Landon

Opening up about my brother caused the electrical current between us to subdue a bit, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret any of it. Besides the undeniable attraction we held toward each other, we seemed to have stumbled upon a newfound connection…and not just a physical one.

Wanting her to know every part of me both inside and out was a foreign notion. As an actor I’d mastered the art of elusiveness, and usually revealed very little of who I really was. But with Zara, it was just the opposite. I wondered if it had anything to do with being away from my friends and family, craving intimacy. Was I trying to temporarily replace existing connections? I guessed that was possible, although strangely enough I’d had plenty of opportunity to open up to people I’d met in the past, yet never felt the raw need to.

On a psychological level, for the first time in my life, I felt vulnerable with Zara…but not in a frightening way. Almost therapeutically, this new level of emotional self-awareness that I never possessed before forced me to think differently than I ever had. It was hard to explain, even to myself, and our bond really didn’t make sense. Yet I trusted it.

The waitress bringing our entrees temporarily forced us apart. Once she left the balcony, I took Zara’s hand back in mine. As she sat beside me in a comfortable silence, holding my hand while sipping wine, I tried to pinpoint what it was I was feeling. That proved harder than catching a bird with a butterfly net.

“I need my right hand to manipulate chopsticks,” she said, her voice laced with humor.

“No, you don’t.”

She watched as I lifted a piece of sushi with my fingers and placed it in my mouth. Using her left hand, she followed suit, trying to hide a grin while she chewed. In between our shared bites, Zara made small talk, filling me in on her job with Palu and how her responsibilities had doubled in the short time she’d been there.

“It’s a good thing I took an accounting course in school, since Palu is absolutely ignorant in managing finances. I have to admit, it’s really boring. I don’t know how you do it for a living.”

“Where is the school here in Lanai?” I asked, changing the subject. “Is it, like, a one-room schoolhouse?”

“No.” She laughed. “It has more than one room. It’s right outside the city center. The elementary school shares the property with the high school.”

She smiled when I laughed in return. “But it is just one building for all grades?”

“Well, our population is just over three thousand on the island. So of course our classrooms are small, but it’s not just one classroom like you’re picturing. It’s a very lovely modern building.”

“How many were in your graduating class?”

“Don’t laugh.”

“Scout’s honor,” I said, crossing my heart with my free hand.

“Fourteen.” I curled my lips over my teeth and she lifted a brow. “You promised. Why, how many were in yours?”

“Over three hundred.”

My promise was forgotten and I let out the laugh I’d held in when her jaw dropped comically. “That’s huge. How did you learn with that many kids in one room?”

“We weren’t in the same classroom, silly. My school had four attached buildings, was three stories high. We even had a separate sports center.”

“Seriously?” she asked incredulously. “That’s amazing. I would love to attend a huge university someday. Somewhere I could be totally invisible with no one knowing me or anything about me.”

“Is that something you would consider?” Selfishly taking the opportunity, I added, “I could be your personal tour guide at UCLA.”

A faraway daze crossed over her features before she turned her head to stare at the ebony-tinted surf. “I would leave tomorrow. I just don’t see it ever becoming a possibility.” She turned back to meet my gaze and shrugged. “But you never know.”

A spark of hope hit, surprising me as it did. Having the desire to do something was more than half the battle. I nodded with a smile, before offering her another piece of sushi. She pressed her lips together and waved her free hand. “No, I’m stuffed. You ordered a ton.”

“I ate most of it. There’s only two pieces left. We’ll each take one.”

Her head slowly moved from side to side as she patted her flat belly. My eyes shifted to the way the white silky fabric clung to her, every part of her. Caressing her perfect breasts, molding against her long lean torso. Then dipping at the juncture of where her thighs met, and skimming over her two long legs.

Fucking gorgeous.

“No way,” she continued. “I can’t eat another bite.”

While throwing her a sideways glance, I popped one piece into my mouth, chewed, and then held the second to hers. “Last bite.”

