin.”
“I would never ask you to,” he told them all, shaking his head. “I want them to know. I want Susannah to have friends, to know you and your wives. I just think Nathan is right, it will have to be done carefully. She works for Lady Cavendish at the moment, so no grand parties or invitations with other people. It would have to be just us, our families, our women. That’s it.”
Derek nudged Geoff in the side. “Did you hear that?” he whispered loudly. “Colin said ‘our women.’”
“Colin has a woman,” Geoff replied, sniggering like a child.
Colin rolled his eyes. “Yes, you are very mature, both of you.”
Duncan scoffed. “After what you have put us through over the years, Colin? Please, you have earned this and tenfold more.”
He grinned cheekily. “Indeed, I did. And I fooled you all in the meantime.”
They each cried out in protest, claiming they knew something at some point, or other nonsense, but Colin knew the truth. They never suspected anything. How could they? He hadn’t suspected it himself.
He sat back and smiled with ease. His worries were alleviated for the present time. The Gent was investigating for him, his friends knew all, and his sisters were happy and thriving here with him.
All he needed now was Susannah to be his.
Then he would be content.
“Lady Raeburn to see you, ma’am.”
Lady Cavendish looked up from her embroidery in surprise. “Thank you, Simms,” she replied. “Send her up.”
Simms nodded and bowed, leaving them again.
Susannah felt her throat tighten in anticipation. Did she stay in the room with the ladies? Should she gather the needlepoint and make herself scarce? She was not prepared to meet Lady Raeburn, not dressed like this, and not without Colin. Lady Cavendish was very good and liked her creditably, but she could hardly give the woman a glowing reference after less than two weeks of work.
Before she could ask what she ought to do, a woman in brilliant green silks was in the doorway of the drawing room, sweeping in grandly as if she were an exotic empress. Her fiery red hair was wrapped in matching green ribbon, and her lips were painted the color of rubies.
“Lady Cavendish,” she chirped with a waggle of many ringed fingers.
“Lady Raeburn,” the other replied with a knowing smile. “What brings you to my humble abode?”
“You have never been humble a day in your life, my dear, and you know it,” Lady Raeburn said with a snort, sitting regally in a nearby chair.
Susannah nearly gaped at the bold frankness of this woman. To speak to Lady Cavendish in such a way was beyond daring, and ought to have earned an affronted reaction. But Lady Cavendish only offered a smile that was as genuine as anything.
“True enough,” she admitted. “You are here for gossip, aren’t you?”
Lady Raeburn inclined her head in a nod. “Is there ever another reason? I had to hear from my haberdasher that your nephew is coming? Really, I thought we were closer than that…”
Lady Cavendish tittered a little. “It was a surprise, to be sure; I’ve not had time to tell anyone yet. Miles will be here next Wednesday, and I plan on showing him off in grand style, now he is come back from Brighton. I also have the keenest interest in introducing him to Miss Hart, here,” she added, giving Susannah a devious little wink.
Susannah blushed and ducked her chin.
“Indeed?” Lady Raeburn asked, turning to her with interest. “And how do you like being companion to Lady Cavendish, Miss Hart?”
Susannah looked up into the bright eyes of the woman and stammered out, “It is delightful, Lady Raeburn. I greatly enjoy Lady Cavendish’s company and hope I have been of some use to her.”
“Essential, my dear child, essential,” Lady Cavendish crowed in delight. “It is so much better talking to a person rather than a tapestry, I can assure you. And I think Miles will find her as delightful as I do.”
Lady Raeburn pressed her lips into a thin line and glanced in Lady Cavendish’s direction. “Did you receive an invitation to Lord Cartwright’s soirée? I heard it was to be terribly exclusive, only the essentials of Society will be there.”
Lady Cavendish gasped and her hands began to flutter. “I had not heard that! I hardly know, Simms has not brought the cards up.”
