Chapter Fifteen
A musical evening? But she’s not at all musical, she said so herself.”
Colin chuckled and leaned back on his hands in the grass. He looked so easy out here behind Tibby’s house in the garden, jacket off, cravat loosened, hair tousled. It might have been his house instead of Tibby’s. In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that Mr. Townsley was chatting with Mrs. Creighton on the terrace, they might well have been at Colin’s.
Susannah smiled faintly and was tempted to push a lock of his hair out of his face. But the children were playing not far away, and Mrs. Creighton was directly facing them.
“Tibby loves music, despite her lack of ability,” Colin said on a sigh, bringing her back to the conversation at hand. “She hosts one or two of these soirées a year and they are a favorite for all. Except for the year she invited Isabelle Compton to sing.” He shuddered dramatically. “My ears have never been the same.”
Susannah still felt a faint clutch of nerves in the pit of her stomach. “But… why would she want me there? I’m just her companion, I’m not supposed to associate with society.”
Colin gave her an incredulous look, half of his mouth curved up. “Do you think Tibby actually pays attention to conventions, Susannah? She defies them with flare. And she wants you there because she likes you, sweetheart.”
As always, the endearment from his lips caused a warm tingle somewhere in the base of her spine. She fingered her locket with one hand, the cold metal on her skin a constant reminder of Colin’s warmth. She had not removed it even once since he gave it to her three days ago, and she didn’t think she ever would. She had long given up the idea of distance between them. How could she distance herself from the man she loved more than life? He was everything to her, always had been and now and forevermore would be. She might never have him, her past was too muddled and murky for him to become involved in; and knowing his penchant for heroism, he would fully invest himself in solving every one of her problems, and that she absolutely could not allow.
So long as he never proposed again, she would always have him.
But he would propose again.
And it would all be over when he did.
She glanced over at Mrs. Creighton and Mr. Townsley, completely absorbed in conversation and not minding them at all. Slowly, she moved the hand on the grass towards Colin, not stopping until their hands were touching, little fingers overlapping.
His skin was hot to the touch, and his sudden change in breath told her everything she needed to know.
“I like Tibby, too,” she said, pretending as though there was not a fire building between their hands, “but I hardly think I need to be there.”
Colin swallowed and curved his finger enough to interlock with hers. “No one refuses Tibby, especially not an invitation. And she is not making a grand spectacle of it, just a few friends. Nathan and Moira, Derek and Kate, Geoff and Mary, Duncan and Annalise, Marianne, me, Kit… Perhaps Miss Arden, Miss Templeton, Lord Blackmoor, Thomas Granger, maybe even the Beckhams, if she’s feeling adventurous.”
Susannah gave him a wry look. “And that’s just a few friends?”
Colin snorted. “You should see the spring musicale at the beginning of the Season. Packed in so tightly you can’t breathe unless you’re fortunate enough to have an end seat.”
Susannah shook her head slowly, wondering what it would be like to enjoy such a plethora of friends.
“Maybe even Lady Cavendish and that rather charming nephew of hers will be invited,” Colin said with a grin, his little finger sliding along hers in a faint caress.
Susannah rolled her eyes and laughed. “After what you went through about poor Mr. Townsley? I had better write to Lady Cavendish to warn him off.”
Colin glowered just a bit as he looked back at the man in question.
“You probably should apologize to Tibby,” she prodded gently.
He shook his head at once. “No, absolutely not. I have never apologized to anyone and I will not start with Tibby.”
“You apologized to me,” she murmured softly.
He froze and a soft smile appeared on his face. “True,” he murmured, caressing her finger again, “but I love you. That’s the difference.”
She swallowed the lump that had formed and had to look up at the sky to blink back her tears. “You’re not supposed to say things like that to me.”
“Well, who else should I say them to?” he asked with a warm chuckle. “I’ve loved you since I was fifteen years old, and that’s not something I take lightly.”
She swallowed and exhaled slowly. “You said before that you accept that I did what I had to do when I… that day I left.”
“So I did, and I still do.”
Susannah opened her eyes and looked at him, his face taut, but his eyes warm. She fought for control and removed her hand from under his. She couldn’t touch him when she talked about this. She angrily swiped at the remaining tears and murmured, “I couldn’t even cry that day. My parents found out about us, you see, and… They knew your family’s reputation as it stood in those days. And they…”
“Susannah, don’t.”
“They made me agree to a marriage of their choosing,” she said, her voice dangerously shaking. “I was supposed to send you a letter, but I… I had to see you.”