“You trying to get me fat?”

“Not possible. You’re incredible.” I ran the salmon roll along her bottom lip. “Yum. Your favorite ever, salmon skin roll.”

She laughed out loud, making me wonder what I’d missed. “What’s so funny?”

“Salmon skin roll. You know, Friends? The Unagi episode?”

“I don’t think I remember that one. That show was on a long time ago. Eat.”

With the sushi still in between my fingers, she gently took it in her mouth. The tip of her tongue grazing my fingertip was enough to send sparks shooting throughout my body. Confusion altered her features as she chewed slowly before swallowing. “Long time ago? It was just on a few weeks ago.”

“Sweetheart, Friends ran from 1994 to 2004.”

She looked at me like I’d sprouted antlers. “Seriously?”

“Wow, this place is definitely stuck in a time warp.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say stuck. We progress, just much slower than the mainland does.”

“I’ll say. It’s crazy not being among people who have their noses buried in their cellphones, texting instead of having good, old-fashioned conversations.”

“I don’t have a cellphone.”

“So asking for your number wouldn’t be an option?”

“We do have a house phone. We’re not that outdated.” I almost laughed out loud. She had no clue that house phones were pretty much obsolete.

“Let me guess, is it a rotary?”

“Very funny.”

“Is there even a cell tower on Lanai?”

“Just one. Palu has a cellphone. Not the modern kind that my sister and Kai have, though. His flips open and there’s this tiny keyboard attached. It’s hilarious to watch his chubby fingers navigate those tiny keys.”

“You’re so adorable.” I leaned in and kissed her lips softly, and she smiled against my mouth. Forcing myself to pull away, I raked over her beauty hungrily.

Under my penetrating gaze, she predictably shifted and blushed. “Um, have you talked to anyone at home?”

“Just once. Every time I think to call the time zone screws me up. I called my parents, but the connection was terrible. I guess I’m too far away from that one cell tower.”

The waitress reappeared and asked, “Can I get you coffee or dessert?”

I looked to Zara and a quick “No, thank you” flew out of her mouth.

“I guess we’ll take the check, then.”

Once we were alone again, Zara sighed beside me contentedly. The sun had long set, and the only light came from the overhead dimmed chandelier and the shimmering candles. The serenity around us was palpable. I had never felt such an overwhelming sense of calm before. I twisted her hand and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

“I don’t want this night to end.” I voiced my thoughts.

She smiled warmly. “Neither do I. I’m having such a lovely time.”

I took a few moments to enjoy her beauty before taking the opportunity to kiss her soft, parted lips. She responded by leaning in and causing it to progress very quickly. Just as I moved my hand to cup her face, she pulled away.

“So, now what, Zara?”

After I asked, I realized by the look on her face she’d misinterpreted my question. I was referring to the short term. Did I take her home or back to my place? Did I kiss her at her door, or in my Jeep? Curiously wanting to hear what she thought I had meant, I watched her face while waiting for her response.

She sighed before saying, “I don’t know. I like you, a lot. But…”

Her pause was deliberate, leaving me hanging waiting for her next words. They never came, and instead she turned her head to stare at the ocean once again. With my eyes pinned to her profile, I saw her work a swallow, I saw her eyes focus on nothing yet see so much, and most of all I saw her stiffen just enough to tell me she was no longer relaxed sitting beside me. Like a car careening off an icy road, I could see the shift in her demeanor and watched helplessly as it plummeted off a cliff.

Taking her chin between my fingertips, I turned her head until she had nowhere else to look but deep into my eyes. The calm she’d exuded a few moments ago was absent in her eyes, replaced by vulnerability. I couldn’t fault her, because I also felt the same way deep down inside. Regardless, here I had stupidly thought we were kind of on the same page in regard to our relationship…apparently I was way off the mark.

“But what?” I insisted.

