Chapter Thirteen
At the coffee pot, Sawyer poured herself a cup of coffee while Mickey waited behind her. Here we go again. Her demeanor instantly took away the high from my dinner with Garrick. Only a few more days until this event was behind me. Hopefully then, things would go back to normal.
“It’s nice of you to join us, Knoah.” Mickey’s voice was ice cold and dripped sarcasm.
I gave her a tight smile, dreading another day like this. Checking the clock, I confirmed I was forty-five minutes early. From my left, Sawyer cocked her head, clearly not understanding what was going on. We hadn’t been together much this week for me to tell her what had happened.
Regardless, I’d reached my limit of being treated this way. “Mickey, can I speak with you?”
With clipped steps, she led the way to her office. When the door shut, I went for it. “Have I done something wrong?”
“Knoah, I don’t think this is working out.”
Wait. What? I stood there, staring at Mickey to see if I’d misheard her. Her body language spoke volumes. Swallowing, I straightened my posture. “Are you firing me? None of this makes sense. I don’t understand. Is this because I had dinner with Garrick?”
Her eyes went wide and lips flattened in displeasure. “Pack up your things. Consider your termination effective immediately.”
Tears welled in my eyes. Yes, I reached my limit but this was extreme. Anger raged through me. I straightened my shoulders. “I can’t believe you’re firing me. I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“It’s my company. And cutbacks are needed. I’ll send over your severance information via a courier.” Mickey turned toward her desk.
This was absolutely ridiculous. “What happened?”
“It’s not working out.” She flicked her wrists in my general direction. Officially I’d been dismissed.
I ground my teeth. Her mind was made up, and she wasn’t going to tell me the truth. “Until this week, it was a pleasure working with you. I wish you the best, Mickey.”
I was stunned as I walked to my office. I loved my job and what it provided—routine. Now, it was gone.
I will not let her see me cry.
Glancing around, I realized there was nothing personal I needed to take. No pictures. No mementos. So maybe my job wasn’t as important as I once thought it was. I’d never plugged myself in personally here. The job had filled the time. Sadness crept in. I’d wasted so much of my time these last few years hiding from the world.
I’m going to start living.
Taking one last look around, I let out a breath. I’d taken home my birthday flowers last night—Garrick’s first gift to me. Everything else here belonged to the company. I turned my back and walked out of my office.
Sawyer met me at my door, shell-shocked. “Knoah, there has to be a misunderstanding. Let’s talk to Mickey.”
“No, I’m done.” I walked to the front desk with Sawyer following behind me. I took a pencil and wrote all of my passwords down. Mickey stood at the door, her arms crossed over her chest. Handing her the piece of paper, I said sternly, “I don’t know what happened or what changed over the last few days. But I will leave on good terms, at least from my perspective. Here are the passwords to my computer and files. Everything should be in order. All I have is my purse.”
Mickey took the paper, and her brows drew together. I turned to Chelsie and gave her a hug. “You’ve been wonderful to work with. Thanks for all you’ve done with me.”
She swallowed and nodded. “Bye, Knoah. I wish you weren’t leaving.”
“Me, too. But you’ll do great.”
Sawyer stood speechless. I was almost to the door when I remembered my keys, and I dug through my purse. “Here’s my key. This should be everything.”
Numbly, Mickey took the key. She was finally showing an ounce of feeling, but it was too late. I waited for her to say something, anything, about rescinding my termination. Nothing.
“I’ll see you at home, Sawyer. I promise I’m okay.” My voice stayed level even though my insides shook.
In a fog, I left. I handed over my badge at the security desk. “I won’t need this anymore. Thanks, Pete.”
“Are you okay, Ms. Knox?”
“I will be. I won’t need the security parking pass, either. Thanks for all you did to set it up. Will you give James my best? Here’s my e-mail if he wants it. Tell him I’d still like to see Jane’s work.”
Pete looked unsure of what to say. “Of course, Ms. Knox. I’ll let Mr. Shaw know about the security pass.”
I took a deep breath. “Will you wait a few hours before you do?”
That big toothy grin was my answer. “Anything for you, Ms. Knox. You take care of yourself.”
“I will.”
He stood and gave me a quick hug. Leaving the people here would be the hardest.
Turning, Sawyer pulled me into one of the alcoves. “Knoah, I know I’ve been gone most of the week, but what the fuck is going on?”
