Erin

It’s October 22. All of us are aware, because Derek hangs a piece of paper on the refrigerator every morning with the day of the week and the date. Marking the passage of days down here helps keep us sane and drives us a little crazier at the same time.

This one is especially somber. October 22 is three months to the day after we got trapped down here. A quarter of a year. It’s fall outside, the leaves changing color and the weather turning colder. But down here, the seasons never change.

I’m sitting at the table with Derek, Kenna, and a wary Bryce. We just finished our spaghetti dinner, and Kenna quickly cleared away the dishes. She’s on dish duty tonight. I imagine she plans to wash and dry them quickly so she can return to her room.

But Derek asks her to return to the table instead.

“We need to talk about a couple things,” he says.

Kenna silently sets down the dish soap and returns to the table, sitting down.

“We all know Matias is slowing down a lot.” Derek looks around the table, Bryce’s gaze darting into his own lap. “It’s time for one of us to be in there around the clock. We’ll make up a chart with shifts. And if you’re overtired or just having a hard time sitting there alone, say so.”

He runs a hand through his hair, sighing heavily as we all consider his words.

Death watch. It’s a sad but necessary need for Matias. He won’t leave this world alone—that’s all we can offer him.

“I just wanna say…” Bryce clears his throat. “That I’m truly sorry. I know—”

Derek cuts him off. “Don’t. I’m not listening to your bullshit. If you want forgiveness, you’re asking at a really shitty time.”

Bryce’s face falls, and he nods.

“All four of us have to stay strong,” Derek continues. “No matter how any one of us feels, we’re not gonna turn on each other. Things are bad now, but they could get worse. Being trapped down here can mess with your head. I need you guys to let the group know if you’re struggling with anything. Other than Matias being sick, I mean.”

No one seems to want to speak up. I appreciate what Derek is trying to do, especially considering his feelings toward Bryce, so I go first.

“I’m okay, I think. Tired. I don’t sleep great down here.” I shrug.

I’m tired in every way. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. When I wake up and stumble out of bed, it’s fear for Matias that drives me. My fatigue is nothing compared to what he’s going through.

He sleeps more and more. I cherish his periods of wakefulness, when he usually manages a smile and a thumbs-up. I’m reading him another Jack London book, hoping he can hear me in his half-awake state.

“I’m doing fine,” Kenna says. “Being by myself is my way of coping.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence as we wait for Bryce to speak. Finally, he does.

“I’m…” His voice shakes on the word.

I close my eyes, an unconscious wave of sympathy for Bryce hitting. His rumpled clothes and bloodshot eyes show his guilt as surely as his tear-filled voice. Matias’s impending death is on him.

I believe Bryce was telling us the truth about his wife and two daughters. How it must burn to know he’s trapped down here and may never see them again because of a decision he made himself.

Bryce is a prisoner in a cell he had a hand in locking. That has to cause the ultimate inner pain.

I cover his hand with mine. “You’ve made mistakes,” I say, fighting back my own tears. “You can’t change that now. But you can control what you do from here. Will you help us get through this?”

He nods vigorously. “Yes. Anything, anything I can do…that’s what I want.” He closes his eyes, a sob escaping him. “I’d trade places with him right now if I could, I swear to you.”

I glance at Derek, and even his expression has softened.

Bryce gathers himself, sniffling. “Did you guys…tell him?”

“About what you did, you mean?” Derek asks.

Bryce nods, the corners of his mouth dipping down.

“No,” I say. “We decided the stress wouldn’t be good for him.”

“You mean you two decided it.” Kenna rolls her eyes.

Even now, the bitch is being petty and self-centered. Derek pats my thigh, probably sensing what I’d like to say to her.

“Well, what do you think, Kenna?” he asks her.

“He’s an adult. He deserves to know.”

Derek looks at me. I shake my head. “I don’t know what purpose it would serve at this point.”

“Wouldn’t you want to know?” Kenna says.

“I guess…I would.”

Bryce eyes us all warily. “I’d like to tell him. And apologize.”

“Fuck that,” Derek mutters. “What, so you can get absolution before he goes?”

“No, I just—”

“It’s about you,” Derek fires back. “You want to tell him for yourself.”

Tears spill over onto Bryce’s cheeks. “I’m ashamed of what I did. It’s not about him forgiving me, it’s just…about being honest.”

“Honest?” Derek says bitterly. “You?”

I put my palm on his forearm, trying to dial back his anger.

“I’m not the monster you think I am,” Bryce says, his tone weary.

