Chapter 16

Julie jerked awake, suffocating under the tight squeeze of…Lawson?

She struggled to look at the shadow of a man spooning her in the dark, his grip steadily tightening like a vise. Wiggling around she tried, and failed, to free herself. “Lawson?” she whispered loudly.

His breathing was heavy and…

Is that sweat?

She wiggled harder. “Lawson?” she said, not wanting to startle him out of his slumber too abruptly. But if he didn’t wake up fast, she might not have the breath to wake him. “Wake up. You’re having a bad dream.” At least she guessed it was bad because this didn’t feel like a hug. More like a person holding on for his life. “Lawson. You’re okay. Wake up!” she said, raising her voice and jerking her body harder. She squeaked as his grip tightened even further, pinning her arms at her sides. She kicked her legs, bucking against him. And, oh, no. She really needed to pee. “Lawson!” she said louder, not caring about being gentle anymore. “Wake up!”

“No!” His arms flung open as his body jerked upright, nearly knocking her out of bed and onto the cold, hard floor.

She screamed, rolling away from him and filling her chest with air.

The sun was just starting to peek softly through the window, casting enough light that she could see the sweat trailing down his bare back. He scrubbed his hands over his face, as if washing the sleep off him, and then looked around. She guessed he was realizing where he was.

“Hi,” she said quietly, pulling the white sheet over her breasts as she sat up. Not that he hadn’t seen all of her last night. “You fell asleep at my place.”

He turned to look at her. She was breathing much easier now that his python squeeze had stopped.

“That was some dream you were having.”

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head and stood, collecting his shirt and jeans off the ground as if he were late for something. She hadn’t even seen him look at his watch to see what time it was.

“Don’t be sorry. What were you dreaming about?”

“Nothing,” he said, buttoning his jeans and avoiding her gaze.

“You know, you can talk to me if you want. I’m a good—”

“Listener. Yeah, I know.”

Fully dressed, he faced her, a dull look in his eyes instead of the sparkle she’d seen last night when they’d been together. Or the glazed look of a man undone after they’d made love.

“I don’t want to talk. Look, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep here. I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay.”

He gestured behind him. “I have to go home and shower before heading to Beth’s to tend to the horses.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll get dressed and come with you.” She draped her legs over the side of the bed, reaching for her own clothing.

“No. You stay and rest. We were a little active last night.” He was teasing her, but he didn’t smile. She recognized exactly what he was doing—pushing her away. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, Lawson. It was just a nightmare.”

His gaze narrowed. “I’m not embarrassed. I just need space.”

She straightened at the sharpness in his voice. “Okay. Sure.”

Then without another word, or a kiss, he left her lying there, naked and alone. Her chest shuddered as she took another breath. What just happened?

“He just left you lying there?” Kat asked on the phone later that day, as Julie recounted what had happened.

“Pretty much.”

“Typical man. He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings,” her sister said. “Which is fine because he’s just a fling, right?”

Julie glanced in the living room at Sabrina, who was drifting off to sleep on the couch. “Right.”

“Wrong,” Kat corrected. “If he were nothing you wouldn’t be on the phone worrying about him right now.”

“We’re friends, too.”

“Friends and lovers. Gee, that sounds like a full-fledged relationship.”

Julie walked to the couch and sat, folding her legs under her. “I’m not ready to fall for someone. I haven’t even faced Daren since I left. I’m still figuring out my life. It’s not a good time to go for anything more from anyone.” She was spewing out all the reasons she’d been repeating to herself for the last month as she’d grown closer to Lawson. None of them seemed true anymore, though.

“I never thought I’d be ready for love again,” Kat said. “Then Micah came into my life and boom.”

Julie stared at the soft pink polish on her nails, the same color she’d painted Sabrina’s earlier in the afternoon. “I’m happy for you, sis, but Lawson and I aren’t the same. He’s not ready, either. He’s obviously dealing with stuff, and he won’t talk to anyone about it. It’s not healthy.” She frowned. “The next relationship I get myself into is going to be healthy.”