Lady Raeburn hummed as if that answered the question, and not favorably. “Well, perhaps they overlooked you by mistake.”
“I cannot see how,” Lady Cavendish sniffed. “No one forgets me. I shall go and check the cards for myself. Excuse me.” She rose and hurried from the room.
Lady Raeburn watched her go, then turned to Susannah. “That should occupy her for a few minutes, if not longer. The Cartwrights have only just thought of a soirée, invitations won’t go out for a week at least. I have been meaning to speak with you, Miss Hart, for some time now, and I certainly was not about to do so in front of that woman.”
Susannah nearly choked on a laugh and looked to the door in shock, but there was no one there. “Me, Lady Raeburn? Whatever for?”
Lady Raeburn smiled broadly. “Because, my dear, I adore your boy, and I like what I hear of you, and I had to know you myself.”
“You know Freddie?” Susannah whispered, eyes darting to the door once more. Lady Cavendish had no knowledge of her son, and she wished it would stay that way. “I thought… only the girls were…”
“Do you think I would ignore that sweet boy just because he was not a real Gerrard?” she interrupted gently. “Heavens, no. And let me tell you, Miss Hart, I also adore the grown Gerrards. I am excessively fond of them both, always have been; it is unspeakable, I like them better than my own niece.”
Susannah giggled and covered her mouth.
“And I know that Colin is a particular friend of yours,” Lady Raeburn continued, “and his sisters were singing your praises this morning at music lessons. As the center of gossip and influence in Society, I could hardly ignore such things. Now I look at you, I see a very pretty young woman with exceptionally good taste, a fine figure, though you could do with more crumpets in your diet, and significant potential.”
“Potential for what?” Susannah asked, tilting her head.
“To become my companion.”
Susannah gaped openly. “But… but I am already employed. You were so good as to help Colin find me this post, and I am ever so grateful, but I could not do Lady Cavendish the injustice of…”
Lady Raeburn tossed her head in a firm shake. “You most certainly can, it is no injustice to her to give you to me. It is vastly more suitable position, a better house, better wages, comes with a complete wardrobe of new clothing of your choosing, and best of all… your son will live with us.”
There was no restraining the gasp that escaped her. “You would… let Freddie live with us?”
Lady Raeburn smiled and took her hand. “I would insist upon it, my dear Miss Hart. At this point, I know him better than you, and I generally never take in strangers, but I am prepared to make an exception, because I have a sneaking suspicion that I will like you very much.”
“But…” Susannah sputtered, “but Lady Raeburn…”
“Tibby, my dear, I never stand on formality with my friends unless it proves a point.”
She gave her a look of complete exasperation. “Tibby, then. It is too much!”
“Well, why should that stop either of us?” Tibby huffed. “I usually have too much, and it has done me a world of good. I insist upon having you, Miss Hart, but I shall not force you. I can promise you this, however,” she looked back at the door, then leaned forward. “I will give you a far better situation myself than what you have here. When you tire of me, I can give you reference and recommendations beyond your wildest dreams. Think of the possibilities, and to have your boy with you all the time. I will find the best tutors for him, and give him any opportunity you wish. And I certainly have better taste in men for you than Eloise Cavendish and the record to prove it. What do you say?”
Susannah only thought for a moment. “I accept. Provided Lady Cavendish will not be too upset.”
Tibby grinned in a manner that was too devious for words. “Oh, I will see to it she is not. It shall be her idea, and no doubt the first good one she has ever had. Give me a few days, and I shall make it so. Not a word to Colin, you understand? Not until it is done.”
She did not like the idea of secrecy, particularly not when it involved Colin directly. There was no telling what he would do when he found out. But surely he would be happy for her. And he adored Tibby; he had told her himself.
And to be with Freddie… that she craved most of all.
She smiled at Tibby and sat back. “You really are as devious as Colin says, aren’t you?”
Tibby matched her pose. “Worse, darling. Far worse. He has no idea what I am capable of.”