Derek

My teammates are staring at me, several of them slack-jawed. Even though the story hit the news a few days ago, they’re seeing me for the first time.

“Only you, motherfucker,” Jackson Rainer says with a huge grin.

I get lots of backslapping hugs and handshakes. It feels good to be back with these guys; I’ve missed them more than I realized.

Even the new starting quarterback, Quentin Carmichael, shakes my hand and tells me he’s glad I’m back.

“Thanks, man, but I’m not coming back to the team yet,” I tell him. “I’ve got lots of conditioning to do, and the legal stuff has to be worked out.”

Coach is hosting a big dinner at his house for everyone to catch up with me. The food is fucking incredible, with lots of grilled meat and vegetables on the menu. I’ve been eating a lot since getting out of the bunker, trying to put back on some of the weight I lost.

My teammates’ expressions as they stare at me are a reminder of the physical changes I’ve undergone. Before, I followed a strict high-protein, anti-inflammation diet. Now I look like I just got voted off the island on Survivor.

Between the team and staff, there are probably three dozen people here. Everyone wants to hear the story of what happened and ask me questions. I don’t mind repeating the same old shit because it keeps my mind off Erin.

I’ve sent several texts and called twice since Lance got me a new phone. She hasn’t responded, and it’s making me crazy. She may not have gotten her phone back after we were rescued, but knowing that doesn’t help.

I already asked Lance to get ahold of her aunt and uncle for me, because I can’t take this much longer. Erin was with me every minute for three months, and now she’s just gone.

I’m talking to one of the new players when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I excuse myself and take it out, my blood running hot with excitement.

Fuck. It’s just Lance.

“What’s up?” I say in answer, making my way down a hallway to a quiet room.

“Sorry to bother you at the party, but we’ve got a problem.”

“Yeah, we do. Erin still hasn’t called me back. Did you get her uncle’s number?”

“Can you think with your other head for a minute?”

I growl into the phone. “You’re fuckin’ fired.”

“Sure, I am. Listen, Kenna Pane did an interview on CNN tonight.”

“Yeah? I’m sure she’s gonna milk every ounce of spotlight she can get.”

Lance sighs heavily. “She’s saying you made unwanted advances in the bunker.”

I throw my head back and laugh. “Yeah, no. Everything between Erin and me was consensual, and she’d confirm that.”

“No, man. Advances on her.”

The room I stepped into is a bathroom, and I can see my mouth drop open in shock in the huge mirror.

“On…Kenna? Me?”

“Yeah. She whipped up some crocodile tears and everything.”

“Holy shit.” I walk over to the toilet seat and sit down. “What does she…why? Why would she say that?”

“You’d know better than me. Did you fire her?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know if I ever said it in so many words, but…” I stare up at the ceiling. “I didn’t do that, Lance. I wouldn’t.”

“I know.” After a pause, he says, “You want me to retain an attorney and open negotiations?”

“Negotiations?”

“Money, Derek.”

I rub a hand down my face. “No. I didn’t fucking do anything, man.”

“Even so—”

There’s a beep on the line, and I pull the phone away from my ear to look at the screen. Since Lance, Tom, and my dad are my only saved contacts right now, I can’t tell who it is from just seeing a phone number.

“I gotta call you back,” I tell Lance, ending the call. “Hello?”

“Derek? It’s Erin.”

Just the sound of her voice makes my whole body sink with relief. Finally.

“Where are you?” I ask, knowing that wherever it is, I could run there right now without stopping. I have to see her.

“I’m…in a bathroom.”

I lower my brows. “Me too.”

“Oh. Am I catching you at a bad time?”

“No,” I say quickly. “I’m just in here on a break from all the people.”

“Yeah…me too. Sorta.”

“Are you at home?”

“No, I’m at a restaurant.”

“Why haven’t you responded to my messages?” I stand up and pace across the floor. “I’ve been going crazy.”

“I just now got my phone back, or I would have called sooner.”

“What restaurant are you at? I’ll come pick you up.”

There’s a pause before she says, “I’m not sure of the name. It’s an Italian place. Where are you?”

“Upstate New York.”

Erin laughs lightly. “You can’t come pick me up, then. I’m close to home.”

“I wasn’t thinking. I just…miss you.”

“Oh, Derek.” There’s a stirring in my pants at the way she says those words. “I miss you too.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. After being in such close quarters, it’s to be expected, right?”

I consider. “Not really. I don’t miss Bryce or Kenna.”

