Chapter 28

Branna

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Standing there, looking up into the dreamy blue eyes of the sexiest man I’ve ever seen, I know I’m about to do something seriously idiotic. Thank God.

He’s looking down at me questioningly, checking if I’m okay or if he overstepped the boundaries. He did, and I’m so, so much more than okay. But I’m also so beyond aware that this is a terrible idea.

“Cooper,” I start, taking another step back.

“Don’t do that, sweetheart” he says, stepping forward to close the gap. His hand is on my arm again and every cell in my body is focused on the warmth of his touch. Part of me hates him for having this effect on me. I’m a stand-on-her-own-two-feet independent woman and I don’t need, and never have needed, a man. Yet somehow, I’m standing here looking up at him with a wide-eyed longing that I can’t subdue, and I need him. God, how I need him.

But everything I feel for him is all the more reason why I can’t do this to him. I’m poison. If he gets too close to me, it—I—will destroy him. I’ve been living in a beautifully constructed fairytale world where I’m just a woman, he’s just a man, and we can be an us without hurting anyone around us. I’ve been living in a dream world where being with me isn’t suicidal.

This is the real world. I’m the Ebola of women—exposure to me will catch up to you. Probably around the time that some of Dad’s associates are knocking your skull in. I shake my head. I can’t let that happen to Cooper.

“Cooper, no,” I breathe, “You don’t understand. I’m not good for you.”

“I’m a man. Let me decide that for myself, sweetheart” he says, coming even closer. The breath catches in my throat as his dizzying scent hits me and I am bowled over again by uncontrollable desire. My traitorous body responds, nipples hardening with desire against the lacy fabric of my bra.

“You don’t know everything about me,” I say.

“Then tell me,” he demands.

“I can’t,” I reply. He’s right there and I’m so full of desire that I can hardly see straight, but I have to pull myself together. I have to stay in control, like I always do. I can’t lose my head or terrible things will happen. I repeat myself, more firmly this time, despite everything I’m feeling. “Cooper, I can’t. Just believe me when I say that if you knew who I am, and where I’m from, you wouldn’t want me.”

“Impossible,” he growls.

“It’s not only possible, it’s definite. You don’t know anything about me,” I say. He let’s go of me and walks angrily over to the wall. He slams it with his hand, then turns to face me.

“Damn it, Branna,” he shouts. “What, you think you’re the only one with a past? You think you’re the only one who’s made some mistakes in their life?”

“No!” I yell back, finally getting some of that anger I need, too, to push the desire away. “I’m not some sheltered princess. Life hasn’t been all sunshine and butterflies for me, whatever you may think. But you don’t know jack shit about where I’m from and what you’re getting yourself into if you get involved with me. I’m the biggest mistake you could possibly make and I’m not fucking worth it!”

“Fuck!” Cooper slams the wall again. “I know everything I need to know.” He breathes deep, controlling his temper, and walks over to me. Suddenly, he’s inches from me again, his hands on my arms. “I know you’re smart and kind and beautiful and an amazing woman. I don’t give a damn about where the fuck you came from or what mistakes you’ve made. All I care about is who you are right now, and who you are right now is the woman that I want.”

“But,” I say, my temporary anger already gone and my voice much weaker. “Cooper, please stay away from me. I don’t want to hurt you.” I mean it, but there’s little conviction in my plea for him to stay away and he can tell.

“Never,” Cooper says, coming up to me and taking me in his arms again. “And don’t you ever let me hear you call yourself a mistake again. No one talks about my girl like that.”

I’m not letting myself give into his pull, at least not yet. “Cooper, I don’t want to hurt you. If you get involved with me, you will get hurt.”

“You’re worth it,” Cooper says, and then pulls me roughly to him and kisses me. My knees buckle from the impact of not only his physical force, but also the force of his words. And I cannot resist any longer.

I jump up on him, wrapping my legs around him and slinging my arms around his neck. He reacts immediately, one arm on my back and the other under my ass, holding me up. I find his lips with my own and then we’re kissing again, this time fervently and hard, finally releasing the month of sexual tension that has been building between us. Our unbridled lust is perfectly matched in the heat of our passion and I’m tearing at his shirt at the same time that he’s reaching under my top and unclasping the snaps on my bra. He frees my sensitive breasts, briefly breaking lip contact just to pull my shirt over my head and let me shrug off my bra, then his mouth finds mine again and we’re rushing to kiss deeper, longer, harder. He slams me against the wall, but I don’t feel a thing. All of my frustrations morph into sexual energy, and the very fact that I’m telling myself that I shouldn’t be doing this fuels the fire of sexual desire that roars through my body. My hands are tangled in his hair, pulling his face closer into me as our bodies start to move together in an instinctual rhythm. He pauses for a breath and leans back a little to take me in.

His eyes climb slowly up my body, lingering on the gentle inward curve of my waist and the soft fullness of my breasts before he bends down to take an erect nipple in his mouth. I writhe with pleasure as the warm wetness of his mouth wraps around my sensitive nipple and my back arches involuntarily, my body doing all within its power to bring me closer to what I need. He swirls his tongue around my nipple, sucking gently before releasing it to move on to the other one. As the cold air hits the hot skin of my engorged nipple, a moan escapes my lips. The sound does something to Cooper and he growls, pulling me into him with a renewed vigor.