“Susannah…”
She bit her lip and looked at the sky. “I was cold and brusque, because I couldn’t do it otherwise. I was shaking with terror on the inside. And then when I left… When I left, I wanted you to call after me. I wanted to look back for one last look at you, but I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t do that to myself. Or you.” She glanced over at him, and he still watched her steadily. “Why didn’t you call after me?”
Slowly, he shook his head. “I couldn’t,” he said softly. “I couldn’t even move.”
Susannah’s eyes filled with tears as she held his gaze. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
Colin reached over and took her hand, squeezing it tightly. “Don’t,” he said, his voice low and raspy. He brought her hand to his lips and held it there for a long moment. “Don’t,” he murmured again as his lips brushed her skin.
She reached out and pushed back his hair a little, letting her fingers trail along the side of his face. He leaned into her touch, his eyes still on her.
It would have been the perfect time for her to tell him that she loved him. She could feel the fire burning in her veins, the faintest hint of tingle in her lips, the words rising up within her chest.
But that was where they stayed.
And all she did was sigh and nod once.
Colin generally did not enjoy Tibby’s musical events. Oh, he could admire fine musical talent and certainly there were moments of great genius, such as Mary’s stunning performance a year and a half ago. She’d set the room aflame and even Colin had considered calling on her after that, but it had quickly faded back into normalcy.
What he hated generally were the people that thought themselves so very capable of performing when they were absolutely anything but. Tibby had learned from the events in the past and now only those who had been invited by her specifically were permitted to perform. Suggestions could be made, of course, but she had final approval.
It was her way of ensuring that she would reign supreme at her own event.
And then there was the parading of young ladies who had only come to feign an interest and snag a husband, the gentlemen who came to find talented potential wives, and the older women who could only croak and fawn about the days when they were performing at such events.
Society as a whole was idiotic, and when one threw music into the mix, it only got worse.
Tonight’s event was destined to be better, though. Tibby had kept the list remarkably short, it being well into autumn and many families having left London. As he looked around the room, he thought he could enjoy it immensely. Everybody here was a friend of his, in one way or another, and while he was generally thought of as being the most affable and pleasant of fellows, and a friend to all, the truth of the matter was that it was a select few indeed that he would have put into that category.
Another benefit from the small numbers was the more casual attire they were permitted to wear. Instead of the grander set of clothing he would have worn for her usual musicale, or a ball, he had simply donned some fine evening wear, and all the other gentlemen were dressed similarly. The women looked well indeed, but a more reserved sort of fashion than London generally saw from them at an event.
It was perfectly suited for Susannah, though she sat relatively off on her own. Moira and Annalise had been speaking with her while Kate and Mary had gone into another room to prepare for their turns at performing when they were inevitably invited. He would have liked her to also become acquainted with Miss Arden, who was an unassuming, sweet tempered girl with a furious skill for the pianoforte, though she did not sing at all. But she, too, was preparing for the evening. Perhaps later, at one of the intervals, he might make the introductions.
Susannah simply had to accept that her position had very little to do with who she could be friends with.
He sighed a little to himself as he looked at her now, as she smiled at something Moira had said. Susannah was lovely, in every respect, and the gown she wore tonight only heightened the richness of her complexion, and its pale green color accented the green of her eyes to a maddening degree. She was bewitching and he was only grateful that she would not be prevailed upon to participate tonight. If his memory served him, and it usually did, she was a talented musician and vocalist, and though his taste for music was middling at best, he would have been caught in a tide of emotions and impulses that he was not entirely certain he had the strength to combat.
“Stop that, you’ll make a scene.”
Colin turned to find Derek standing nearby and grinning at him a bit like a wolf.
Colin snorted and gave him a look. “Oh, and you were so reserved when Kate was looking pretty?”
“I didn’t know you thought my wife was pretty,” he replied as he came to his side. “She’ll be delighted to hear it.”
Colin shook his head and returned his gaze to Susannah.
“She is looking very well, indeed,” Derek told him. “Not half so gaunt as she was, and her color is improved.”
Colin nodded, though he thought Derek’s words a pale comparison to what she was.
Derek watched him for a moment, then chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder. “You are a lovesick loon, my friend.”
The doors to the music room opened and Kate and Mary entered, followed, rather grandly, by Tibby, to polite applause. Colin glanced over, then looked at his friend. “Oh, look, Whitlock, it’s your wife. Run along, little puppy, and see if she will give you some meat or a pat on the head.”
