Chapter Eighteen
“Wow, you’ve had a big week. You reconnected with an old friend, began dating someone, lost your job, and have been dislocated from your home. How do you feel? Not about what happened to Jessica, but about the rest of what happened. Let’s keep them separate for a minute.”
I curled up in the chair with my legs tucked underneath me. The laid-back atmosphere helped me relax. My therapist, Brooke, was young and unconventional. She sat in her blue chair, shoeless and wearing yoga pants.
I thought about her questions for a few moments while the ocean sounds from the sound machine filled the silence. I liked that there was no awkward quiet forcing me to rush my answers. “As for how I feel… Good. Relieved. Lighter. I have hope that my life may not be over. By no means do I think Garrick and I are going to live happily ever after, but it’s nice. I feel things around him I haven’t felt. And I think he feels things for me, too. I think the quickness of this shocks us both. We’ll see how it goes.”
“Are you scared?”
“Terrified. But I think I need to keep moving forward if I want a chance at living again. Dylan loved me and would want me happy. Now I’m trying to find my way to do whatever that means. Do you think it’s too soon for me to have another relationship?”
She smiled. “You’re happy. You’re smiling. How can that be wrong?”
I let out a breath. “I’m moving into an apartment in his office building for now. The police don’t think it’s safe for me to stay in my place.” I paused, unsure how much I should share about the case. For now, I left it at that without mentioning the killer might be after me. “After Jessica’s death this morning, it doesn’t feel safe there anymore.” I was still plagued by guilt. “Is it wrong that I’m smiling after such a tragedy? Should I find somewhere else to live?”
And worse yet… I might be in trouble.
“Knoah, you knew Jessica, but from what I understand, you were acquaintances. Right?”
She refilled our hot jasmine tea. I took a small drink. “Yes.”
“It doesn’t make her death any less tragic, but just like when Dylan died, you still have to keep living. It’s okay to smile and laugh and feel.”
I played with the fringe on the pillow in my lap. “You’re right. It still seems a little surreal. Everything is moving at warp speed.”
“And you’re not feeling in control.” I loved how she understood me in ways I found hard to express.
“Yeah. I relied on my job to be my grounding point for so long, and now everything has changed.”
From a folder on the table by her chair, she thumbed through some papers and placed two pictures in front of me. The pictures were drawings of an owl. One was more abstract with blending lines and colors, and the other had crisp and clear lines where one color began and ended. “What do you think of these two pictures?”
“They’re the same owl but done with different styles.”
I kept looking at them, trying to figure out what she wanted me to learn from this.
She continued after a minute, “Consider the two people who drew these. Would you say one is right and the other wrong? They were given the same picture to color.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
Brooke pulled out another sheet from the file folder. It was the original, uncolored page with numbers on it. Each number corresponded to a color to be used for the owl. One person had followed it, one had not. “Knoah, sometimes when you try to control every action, you can miss something beautiful. Sometimes the uncontrollable isn’t bad—”
“You’re brilliant.”
She smiled and shook her head. “You connected the dots, not me.”
It made sense and helped ease my tension. However, being here in the moment was easier than remembering it later.
“Let things with Garrick take their course. It’s dating, Knoah. That’s it. If it goes fast, it goes fast. If it goes slow, it goes slow. If you move in with him today, you move in with him. If you stay in a different apartment, you stay there. Enjoy this time as you discover each other.”
Move in with him? Whoa, that seemed like a huge jump. Yes, we were somewhat living together, being on the same floor, but I planned to get a separate apartment.
“Knoah?”
My eyes shot to Brooke.
“Let it take its course.”
I wanted to. “He’s here. Umm… he brought me today. I still feel shaken, and he offered.”
She smiled. “That was sweet of him.”
“He doesn’t know about Dylan,” I blurted out.
“Do you plan to tell him?” There was no accusation in her tone, simply curiosity.
It was a part of my life, but at the same time, hard to open up the wound. I felt ready to tell Sawyer. Was I ready to tell Garrick? “Yes, at some point. I’m not ready yet. I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s been so long since I attempted anything with a guy. I don’t want to hide it, but it’s not something I really want to verbalize, either. In some ways, it makes moving on real. That scares me because I don’t want to forget Dylan.”
“Just be happy.” Is it that simple? “Be happy, Knoah. Being with someone else doesn’t erase the past. It simply makes your future brighter.”
Wow, this was deep. I’d need some time to process, but it eased my apprehension.
She looked at the time. “Do you want to meet next week instead of three weeks from now?”
I considered that for a moment. “Yes. That doesn’t mean I’m regressing, does it?”
With a kind smile, she shook her head. “No, you’re tackling a lot head on. This may be the one environment that hasn’t changed for you. If you need to come in sooner, text me and I’ll make time. I’m proud of you. Keep pushing forward. Remember that you’re a strong, courageous person.”
“I wouldn’t call me that.” In fact, most of the time I felt the exact opposite. I played some more with the fringe of the pillow.
When she didn’t respond, I looked up, and Brooke was smiling at me. “Oh, I would. You’re trying to reclaim your life. I find that admirable.”
