Chapter 23

DELIBERATION

JENNER

Two hours, that’s how long it took me to navigate my way to the address. How it never occurred to me that she would return to the home she shared with Pops surprised me. Honestly, I didn’t even know if this was the house she was raised in, but seeing the cropland next to the beautiful, old farmhouse, I suspected it was. After abruptly bailing on Janelle, I had only shot home long enough to change clothes, figure out where I was going and hit the road. Now, here I was. Still not sure what I would say when I saw her.

When I turned down the drive, I drove slowly, watching for shadows in the house. Lights were on and two big trucks sat in the gravel circle in front of the house. Dusk had settled, and as I got out of the truck, I grabbed the flowers sitting shotgun. After a long, slow, deep breath, I scaled the porch steps. A porch swing swayed in the winter breeze, and I pictured Lucy and me on it.

My hand shook as I reached for the doorbell finally ringing it. The nerves had nothing to do with my being here—they were completely dependent on her reaction.

When the door opened, it wasn’t Lucy’s eyes I stared into, but rather the steely glare of a tall, somewhat handsome man. No greeting just that glare. He examined me from head to toe.

“May I speak with Lucy, please?”

He glanced over his shoulder, licked his lips, then stepped aside allowing me entry. She was here. I was going to see her. Finally.

“Ethan? Who is it?” her voice chimed from somewhere in the house.

So, this was Ethan. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to beat his ass or not. That verdict would be held in abeyance. But I sure as hell sized him up as I stood next to him. He closed the front door with an eerie softness, perhaps controlling his own emotion.

“I’m Jenner. I’m a friend of Lucy’s.” I extended my hand.

Ethan puffed a sarcastic huff, shaking his head, and with tight lips he shook my hand with a forceful grasp. My upper lip pulled up just a bit.

A pretty blonde rounded the corner with a small child in her arms.

“Oh, God!” She froze, staring at me, then wedged herself between us facing Ethan. “We have to go. Now. Ellie is so fussy,” she lied, bouncing the smiling girl on her hip.

Ethan walked past me, and I followed him. I wasn’t sure if he was leading me to Lucy or not, but I sure the fuck wasn’t going to back down from this man.

“Ethan,” the lady behind me said with a warning in her tone.

“Hey E. Who was at the door?”

I rounded the corner as Lucy asked the question, and her eyes fell over me. Shock plagued her expression. Judging by the smells wafting from the delicious-looking country spread, it was dinnertime. The table where she sat hid her body from view.

I offered her a tight-lipped smile. Imagine a treasure hunter trying to hid his joy at finding a treasure. That was me as I stood there masking all emotion.

“Jenner.” My name brushed over her lips; disbelief colored her tone.

Ironic. I controlled the fate of others in my courtroom, and yet I had absolutely no control over my own future. It all rested with her. She was the judge and jury that would seal my fate. I had to let her know that I wanted a life sentence.

“Hello, Lucy.”

“We were just leaving, Lucy,” The blond woman said. “You two enjoy dinner. Ellie is super fussy, and we just need to get home.”

The child giggled, bringing a lopsided grin to my own face. Lucy stayed seated, but her stare slid over to Ethan, who rested his clinched fists on the table.

“Ethan,” the woman with the child gritted her teeth.

Ethan simply stared at Lucy until she nodded. I wasn’t sure what the connection was, but it certainly was there. As hard as it was to drag my eyes away from Lucy, I met Ethan’s hostile gaze. He didn’t say anything. Just sized me up. Obviously fighting some internal struggle. Finally, heaving a resigned sigh, he swaggered past me. If things went the way I hoped, maybe someday Ethan and I would eventually be on the same team.

My eyes slid back to Lucy.

“Hi,” I greeted again.

“Hello.”

Once the front door closed, I held up the flowers. “Vase?”

“Under the sink,” she said, not budging.

I slid the flowers into the glass and set them on one end of the table.

“Thank you. What are you doing here?”

“Well, you sort of just disappeared.”

“Gosh. That seems so long ago.”

“Not that long ago.”

“How’d you find me?” she said quietly.

I shrugged. “I finally put two and two together, but it took me a while.”

“Was it Midge? I heard you got some key-lime bars.” A hint of a smile touched her lips.

I stayed standing. I was going to force her to stand. To let me see her belly. “No. Midge kept your secret. She’s very loyal to you. I heard you were getting my messages.”

“Jenner, don’t. Please.”

I rested my head back against the wall. “You have goose bumps on your arms. It’s cold in here, Lucy. Why are you wearing a tank?”

“I was cooking, and I got warm. My shirt is right there.”

