Derek

I push my plate to the side and sigh heavily. Hungry or not, I can’t stomach any more dried meat. It was easier to eat without really tasting dinner when I had the others to talk to. But these days, I sit here alone.

Erin is in Matias’s room at his bedside. Bryce is in there too, lying in his bunk. He’s afraid to be around me alone now, as he should be. And Kenna rarely leaves her bedroom anymore. She comes out to grab food or books and then takes them back into her room.

Not seeing Bryce and Kenna is fine by me. But Erin and I aren’t getting much time together anymore. She sits with Matias, who is still hanging on, and catches a few hours of sleep when she’s too exhausted to sit anymore.

I’ve been so fucking pissed since finding out how we ended up down here, and I can’t come up with any outlet. I’m just stuck here, missing out on the career I worked so hard for, my dad surely thinking I’m dead. All over some assholes wanting to steal from me.

The sad thing is, there wasn’t a lot to take in the lodge, other than my collection of firearms and a little football memorabilia. My irreplaceable stuff, like my Super Bowl rings, is all kept in safety deposit boxes.

Fucking thieves. And what’s worse is that Bryce had the balls to lie about it this whole time. I’ve never wanted to beat the shit out of anyone as much as I do right now.

Bryce deserves to suffer like Matias is. If I were left unchecked in a room alone with him, I’d make it happen. I know Erin did the right thing by stopping me, but I also seethe every time I look at Bryce.

That asshole doesn’t deserve to eat the food down here. There’s a limited supply, and every bite he takes is one a worthy person won’t get down the road, when food is scarce. I can’t stand the thought of him drinking giant glasses of ice water when Matias is miserably thirsty at all times.

I’m an even-tempered guy most of the time. It takes a level head to succeed as a quarterback. I’m able to make quick decisions and not doubt myself. But this thing with Bryce has put me in touch with the darkest part of myself. This isn’t about pre-snap reads or play calls or winning and losing football games. He fucked with people’s lives to steal from me.

No one deserves to get cornholed by his thieving partner more. That’s cold comfort, though.

With a deep exhale, I reach for my plate and move back in front of me. I eat the food mechanically, not tasting it as I chew and swallow. We’re rationing food, and I have to eat my portions to keep up my strength down here.

I can feel the physical changes in my body. More than ten weeks without my usual diet and exercise routine have taken their toll. I’m not as strong, sharp, or fast anymore. Before, that would have been devastating to me. Every day of my life, my priority has been staying at the top of my game. Finding a way to be just a little faster, a little stronger than before. Working hard and never allowing distractions.

But in a little over two months, everything has changed. If I could have anything now, I wouldn’t choose to break a record or be stronger than someone else. I’d want Matias to have a shot at living. My ideal evening would be a home-cooked meal at my lodge with my dad and Erin. I know he’d like her, and she’d like him.

I took simple things like fresh air and sunshine for granted before. I worked hard and went back and forth from my New York apartment to my lodge in the off-season, but I don’t feel like I ever really stopped to appreciate what I had and what I’d done with my life.

The door to the bunk room opens, and Erin comes out. I instinctively stand and walk over to meet her halfway across the great room, opening my arms. Her shoulders sink as she lets herself relax against my chest.

“How is he?” I ask, holding her tight.

“The same.”

“Let’s get you something to eat.”

The door to the bunk room opens, and we both look over. Bryce slinks out, his head down. He goes to the bathroom.

“Don’t worry about him,” Erin says, her cheek pressed to my chest.

“I’m not,” I lie.

“Your whole body just tensed up when you saw him.”

I concede with a grunt. “I don’t trust him. He shouldn’t be in the bunk room with you and Matias anymore.”

“He’s harmless, Derek.”

“Harmless?” I pull back and look at her. “He’s a criminal. We don’t know what he’s done or what he’s capable of doing.”

“We didn’t know before either, though. We’ve been living together for more than two months.”