Derek raised a very ducal brow. “Better scraps from her hand than always waiting to be noticed.” He gave a polite bow, then went to his pretty and charming wife.
Colin glowered at his friend’s back as he retreated. Derek had always been an impertinent man, least of all because he was the highest ranking of them, but his aim had been true. And he bristled at it. He was going to have to propose to her in all sincerity again soon, and she had better accept him this time. His control was wearing thin.
Tibby greeted them all with her usual dramatic effusiveness, and the evening took off at breakneck speed, with a charming duet between Mary and Kate that might have been the most delightful thing he’d ever heard. Everyone in the room seemed to agree, for the applause was rather extensive, enough that Kate rolled her eyes with a grin while Tibby begged them all to be quiet so Miss Templeton could begin her violin performance.
Colin relaxed as much as he could while standing against a pillar. Susannah was enraptured by the music, smiling and clapping, and looking quite lost in it. She might have been carried away by it, and he longed to be carried away with her.
His gaze slid to his brother, standing in a corner and focused upon the performances with his usual intensity. He had not thought Kit a great admirer of music either, it being so frivolous compared to other accomplishments Kit valued highly. He would never have said such things, but Colin suspected he thought that.
Or, rather, he had suspected. Up until this afternoon, he would have been quite convinced of it.
But there had been a bit of a surprise when he had returned from seeing his solicitor. He’d heard the pianoforte and a shaky melody that told him Bitty was practicing again, but this time she was singing along, and her sweet little voice brought a smile to his face. He’d heard her sing before, but only little nursery songs to herself. This was a new development indeed. And then, as if that was not enough, there was a second voice joining in with hers.
A male voice.
Curious, and a little concerned, he headed straight for their new makeshift music room, only to find Kit, of all people, at Bitty’s side and singing the song with her, keeping his surprisingly rich baritone voice in check to keep from overpowering her. They made for an exquisite duet, and Colin had been so close to tears his eyes had burned suspiciously.
He had stood in the doorway, watching until their song was completed, and then slid out of sight as he tried to process what he had just witnessed. After thirty-two years with his brother… his twin, for heaven’s sake!... how had it never come to his attention that Kit was musical?
Kit had come out and seen Colin at once. He’d only raised a brow in a silent query.
“I didn’t know you could sing,” Colin had said.
Kit had straightened up a bit, curved one side of his mouth, and replied, “Despite what you may have heard, Colin, you do not know everything.”
He’d seen very little of Kit since then, and they had come separately. Looking at him now, he could easily have assumed that his brother was only being polite with his interest. But knowing what he did now, there was undoubtedly some further appreciation. He praised each performance with polite applause, and when Gemma Templeton had been asked for an encore of three more songs, which never happened, Kit had smiled.
Smiled! In public! Thankfully, no one had seen it but Colin, or else the whole world, or at the very least London, would have gone into complete disarray.
Colin fought to smile himself, and returned his attention to the performances, feeling rather bemused about the whole thing.
When Miss Templeton had completed the last of her three additional songs, each as accomplished as the last, Tibby called for another surprise of the evening.
“In a quite shocking and rather pleasant turn of events,” she trilled as the applause for Miss Templeton faded, “and certainly the first time it has occurred at one of my events, I am pleased to announce that the next performance will be by my own niece, Miss Bray.”
Colin nearly slid down the column. Now he knew there was no way that Marianne was musical. She had so often said that she had no talents at all and was simply a pretty face and capable dancer. If she had musical abilities, she would have paraded them about for all to admire and see.
He glanced around the room to see similar expressions of shock and disbelief on every face, except for Duncan and Annalise, who merely looked surprised, although they smiled. He chanced a very slight glance at his brother, who suddenly looked as if he was considering throwing himself out of Tibby’s very fine windows.
Colin groaned internally as Marianne made her way up to the pianoforte. She was among family and close friends, so she had very little airs or flirtation, but she could hardly be entirely without them. Her dress was too bold, but not shocking, and he strongly suspected she had used a bit of eye paint to enhance her eyelashes, though he would never be so crass as to accuse her of it.
Marianne smiled shyly as she sat at the pianoforte and flicked a look over in the direction of Kate, Mary, and Annalise, then exhaled silently and began.
The music from the instrument was pretty, but hardly as accomplished as Kate had been, or as Miss Arden would undoubtedly be when she performed. Skilled, certainly, but not particularly impressive. Nothing that he should have thought good enough to induce a woman such as Marianne to be prevailed upon to perform for a gathering.