Her words made me feel good. I was healing. Finally. “Thank you.”
She took out her planner and looked at the schedule. “How does next Wednesday morning at ten work for you?”
“Good. Unless I have a job, and then I’ll need to reschedule.”
“Perfect. I’ll see you then. Text or call if you need to talk before then.”
“I will. Thank you.”
Before we made it to the door, she stopped. “You seemed to do well with the last challenge I gave. For this next week, don’t get bogged down with the what-ifs. Live in the moment with your boyfriend. Enjoy having someone care about you.”
Boyfriend. I have a boyfriend.
I felt a pat on my arm. “You don’t have to put a name to it if it makes you nervous. Remember, it’s just a label. The two of you control how it progresses.”
“You’re right. I’ll work on the challenge.” Oh man, the challenges were always harder than what they seemed. “Do you want to meet him?”
She gave me a hug. “Let’s wait. I want to continue to be a neutral zone for you. Your mom called to set up an appointment, and she’s going to meet with a colleague of mine. You need someone who isn’t involved with anyone else in your life to talk to.”
“Thank you, Brooke.” I loved Mom, but selflessness had made me give her Brooke’s information. I needed a safe, neutral place to continue progressing and healing.
“I’ll see you next week. You’re amazing and have helped immensely.”
She hugged me again. “I only help show you what’s already inside. You’re doing all the work. Remember that. I can’t wait to hear about the challenge this week.”
In the waiting room, Garrick had a scowl on his face as he talked on his phone. “Find out. Get me the files.” His eyes connected to mine. “I’ll call you later.”
“Hey. Everything okay?” As I spoke, the warmth returned to his eyes. He stood and took my hand.
With his free hand, he tucked his phone in his pocket. “It will be. Would you like to eat or head to the apartments?”
A new place for a new start for the time being. “Apartments.”
On our way down to the car, I wanted to explain myself. “I hope you don’t think it’s rude that I didn’t introduce you to Brooke.”
“No, I want you to have someone you feel safe to talk to.”
Is he seeing someone, too? No questions. Let him reveal it in due time. But Garrick understood me in a way I thought impossible. No crazy expectations. No pressure. Just a man and a woman attracted to each other.
We drove across town to the office, pointing out restaurants we liked. The tension eased as time progressed, and I thought about my situations. I was in the car with my boyfriend, who rested his hand on my knee. Boyfriend. Garrick hadn’t used the word, but we were in a relationship. Is it exclusive? I hoped so.
“What’s on your mind?”
“Are we umm… exclusive?”
“Yes. I don’t share well.”
The possessive tone sent a thrill through me. This is what I wanted. To lighten the mood, I said, “Duly noted. I won’t ask you for a cup of sugar if I run out.”
A hearty laugh filled the air. I loved this side of him. “For you, I’ll make an exception. Only you.”
Only me.
Before I had a chance to swoon for too long, he said, “You seem more relaxed.”
“I am. Talking to Brooke helps.”
“That’s important. When is your next appointment?” Again, his comments came without judgment.
We turned into the secured parking lot. “Wednesday. With all the changes this week, I think it will help.”
He turned the car off. “You and Sawyer will have reserved parking spots next to me. Access has been restricted to the floor, and all the codes have been reset. If you give me your keys, I’ll arrange to have your car delivered—unless you’d like me to take you to get it.”
“Thank you.” I fished out my keys. “I don’t want to go back to the apartment.”
Garrick showed me the way up the private entrance. It was posh with the onyx walls and slate floors. Silver rails gleamed. The metal doors opened, and we entered a light gray hallway with three doors. “Annie arranged for the two vacant units to be cleaned today. You should find everything in order. If there’s anything you need, let me know.”
“Which one do you live in?”
“The one at the end of the hall. It’s larger.”
Unlocking the first door on the right, Garrick began the tour. The Shaw International color scheme filled the apartment—white walls, black furniture, modern decor. The apartments were large. The living area and kitchen were combined into one giant great room, and the bedrooms were at the end of the hallway. Each bedroom had its own bathroom. Slate floors, granite countertops, top-of-the-line appliances. “These are nice.”
“We can change anything you want.”
I leaned up and kissed his lips. His arms wrapped around my waist. Desire to take it further filled the air, yet we held back. “I’d like to see your place.”
“This key card will get you into whichever apartment you choose—and mine, as well, just in case you need anything.”
“This apartment is perfect.” I took the key card. It wasn’t like he was giving me a key to his place, but in a sense, it was.
Garrick touched my cheek. “How about a tour of my place?”
Thankful for the reprieve, I nodded. His apartment was bigger and decorated a little more lavishly in the same colors. I loved the slate floors. In the light, they faintly sparkled. In the living room, soft black leather furniture beckoned a body to curl upon it. A large round marble table filled the dining area. It was white with black distressed lines. I loved it. “I think you have a thing for black and white.”
Hands in his pockets, he looked around the room. “I guess I do.”
No pictures or knickknacks lay about. “You were right; we are minimalists.”