“Tell us what justified your actions, then.” Derek’s tone is indignant.

Bryce exhales deeply. “Nothing justifies it. I know that. My cousin just made it sound so harmless when he asked me to help with it.”

“How’d you guys manage it, anyway?” Derek asks. “I’ve got security. And no one knows about this place.”

“My cousin had a friend who worked on the crew that poured the concrete. He started planning it a while ago. He was supposed to tie up the real wiring guy and leave him in the back of a van for the twenty-four hours we were down here, then the cops would get tipped about everyone.”

“Didn’t you think you’d get caught?” Kenna asks.

Bryce shrugs. “The plan was to be gone by the time anyone figured anything out.”

“Yeah, I bet your cousin’s long gone.” Derek shakes his head. “And if you want to tell Matias what you did, I’m okay with it as long as Erin is.”

“I guess so,” I say warily. “We all wanted answers.”

“I’ll take the next shift, then,” Bryce offers. “Four hours, right?”

“Yeah,” Derek says. “And don’t give him any water. I’ll take the shift after.”

Everyone gets up from the table, and Derek puts his palm on my back, steering me toward our bedroom.

When we walk through the doorway, the motion-activated lights in the room come on, as always. Derek closes the door, his gaze meeting mine for one delicious, hungry second before he reaches for the light switch on the wall and turns it off, sending the room into total darkness.

The dark down here is the kind where you can’t even see your hand in front of your face. My sense of sight is gone, but my sense of touch is heightened as Derek covers the distance between us, taking the bottom of my shirt and pulling it up over my head before tossing it to the floor. When I grab a fistful of his shirt and tug, he pulls it off in a smooth motion, then wraps his arms around me.

I don’t know where either of us ends and begins anymore as he cups my ass and picks me up, my legs instinctively wrapping around him. I kiss him hard, high on the way this connection makes everything else slip away.

There’s no fatigue, no sadness, no regret. Only his teeth scraping over my bottom lip and my fingertips digging into his thick beard to grip his face.

He carries me the few feet to the bed and puts one knee on it, my body still entwined with his. We go down together, never allowing an inch of air between our bodies.

My breathing is hot and fast as Derek’s lips move over my stomach, his soft beard on my skin making every nerve ending tingle with awareness.

I’ve had boyfriends before, and I always thought the sex was good. But Derek can do things to my body I didn’t know were possible. He rids me of my bra and circles his tongue around my nipples, my core heating in response.

I push his shorts down, and he helps get them off so I can wrap my hand around his thick erection. The soft groan he makes when I touch him sends a shiver down my spine.

Derek makes me feel like every kiss and every touch is exactly right. He never gets pushy or demanding in bed. Both of us cling to each other, craving the escape we only find here.

He already has me so worked up that when he slides down my panties and slips his fingers inside me, I grind against him and beg for release. He grants my wish with his mouth, making me come apart so hard I have to cover my mouth with my hand.

My back sinks into the mattress, and I feel him lie down beside me.

“My turn,” I whisper.

“Just relax, babe.” He kisses my forehead.

“Not yet.”

I want to make him feel exactly like I do right now. Drained in the best possible way. Empty of all the sadness and unknowns.

In our short time together, I’ve gotten to know his body well. I stroke and suck his length until he’s breathing hard, his fingers woven into my hair.

And when he comes, I’m filled with the heady sensation of being the only one who can make him feel this. I draw it out for as long as I can, and when I crawl up to lie back down, he pulls me into his arms and exhales deeply.

“Goddamn, that was amazing,” he whispers against my lips.

“Bunker Erin is quite a vixen.” There’s a smile in my tone.

“Bunker Erin?”

I snuggle against him. “Mmm-hmm. Bunker Erin is different from Outside Erin. You wouldn’t want anything to do with Outside Erin.”

“Why do you say that?”

I shrug. “I’m just…different. More withdrawn. More cautious. And Outside Derek is different too, I’m sure.”

“Yeah.” He runs his fingertips up and down my spine.

“Down here, we’re kind of perfect for each other,” I say, sleepiness making my voice sound far away.

“I think so too.”

“If we ever get out of here, give me a shout-out in your bestselling memoir, okay?”

I feel a hum of amusement in his chest. “You wouldn’t want to go out with me if we weren’t stuck down here?”

I laugh lightly. “We’re like night and day, Derek. You wouldn’t want me either.”

The pull of sleep is strong, and I give in before I hear his response. Or maybe he’s asleep too. I fall into the most restful slumber I’ve had in a while.