The plaid shirt was less than three feet from her, but she would have to stand up to reach it, and I knew damn good and well she wasn’t going to stand.

“Will you hand it to me, please.”

“No.”

Her jaw tensed. The tight tank top showed off her breasts nicely.

“Your nipples wouldn’t be as easy to see if I get you that shirt.”

Blood crept into her cheeks as her lips parted. Her gaze fell down to the empty plate in front of her. I grinned. I had hoped and prayed on the drive up here that seeing me and hearing my words might provoke a positive response versus a text. I couldn’t wait to make her mine again.

“Jenner.” My name flew past her lips so beautifully.

“Are you staying here alone?”

Two of her fingers rested on her lips. “Yes.”

I glanced down the hallway at the framed pictures of her on the wall. Her red mane seemed more wild back then.

“Who is Ethan?”

“Hank’s son.”

Of course. “And that was his wife?”

“Yes.”

“He seemed quite protective of you. He knows who I am?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

Our eyes connected again and held onto each other.

“How did you find me?”

“I already told you, Lucy. Can’t you at least stand up and give me a hug?” I asked, fighting a smile.

God, she was honestly the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Her red hair fell perfectly around her shoulders. When her chin quivered, and she buried her face into her palms—as cute as it was—my heart wreaked havoc in my chest.

I took my time getting around the table, not wanting to startle her. Her face was still hidden in her hands, and I took hold of her wrists.

“Jenner,” she whispered, resisting me.

“Let me hold you, please.” I needed to hold her as much as I needed to breathe.

Finally, she conceded. Her body immediately melted into mine and she wept. Her body shook, and for a short second mine did too as my own eyes flooded. I’d found her…

LUCY

My entire body quaked, but Jenner’s strong arms supported me. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that he was standing in my kitchen. My tears drenched his shirt. And, I had no idea how long he’d stay. He held me like his life depended on it, and that thrilled me to the bone. But, it was only a matter of time before he saw the bump.

He brushed a kiss over the top of my head, then gripped my shoulders, pushing me back. I got lost in the wetness of his lashes, forgetting for just a second about the baby. But then his eyes widened in disbelief, his hands moving to brush the bare skin where my tank had ridden up. I so wanted him to choose me…us. I was an us now.

“Jesus,” he whispered, falling to his knees. He laid his check on the roundness of my belly as a single tear streaked his cheek. “I knew, Lucy. I could feel it when you left. You, literally, took a part of me with you. And not just this baby, but my heart too.”

I clawed at his hair, desperate for his approval and love. After all this time. After fighting to forget. After talking myself out of telling him. I fell right back into his arms.

His hands gripped my hipbones possessively. He was the only man I’d ever been intimate with and just that smallest of gestures aroused me. My nipples protruded even more now than when he had made his earlier comment.

“Lucy. My beautiful Lucy. How far along are you?” He spoke directly to my belly.

“It was the night in the hotel, Jenner. Five months. I didn’t know before I left, and I didn’t know how to tell you after things got so bad. But, Jenner, you can’t talk me out of keeping this baby.”

Several different expressions crossed his face before he settled on confusion.

“Why would I talk you out of keeping it? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You don’t want kids. You told me that. You made that very clear.”

He nodded. “Yes. I told you that. But, that was before.”

“Before what?”

“Before I knew what I was missing. Before I found you. Before I fell in love with you. Before I lost you.”

His words gutted me—left me unable to breathe. I pushed away from him.

“What, Lucy? What?”

“You can’t say stuff like that.”

“God knows I haven’t been very good at saying the right things to you, but I’m trying here. There isn’t a script to this. Be patient with me.”

Fear began to cloud his eyes.

“You can’t be gone for months and come back and say those things. Before I fell in love with you? Really, Jenner.”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t leave, Lucy. You did. I’ve been searching. I’ve visited Pops half a dozen times. I’ve visited your old apartment that now has someone else living there. I’ve been to Henley’s. Midge’s. YOU left.”

My hands flew up to my hips then to my temples. “You didn’t want me. You said that many times. You said we were a fabrication. I was going to ruin your career.” I wiped my tears and my snot with my hand.

Jenner’s face hardened. “For God’s sake, Lucy. What did you want me to tell a reporter? I was just as concerned about your credibility as mine. What would you have preferred I said?”

He had me flustered. I searched every inch of his face, looking for any sign of doubt. My memory didn’t do him justice. His chest seemed broader, his eyes darker and he hadn’t shaved. So, striking.

The sexual tension in the room steadily built. That electricity between us still sparked.

“I’m so scared.” I cried silent tears that never made it down my cheeks because Jenner was suddenly beside me cupping my jaw as his thumbs erased the wetness.

