Epilogue
One year later
They say true love comes along once in a lifetime. Lydia had heard that somewhere. She wasn’t sure where.
On her hands and knees in the courtyard, she dug over the soil in the enormous navy blue plant pot and pushed in gladioli bulbs. This courtyard was bigger than the one in her last house and she was finally appreciating how nice an outside space could be if you took the time and made a little extra effort to add some colour. She trimmed the wisteria weaving its way around the archway that stood at an angle in the far corner, and tended to the deep red roses in the flowerbed beneath the kitchen window, far too beautiful for the vicious thorns hidden on the stems.
With everything that had happened, selling the house she and Theo had first bought had been the natural progression. It held too many memories, some good but plenty agonising like the knock at the door on the day of the accident, the nights when she and Theo had fought and she’d wondered whether she should completely give up, the times she’d come home from the hospital despairing that they hadn’t done right by him.
‘There you are.’ A voice behind her made her look up. ‘I was calling you for ages.’
‘Sorry, I was lost in thought. I’m almost done.’ When he squatted down next to her, she kissed him and smiled.
On that day at the rehab centre, a year ago to the day, she’d walked into the room to see her Theo, the man who could stand as tall as he ever could, who’d filled out with muscle again and who could walk unaided for short distances, and they’d held each other tightly, neither one wanting to be the first to pull away.
‘You look really good,’ she told him.
‘So do you.’ He ran his fingers down the strands of her hair, cut into a neat bob now, a new look for spring and a fresh start. ‘I’ll be out of here in two weeks.’ His smile was unwavering. ‘I barely use the wheelchair anymore, I’m getting better with my short-term memory, and I’m finding ways to “manage my anger”.’
The last bit in air quotes made her giggle. ‘Good for you. Has Anita got your room all ready?’
‘No doubt she’s found out some of my toy cars from the attic and has it all ready for me, yes.’
‘She just loves you, that’s all.’
‘I know she does.’ He sat down on the sofa and she moved closer to him, their hands entwined in the same way their lives had been for so long. Through the open window came birdsong that buoyed life along in the way it should be: happy and easy.
Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. She’d walked into the room so firm with her decision, and she still was, but the pain of everything they’d all been through was sometimes as raw as if it had happened yesterday.
‘I’m sorry for what I did to you, Lydia.’
‘You’ve apologised enough.’
‘I don’t think I can ever apologise enough. I wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently.’
She looked up at him. ‘We’ve both changed a lot over time. Not just since the accident, but in the years leading up to it. We were happy at times, but there was a lot broken in our relationship. Maybe we could’ve repaired it, maybe not.’
He squeezed her hand a single time and then dropped it, looked down at his palms pressed together on top of his knees. ‘You’re choosing Jonathan.’ He steepled his fingers together now and rested his mouth on them. ‘You’ve come to tell me we’re over.’
She took a deep breath. ‘Yes. I’m sorry, Theo.’
She excused herself and ran to the bathroom. She was still sure of her decision, it was the right one. Too much had changed and she’d moved in an unexpected direction. But she didn’t want to hurt Theo, that wasn’t her intention. She never ever wanted to hurt him. In many ways she still loved him so much.
‘Are you absolutely positive you don’t want to try again?’ he asked the second she came back into the room. It was obvious he’d been crying too, still something she wasn’t used to seeing and it made her feel weak, nauseous, like she was ripping away a piece of his heart.
He took her hand and squeezed it and she could tell he was gaining more and more strength every day. ‘I’m positive.’ She got down on the floor so she was kneeling and looking up at him. She took both of his hands in hers. ‘You’re a wonderful, kind, loving man, who I fell in love with. And when I thought I’d lost you the day of your accident I was devastated. It took me a long, long time to pick up the pieces and move forwards, it really did. Getting involved with another man wasn’t something I took lightly. I certainly didn’t go looking for someone new, someone to replace you.’
She hadn’t told him about Connor, he didn’t need to know about her other involvement with a man who would be a friend for life, only about the man who’d really changed everything.
‘I hope he’s good for you, Lydia.’
She stood up and took his face in her hands. ‘He is.’ She’d yet to talk to Jonathan, tell him what she’d decided. He may have got fed up waiting, she wasn’t sure. But one thing she did know was that her time with Theo had passed.
‘He’d better be, or he’ll have me to answer to.’ Theo rested his head against her chest as she hugged him tight while he was still sitting beside the window. He pulled back. ‘Once I get my full strength back I’ll be able to kick his arse if he ever does anything to hurt you.’ He swiped away a tear, something the old Theo would never have done.
