Tori listened to the second voicemail that week from Chase. They’d spoken a few times in the weeks since their night, but she’d been too busy with work. At least, that’s what she told him.
You’re thirty and blind, and your options are becoming more limited. Chase is a good guy and wants you. Maybe she should give him a chance.
Footsteps into her office broke her train of thought.
“Yes Darlene?” Tori could smell Darlene’s overpowering floral perfume from a mile away.
“It still freaks me out you can do that.” Darlene breathed heavy. “Your next interview, Alexander Robinson, is here.” Tori had been reviewing candidates for an intern. “Oh, and one quick question…” She lowered her voice. “Do you have any feminine items? I’m kinda having a period emergency here,” she asked awkwardly.
Tori always kept a few spares in her desk. “Yeah, of course.” She opened her top drawer and felt around until she found the wrapper and handed it to her. “Here you go.”
“How do you, um, deal with that anyway?”
“Deal with what?” Tori asked sweetly, knowing full well what she meant.
“You know, that.”
“Better than you do, Miss Period Emergency.” Tori quirked her mouth up.
Darlene grunted. Apparently, she didn’t think the joke was as funny.
Maybe that’s the reason I don’t have many female friends.
Tori waved her hand. “Please see him in.”
After her interview, she tried to get back to work. Darlene’s words nagged at the back of her mind as her stomach slightly cramped, as it had been for two days now. She should be starting soon. With the VoiceOver on her phone she navigated to her calendar.
Two months. No period in two months.
That couldn’t possibly be right. Her body was like clockwork. She checked again.
Jane was in charge of labeling her medication. Damn you, Jane. Her sister had never taken a birth control pill in her life, the baby-making machine she was.
Scott was the only one she never used a condom with, but she’d also been with Chase. She assumed he used a condom, but she never made sure. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why are you so stupid? Beads of sweat formed as her shirt started to stick to her back. She tried to breathe, but all the air had left her lungs.
Finally, she collected herself enough to call Keith and sent him to the pharmacy.
“Well?” she asked, her voice echoing off the bathroom walls. “Anything?” Tori’s heart was pumping so fast, the warmth of blood pulsing in her ears.
“You can call me Uncle Keith,” he said in his sassiest tone possible.
Tori’s head spun. No, no, no. This cannot be happening. She fell against the wall and slid to the floor, her cane crashing to the tile.
Keith sat next to her and patted her hand. “Ok, we can deal with this. This is Scott’s, right?” Tori bit her lip. “Oh, sweet girl. For the love of God, please tell me it’s Scott’s.”
“Yes, most likely, God, I… I…” Tori stammered, and tears started to flow. She couldn’t even think straight.
“You mean this could be Hipster Jesus’s baby?”
God, I hope not.
“I’m ninety-five percent sure it’s Scott’s.” Tori sobbed and laughed at the same time. It was so unbelievably ironic. Just when I thought my life was coming back together.
“Vickeeee, girl… You’re a ho,” he said in a loving, yet sarcastic tone, only the way Keith could do. “Seriously. You didn’t use a condom? What about the emergency sex bag?”
“I kinda got caught up in the moment.” Tori tugged her lip.
“Dammit, Vic. You know better,” he scolded. “What in the hell are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” She was barely adjusting how to take care of herself, much less a baby.
Keith sat, put his arm around her, and gave her a big hug. “Oh, sweetie. You’ll figure it out. You always do.”
“When was your last menstrual period?” Dr. Lee, her OB asked her.
“About nine weeks ago.”
If it’s Chase’s, you know what you have to do. Her stomach lurched.
No, there was no way. It was Scott’s. She was certain of it. She’d only calculated it a hundred times. She considered texting Chase and asking if he used a condom, just for an extra layer of certainty, but that was a can of worms she didn’t want to open. No. There was no way it could be Chase’s.
So, here she was, about to have Scott’s baby. And she hadn’t even called him yet. She’d tried to not think about it this past week, but the cramping in her abdomen was demanding her attention.
Not that Tori had thought about doing this at all. She figured someday, she’d settle down and have kids, but that was so far off her radar. After she went blind, it was last thing she wanted to consider.
“Ok, well, let’s take a look.”
She nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat.
“Anything unusual, any cramping? Bleeding?”
“A little cramping…” Tori trailed off. “Is that bad?” Why do I care if it is?
“We’ll see.”
There was a spurt of liquid like ketchup coming out of the bottle as the cold, gooey mess landed on her belly. The wand glided across her stomach as a whooshing tunnel sound filled the room.
The doctor rubbed on her belly for what felt like an eternity. Many strange hmmms were coming from her mouth. It was extremely aggravating not being able to look at the screen or see the doctor’s expression. The wand moved lower and pressed harder. Tori grunted as it became uncomfortable. Eventually, through the static, a faint thumping began.
“Is that the heartbeat?” The hair prickled on her arms as a twinge of excitement shot through her body, shocking her. A warmness seeped into her chest as a smile crept across her lips. There was life flowing through her body.
We made that. Scott and I made that. A smile slowly formed on her lips.
“Yes…but…” the doctor grew eerily silent.
“What’s wrong?” Tori snapped.