Another soft laugh. “Me either.”

“I need to see you.”

“There are reporters and cameramen following me everywhere. Is that happening to you too?”

“I’m not moving around much. They don’t know where to find me yet.”

“That’s good. It’s pretty awful.”

I feel a protective urge. “Are they there right now? At the restaurant?”

“They’re keeping a distance right now.”

Reporters? Keeping a distance? I know from experience that’s not their game.

“How come?” I ask.

“I think it’s just because the police are close by.”

“Are they giving you an escort?”

“Sometimes.”

I think back to what she said earlier. “Why did you just get your phone back, but you’re at a restaurant? Didn’t you have to pick it up at the police station or whatever?”

There’s a pause. “The detective gave it back to me here.”

“Why? What’s he doing asking you to meet him at a restaurant? Is he hitting on you?”

“Derek, what’s with you? We’re just having dinner.”

I close my eyes, wanting to scream fuck at the top of my lungs. My coach probably wouldn’t appreciate that, though.

“You’re on a date?” I’m pretty sure every vein in my body is bulging. “We just got out of the bunker, and you’re already dating someone? Un-fucking-believable.”

“First off, it’s dinner at a little café, and I came so I could get my phone back,” Erin says defensively. “And what do you care? Aren’t you back to your pro football life? I figured you were getting a blow job on the hour.”

“Fuck you. I’ve just been waiting for you to call me back.”

“I didn’t have my phone, Derek. I just got it, and I came into the bathroom to call you as soon as I did.”

“Don’t let me keep you from Officer Friendly.”

She sighs softly. “I didn’t know if you’d ever want to talk to me again.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

There’s silence on the other end of the line, and then I realize.

“Oh, so that’s what you think of me?” I demand hotly. “I’m just a playboy asshole who sticks it in any hole I can find? I don’t have feelings?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Did you think it?”

Her tone is low but laced with anger. “I didn’t know what to think, okay? I never got to see you after we were rescued, and I…I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t want to have expectations and…”

Be let down. My chest burns at the sound of her words. At knowing she thinks I could disappoint her.

“I need to see you, Erin,” I repeat.

“Are you coming back to Colorado?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know when. I’ve got to be careful about traveling.”

“I understand. Let me know when you come back, though. Maybe we can…meet up somewhere.”

I don’t want to meet up somewhere, because that sounds like something that would end. I want to stay at her place. Meet her family. Go to bed with her every night again.

But that’s impossible right now, especially with the bullshit tale Kenna’s spinning on the news.

“Which detective asked you out?”

“Derek…”

“Tell me, Erin.”

“Ryan Harris.”

Guy’s a young punk; I remember meeting him. I can’t believe he had the balls to ask Erin out. I want to knock the smug smile off his face.

“Don’t let him lay a hand on you. If I see any pictures of him with his hands on you—”

“Hey. Relax, okay? I just wanted my phone back.”

“I’ll send a car to take you home.”

“I promise nothing will happen. I’m going to eat some lasagna because I’m hungry, and I’ll pay for my own dinner.”

Her words soothe my swollen temper just a little.

“And then you’ll have him take you straight home, and you won’t let him touch you.”

“Right.” There’s a smile in her voice.

“Call me when you get home, okay? I want to talk more.”

“I will.”

We end the call, and I leave the bathroom, my blood still pumping with excitement over hearing her voice and fury over that detective. I’m the one who should be sitting across from Erin at dinner right now. No one else knows her like I do.

I do my best to eat, drink, and be merry at the party, but my heart’s not really in it. I’m just biding my time until I get to talk to Erin again.

By the time I get back to JFK, a mob of reporters has found me. They’re yelling out crazy-ass questions, like “Did anyone try to murder you?” and “Do you think this is a conspiracy?”

The security team Lance hired for me takes me through a secured entrance, and I’m able to escape the crowd.

It makes sense for me to stay in New York—my team is based there, and so is Lance. We have lots of meetings coming up in New York. My coach offered me his guest house for as long as I need it, which I appreciated.

Hell, I even have a place here in New York, and before getting trapped in the bunker, that felt like my home base. But I want to go back to Denver. My dad is there, and Erin is within driving distance. I’ve been checking on Matias, and he can’t have visitors yet, but as soon as he can, I want to be there.

The security team gets me loaded onto the plane Lance chartered for us. He flew here with me, but I’m going back alone. Earlier today, he and my dad got all the legal work done for my estate to be transferred from my dad back to me. It’s good to have that part of myself back—I’d gotten used to having anything I wanted at my disposal anytime I wanted it in the past ten years since going pro.

