Chapter 26

On Friday morning, Lawson knocked on Commander Oakes’s door. This was it. He was ready to get this dreaded meeting over with.

Commander Oakes opened the door, his movements efficient. Not one wasted muscle twitch. He gave half a nod and walked back to his desk. “Have a seat, Captain Phillips,” he said, gesturing toward a chair.

Lawson closed the door behind him. He could fight this decision. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He sat on the plush leather seat and looked at the older man seated across from him. His commander was solid, every square inch of him, even his stiff, iron-set lips.

“We’ve waited long enough,” Commander Oakes said. “If you’re not ready to fly—”

“One more chance,” Lawson said, surprising himself. He hadn’t planned on asking for another try. In fact, he’d loathed the idea of asking. It felt desperate, and a Marine wasn’t desperate. He didn’t want things to end this way, though. Being a pilot was the thing he’d wanted most in the world. He’d never wanted anything more.

Until Julie. He wanted her more.

Commander Oakes stared at him. “I saw how you looked in that cockpit the other day. You aren’t ready, Captain. That’s obvious.”

“I’m ready. I had nerves, but I’m trained to override my nerves. I’m trained to fly. It’s what I love, even after being shot out of the sky. I deserve another chance.” His voice was steadily rising. He’d worked hard to get where he was, and it pissed him off that someone was going to take it from him now. Not without a fight. Julie was worth fighting for, too. She mattered more to him than anything else, even this. Beth was right. He was a stupid idiot for letting her go. Why had it taken him so long to figure that out?

“I’m not taking away your wings. Not permanently. I just think it’s best for the Corps if you teach for a while,” Commander Oakes continued. “You are a valuable resource and we can utilize your knowledge at Camp Neally.”

Lawson’s back teeth clenched tightly. “No offense, sir, but teaching isn’t my dream. I’ve been dreaming about being a Marine Corps pilot since I was eight years old.” And he was a fighter. He didn’t just lie down and take whatever punishment life had to offer. He didn’t just walk away. He wasn’t like his father. Or Sabrina’s father. He stood strong. “Sir, I—”

The phone on the commander’s desk rang. Lawson bit back his words and waited.

Commander Oakes cursed into the phone, drawing Lawson’s attention. “How bad is it?” he asked. His features had gotten impossibly harder. “I see. I’ll start putting together a crew. We just sent our largest squadron for training in the desert, though.”

Lawson read between the lines. Someone was in trouble and they needed Marines to help. When his commander hung up, Lawson leaned forward over the desk between them, bracing the weight of his body with his arms. “What happened?”

Commander Oakes sighed. “A parachute accident during training at Camp Beaumont. They can’t find the Marine.”

Adrenaline surged through Lawson’s body. “I learned to fly with a small helicopter. I can fly most anything out there.” He gestured toward the distant airfield. “Let me help.”

“No. We already have one man missing. If I send you up and something happens—”

“So come with me, sir. I assure you that nothing will happen. This Marine needs us and the longer you stand here arguing with me, the longer he waits, possibly dying.”

Commander Oakes’s steely gaze met his, but Lawson wasn’t backing down. Not when he knew he could help.

“Fine. Gear up, Captain. Let’s go save a life.”

A ribbon-cutting ceremony sounded like a much bigger deal than it actually was. There was a thick yellow ribbon—yellow because it was the color of ribbon the community wore to support the troops—wrapped around the posts in front of the building’s entrance. Julie had a large pair of scissors in hand. She was wearing a fitted black dress because the Seaside Daily News was here to document the moment. She hoped they wouldn’t be documenting anything else, like how her legs were shaking or how her palms were sweaty when she’d shaken their hands.

This was a big deal to her.

Despite the short notice, a nice-sized crowd had gathered outside the building. The weather was perfect, which she was thankful for. She’d give a small speech, if you could even call it that, and then cut the ribbon. No biggie. Except it was huge.

“Quit stressing,” Kat said, stepping up to her and hugging Julie’s neck. She’d taken the morning off work just to be here. “You’ll be great.”

“Right.” Julie nodded. She’d been giving her own self a pep talk all morning.

Val stood beside Kat. “Break a leg,” she said, raising her brow line playfully.

“Something tells me you really mean that,” Julie joked, feeling better because of the presence of her friends. She’d already spotted Beth and Sabrina in the crowd, too. And despite her earnest efforts not to look for him, she hadn’t seen Lawson.

“Stop it,” Val said, swatting her shoulder.

“Ouch! What?” Julie said, rubbing the spot that Val had hit.

“You’re thinking about him. Stop it. This is your moment. Don’t let anyone ruin it for you.”

Julie sucked in a breath. “Good advice. Thank you.” She hugged Val’s neck. “And thank you both for coming.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Kat said. “Now go cut that ribbon.”

