Chapter 19

Lawson stared down the dimly lit hallway. He’d been sitting here for forty-five minutes, trying to make his feet move toward the flight simulator at the other end of the building. It wasn’t the real thing by any means, but it was a step in the right direction. If he was going to do this, he needed to do it soon. He was picking up Julie tonight to go to Kat and Micah’s for dinner—a couple’s dinner. That was another step in the right direction.

Commander Oakes turned a corner and started walking toward him.

Damn.

“Captain Phillips.” The commander’s steps quickened until he was standing right in front of Lawson. “What are you doing here? I thought we were still giving you time to lick your wounds.”

Biting back the sting of that comment, Lawson forced a smile. “I thought you just needed someone to push papers for a while. Give the other paper-pushers a break.” He laughed even though he didn’t see anything funny right now.

Commander Oakes shook his head. “No. You’re too valuable to keep behind a desk. You’re one of the best pilots we have on this base. Your record is clean, aside from that accident last year. That wasn’t your fault, though, Captain.”

Lawson nodded. Not his fault. He knew that, but it didn’t keep him from feeling guilty about it. That wasn’t something they’d taught in flight school—Guilt 101: How not to let it devour you.

Commander Oakes stared at him. “Are you still doing that yoga thing down at the Veterans’ Center? The one that’s supposed to be helping with your stress?”

Lawson looked up. Stress got elevated to PTSD in some minds, and that diagnosis had killed his buddy’s career. “I am doing the yoga, sir. Dr. Pierce recommended it. And the instructor isn’t bad to look at, so…”

This made the commander laugh. “I see. How are your visits with Dr. Pierce going? You ready to fly again?”

Lawson’s gaze flicked down the hall where the flight simulator loomed. As if reading his mind, Commander Oakes nodded. “Light duty is temporary, but there’s no shame in asking for reassignment. A lot of pilots go on to instruct on the base in Camp Neally. I happen to know that Major Pete is retiring and—”

Lawson shook his head. “I’m a pilot, sir. I’m fine and, frankly, I’m tired of pushing papers. Of course I’m ready to get back in the sky.”

Oakes studied him for a long moment. “Good. I’ll see to it that we get you back in the cockpit then.” He patted a firm hand on Lawson’s back. “We’ll be in touch.”

“Yes, sir.” Lawson expelled a breath as the commander walked away, then headed in the direction of the flight simulator. No time like the present to squash his demons. If he didn’t, he’d be packing his bags for Camp Neally. Nice to visit, but he didn’t want to live there. Being an instructor wasn’t his lifelong dream, either. He was a pilot. He’d worked hard to get here, and he wasn’t about to let anything get in the way.

He stopped at the door to the room, hesitated only momentarily, and then walked inside.

Two hours later, Lawson went inside his apartment to take a quick shower before going to pick Julie up. He was drenched in sweat as if he’d just completed a full day of physical training. What he’d done was clutch a fake control system for half an hour. It was meant to simulate the real thing, and it’d done a good job of that.

Today had been progress. Commander Oakes was expecting more from him, though. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a button-down, short-sleeved shirt. He’d go back to the simulator tomorrow and stay a full hour. And the next day, and the day after that, he decided, heading out the door with an unopened bottle of wine in hand. It wasn’t just Beth and Sabrina that he stood to let down if he got reassigned to another base. He had Julie now, too. And no matter how things had started between them, he had no intention of letting her go.

He drove to her home and rang the doorbell.

“Hey there, handsome,” she said, reaching for her purse. She locked up and fell into stride beside him, talking excitedly about something to do with the Veterans’ Center—he couldn’t focus, though. The afternoon had taken all the focus he’d had. He opened the truck door for her, waited until she was inside, and then walked around to the driver’s side. He was going through the motions. That was as good as he could offer tonight.

“Hard day?” she asked, watching him. He could feel the weight of her stare beside him.

“You could say so.”

“Want to talk about it?”

He glanced over. No part of him wanted to talk about it. “I, uh, got in a flight simulator today,” he said despite himself.

Julie sucked in an audible breath. “How’d it go?”

He shook his head. “I’m still alive. Baby steps.” He decided to leave out the part about running into Commander Oakes, and his comment about being transferred if he wasn’t ready to fly just yet. There was no reason to worry her with that tidbit of information because he’d do whatever it took to make sure that didn’t happen.

She reached for his hand and squeezed. “Thanks for telling me.”

She could thank Dr. Pierce for that. The good doc said he needed to start opening up to someone if he wanted to get better. And he did. He could see things working out really well with Julie if they continued the way they were.

He parked in front of Kat and Micah’s house and looked over. “Thanks for being my date tonight. It’s pretty weird that I’m dating my best friend’s sister-in-law. Micah and Ben have always been like family to me.”

“Tonight’ll be fun.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Let’s go inside.”

Julie couldn’t help the smile on her face. All of her favorite people were sitting around the same table. She could get used to this.