‘I’m sure you will.’ She spoke through her own tears, tears of everything that had passed, relief that this moment marked the day they could both move forwards.
That day at the rehab centre had been emotionally draining, in some ways more than the day Theo had the car crash. But it had also been the beginning of a new start with Jonathan, a very happy day in many ways.
Lydia still mourned the end with Theo occasionally, because nobody could love that deeply and let it go without being affected. But maybe it was okay to love someone with your whole heart and move on to another stage in your life, go in different directions. It didn’t mean to say you never should have been with that person in the first place, and being with Theo for so many years was something Lydia would never forget.
Now, in the garden of their new home together in Bath, Jonathan knelt down beside her and kissed her cheek as she pushed the last bulb deep into the soil and covered it up. Then he filled the watering can for her, using the outside tap. ‘I’ll take a shower and then how about we go into the city for dinner?’
‘Sounds good to me.’
‘Did you dance this morning?’ He loosened his tie after his day at the office. He was back to being an architect, as planned, but went off skiing at least twice a year. At New Year’s Lydia had gone with him to Switzerland, skiing for the agreed one day, after which she’d found a dance studio to go to, a spa to relax in and hours on end to read books while her fiancé was skiing to get his full dose of adrenaline rush.
Jonathan disappeared inside and Lydia was tempted to follow and watch that broad chest when he took off his shirt, feel the smoothness of his skin and hold him against her. They were still in that phase of new coupledom, everything was moving fast because they were so right together, and it was every bit as exciting as she knew it should be.
Lydia smiled as she went inside to fill a glass of water from the tap, and she wondered, as she dropped in two ice cubes from the freezer, whether they’d be talking about starting a family soon. Jonathan had been dropping all kinds of hints, perhaps to test the water, she didn’t know, but she was enjoying every minute.
The suntrap of the courtyard had made her sweat and she was thirsty as anything. She downed most of the glass until she spotted an envelope addressed to her on top of the table. Jonathan must’ve picked it up from the mat when he got home. She didn’t recognise the handwriting, so when she’d put down her glass she prised open one end and pulled out what looked like a clipping from a Suffolk newspaper. Attached was a short note and already she’d seen the signature: it was from Anita. She read the note which said she hoped Lydia was well, that Theo still had a way to go but was better than they could possibly have imagined. She went on to say that he had moved out of home and was living independently and Lydia felt a huge wave of relief wash over her. Theo would’ve hated being dependent on anyone for too long, least of all his mum.
Anita signed off saying to keep in touch but already Lydia knew it was unlikely. Since she’d ended things with Theo there’d been minimal contact with anyone in his family apart from a Christmas card from Anita last year and another from Grace. Lydia hadn’t realised how difficult it would be to say goodbye to Theo and his family who had been a part of her life for so long, and despite their differences, she’d even grown to admire Anita for her strength and tenacity throughout their ordeal.
On the newspaper article was one of those small post-it markers, a neon-pink slip of paper poking out, and when Lydia’s eyes fell on the page she felt a huge smile spread across her face because there, staring back at her, was Theo. Dressed in a rugby shirt and shorts with mud all over his legs, he wasn’t back to playing the game but during his recovery he’d chosen to train a kids’ rugby team in the village he now resided, and it was for a group of kids who had been through their own difficult journeys. Some had fought cancer, others had been in accidents not too dissimilar to his. The businessman she once remembered had given way to this man who understood a completely different aspect of life, one on a deeply personal level, and it warmed her to think of the way he had changed and grown when life threw a cruel curve ball at him.
There was a paragraph about halfway through the article giving an overview of what had happened to Theo and his progress since, telling readers he was slowly regaining his fitness and apart from some interruptions in his memory, a mild loss of hearing and ongoing therapy, he was living a relatively normal life. But it was the last paragraph of the article that particularly caught her eye and told her that this was what they called closure, the ending neither of them had anticipated but a good one nonetheless. Theo was engaged to a local girl, Rebecca, and they were to be married at the church in the village this August.
Lydia felt goose pimples cover her body and a tear of happiness briefly try to sneak out. Theo had changed, but his determination to succeed was still there. He’d overcome an almost impossible situation and given it his all to come out the other side, and she felt proud to have shared part of his life with him.
Smiling now, she folded down the paper and put it, along with the envelope and the letter from Anita, into the recycling bin beneath the sink. It was all part of her history now.
Theo had her past.
And Jonathan had her future.
THE END