“I met someone.” Sawyer gasped, and I continued, “We have this attraction to each other I can’t explain. But the moment I met Garrick, Mickey went crazy.”
Sawyer grabbed my hand. “You want me to kick her ass?”
I chuckled. “Maybe. I’ll tell you later. Promise.” I smiled automatically as I attempted to joke back with her.
“So …You met someone, Knoah?” She stopped, her eyes wide. “Did you say Garrick? As in Garrick Shaw?”
“I did.”
Jumping, she grabbed my arms. “Oh my gosh! Knoah! That is amazing. And he’s really good looking.” That, he is. “When I get home, I want all the details.”
“Promise.”
I remembered why we were standing in the lobby, and the moment grew sober. “I need to head home.”
She gave me a hug. “I’m here if you need me.”
“I know.”
We parted ways, and I left it all behind. My lip quivered, but I would remain strong. I’d be fine financially until I figured out my next move. Dylan had had a life insurance policy that named me the beneficiary. Between that and his trust funds, I had enough for the rest of my life. Dylan’s grandparents had willed him a substantial amount I hadn’t known about. It still plagued me that he never told me about the money. It wouldn’t have changed anything. He’d always taken care of me, making me the number one priority in his life.
With a deep breath, I pushed through the back doors.
My job was over.
I was still in a state of shock as it all began to sink in. I drove home in a fog, barely reacting when my phone vibrated with a text. Later. I’ll deal with that later. Right now, I needed to process.
At the entrance to the private community we lived in, the gates opened as I approached. My phone rang as I parked the car, nearly scaring me to death. It was my mom.
“Hey, Mom. It’s good to hear your voice.” What I wouldn’t give for one of Mom’s homemade cinnamon rolls. She always made them when I was having a rough day as a kid.
“Hi, sweetheart. How are you? Did you get our card? You didn’t mention it on your birthday, and I didn’t want to press you about it. I know how hard your birthday is.”
I loved my parents. They remained understanding of how hard it had been since Dylan died. I hadn’t thought about the cards since the night of the concert. A sour taste filled my mouth as I thought about the card from Vivian. “Yes, Mom. Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it.” I took a deep breath. “I got one from Vivian, too.”
“I can’t stand that woman. Why can’t she leave you alone?”
Mom and Vivian almost had an altercation at the hospital. At Dylan’s funeral, Vivian had to be physically removed from the premises as she screamed terrible things at me. “I haven’t opened either. My therapist suggested I leave them unopened since I always feel that if I open the good, I have to open the bad, too.”
Should I tell her about my job? Garrick? No, not yet. She’d insist on coming up, and I needed a little time to process.
“If that helps, I think it is a wonderful idea, honey. Would you mind if I talked to your therapist?”
Since the first birthday after Dylan died, Mom suggested I throw Vivian’s card away. I never could bring myself to do it, feeling I deserved all the hateful things she spewed at me. After all, I’d been the one who wanted to go to Paris.
That took me by surprise. Hesitantly, I asked, “About what?”
“Me. Your new therapist seems to be helping you. I think she might be able to help me, too.”
Sometimes I forgot I wasn’t the only one who’d been affected by what happened. When Dylan died, a piece of me did, too, and that had spread out to those who loved me. “I think that’s a great idea, Mom. I’ll send you her contact information.”
“You know your dad and I love you.”
I blew out a breath, willing myself not to cry. If I started to cry, she’d know something was wrong. “I love you, too.” Time to change the subject. “Did I mention Kurt and I ran into each other again?”
“I saw.” Her happiness was evident over the phone line. “Seems like the press has stopped trying to match you guys as a couple. I didn’t want to pressure you to tell me until you were ready.”
My parents were beyond understanding. Truly a blessing. “Yeah. It’s good to have him back in my life. Did you hear the song he sang?”
“It was beautiful. Was it about… Dylan?”
I caught the way she hesitated on his name. Normally, the mere mention made me shut down. But now, our memories gave me comfort. “It was. We co-wrote it together a few years back. Kurt’s going to record it and release it. I’ll get royalties from it.”
“Oh my gosh! That’s amazing! Are you going to perform like you used to?”
The excitement in my mom’s voice had me feeling a little more like my old self. “No, I don’t want to be in the spotlight. The photographers hounding me this week confirmed that.”
“I’m proud of you, Knoah. So, so proud of you. Dylan would have loved it. If you need anything, we’re here for you.”
“Thanks, Mom. Love you guys.”
“Love you, too.”