Leaning over, she whispered in her nephew’s ear. “Hey, Ben. I haven’t seen you in a while. What’s new with my favorite nephew?”

A large smile revealed his slightly crooked top tooth. “I won the spelling bee at school,” he said. “They gave me a ribbon.”

Julie rustled her hand through his hair. “Smartest boy I know.”

“He gets it from his Uncle Lawson,” Lawson added, winking at the fourth grader.

Ben shook his head. “Not scientifically possible. We’re not blood-related.” He looked down at his plate, pressing his lips together and trying not to smile. The corners of his lips poked deep dimples into his freckled cheeks, though. “I bet if I had a brother or sister, they’d be just as smart as me. We would be blood-related and I’d teach them everything I know.”

Lawson looked across the table at Micah, who turned to Kat. “Something we don’t know?”

“Kat?” Julie asked, noticing now that her sister did look a little different. “Oh, my God!”

“We have a little secret,” Kat said, laughing excitedly. No one had made a move toward the food on the table yet.

“Oh, my God,” Julie said again, locking eyes with Kat across the table. Then she squealed, and Kat squealed, and the two of them squealed together. “This is the best news ever!”

Lawson sat back and looked at Micah. “Did I miss something?”

“Probably,” Micah said.

“And I never even told the secret,” Ben added. “It wasn’t me.”

Julie and Kat pulled away from their hug and laughed.

“Well, let’s eat before it all gets cold.” Kat wiped a tear from her eye as she sat back down.

Julie wiped a tear from her cheek, too.

Micah placed an arm around his wife, pulling her in to kiss her cheek softly. Kat deserved to be happy. And Julie couldn’t wait to be an aunt times two.

“Pass those beans,” Lawson said to Ben, who could only slide the dish with one arm due to his cerebral palsy. “But don’t spill ’em,” he said teasingly. “Or do spill ’em because I still have no idea what the he—” Lawson caught himself as everyone around the table stiffened. There were young ears listening, including those of an unborn baby.

“Language,” Kat warned, sounding like the school principal she was.

“Right. Sorry.” Lawson looked at Ben sheepishly. “What I was going to say is I don’t know what the heck everyone’s talking about.”

Ben giggled.

Kat frowned, sternly, but her eyes were twinkling. She was too excited about her news to stay mad. Julie loved seeing her sister beam. She turned to Lawson, not buying for a second that he hadn’t figured things out. Lawson was observant. He didn’t miss a detail. He was a jokester, too, though. Seeing him interact with her nephew gave Julie the warm fuzzies. Everything about Lawson warmed her.

After dinner Julie helped Kat and Ben with the cleanup.

“When did you find out?” Julie asked, setting a pile of dirty dishes beside the sink. She turned the water to warm and started rinsing them before placing them in the dishwasher.

“Two days ago.” Kat pulled a chair toward the sink and sat, wringing her hands excitedly. “I had pulled a student into my office for a good principal-style lecture and I got so nauseous I could barely speak. The poor kid must’ve really thought he was in trouble.” She laughed.

“Aww. This is what we always dreamt about when we were growing up. Love, marriage, and babies. All of your dreams are coming true.”

Kat narrowed her eyes, still wearing her smile. “Looks like you and Lawson are getting closer, too. I saw the way he was looking at you tonight.”

Butterflies swirled to the top of Julie’s chest like carbonation in a shaken soda bottle. Just thinking of him had her flustered these days. “We’re doing great,” she confided. There was nothing else to tell just yet, but the way things were evolving between them, who knew, maybe soon there would be.

“I’m going to go hang out with Dad and Uncle Lawson,” Ben announced, alerting the women to his presence. Julie had completely forgotten he was on cleanup duty with them. “You two are having girl talk and last I checked, I’m not a girl.”

Julie put her dish down and walked over to squeeze her nephew in a tight hug. “Tell the guys hello.”

They watched Ben roll his wheelchair out of the room and then turned to each other again.

“Okay, let’s talk baby names,” Julie said, going back to the sink.

An hour later, Julie laid her head against the seat of Lawson’s truck and sighed. “That was great. I can’t believe I’m going to be an aunt.”

“You’re already an aunt,” Lawson reminded her. “Ben adores you.”

“I adore that little guy, too.” Julie breathed in; the air felt fresher, more invigorating. She was so excited for her sister. “We should do this every week.”

“Fine by me.” He squeezed her hand, then brought it to his lips to kiss.

There were those butterflies swirling around inside her again. She was starting to imagine the same kind of future for her and Lawson that Kat and Micah had—which was crazy. They’d only been seeing each other for a month—the best month of her life.

He pulled into her driveway and left the truck running.

“You’re not coming in?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I have an early morning tomorrow. I might be working late, too.”

She nodded. “Duty calls. I understand. Just don’t forget about me.”