The tension in his shoulders eased. I ran my hands along the black granite countertop of the bar off the living room, wanting to change the subject. “Have you heard anything from the police? Do they have any new leads?”
Garrick seemed to snap out of his thoughts. “Not yet. I’m working on acquiring whatever information they may have. The police aren’t cooperating. Human resources is dealing with the manager of the complex. I had them look over the office today more thoroughly, and it seems you’re not the only tenant whose paperwork had been misplaced.”
“Oh no.”
Garrick worked to relax his tense jaw. My phone vibrated, and I pulled it out of my bag. “It’s Sawyer. I need to answer her.”
“Would you like a drink?”
“No, thanks.”
Garrick poured himself a drink as I read my text.
Sawyer: Hey, Mom is stable. She was lucky. The snowmobile malfunctioned and crashed. The doctors have stopped the internal bleeding.
Me: I’m so sorry I haven’t texted you this morning. Can I call?
Immediately, the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Knoah.”
Hearing her voice intensified the guilt that I hadn’t checked up on my friend. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. Sawyer, Jessica was murdered last night. I was with the police this morning.”
“What? Are you serious? How? When? What happened?”
I leaned against the wall. “Yes, I’m serious. The police questioned me for a while since the lease in the office still has my name on it. They are not able to locate the original copy.”
Sawyer gasped. “Were they after you?”
“I don’t know. I’m living in one of the apartments above Garrick’s office until we get this figured out. It’s safe. There’s room for you here, too, if you want.”
“Yeah, count me in. I don’t want to be there anymore, either.”
“Do you want me to go ahead and pack up the apartment? I’ll hire someone to do it because I don’t want to go back. The apartments here are furnished, so I can find a storage unit.”
A beeping alarm came from Sawyer’s end of the call. “They’re changing Mom’s fluids. Let me step out in the hall.” The background noise became quieter. “I can’t ask you to do that. I can take care of it when I get back.”
“It’s not an issue. I’m currently not working, remember?”
Her sigh was heavy with defeat. “Mickey called and fired me since I left her in the lurch.”
This news filled me with rage. What happened to our boss? She’d always been distant, but never cruel. “What a bitch. I don’t understand what is wrong with her.”
“Me, either. But it doesn’t matter. I was done with the whole deal. The wig-wearing monkey wore me out. I need some calm in my life. And Mom is going to need some help.”
Sawyer calm? Not possible.
“What are you going to do?”
She said hello to someone before answering, “I’m going to work with Cameron now. It’ll allow a flexible schedule. He needs someone to keep him organized since he landed Kurt’s account. Kurt put the condition in his contract for one completely dedicated person, and I’m the lucky girl.”
Oh geez. This spells trouble.
“He wants to offer you a job, too.”
This whole thing felt like a bad idea. I liked Cameron, but I wasn’t going to cross those lines with Kurt.
“That’s sweet, but I think I’m going to look into doing PR. We’ll see. I’ll figure it out.”
“I know you will.”
“What happened with the snowmobile? You said it malfunctioned?”
“The brakes failed and Mom crashed. Dad watched the whole thing. She’s okay, and that’s what matters.”
“That’s terrible. I’m glad she’s okay.”
The background noise grew a little louder. “Me, too. Tell Garrick I said hi. You two play nice… or maybe not so nice together.”
My cheeks heated. “I will. Keep you posted. Bye, Sawyer.”
I clicked off the line before she said anything more.
“Sawyer is fine staying here with me. I’m going to have our stuff put in storage until we figure out where to go next.”
“Good.” Garrick took a few steps toward me, and my lips tingled with the darkening of his eyes. “Do you want to eat out tonight or call something in? Grocery delivery isn’t happening until tomorrow.”
“Why don’t we go grocery shopping, and I’ll cook something simple?”
His nose grazed mine. “That sounds very domestic.”
“It is. It’ll be fun.”
My eyes closed as his lips moved closer to mine.
“You are beautiful.”
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Garrick stepped away from me, annoyance at the interruption clear on his face. No. No. no. I needed to feel his lips against mine. He went to the intercom by the door and pressed a button.
“Mr. Shaw, your mother and sister are here.” The intercom clicked off.
A feminine voice replaced the guard’s. “Garrick, it’s your mother. Why won’t security let me up?”
His family. I looked at Garrick, eyes wide.
“We don’t have to do this now. I can send her away.”
No. I was all in. Might as well meet his mother. “No, don’t send her away. It’s fine.”
Garrick studied me for a moment before pressing the button. “Come on up.”
A nervous giggle flitted free. “We’re jumping relationship hurdles at the speed of light.”
“I couldn’t have said it better.” He rubbed his forehead. “My family can be overwhelming at times.”
Overwhelming?
Dylan’s mom came to mind, and I shuddered. What if they’re like Vivian? My track record with parents was less than stellar.
His hand touched my shoulder. “We can change our minds and send them away.”
I forced myself to shake my head. No what-ifs. The challenge kept me moving forward. “I want to meet them. It’s normal to meet parents.” He eyed me, and I clarified. “Yes, I’m nervous. But I want this.”
The doorbell rang.
Here goes nothing.