“Victoria, I’m sorry, but the embryo is outside the uterus, in your fallopian tube. It’s not a viable pregnancy,” her voice softened.
“But the heartbeat…” Tori choked.
“It’s rare to hear a heartbeat, but not unheard of. You’re pretty far along, almost eight weeks. The embryo is growing strong, it’s just not in the right spot.”
Of course, the baby was strong. Just like it’s daddy.
The doctor exhaled heavily. “Listen, normally, I’d treat this with medication, but due to gestation, I suggest we remove the pregnancy right away. I don’t want to risk you rupturing.” She wiped the jelly off her stomach and pulled down the paper gown. “I’m so sorry.” She patted her hand. “The nurse will come in and get you scheduled for emergency surgery. I’ll let you get dressed. Do you have someone you can call?”
Tori nodded slowly. Scott. You should call Scott and at least tell him. “My sister,” she said quickly.
“Ok. I’ll be back shortly.” The door shut behind her, and Tori sat there, digesting it all.
She placed her hand over her belly. I have part me and part Scott inside me, and it’s going to die. A tear trickled down Tori’s cheek, and her mind flooded with images of a little boy with his dark hair and her blue eyes, or a little girl with her blonde hair and her daddy’s grin.
She may have not seen the child, but she would have known. Scott would have painted her a wonderful mental picture. She wrapped her arms around her churning stomach. She sucked in a breath and tried to hold it back, but she couldn’t contain the sobs from pouring out of her.
They moved her from the clinic to a room. Lying in the hospital bed, waiting, with nothing but a sheet over her, Tori sent a text message off to Scott. She knew it was a long shot that he would reply, but she wanted to try anyway.
Tori
Hey sexy, just thinking about you. Hurry back. I’m in need of a good fuck…
She was pleasantly surprised when he chimed back.
Scott
You can’t get enough, can you? LOL. I’m doing my best. Gonna be a long night. Hopefully I can stay awake, but soon…very soon, I’ll come give you a good pounding. I promise.
She decided not to tell him about the pregnancy, for now. His job was dangerous and that was grief he didn’t need. She was ready to move on. She just wanted to know he was there. She was still trying to process why she was so upset. Scott showed no signs of wanting to settle down, but a baby probably would have done the trick.
This is for the best after all. She’d never want him out of moral obligation.
Or was it? The past several weeks, she’d been mulling over Scott and how much he meant to her. She spent so many years chasing her career and self-glory. With her accident, that was all gone in a split second. Forced to confront her own demons, she was starting to realize she was lonely. Strings of one-night stands and meaningless relationships were no longer gratifying.
Maybe I deserve more.
Tori could feel herself lifting from the dense fog of anesthesia. Beeping machines, hushed voices, and shuffling footsteps surrounded her as she drifted in and out of sleep. Jane’s hand slipped into hers, squeezing it when the doctor came in. This was all eerily familiar.
“How are you feeling, Victoria?” Dr. Lee asked. The wheels of the chair scraped across the tile floor, drawing near.
“Not bad. Tired, groggy.” Tori yawned as Jane let go of her grasp on her.
“Victoria, I wanted to chat about the surgery, if you’re up for it.”
Tori nodded.
“There was a lot more damage in the tube than we expected. It was near rupture when we got in there. We had to remove it.”
They what?
“So, what does that mean?” Jane jumped in before Tori could even mutter a word. “What are her chances of having a baby after all of this?”
“Well,” Dr. Lee replied, “she still has one tube. Many women go on to carry full-term pregnancies fine under those circumstances.” The doctor’s voice waivered in hesitation. “However, after one tubal pregnancy, the chances increase to have another. There’s quite a bit of scarring from your auto accident in the remaining tube. That could be problematic. We’ll have to wait and see. I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer, Victoria.” She let out a heavy breath. “We’re moving you upstairs for the night for observation.”
The doctor’s footsteps faded, and the metal rings of the curtain whisked close. The seat next to her squeaked as Jane sat. “Tori, there’s always in vetro fertilization as an option to reduce your risk…” Jane grabbed her hand.
“I thought it was against Catholics’ beliefs,” Tori huffed.
“Well, it’s not like we share the same beliefs anyway. You could always do hormone therapy—”
“Shut up!” Tori screamed and shook her hand off. “Can you just shut the fuck up? All you do is talk until my brain hurts.” After everything this past year, this was the final straw. Jane meant well, but she was always pushing and prodding, and Tori was over it.
Jane was silent, and a heaviness filled the room.
“I’m sorry.” Tori rubbed her pounding temples. “I didn’t mean it. I just… I can’t think about that right now.” All she wanted to do was sleep and forget this ever happened. She’d stuff it down like everything else, and this would be merely a blip on her radar. “This is the best thing that could’ve happened. It’s a blessing in disguise. I’m not made for motherhood. It’s not me—never has been.”
Not meant to be a mother, or a wife. She was a damaged, blind woman that no man would ever want. She wasn’t good enough for Scott before, and she never would be now. This was her penance for all her past sins, and it was a long time coming.
“Tori, you can’t possibly feel that way…” Jane obviously wasn’t buying it.
“Well, I do,” Tori lied as another part of her soul died.