“Don’t be scared. Please, Lucy. Of all the emotions for you to feel, scared should be the last on your list.”

I inhaled his breath. It had been so long. His father’s vile words echoed through my brain.

“Your father,” I whispered as my expression crumbled.

Jenner released my jaw and wrapped his palms around my cheeks. “No intelligent sentence should ever start with my father. Ever. He isn’t worth the time or wasted energy.”

“He told me I was trash. That I would never be welcomed into your family.” My voice cracked. “I’m not trash.”

Lifting my chin, he stared into the depth of my soul. “You aren’t even close to trash. I’m trash too in his book because I don’t do things his way. He means nothing to us.”

“Jenner. I’m having his grandchild.”

“And that, my dear, means I’m going to be a dad and you’re going to be a mom—the best fucking mom in the world.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “And we get the chance to do it so much better than our parents did.”

This time when he bent down level with my bump…our bump…his knees cracked. His fingers inched my tank up, so he could kiss my slightly protruding belly.

“Wiillllllllsuuuuun,” he fake shouted, reminding me again of our Tom Hanks Castaway conversation. “Our little Wilson, Lucy. This little guy is going to be begging to get away from his helicopter mother and his rigid, wealth word talking father—by the time he reaches age of majority.”

I giggled for the first time in months. “It could be a little gal.”

“Dear God. If she has red hair and your sass, I’m screwed.”

There was a certain way he said things that completely captivated me. As I looked down at him, happiness beamed through his eyes.

“Jen-ner,” I whispered, my body responding to our proximity and to what I saw in his eyes.

His tongue peeked out between his lips indicative of a kiss to come. His lips brushed over the baby bump. Time and time again.

“What’s that?” he asked the bump, then placed his ear flush with my belly.

He covered his open-mouthed gape.

“What?” I asked, smiling.

“Wilson said that his mother needs me to be inside of her.”

I giggled. “Did he now?”

Jenner smiled that big, toothy smile that had caught my attention the first night I met him. The night in the club when I shouted if he’d have sex with me.

With his thumbs, he inched my sweats down over my hips. I covered myself, trying to hide my not so groomed private parts. “Jenner, I wasn’t prepared for this.”

He grinned. “I’ve not seen you in months. I’ve not tasted you. I’ve not been inside you. I don’t care if Welcome to the jungle is blaring as your legs part.”

I laughed.

“I want to make you come more than anything right now.” His fingers slid through my wetness as my head fell back.

“You know, there’s a bonus for you. No condom,” I said into the air.

“That is a bonus,” he said, nudging his nose back and forth over my bump as his hands slid around to grip my ass.

“I have two more questions before I surrender.”

He rubbed over the exact spot he knew would make my knees go weak. I gripped his shoulders.

“Jenner. That makes it difficult to concentrate.”

“I’m sorry. I’m listening,” he whispered as he slid one finger inside me.

Flashbacks of our first night together flooded through my mind. Him making me come with his fingers before his phone rang. I wanted that again. Tonight. I wanted everything he had to give.

“That’s complete and total bullshit. I’m not listening,” he chuckled, stimulating me to the point that my legs trembled. “I just need to know that you’re mine, Lucy. The rest we can handle together. You and I… we can handle anything.”

There’s something about the most pleasurable feeling in the world—something that makes you not care what your face looks like or what sounds you make. Where nothing around you makes sense. That’s the moment I was lost in.

“Lay me down,” I begged.

“I’ve been waiting months to hear you say that.”

Time stopped—and nothing mattered but us as he snagged the quilt off the sofa, preparing a make-shift bed. I began to wiggle out of my sweat pants.

“No! Please, allow me.”

Jenner fell to his knees eager to please as he removed my sweats and panties.

“Raise your arms.”

I did. When my breast fell free of the tank, a familiar heaviness settled in them. As he massaged my breasts, now a little fuller than before, his fingers circled my nipples causing a sharp intake of breath—from both of us.

“They’re tender,” I panted.

He nodded as he lowered his mouth gently over my breast. My insides tingled as every sense came alive.

Everything. Me. Him. Us. The way our fingers and hands knew each other’s bodies. It all fell right into place as every ounce of doubt fluttered away.

I came first around his finger, then he slid deliberately, slowly inside of me robbing me of breath.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No. I need you. I need you, Jenner. So much.”

“Oh, Christ, Lucy. I need you too. Never. Never leave me again. Losing you would destroy me.”

I arched my hips up to meet his tender thrusts. That same look I’d had earlier of getting lost in the moment—the inability to concentrate on anything but the feeling growing inside of me—was now evident on Jenner’s face. I worked my hips, longing to please him but also as my own orgasm peaked.