Then she began to sing. While not as captivating as what Mary Harris was capable of, she was not too far behind. Where her speaking tone was usually full of false lilts and coldness, her voice when singing was as natural as the breeze and just as refreshing. Clear and pure, her tone was everything she was not, but every bit the little girl he had once known.
If she ever performed for a gathering with her usual following and members of society, she would be more fawned upon than royalty and no other young woman would compare in the least.
Which begged the question: why hadn’t she?
Suddenly someone seized his arm and he turned to find Kit standing there, looking wild and furious. “Where did she learn to sing like that?” he hissed, his grip on Colin’s arm rather painful.
“I don’t know, it’s a usual accomplishment for females,” he murmured, trying to reassure his unnerved twin. “Perhaps Mary helped her? They are friends.”
Kit clenched his teeth as the song continued, reaching higher and purer notes from Marianne’s voice. “Tell her to stop helping her,” Kit managed, perspiration forming on his brow. “Tell her… Make it go away.”
Colin gaped at him. “How do you expect me to…?”
Kit did not mark him at all. He looked down at the ground, shaking his head slightly. “I can’t do this. I can’t…”
Suddenly, his arm was released and Kit left the room, still walking, but only just. Nobody noticed, as they were so captivated by the song, but Colin had lost interest. His brother was in sheer agony, beyond what Colin thought he was capable of. He might not understand it, but he could certainly sympathize.
Kit did not leave entirely. Colin could still see him just outside the door to the room, listening to every note, no doubt against his will. When at last Marianne had finished, the last note still ringing softly through the room, Kit was gone and applause rang out from every quarter enthusiastically.
Tibby called for a reprieve and some refreshments, and general talk and praise filled the room with indiscernible murmurs.
Geoff came to Colin, looking curious. “Where did Kit go?”
Colin forced a light smile. “Oh, Bitty has been under the weather today and he wanted to go check on her.”
“Is she all right?” Geoff asked in concern. “Should I send Mary over? Or perhaps Susannah should go? She has experience in hospital, you know, and might be of use.”
Colin shook his head, biting back a laugh. “No, no, Bitty will be fine. A little cough and some sniffles, nothing to get worked up about.”
“And Kit left for that?”
Colin shrugged, as if he did not understand it either.
Geoff hummed and his brows furrowed. “A bit overprotective and rash, isn’t it?”
Rash? Yes, Kit was being rash. And ridiculous and mysterious and drastic. But it had absolutely nothing to do with the girls, or anything else. It had everything to do with Kit’s secret, and the too-pretty young woman that had taken them by surprise.
Kit, by a rule, hated surprises.
Colin smiled at his friend. “Kit is a very attentive guardian. And Bitty is his favorite, I think.”
Geoff chuckled. “Can you have favorites in this?”
Colin clapped Geoff on the back as his friend went to procure refreshments. He leaned his head back against the pillar and released a sigh. He was used to making excuses for Kit, he had done so for years. But those had always been in grand circles when rumors ran rampant. Never before had he lied to his friends about it. They always accepted that Kit was reserved and did as he pleased without reference to Colin, and there had never been questions raised by any of them.
If this kept up, there would be several questions, and he would not have a single answer, made up or otherwise.
“You look distressed. What can I do?”
He smiled and opened his eyes to look down into Susannah’s pretty blue-green eyes. Her honey-colored hair was pulled back fairly simply, but some blessed maid had given her just a bit of a ringlet behind her ears, and he reached out to play with one a little. Her eyes widened in surprise, and her color heightened a little, making the temptation to kiss her a rather unholy one.
What could she do? The words “marry me” came to mind, but he held them in check. He could hardly do a proper job of proposing in Tibby’s ballroom with these people around, no matter how they ignored them at present.
He let two fingers stroke her jaw as he considered the incomparable woman before him. “What can you do?” he repeated softly.
She nodded, taking his hand in both of hers, taking care to hide it between their bodies.
“Smile, love,” he murmured, stroking her jaw again. “All I need in the world is in your smile.”
She blushed, but rolled her eyes at the compliment. He made a quick scan of the room, then quickly brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it twice. She slapped his arm with her other hand, but he felt the fingers he held flutter against his skin.
Susannah was his for the taking now. She might not have said the words, but he knew it.
She gave him an impish smile and a wink as she left to return to Annalise and Moira, who had now brought Lily Arden into their midst.
Colin watched her go with a bit of a predatory look that was matched by the growing fierceness within him.
Susannah was his.
And he was not going to wait anymore.