Chapter 7

CONFLICT OF INTEREST

LUCY

Two weeks had passed since I’d seen Jenner. Thoughts of him went through my head at least hourly, sometimes more. A lot times more. Whether it was seeing his name on a document or preparing for a docket or just daydreaming about our time together. I wanted to hate him for the way he treated me…the way he shut me down by basically ignoring me. But, I didn’t hate him. He had shot electrical bolts through my body unleashing a need and desire I never understood or realize existed. I’d fought all temptation to text or reach out to him. Pops used to say it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but I wasn’t sure about that in this case. If I had never felt the way he made my body come alive, then maybe my heart wouldn’t incurably yearn for him.

“Lucy. Take this to Judge Weber to get signed. I have to run file a warrant,” the juvenile supervisor directed.

I could feel the blood drain from my face.

“I’m swamped. I…”

“You’re at the bottom of the totem pole. You can be swamped when you get back.”

I nodded. “Ok,” I said, taking the papers from her.

“Run it to the clerks office after he signs it.”

I rolled my eyes where she couldn’t see and slid on my jacket.

The entire walk over to Jenner’s office I prepared myself, rehearsing in my head how I hoped this would go down. His unpredictability left me clueless as to what to expect, but I braced myself for the worst.

When I opened the door to his division, his assistant wasn’t there. That made me feel minimally better. My pits were sweating, and I was struggling to ward off the oncoming anxiety attack.

“Come in.”

Jenner’s voice came from his office, and the thought of walking around the corner made me sick. Seeing him would bring every feeling rushing back.

“Hi, Judge. I need to get a paper signed. I’m not sure what it’s referencing but...”

“Hand it to me.” he interrupted.

It was like he was an entirely different man than the one I had so readily given myself to. That man was funny and attentive. This man wearing the black robe was a complete asshole.

“Who prepared this?”

“I’m not sure. I was asked to run it over since I’m the newbie. Trust me, I didn’t volunteer.”

His dark eyes darted up to mine, and out of nervous habit my upper teeth came down on my bottom lip.

“I’m not signing this. The motion isn’t complete.”

“Fine. I’ll take it back.”

“Watch your tone, Ms. Edwards.”

Without the paper in hand, I walked over to the door to make sure his administrative assistant still wasn’t there.

“My tone? Is my tone really the problem?”

Jenner dropped the papers onto his desk and folded his arms across his chest, then reclined back in his chair. My heart pounded in my throat.

“I’m not in the mood to read between the lines, Ms. Edwards. If you have something to say, why don’t you just say it?”

I’m never speechless. Never. My mind raced. I shot back over to the door to be safe. Still no assistant in sight.

“Why do you have to be so mean?” My damn voice cracked, angering me but I was able to hold the tears that threatened to fall at bay.

Jenner’s Adam’s apple jutted out and back in as he swallowed. Then he closed his eyes with a deep inhale. He was going to blow a gasket, and I couldn’t take it.

“Look. This is so hard. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I said, hoping to prevent the inevitable explosion.

“Don’t be sorry. We just…” his words trailed off.

“We just what?”

“Can’t. And certainly can’t talk about this here. Ever.”

“I know,” I whispered, and as hard as I fought it, those traitorous tears invaded my eyes. “I had no idea who you were. I just.” I paused, fighting the urge to actually cry. “This was such a shock… and I didn’t know… and now…this is so hard, Judge.”

“Don’t call me Judge.”

What? I dropped the folder in my hands and covered my eyes. “I am trying. I swear to God. If you weren’t who you are… and I don’t know how to act around you. One minute you’re biting my head off and…” My erratic words trailed off this time. “I want to see you again. But I get it. I really do. That’s why you blew me off the other night.”

His eyes narrowed. “I didn’t blow you off, Lucy. Do you understand that I should recuse myself on every single case that you’re assigned? Do you understand that ethically, this isn’t acceptable? We both could lose our jobs.”

After a deep breath, I retrieved the folder I had dropped and squared my shoulders. “I understand. I won’t text you again. No one knows about what happened except us. It’s done. Over. No one needs to know it ever happened.” My professional tone surprised me. Peeling my eyes away from him, I turned and forced myself to walk toward the door.

“Don’t go,” he whispered, his voice closer than I expected.

Those two words pierced my heart, stopping me in my tracks. Though I wasn’t facing him, I closed my eyes to steady myself. I felt the heat of his body as he placed his hands flush with the wall on either side of me. A silent gasp fled between my lips.

“Miss Edwards.” His mouth was in my hair. “The ethics board doesn’t care about the tense of our relationship. Past or present. What they care about is that the existence of a relationship could interfere or bias my decisions.”

I nodded. “I know. I know this can’t happen.”

“I’m trying my best to figure out how to keep it from happening.”

His words sparked a glimmer of hope, fanning that smoldering desire that I had been trying futilely to smother.

“I would never expect special favors. Special rulings. I’d expect nothing less than for you to be fair and impartial.” I gushed, grasping at the lifeline he had tossed me.

“And you think we could be in court together after having my cock inside of you at night? That would be fair and unbiased, yes?”

A ripple of tremors quaked through my body with his dirty talk.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

Before I realized it, he’d spun me around and gently pushed me against the wall.

“I’m sorry, Lucy, did you miss ethics class when they taught that in law school?”

Though his face was only inches from mine, I could tell his demeanor had changed. Suddenly agitated, he stared at my face for a few seconds, then spun on his heels, cleared his throat and returned to his desk.

My heart was throwing a serious tantrum in my chest over his Jekyll Hyde shit. Then, of course, I heard the outside door of his office.

“Judge,” a woman’s voice resonated into the room.

Jenner glanced up at me, his expression unreadable, then said, “Come in, please.”

A petite, brunette rounded the corner. “Oh goodness, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she said in a squeaky, annoying voice.

“Miss Edwards was just leaving. What can I help you with, Miss McCartney?”

“Please,” I said, stepping out of the girl’s way. She appeared younger than me. “I’m done here,” I added for good measure, picking up the papers I’d brought in, sliding them into the folder. “Thank you, Judge.”

My heels clicked loudly with every angry step. Could that man have given more of a mixed message? As my finger punched the elevator button over and over again, I realized I was caught up in an impossible game. One that I could never win. I didn’t know how to make him want me. My whole life had been centered around the single purpose of helping children, protecting them. And now, after only one stupid night with this man, I was letting my desire for something I could never have drive me mad—keep me from remaining focused. I needed to get my head on straight. The only game I needed to be in was my career. When I stepped onto the elevator and pushed the button, I decided that staying away from Jenner Weber was in my best interest. As much as I didn’t want to, it was my only option.