“This won’t work,” she blurted out. “You’re in a completely different place in your life. You’re professional, successful, and mature. I’m only just starting to figure myself out, and I still have a long way to go before I can have complete independence.” I wanted to say so much to that, but refrained, instead picking up my wine to drain the last of it. “You’re here on vacation, Lance,” she continued quietly. “Soon you’ll be going back to your life and I’ll be here living mine.”

“We can still enjoy each other’s company. I like spending time with you.”

“I know. I do as well. But…”

The second “but” was far more disheartening than the first.

“But?”

Her forehead puckered in thought. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to get too attached, and I fear that would be inevitable.”

My heart sank, but again, how could I argue when my head felt the same way? Her argument made absolute sense, and my head was on the same page. It was my heart that wasn’t. In thirty-one years, my heart had never had an opinion. Now that it did, it was hard to ignore.

The volley between fun and teasing conversation to deep and heavy shit caused another weight to settle over us. She was very quiet during the drive back, and I was struggling to find anything appropriate to say out loud.

I had plenty I wanted to say, but now wasn’t the time or place. This conversation had happened way too soon, which proved how levelheaded and logical she was. Zara wasn’t like most young twenty-somethings who dragged emotions into their decision making. I was very similar in that way, or I had been before arriving on Lanai. Emotional thinking was not in my makeup.

Since Spike was still chilling at my place I pulled up to my bungalow to retrieve him. It was barely past nine, and in my opinion way too soon to end the night, but as she stared out her window I knew she didn’t feel the same. Like a switch had been flipped, it finally occurred to me how she could perceive my intentions. From her standpoint I was a much older guy on a vacation, temporarily passing through her life, which really wasn’t that far from the truth.

Cutting the engine, I turned and stared at her profile before saying, “Zara,” just as she said, “Lance.”

“You first,” she added, turning to meet my gaze.

“I’m sorry.”

Her eyes widened in genuine surprise. “Why? I had a great time.”

“I know, and I did, too. I’m sorry for coming on too strong. I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable situation.” The lack of a response immediately confirmed my suspicions. “Truth is, I really like you. I meant it when I said I enjoy our time together. I miss you when we’re not together. But this is yours to navigate, and if you truly feel there’s no point in hanging out then I understand.”

It was the best I could do under the circumstances. I needed to back off and let her call the shots. That would be the only way to lessen my guilt over deceiving her. And when the time came to finally let her know who I was and why I was there, I hoped by then it wouldn’t matter.

“I’m sorry. I’m just very confused.”

“I know you are. Maybe we should stay on neutral ground?” I said, knowing fucking well that was going to be absolute torture for me. But if that helped her feel more comfortable, then so be it. Her feelings were much more important than mine.

She looked away and released a heavy sigh before shifting to face me entirely. “Hey, let’s not ruin a perfect evening with all this mushy stuff. I’m off the day after tomorrow. How about we try and teach you how to soff? That’s a neutral activity, right?”

I almost laughed out loud. Was she serious? Zara, wet, practically naked, rubbing up against me in the ocean as I navigated a long, hard board was a neutral activity?

The visual of us surfing together became one of us making out on the warm soft sand with my hand sliding into her bikini bottom. Yet, like a masochist needing a good whipping, I nodded and said, “Sounds good to me.” Out of necessity, I quickly opened the Jeep’s windowless door and slid out before the situation between my legs got worse for me. “Stay here. I’ll go get Spike and drive you home.”

And that’s just what I did.

With Spike lounging on her lap, I drove her home. Spike and I exchanged a glance…freakily the dude knew something was up. Once I pulled up to her house, she turned toward me and said, “I had a nice time tonight, Lance.”

“Me, too.” I kissed her cheek good night, and she flew out of the Jeep before it could progress. She walked into her house, and through the front door I watched her greet her father. He said something, causing them to turn to look at where my Jeep still sat parked in the driveway.

Zara waved with a smile, whereas her father scowled while closing the door, making me wonder what his issues were.