LIV

 

“Come on, it’s been two fucking days.”

“Ugh.” I shove my head under the pillow and try to block out Helena’s voice.

“How much alcohol have you consumed since Saturday night?” she asks with a tut.

“Leave me alone,” I complain, whining.

“Like fuck,” she responds. Helena swears a lot, but when she gets angry, her swear word to normal word ratio gets skewed heavily on the former side of the scale.

“Really? You’re going to kick my arse out of bed?”

“Yes. Stop sulking. The dickbrain isn’t worth it. Anyway, we have work tonight.”

I peek out from under my pillow at the wrong time. I’m staring straight at the window and only get a glimpse of Helena’s back before she rips open my curtains, and the light terrorises me. I’m momentarily blinded.

“God, it smells like a skunk had a bar fight in here,” she complains, opening all my windows. I drag my duvet tighter around my shoulders and snuggle back down under my pillow, barely lasting ten seconds before she rips my cocoon away from my body.

I lay still, knowing I can’t fight her anymore. She was good and gave me two days, two longer than she wanted to give me, I’m sure.

“Fine,” I grumble throwing my arm across my face.

“Finally, I’m getting through to you. I’ll wait in the living room, there has to be something compelling on TV. You go shower. Now,” she demands. I open one eye from under my arm and watch as she gathers up my duvet.

“What are you doing?” I croak.

She stops and frowns at me. “You think I’m leaving you alone with this baby? Umm, no. Now hurry up!” She stalks out of my room dragging my poor duvet with her.

The minute she’s gone, I sit up and search for my phone. I let out a relieved breath when I find it down the side of my mattress. Squeezing my eyes together, I’m not sure I want to look at it. I know I sent a text to Isaac while I was sharing my bed with JD yesterday. Dropping my head slightly, I peer down at the floor and yeah, there’s an empty bottle, I drank it all. “Sorry JD, it was good while it lasted… I think,” I whisper to the clear glass and rub the back of my head.

I can’t put it off anymore. I need to see what I sent and if he responded.

“I can’t hear the shower in there!” Helena shouts through the flat, making me chuckle.

“I’m getting there, now shut up,” I reply. I’m surprised I don’t have a raging hangover. A nearly full bottle of whiskey has made my memory blurry, but I don’t feel unwell, just tired.

Grinding my teeth I grab my mobile, but when I check it the battery’s dead, and I can’t decide whether I’m relieved or upset. Sighing, I plug it in to charge and go into my en-suite bathroom. It sounds fancy, but it’s not. Still, it has all I need, and while I wait for the shower to warm, I turn on my iPod dock and press shuffle. I step under the stream of water as Janet Jackson comes over the speakers with ‘Again’—it’s like she’s detailing my life story.

Closing my eyes, I duck under the water and sing quietly along to the words. I inherited my mother’s talent, but few people know that. Mum shines when it comes to singing. I’m not her, and I don’t want to be. I think when I was younger I wanted to be separate from my parents as much as possible because of the tight rein they tried to keep on me, so I never sang for them. Thankfully, they never picked up on my voice. My focus was always dancing anyway and I spent hours in Aunt Soph’s studio perfecting my routines. Nobody questioned whether I was good at anything else, seemingly one talent is enough in this family. I wonder what skills Isaac has these days, because I know he’s not a single source of talent.

On that thought, the music changes to Janet’s ‘Anytime, Anyplace,’ and I groan. I can’t help thinking about Isaac, he’s been in my thoughts for years, but his unexpected arrival a few days ago has once again put him front and centre. Although I ran away shocked, it doesn’t deter from the fact that my hungry eyes took in every delicious bit of him. I think of him as my hand slips down my stomach. Closing my eyes, I remember how his shoulders were broader, and how the muscles he couldn’t hide if he wanted to, were obvious under his jumper. His chocolate hair, which was short when he came back from the Army, is longer now. And the clean-shaven look is gone replaced by a sexy as hell short beard. His dark blue eyes, almost like the blue-black of the ocean, are the same, though. No matter the shields I try to hold up, those eyes penetrate all my defences, they always have.

My head drops back against the tiled wall as I play with my clit and imagine his now bearded face between my legs as I ride him. We never experienced that on the one night we had. I was a virgin, and he knew it. He was gentle, careful, and everything about that night was loving. I think that’s why when he left, then ignored me for so long, I went wild. It was always meaningless sex—one night, sometimes two, but just sex. Every dirty thing you could imagine I did, with nameless, faceless men, and I never thought of Isaac once. I swear.

“All done,” I say sulkily, walking in the living room still drying my hair with a towel. “Are you watching Jeremy Kyle?” I splutter as I notice the TV show and take in Helena gawking at the screen.

Without moving her eyes from the TV, she mumbles, “Uh huh, this guy is sleeping with his girlfriend’s mother, you couldn’t write this shit.”

“Hmmm, I think you probably could,” I offer back.

“Seriously, there was a woman on there who said her boyfriend killed her hamster. This show is beyond fucked up… and I love it!”

“Seriously?” I deadpan.

Helena nods her head vigorously. “Yep, it sure as hell makes me feel better about my life.”

I stare at the screen and wonder what my Jeremy Kyle tagline would be.

‘Mum, Dad, I’m in love with my cousin. Oh, and he took my virginity.’

Or maybe,

‘Why did you take my virginity then ignore me for years?’

Or ding ding ding… we have a winner!

‘I took her virginity. Now she won’t leave me alone. Stalker Exes.’

“What’s that weird look on your face?” Helena asks, her body now twisted around on the sofa facing me.

“What weird look?”

“I don’t know.” She rubs her chin in thought. “Kind of a mixture between Father Christmas has shat in my fireplace, and my dog just pissed on my favourite shoes kind of look.”

I shrug but burst into laughter, it’s the balm I need to feel marginally better.

“You ready to go?” Helena asks after I finish laughing.

“Let me grab my phone,” I say rushing back to my bedroom. I pull it from the charger and go into my messages. I can see he’s replied, but I purposely look to the side as I scroll up to the top using only my peripheral vision. I need to remember what I sent before I see his reply.

 

Me: Why did you show up yesterday after all this time? Was it to fuck with me?

 

Okay, so my first message is pretty put together. I vaguely remember typing this out. I must have only had a couple of glasses of JD at that point.

 

Isaac: I don’t know why I came back.

Me: That’s not a fucking answer.

Isaac: It’s all I got.

Me: Fuck you, Isaac.

Isaac: Nice mouth.

 

I notice there is a gap of about an hour between that text and his next one.

 

Isaac: I’m sorry.

Me: Sorr forr wat???

 

Hmmm, seems JD and me had become close friends in that lost hour.

 

Isaac: Are you drunk?

Me: Nont your bissnessss

Isaac: Are you out somewhere? Where are you? Are you with friends?

Me: Shhhh 2 much talking

Isaac: Olivia!

Me: Isssaaack hehehehe

 

Okay, so I’m obviously finding myself funny at this point.

 

Isaac: We need to talk. Call me.

 

The last text was sent this morning. Shit.

I stand staring at the phone then before I can change my mind, I tap out a text.

 

Me: I can’t today. I’m not sure I can at all.

 

I don’t wait for his response. I turn my phone off and throw it into my bag, work will keep me busy tonight and hell, the distraction will be more than welcome.