“We all have unhealthy areas in our lives. Maybe you can help him.”

Julie frowned to herself. “That’s what yoga is supposed to be doing.”

Kat coughed. “No offense, but yoga doesn’t replace talking things through.”

“I know that.” Julie continued to inspect her nail polish. “Speaking of talking things through, I miss you. Let’s go do something sisterly soon. Just us.”

“Sounds like fun. What do you have in mind?”

Julie fanned her nails in front of her. “A mani-pedi?”

Kat sighed dreamily. “You’re on.”

“Great. I’ll set us up for one tomorrow afternoon,” Julie said.

“Perfect.”

Julie hung up the phone and stared at Sabrina, who was lying next to her. Since she was still sleeping, Julie pulled her cellphone out and started Googling news articles. She knew there’d been an article on Lawson’s helicopter crash. She remembered seeing it, although at the time she hadn’t paid too much attention. After the way he’d acted this morning, though, she was curious what exactly he’d been through.

She scrolled through the articles that popped up from her search, and then stopped on one that mentioned Lawson by name.

HERO RESCUES FOUR IN CREW; ONE FATALITY.

She skimmed the article covering the details of what had happened. Lawson was a hero. Four men had gotten out of the helicopter after it’d crashed. One had lost a leg. And one man had lost his life.

She swallowed, reading the details of the crash, her eyes burning as she imagined what Lawson must’ve gone through. The helicopter had come under enemy fire. It’d continued to stay in flight almost to camp, thanks to the pilot. By the time the helicopter had combusted into a ball of fire, all but one had gotten out alive. Julie thought she recognized the name of the man who’d lost a leg. He lived in Seaside not far from where she stayed. She’d seen him at the grocery store once, limping on a prosthetic. Allen Rogers. He was cute. Single. He’d had a friendly smile, and she remembered admiring him for being able to smile after all he’d been through.

But Lawson had been through a lot, too. His scars weren’t physical. He carried them inside and smiled on the outside. He was brave, a hero who’d saved the lives of others.

“Julie?” Sabrina laid a hand on Julie’s lap, staring up at her with angelic blue eyes. “Are you going to cry?”

Julie shook her head, but a tear slipped down her cheek anyway. “Maybe just a little. I was reading a really sad story.”

Sabrina stared at her a moment. Julie could almost see how hard she was thinking, trying to come up with something worthy of a four-year-old to say. “Did you get to the end of the story? Because it’s always a happy ending.”

Julie laughed, pulling the little girl up onto her lap. “You are such a smart girl. I haven’t gotten to the end just yet, but I think you might be right.”

“Read me a story?” Sabrina asked then.

Julie sat her phone down and reached for one of the fairy tales at her side. “Cinderella or Peter Pan?”

“Peter Pan!” Sabrina said, cheering. “He’s my favorite,” she said of the boy who loved to fly.

“Mine, too.”

Lawson had spent his Thursday afternoon teaching a Marine whose IQ he seriously doubted was high enough to drive a car, much less operate a gun. And this guy would be standing next to him or one of his men on a future deployment. Scary thought.

Even more aggravating than the grunt was the fact that, when he wasn’t trying to hammer sense into a hopeless cause, he’d been thinking about Julie. He regretted the way he’d stormed off on her this morning. She probably thought he was nuts. Maybe he was.

He glanced at his watch. It was nearly eight P.M. Great. Julie had offered another yoga class tonight, eager to start filling her schedule. He’d told her he’d attend, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t missed it intentionally, not entirely anyway. Time had just gotten away from him.

The Veterans’ Center would be closed by now. Julie would be home.

He debated waiting until the morning, but he didn’t like the idea of letting things sit between them. When a man was wrong, he owned it. His father had taught him that, even if his old man had never owned any of his own mistakes.