“I love you, Lucy.”

I couldn’t respond. I wouldn’t respond. Not lost in the emotion of this. I did love him. How many times had I cried in Ethan’s arms over the past few months claiming my love for Jenner?

His mouth covered mine as he breathed his love into me. I inhaled every last bit. And as his thrusts quickened, his low moans echoed through the room and reverberated through my body. There it was—the look I wanted—the whites of his eye disappeared behind the fluttering of lids. His lips parted as the most pleasurable groan scraped up his throat. I don’t remember feeling it the first time when I conceived, but I felt every contraction, every spurt, and every seed of love. He rested next to me; his eyes skated over each inch of my face.

Between the front door slamming and Jenner bolting off of me, I grabbed a pillow unsure of what was happening. Ethan’s eyes widened as he rounded the corner.

“What the hell?” Jenner ground out, trying to block me.

“Lucy?” Ethan questioned.

“This is not a good time, man.”

“I’m not your man.”

Ethan stepped closer and both Jenner’s hands flew up to Ethan’s chest.

I scrambled to my feet, covering myself with the quilt. “Ethan, what’s wrong?” I stepped between them. I’d never seen any sort of snarl on Jenner’s face—but one side of his lip pulled up.

“I called you several times. You didn’t answer,” Ethan explained.

“As you can see, we were preoccupied.”

“Jenner, please.” I swatted my hand at him. “Is something wrong, E?”

Ethan shoved his hands into his front jean pockets and looked down at the ground. “I just needed to know you were alright.”

“As you can see, she is perfectly fine.”

If looks could kill, Ethan would have murdered Jenner. I pushed Ethan back away from Jenner.

“I’m ok,” I whispered. “I’m better than ok.”

He nodded again. “I’m sorry. This is hard for me. He hurt you and that’s not ok.”

“Yes. He did. And I hurt him.”

“You’re sure about this?”

I smiled at him. “Yes. I am. And I love you for worrying, you mother hen.”

He grinned and glanced back at Jenner.

“Do I have to like him?”

“That would help. Because I really need you in my life.”

“Well, I don’t want to like him today. I’ll do better tomorrow.”

Ethan gave me a tight-lipped grin, then winked as he stepped past me and walked right back out the door almost as suddenly as he came.

“Do you want to tell me what that’s about?” Jenner asked, still buck ass naked.

I giggled when I saw him standing there.

“I’m not amused, Lucy.”

“Ethan saw you naked, Jenner. Surely you think that is a little funny.”

His eyes fell to his front side as a lopsided grin replaced his scowl. “It would have been nice if he’d have barged in before I came.”

I glanced down at him and then bit my bottom lip.

Jenner tilted his head to the side and his eyelids lowered about half way. As he made his way toward me, blood began to make its way back into his dick.

“Once. That’s all I need to hear it. Tell me I don’t need to worry about Ethan. Tell me that you are mine, Lucy, without a reasonable doubt.”

With his thumb, he freed my lip from my teeth.

“You don’t need to worry about anyone. Ever. I love you, Jenner. I love you.”

Jenner’s entire expression lit as he swept me off my feet. “Point me in the direction of our bedroom.”

“Our bedroom?”

“Yep. If I’m yo baby daddy, then I’m shacking up with you too.”

I pointed to my bedroom. “Don’t ever talk like that again,” I giggled.

As he strolled through the door, he smiled. “I know we’ve never really been out on a date—at least officially. Would it be forward of me to ask you out on a date?”

With the utmost gentleness, he laid me on the bed.

“I’m sorry. No dating. I’m just using you for sex. You ok with that?” I teased.

His eyes danced with laughter. “As long as it’s once a day for as long as we both shall live, I have no problem.”

“Or longer.”

Jenner yanked the comforter up, covering our heads, and even though I knew what was coming…for a moment, he held me as close as he could get me.

“Lucy?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I hurt you. I’m going to spend the rest of forever making up for that. I’m right here for the entire world to see that I’m yours. I lived in this perfect little world that my father created for me, never realizing that person wasn’t me…that it was his version of me. I don’t like that person. I don’t like the way that person treated you and I’d like the chance to rewrite our ending.”

Tears filled my eyes and immediately brimmed over.

“If that ending includes the words happily ever after, then I’m in.”

Jenner kissed away the tears that left my eyes.

My heart was full…no…not full—overflowing. For the first time in my life, I felt wanted and loved. Pops had brought me back to life when I was little, but Jenner made me feel alive. Together, we would create a life that I might not have originally thought I wanted but needed more than I could ever know.