Chapter Thirty-Two
March 2017
If there was one thing Theo hated, it was pity. When it came from his mum or via a phone call with his dad in New Zealand, he could just about cope. But when it came from Lydia, that was when his anger resurfaced and he couldn’t keep his frustration under control.
Lying in bed, he tried to read a book but his concentration levels didn’t last too long these days, and he found himself staring out of the window. Lydia had left a couple of hours ago. He’d wondered whether she would’ve come back, but when he was being such an arse, why the hell would she bother?
Maybe it would be better for both of them if she walked away, to her new man, to a new life that didn’t involve him.
Perhaps this was the way it was meant to be.
*
The next morning Theo had a totally different perspective and he’d already called Lydia to apologise. He’d caught her before work and they ended up talking for almost an hour, partly about how he was feeling but mostly general chit-chat about her job, about the house he hadn’t seen in so long and couldn’t remember very clearly. She made him laugh when she told him a huge spider had crawled out of the log basket beside the fire and he wished he’d been there to get it for her and put it outside. He almost asked whether Jonathan had rescued her from her predicament, but he’d resisted. He wasn’t a total dickhead, and after what he’d put her through he didn’t have the right to make demands.
Over the next couple of days Theo’s attitude brightened. He and Lydia were getting along and speaking twice a day, catching up on things happening in her life, talking about the change of seasons now they were progressing into March and had some sunnier days. And on the Thursday, Theo arranged for a bouquet of flowers to be sent to her.
She called that evening. ‘Theo, they’re beautiful.’
‘I’m glad you like them.’
‘They’re my favourites…I love tulips and the colours are just gorgeous.’
He smiled and a warm feeling spread through his body, tightened his chest. It was as though he was falling in love again. They had a past, a history nobody could erase, and if he could show Lydia he was the man she first fell in love with rather than the liar and cheat he’d somehow turned into, he had a chance with her, didn’t he?
‘I know you love them,’ he told her. ‘Ever since our trip to the bulb fields in Amsterdam.’
‘That was a wonderful trip. Tulips as high as my waist!’
He laughed. She’d been in awe of tulips that could stand so tall and sturdy and she’d insisted they take back a few bunches to England. They’d done so and they’d survived the car trip and had taken pride of place in their flat in the centre of the battered kitchen table.
‘See,’ he said. ‘I haven’t forgotten everything.’ He heard her sigh and wondered if she was curled up on the sofa with the phone cradled to her ear, her fingers toying with her hair in the way she’d done when they first met.
His physio session that morning after he’d spoken to Lydia was the best yet. Even the physio said so. He was feeling stronger by the day and although he listened when they advised him to take it slow and not rush it, he had the end goal in sight and couldn’t help fast forwarding his mind to where he’d be in another week, a month, a year even. He’d spoken with his former boss after talking with Lydia and although he was nowhere near ready for a job and may never be ready for the same career, his boss had said to keep in touch and who knew what they’d be able to sort out in the future.
Theo’s dad had been on the phone more than ever and one day Theo asked him when he was going to come and visit.
‘I wasn’t sure whether you’d want to see me,’ his dad had said.
‘Mum told me we weren’t getting on for a long time,’ Theo told him. ‘But I want to start over. She’s happy, she’s getting her life back on track, and life really is too bloody short.’
So his dad would be here in a fortnight’s time for an entire month, and Theo was determined to be as strong as he could, to spend quality time with him. There was even the suggestion that depending on his progress, his dad may be able to take him home for the day. His mum had already agreed that it was fine by her and they were mature enough to be able to share a roof and spend the day with their son. She’d cried after that, he knew, because she hadn’t been able to look at him and had quickly scurried out of the room. But he hoped they were happy tears.
Theo spoke with his work colleague, Ricky, and although he already knew the truth about Melanie, he needed to hear another version of the story. It was the same version Lydia had given him, but Ricky also told him how different he’d been in that time. He’d said it was as though Theo had transitioned from this normal guy with a girlfriend and a stable home life, the businessman who never lost control, to someone who had completely lost his way and almost entered a kind of underworld, unable to break free of it.
Theo had taken the analogy. He didn’t feel like the kind of person who could’ve done all those things and while he remembered the gambling at university, he didn’t remember ever doing it again and he doubted he’d go back to such a dishonest life. Some things, he hoped, really had disappeared into the ether, buried in the murky depths of the memory that once was, and would never be resurrected.
Other memories, he hoped, would pave the way for the future; a future with Lydia. But he had no idea whether she could ever forgive him for what he’d done, ever give him the second chance he desperately wanted.
Only time would tell.