“You drive me crazy, pretty girl” he murmurs in my ear, before trailing kisses down my neck. The way he looks at me makes me feel like a Marilyn Monroe or Mata Hari—sexy, womanly, and wanted.

I’m all nerve endings and starbursts of pleasure. I can barely form a coherent thought, much less string the words together into a comprehensible sentence. A moaned, “Oh, baby,” is all I can get out before I’m breathless again.

I tear at his shirt again—I need it off. I need the satisfaction of feeling my bare skin on his. Cooper obliges, pausing to pull his shirt over his head. He takes advantage of the small break to look at me again. He looks at me long and slow, like a man savoring a five-star meal. Then he looks at my face.

He doesn’t look at me like anyone has before. It’s not the respectful, intimidated look of the guys in the syndicate. It’s not the critical look of instructors. It’s not the look of adulation I got from girlfriends, who all thought they wanted my life of high standing and respect. It’s not the scared, guilty look of boys who dared to check me out before realizing who I was. It’s not the value-assessing look of Alexei and his dad, who always managed to find something lacking.

Cooper looks at me like he really sees me. Cooper looks at me like I’m the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. The urgency of a moment before is paused as Cooper touches my face gently, like handling a treasure. I can feel his desire, as strong as mine, and see the longing in his face.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this about someone,” he murmurs. “You are a one of a kind woman.” Something flickers across his face.

“You have been hurt,” I say, the realization dawning on me. This strong, handsome, man’s man isn’t invulnerable to emotion. I shake my head, pulling back from him a bit. “Cooper, I’m going to hurt you, too.”

“You won’t,” he says, pulling me back to him. “You’re different.”

“I will,” I say. “I don’t want to, I really don’t want to, but I can’t do anything about it.”

“Branna, I’m a grown man. Don’t underestimate what I can handle.” His tone changes—now it’s softer. “Branna, even if you do, you are worth it. You are beautiful.” He says it softly, like he means it. He strokes my face gently and I feel so warm. For once in my life, I believe it. I feel wanted and womanly and good enough, just the way I am. Cooper tilts my chin up with his thumb and kisses me deeply and passionately. I let go of all of my reservations. If I can live in this moment forever, I would be perfectly happy.

But once we’re touching again, our mouths searching each other’s, neither of us can keep it from escalating. I suck on his bottom lip. He squeezes my ass and pulls my crotch towards his, where I can feel his raging erection through his jeans. My heart feels like it’s beating a million beats per second.

“I want you,” growls Cooper. I’m too worked up to say anything. I just nod and reach for his fly. He cuts me off, spinning me away from the wall and carrying me, still wrapped around him, towards his bedroom. He kicks the door, already slightly ajar, open. Still making out feverishly, I slide down to standing and start fumbling with the top button on his pants. I finally get it open, a real feat since I can’t bring myself to stop kissing him long enough to do it properly. I unzip his pants, then kiss my way down his body as I slide his jeans down. Adrenaline is coursing through my body as I feel the heat rolling off of his body, my face inches from his cock.

”Branna,” he breathes. His already deep voice is thick with desire and knowing that I’m the one who made it that way is an amazing feeling.

I’m on my knees in front of him, wishing now that I’d read more Cosmo or taken Trashy Tara up on her offer of a banana blowjob lesson back in the ninth grade. He has been with so many women, women who know what they’re doing. Women who’ve done it before, probably many times. But my desire pushes the insecurities to the side and I pull down his green plaid boxers to reveal his erection, as rock hard and heavy in my hand. It’s a lot bigger than I expected a penis to be, in lusty afternoon daydreams, and I’m a little intimidated for a moment.

But then I look up at Cooper, who’s looking down at me like I’m the only girl in the world that he’s interested in, and my natural confidence kicks in. That, and the realization that I have a very sexy man’s very hard cock in my hand, and that man actually really cares about me, it seems.

I lick his length from base to tip, like a lollipop, not once breaking eye contact.

“Branna,” he groans, his forehead scrunching with pleasure.

“Mmmmm.” I don’t know what to do, but I improvise. I take his erection hungrily in my mouth, wrapping my lips around his hard girth. I flick the underside of his penis with the tip of my tongue, experimentally, as I take him deeper into my mouth. I have one hand up on his abs and the other cupping his balls—mostly because I don’t know what else to do, but also because he’s responding with groans that tell me he likes it. I feel his body tense with pleasure as I suck, swirling my tongue all around, over, and under his cock. Clumsily at first, I’m sure, but Cooper doesn’t seem to mind. His body tenses with pleasure. I’m kneeling in front of him on the floor, as he braces himself with a hand against the wall behind me. Then he pulls me to my feet.

“I want you,” he says. “My girl.”

The two words, repeated, are like a shock of pleasure through my already overstimulated body. It’s not like how I was Alexei’s girl, bound to him because a peace agreement from our dads and their advisors said so. This is different. When Cooper calls me his girl, it’s a profession of desire. It makes me part of a unit. It makes me belong somewhere and belong to someone because he wants me, not because he is obligated to have me. I know what’s coming next and I’m terrified, uncertain, and yet also so, so certain that this is what my body — what I — want.

“My turn,” he says. “I want to taste you, beautiful.” With that, he throws me down on the bed.

Oh. My. God.