I put my hands on her shoulders and hold her gaze. “But we didn’t know the truth before, babe. If we ever get out of here, he’s not walking free. Please be careful.”

She furrows her brow. “What are you worried he might do?”

“I don’t know. I just know I don’t trust him.”

She slides her arms around my waist and rests her cheek against my chest again. “I think it makes sense now, why he’s been crying at Matias’s bedside. He feels guilty.”

“He should.”

“Yes. But I don’t think he’s planning to hurt any of us. He feels guilty and afraid.”

Having Erin’s soft, warm body against mine seems to help temper my anger toward Bryce. She’s more compassionate than me, that’s for damn sure. I do trust her, though, and I’m grateful she’s here with me.

“Even if I don’t hurt him, he deserves to be afraid I will,” I say in a low tone.

“Promise me something.” Erin’s voice is urgent.

“What?”

“Promise me you won’t get that gun. Not for any reason.”

She leans back until she’s looking into my eyes, and I feel a stab of guilt for the concern I see there. I’m supposed to be helping soothe her worries, not adding to them.

“I’m not gonna shoot Bryce,” I say softly. “I promise you that.”

Her bright blue eyes fill with emotion. “You know what I’m asking, Derek. Please.”

“He’s not anywhere near a point I’d consider it.”

She shakes her head. “Please don’t. Not at any point. My heart can’t take it.”

I cup her cheek in my palm. “It’s not about you, though. Or me. I wouldn’t let a dying animal suffer, and I sure as hell can’t let someone I care about suffer.”

She blinks, and a tear falls from each of her eyes. “But who are we to say when it’s too late for him?”

“It won’t be about that, babe. It’ll be about him deciding when it’s time to let go.”

“This whole thing is so unfair.”

Bryce darts out of the supply room, a bag of dried beef in hand. He doesn’t even look at us as he scurries back into the bunk room.

“Fucking rat,” I mutter.

“Derek,” Erin says sharply.

I look at her.

“Can we focus on Matias?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

The alarm on my watch beeps, and I release my hold on Erin to turn it off.

“Time for his water,” I say, heading for the kitchen. “And let’s get you something to eat, okay?”

Erin takes my hand in both of her much smaller ones. “When Kenna has a turn with Matias, I need us to go to bed and not sleep.”

My body heats up from her words. “I need that too.”

When Erin and I are in bed, nothing else matters. It’s the only time I ever truly escape the confines of this bunker. There’s no anger, no worry, no stress. Just messing around feels so intimate and erotic with Erin. I can’t even imagine how hot sex would be.

I watch as Erin takes a few bites of dried meat and vegetables. She’s looking too lean, and I know she’s not eating her full ration of food. Once I know she’s eating, I fill Matias’s cup and take it into the bedroom.

Bryce is curled up against the wall in a top bunk when I walk in, out of my reach. Guess he’s not completely stupid. Matias is sleeping soundly. I set the cup on his bedside table and quietly pull the door closed.

What does it feel like for Bryce, seeing a nineteen-year-old’s body fail him, and knowing he’d be okay if we were on the outside? If I did that to someone, I’d never recover.

But Erin’s right—we need to focus on Matias right now. I have to believe Bryce will get his, one way or another.

“Can you set an alarm so I can sleep for half an hour?” Erin asks me.

She’s had dark circles under her eyes for weeks now. The bearded stranger looking back in the mirror at me every day has them too.

“Sure.”

We get comfortable on the sectional, me lying down with her curled up against me. Her breathing evens out quickly, and I feel myself fading too.

I dream about the woods. I’m surrounded by tall pines, needles and fallen leaves crunching beneath my feet. It’s chilly, but my flannel is enough to keep me warm. I’m approaching the sound of a gently rolling creek.

It’s my idea of heaven. And just when I think the dream couldn’t get any better, I reach behind me and find Erin’s hand. She smiles and takes my hand, and we continue on toward the creek together.