We hung up and I gathered my things to head upstairs. The loss of my job still clung to me, but talking to Mom and feeling her love for me lessened the pain. All I wanted was to go to sleep for a few hours before I made a game plan. At some point, this fuzziness would clear and the panic would set in. My job was over. One fundamental building block I’d had in place had been removed. I hoped I was strong enough to withstand the shift.
And where did that leave me and Garrick? Later. I would think about all that later.
My phone vibrated again. It was Sawyer. “Hey, I’m coming home. I can’t let you be there by yourself.”
“Sawyer, please don’t leave. You have to get ready for a massive wedding in two days. Don’t give Mickey a reason to let you go, too. I’m going to be fine. I promise I would tell you if I needed you to come home.”
She sighed. “This doesn’t feel right. I feel like I should quit and be there with you as a sign of solidarity. Or at least come home and eat chocolate and talk about Garrick.”
“Please stay. I’ll fill you in. Promise.”
“Okay. I’ll leave as soon as I can. Call me and I’ll be there if you need me there. I’m going to go ahead with the monkey meeting. I’ll tell him to pee on Mickey.”
Leave it to Sawyer to pull a genuine laugh out of me. “Now that would be karma.”
“I’ll see what I can do to convince the little wig-wearing bastard to do it.”
I loved my best friend. Through thick and thin, Sawyer was the type of person who would always have my back. Maybe it was time to tell her everything.
“Thank you, Sawyer. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know.”
“Same to you, Knoah.”
After I hung up with Sawyer, I went over to Jessica’s apartment and let myself in with the key she’d left me. She was due back tonight, and before I lay down, I needed to take care of the cat.
“Snickers. Here kitty, kitty.”
Meow.
The beautiful calico cat emerged from Jessica’s room. “Hey there, buddy. You’re mommy is coming home tonight. Yes she is. I’m going to get you fed and clean out your litter box.”
Meow.
He brushed against my legs as I walked toward the cabinet where Jessica kept his food. “You are such a sweet cat.”
In no time, I filled the food and water bowls. Snickers began eating right away, and I stroked his back. “I’m going to clean out your litter box now. Maybe I should stay over here and cuddle with you. It’s been a rough day.”
Snickers purred in response.
The litter box was easy, as Jessica had one that self-cleaned. I grabbed the garbage and looked around. Everything seemed to be in place except a pillow Snickers probably knocked off the couch. I put it back. Jessica was an exceptionally neat person. I locked the door behind me as I left. Though our complex was safe, I never left the door unlocked.
As I descended the stairs, a weird, creepy feeling came over me again. The last time it had happened had been when I went up for the meeting with Garrick. Unsettled, I hurried down to the dumpster and threw away the bag. I glanced around the parking lot—all the cars appeared empty. No one was around besides the local yardman. I wanted to get into my apartment but realized I’d left my purse in Jessica’s apartment.
Shit.
Quickly, I ran back to Jessica’s apartment and locked the door behind me as another wave of fear hit. My heart was pounding in my ears. The creepy feeling hadn’t left me, and I peered out her kitchen window while grabbing my phone out of my purse.
A black SUV drove through the parking lot. Nothing unusual. The apartment complex was big, so the car most likely belonged here.
It’s okay, Knoah. Nothing is out of the ordinary.
I knew I was mentally tired, but I hated to ignore those feelings. They generally were spot on, but lately, nothing had happened.
Forcing myself to remain calm, I gathered my purse and hurried next door to my place.
Home.
Once inside, I looked out the window again. Everything seemed normal. You’re imagining things. I definitely needed some sleep. After a week of getting hardly any, catching up on some would hopefully help my perspective.
In my room, I took off my heels and quickly changed before crawling under the covers.
As the minutes ticked by, the numbness wore away and the first tear fell. I pulled my pillow to my chest. I’d lost the one thing I’d used to stay tethered to reality. Now, without my job, I felt like a ship drifting aimlessly.
Why? What have I done? What am I going to do now?
The time I finally let my guard down and experienced happiness, I lost something dear to me. Was it punishment for trying to move forward for one millisecond? Maybe all those cruel things Vivian had said were true. Maybe I had been responsible for Dylan’s death. After all, I’d been the one who wanted to get married. I’d been the one who wanted to go to Paris. I’d been the one to leave Dylan alone as I went to get the water. Vivian’s words from the funeral echoed around in my head.
More tears fell, and my heart physically ached.
At some point, sleep found me.