Julie nodded. She’d never been good at interviews and this felt like one big interview. She was the new assistant director for the Veterans’ Center. The town was meeting her in this role for the first time today and she wanted to make a good impression. She planned on staying in this job for a long time. It was going to demand a lot of her time and energy, and she had plans to add more than just yoga classes. She was thinking about possibly offering a meditation class, too.

Allison waved her up toward the front of the building. Mr. Banks stood beside her, along with a few other people that Julie recognized. She stood with them and waited to say something that was somewhat intelligent. At least she prayed it would be.

Allison spoke first. Then Mr. Banks. Then they ushered her in front of the microphone.

“Hello, everyone. I feel honored to be here today, among so many people who have fought for this country. You are all my heroes, and I consider it an honor to be able to work with you, to give back, and hopefully help in some small way.” She smiled, looking out into the crowd. She hadn’t jumbled or stuttered any of her words so far. “Thank you.” She was unconsciously looking for Lawson as she addressed the crowd. How long would she do that? Would she look for him everywhere she went from now on? Would she wonder if it was him every time the phone rang?

Rose was standing in the front of the crowd. She’d been coming to Julie’s yoga classes from the beginning. She had PTSD from her war experiences, but she was fighting for some kind of normalcy.

Julie stepped over and placed the scissors in Rose’s hands. “You do the honors.”

Rose’s mouth fell open. “Me?”

“This building is for our heroes. It’s for you. You should cut the ribbon,” Julie said quietly enough for only Rose to hear.

Rose curled her fingers around the handles of the scissors. “I would love to.”

It was a small crowd, but they went wild as the scissor’s blades chopped through the yellow ribbon. Julie’s throat tightened as she looked out at the people surrounding the front of the building again, hoping to see one particular face.

But she didn’t.

Lawson focused on the missing Marine and not the fact that he was in a cockpit for the first time in months. He went through the motions that he could do in his sleep.

“Don’t kill us both,” Commander Oakes advised through the headset, looking over.

Lawson nodded. “Not today, sir. We have a life to save.” And that’s what he focused on. Not the sounds of metal gnashing in his memory. Not what had happened the last time he’d gone airborne.

He took a deep breath in through his nose, and exhaled. In through his nose and exhaled, watching the ground disappear as they lifted and started flying east toward the coordinates of the missing Marine. There was a search party on the ground, but there’d been no success, which meant the dense expanse of trees needed to be searched overhead. It was a fifty-fifty chance, in Lawson’s mind, if they were looking for the living or the dead.

A chill ran over him and those pesky memories of death on his last flight niggled in his mind. He focused on his breath and the memory of Julie’s voice telling him to release and let go. She’d been a calming force in his life since he’d met her. Better than any therapy the Corps could offer.

And now he was being torn away from her.

They approached the area where the Marine had gone missing, and he started to look down, praying silently that this flight was about life and not death.

Please let him be alive.

Please let him be alive.

It became a mental chant. He breathed in and chanted. Breathed out and chanted. They searched for over an hour, flying over the trees with nothing to show for their efforts. They were just turning to head back when Lawson saw something. At first he thought it was his mind playing tricks. It’d been good for that over the last few months. Then he realized that he was looking at a parachute caught up in one of the pines, its strings holding on to its lifeless passenger.

“Please let him be alive.” He said it out loud this time.

“Captain?” Commander Oakes glanced over and Lawson pointed. “There. In the tree.” He called out the coordinates to the local search and rescue chopper several miles away, breathing in and out. Then they circled and waited, the minutes ticking like hours.

“You just keep this thing in the air like you’re doing,” Commander Oakes said. “Because of you, we’re bringing this Marine home to his family tonight.”

Dead or alive was the question. Those were the unspoken words. They were implied, though, and it terrified him. Not because of the past. That didn’t matter right now. It was the future hanging in the balance. This guy had friends and family. He had a life he needed to get back to.

The search and rescue chopper came into view. Lawson kept his helicopter hovering at a distance, and they watched as a team of men worked. One man suspended down from the chopper, swinging gently in the modest breeze and the wind coming off the chopper. He reached the parachute and pulled at the strings.

Lawson swallowed as the lifeless body came into view. Acid rose up in his throat.

“How are you, Captain Phillips?”

Lawson shrugged. He wasn’t supposed to talk about his feelings, but he’d already lost this battle. This was probably the last time he’d ever fly as a pilot. “Scared shitless, sir.”

Commander Oakes nodded. “Me, too, Captain.”

They met eyes for a brief moment, then looked back at the dismal scene, still waiting and holding on to that fragile shred of hope.

“There’s a pulse,” someone said over the radio. “He’s alive.”

Lawson choked on the knot in his throat. Then he smiled, fighting back tears that refused to be held in. Fuck it. He didn’t want to hold them in. He wanted to release and let go, as Julie would say.

“He’s alive,” the person on the radio said again.

Commander Oakes patted Lawson’s shoulder. “You did well, Captain. Now take us back to camp. Our work here is done.”

“Yes, sir.” His eyes burned. “Gladly, sir.”