“Couldn’t if I tried, darling.” He got out and walked her to the front door. She was tempted to pull out all the stops to lure him inside and into her bed. She wasn’t sure if it was her baby clock suddenly ticking, but her libido had been on overdrive all night, craving more of him. She wondered if she’d ever get enough. Instead, she settled for a long, hot kiss. “Good night, Lawson,” she said, nearly drunk from it all.

He smacked her bottom before walking away. “Sweet dreams, Julie.”

Oh, she’d be dreaming about him tonight. She wasn’t sure they’d be so sweet, however.

Lawson got off work earlier than usual. He’d done the flight simulator again before leaving the base, and it’d been easier this time. Then he’d challenged himself to just walk up to one of the helos, touch it, and go inside. He’d done that, too, but now he felt sick to his stomach. Memories of Jenkins yelling out as the helicopter had started to descend rattled around inside his brain. Memories of the deafening sound of impact, of flames igniting, of the men around him watching their lives flash before their eyes. He could practically hear all of their hearts pounding inside their chests, like a stampede charging toward the exit.

Lawson had waited until everyone was off the helicopter, even if they had to be dragged. He was the last man inside, so if someone was going to die, it’d be him. The pain of his broken ribs seized his breath, as did the noxious smell of gasoline and smoke. He had Jinx in his arms as he stumbled, willing himself as far away from the aircraft as possible. Every step shot fresh pain through him. So much pain he couldn’t determine the source. But pain meant he was alive, and he’d take that over the alternative any day. “Don’t die, Jenkins,” he said, gritting his teeth. “Don’t you fucking die.”

Those were the last words his friend ever heard. Thus, one reason Lawson would never have a career at Hallmark.

He headed over the bridge that connected Camp Leon to Seaside, practicing his breathing the way Julie had taught him. He envisioned his muscles relaxing as he drove home. He needed to go to Beth’s first and finish up with the barn chores that he hadn’t gotten to this morning. An added perk was that Julie would be there. He was getting way over his head with her. It was probably time to end things now before it got too serious. Or actually, he should’ve ended things two weeks ago. Three weeks ago. From the moment he first met her. Now he was long past serious, and he was in serious trouble because he hadn’t defeated his demons like he’d thought he would. Nope. They were alive, taunting him, practically flapping their wings and whispering Chicken! in his ear.

And Julie was going to want more from him. He’d read that on her face last night when Micah and Kat had announced their pregnancy. The excitement in Julie’s eyes had been a clear sign to him that, like most other women her age, she had biological yearnings that went past orgasms.

Sabrina stood at the screen door as he drove up Beth’s gravel driveway. She catapulted out of the house and down the steps, practically throwing herself in front of his truck. He slammed the brakes and cut the engine. “Are you trying to get run over?” he asked, a little too forcefully. It was the nerves from the day, all raw and exposed.

Beth scooped the little girl up, looking as alarmed as he felt. “Sabrina, what are you doing?” she asked, hugging her daughter tightly.

“He wouldn’t run me over, Mommy. He’s my uncle.”

“I told her to stay put.” Beth shook her head at Lawson. “Her ears must not be working too well today.”

“I installed a latch at the top of the screen door to make sure she didn’t get out on her own.” And run into the road for the local street racer to run over. “Use it,” Lawson growled.

Beth frowned at him. “I love you, too. Even if you’re overprotective and broody some days.”

He kissed his sister’s forehead, and then took Sabrina in his arms, while looking around for someone else. Someone who had a way of making him feel calm. He needed her right now.

“She had an errand to run. Left as soon as I got home,” Beth said.

He met his sister’s gaze.

“Julie, right? You’re wondering where she is?” Beth’s smile widened. “You two are getting close, huh?”

Lawson glanced at Sabrina.

“Uncle Lawson and Ms. Julie sitting in a tree,” Sabrina chirped, wiggling out of his arms. He watched as she ran back inside the house.

Beth snorted.

“We’ve gone out a few times,” he admitted, already feeling a little bit better. Just talking about the woman made him feel better. “You know that.”

Beth punched his shoulder. “What I didn’t know is that you’ve been spending the night at her house nearly every night for over a week.”

His mouth fell open. “Are you stalking me, too?”

“No.” Beth shook her head. “One of my riding friends lives next door to Julie. She says you’re there all the time. I think it’s great.”

Lawson shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “You do? What if I mess up? Sabrina has already lost her father. What if I cause her to lose her babysitter, too?”

Beth narrowed her eyes on him. “What if you don’t? Then Sabrina not only has a great sitter, she gets an awesome aunt, too.”

“Whoa! Hey! Hold up, little sister.” He held up his hands. “I don’t know what your friend told you, but it’s not that serious yet.”

“But who knows.” Beth shrugged and headed inside the house, giving him a glance over her shoulder. “I cleaned the stables myself. You can feel free to go home. Or wherever.” With a wink, she disappeared inside.

Lawson stood there for a second, debating whether he should follow his little sister inside or get back in his truck and run some errands of his own. Maybe he’d run into Julie if he was lucky.