I don’t want to talk to Erin in front of the security guys, so I wait until I’m alone in the back of a car after the flight to return her call, the dark privacy partition up between the driver and me.

“Hi,” she says in answer.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Pretty good.”

“Did Detective Douchebag keep his hands off you?” I scowl.

“Of course.”

“Did he ask you out again?”

There’s a pause. “Yes.”

My heart constricts. “What did you say?”

“I said no thanks.”

“Good.”

She sighs into the phone. “I wasn’t sure you’d even think about me anymore.”

“How could I not think of you, Erin? You were the best thing about being down there. The only good thing, really.”

“Hey, now. What about that powdered peanut butter?” she teases.

“I’m never eating that shit again.”

“Me either.”

“Have you thought about me?”

“Yes.”

I close my eyes, wishing I could reach through the phone and touch her.

“I miss you, babe. More than I know how to handle.”

“Derek,” she says softly. “I wish we could… I mean, I miss you too. I do.”

I don’t like what I hear in her voice. “But…?”

“But we’re apart now. We’re back in the real world. You’re an NFL star, and I’m…just me.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Do what?”

I shake my head. “Don’t turn back into the woman you were when we first got down there. I fell for the fearless, confident woman you became.”

“That was always there, Derek. You just didn’t see it. You never would have seen anything about me if we hadn’t gotten trapped together for three months.”

“It wasn’t always there. You were terrified at first. Too timid to speak up. But when Matias needed you, you got past all your own insecurities to help him. You even stood up to me.”

“Oh, and that’s a big deal because you’re a badass?” There’s amusement in her tone.

“I can be intimidating.”

She scoffs. “You think?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Other people are afraid to offend you because of who you are. And you’ve got…a presence.”

“I like that you don’t take my shit.”

There’s a long silence before Erin says, “What if everything’s different now?”

“I’m not different. Are you?”

“No.”

“Then that’s all that matters.” There’s another long pause before I say, “What’s wrong?”

“We’re not different, but everything else is. And it does matter. It’s not just Kenna and me down there, it’s…all the single women in the world.”

“You think I’m not capable of fidelity.”

“I don’t know, Derek. I don’t know that we could ever even get to the point where it mattered. You’re going back to your team, and I’m staying here. I’m taking a leave from the farm to work on just Camp Caroline for a while. How would we even see each other? I’ve never even been on an airplane.”

“Are you afraid to fly?”

“Yes.” Her tone is aggravated, like it should be obvious. “I’m not what you think I am, okay? Claustrophobia is part of my life every day. So is insecurity. I wasn’t good enough for my own mother—why would I be good enough for anyone else?”

The raw emotion in her voice cuts me deep. It hurts me that she’s hurting.

“You’re good enough for me, Erin. So much more than good enough.”

“You think I moved past all my issues because of what happened, but I was just coping. How would we ever see each other when I’m afraid to get on a plane?”

“We’d manage.”

“How?”

“I’ll fly.”

“But…can you? Isn’t your season busy?”

I rub my temples, aggravated. “Why do you just want to think of all the reasons this can’t work?”

“Those reasons are real. We have to think about them.”

“I need to see you. Can I come now?”

Her exhale is pained. “No.”

“Why not? Are you at the farm?”

“Yes, and there are a dozen news trucks at the end of the drive. If you stayed the night here, it would be all over the news in the morning.”

“So what?”

“Derek…?”

“So what? I’ve never given a shit what anyone said—”

“It’s not about you,” Erin says, the seriousness of her voice silencing me. “I don’t want anyone digging into my past. I haven’t seen my mother in a long time, and I don’t want reporters finding her and…I just need my solitude, okay?”

“No, you don’t. You’re just scared.”

I look out the window at the lights in the distance, disappointment heavy in my chest.

“I am scared, Derek. I admit that. I’m scared of more than you know. Confined spaces, being underground, rooms without windows, drugs, alcohol, rejection, motherhood… Should I continue?”

“Yeah, you should. And none of it’s gonna scare me away. I know who you are, Erin. I love who you are.”

“I have to go.” Her voice is strangled with tears.

The line goes dead. I toss my phone onto the empty seat next to me and lean back.

That didn’t go as planned. I wanted to be with Erin for the time I’m here. Instead, I’ll be in my dad’s guest room, hoping she changes her mind.