Lawson was a different man than his father, though. He drove to Julie’s house and parked behind her car, slamming the truck door so she could hear him coming. He didn’t want to startle her. Nerves and anger were never a good combination. He rang her doorbell and waited, wishing he’d brought something like candy or flowers. Women liked that stuff, and he might win her forgiveness faster with gifts.

Movement stirred behind the front door.

“Julie. It’s me,” he called. “It’s Lawson.”

Her response was dead silence.

“I came to apologize.”

More silence.

“Please,” he said quietly, unsure if she could hear him anymore.

The lock clicked and the door opened.

“Hey, stranger,” she said, crossing her arms. She was already dressed in a pair of pajamas. Her hair was pulled back out of her face. Her skin was clean, without a trace of makeup, which only made her prettier in his eyes.

“Hey, Julie. Work ran late. I’m sorry I missed your class tonight.”

She lifted a shoulder, not meeting his eyes. Instead, she looked past him toward his truck in her driveway. “It’s okay. Not a big deal.”

“Oh.” He nodded, taking in her response. Hadn’t expected to get off the hook so easily. “Great. How did it go?” he asked.

“Fine.” Her arms hugged her body tighter.

“I see.” When a woman answered “fine” to anything, things definitely weren’t fine. “Listen, I’m sorry about this morning, too. I shouldn’t have run off on you like that.”

“It’s fine,” she said again.

He cringed at the F-word. “No. It wasn’t. I was short with you after, uh, well, after we woke up.” And she’d witnessed one of his nightmares.

She looked at him now. “You had to go to work. I understand. And work ran late tonight. I get it.”

Lawson nodded. “That’s right.” Maybe he was reading her wrong. Maybe she really wasn’t mad.

“And we’re just sex buddies anyway. You don’t have to cuddle with me in the mornings or go to my yoga class, Lawson. We have an arrangement.”

His chest tightened. “Sex buddies?” he repeated, not getting a good feeling from their interaction.

She lifted her chin. “That’s right. Sex buddies.”

“You’re more to me than that, Julie. A lot more.” He reached out to touch her and she drew back, her gaze snapping sharply to meet his. The door’s threshold still stood between them. He really wished he’d brought flowers. “Tell me how to make it up to you,” he said softly.

“You don’t have to.”

“Oh, I do. If you think we’re just sex buddies, whatever that is, then I’m doing something terribly wrong. I mean, I like the sex between us.” His voice lowered and she smiled just barely. That was progress. “I like the sex a lot, darling. But I also like talking to you. Being with you.”

Her demeanor softened.

“What if you gave me a private lesson? To make up for missing tonight?” His eyebrow arched, hooking the corner of his mouth with it.

This made her laugh. She shoved a hand into his chest, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he stepped into her, pulling her against him. “I know I’m already way over my head in debt to you, but I need to ask you another favor.”

She looked up, a questioning look in her eyes. The anger was gone now, replaced by hurt. He’d run out on her this morning, avoided her all day, and then missed her class. He wanted to kick his own ass up and down Seaside Drive right about now. “What’s the favor?”

“I was hoping you might accompany me to a horse show on Saturday. Beth is riding Jax. I’m going to be sitting in the stands with Sabrina.”

“Beth already invited me and I said yes.”

“Sounds like we’ll both be there. So, no need for me to ask you on a date.” No reason on paper, at least. But he and Julie were more than friends, more than sex buddies, and he needed her to know that.

Julie nodded. “Right.”

“But hell, I’m going to ask you to be my date anyway.” He met her gaze and held it. “I don’t believe that sex buddies go on real dates, do they?”

She smiled softly. “No, I don’t believe they do.”

He brushed a hand across her cheek. “I know a horse show isn’t the most romantic place in the world, but—”

“I’d love to go with you, Lawson,” she said, all evidence that she was mad at him gone. “Yes.”

He nodded. “Good. Then it’s our first official date.”