Fay danced down the street ahead of me, the lone streetlight illuminating her golden hair. She spun clumsily and fell sideways, catching herself at the last minute. I laughed and took a sip of my melted slushie.
“Times like this, last summer feels like yesterday,” she said, waiting until I caught up with her.
I shook my head. “Not for me. I’m a million miles away from last summer.”
She smiled at me. “That’s true. Things are so great for you right now.”
“Maybe.” I didn’t want to tell her the way the past had reached a hand out through a crack in the door, and threatened to grab me while I slept, while I worked, while I snuggled in Paul’s arms and tried not to think of it. I didn’t want to tell her that Dad was drinking again, that the cycle was starting over just when I’d thought maybe it had ended for good.
But Fay was like a diary to me, an open blank page inviting me to spill my secrets. “Maybe,” I repeated, “but you know what I think it is? I think I’m different. My life isn’t different, but I am, so it looks like it’s different to you.”
Fay sat down right in the middle of the street and patted the pavement in front of her. I put my hands on my hips and looked left and right. It was after one in the morning. No lights shone from any windows, and the only sound was a low hum from the streetlight. I sat in front of her.
She looked around, and wrapped her hair around her neck like a scarf. “It’s like we’re the only ones alive. I love it.”
“Then why do you look so terrified?”
“It’s the good kind of terrified. Like when you’re watching a scary movie and it’s fun to be scared.”
We giggled, and I knew we were both remembering the time we watched A Nightmare on Elm Street at Esta’s house when we were twelve years old. Her parents didn’t know what we were doing, obviously. We spent the whole night wide awake. I was the least scared, so they’d made me guard the door while they whimpered under the covers. It had seemed silly in the morning, until the next night when it became scary again.
“Celia, why were you so quiet tonight?” She’d had enough of the preamble, and wanted to get to the real reason we were sitting in the middle of the road at one in the morning.
“I wasn’t that quiet.”
She raised her brows at me.
“I don’t know. It was weird being there, I guess. I didn’t feel unwelcome, but I know my parents wouldn’t welcome Marigold and Lyle into our house, so it felt wrong to eat their cookies and sit under their blanket. Does that make sense?”
“Yes.”
“And…” I wrapped my jacket tighter around my chest.
“Tell me.”
“Dad got drunk last night. Didn’t come home until the wee hours of this morning.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Is that why you didn’t go home at curfew? A little bit of payback?”
I shrugged. “Nah. No one will notice I’m not home.” Fay’s face turned sympathetic, and I sighed. I didn’t want pity. “Hey, I know. Let’s go sneak in Esta’s window.”
Fay, used to my rapid gear-switching, jumped to her feet and held her hand out. “At first I hated your fascination with windows-as-doors, but now I’m into it.”
I grabbed her hand and she pulled me up, and five minutes later, we stood below Esta’s window, out of breath because we’d run the whole way. We laughed our heads off when Esta’s bleary, confused face appeared behind the glass.
She lifted the window and stuck her head out. “What’s going on?”
“We missed you,” Fay said. Earlier in the day, we’d all worked a shift together at Heidi’s. We tried to talk Esta into coming with us to Malcolm’s, but she’d claimed fifth-wheel syndrome.
“Yeah. You never come out with us,” I panted.
“Have you guys been drinking?” She squinted at us.
“We’ve been drinking slushies. Are you going to let us in or not?”
Esta sighed and stepped back from the window. “Fine, but for the love of all things holy, be quiet.”
I made it in gracefully enough, but Fay, less practiced than I was, tumbled in the window and cracked her head on the corner of Esta’s dresser, landing in a heap on the floor. She groaned in a whisper, which made Esta and I erupt in giggles.
No sooner had Fay sat up, when Esta’s door burst open and her dad stood there in nothing but his boxer shorts. “What is going on in here?” he bellowed, and flipped on the light.
“Hi Mr. Nichols,” I said, and waved feebly as my eyes adjusted.
“Oh, it’s you.” He rubbed a hand down his face.
“Dad, just go back to bed. Everything’s fine.”
“Girls, it is after one in the morning. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to call your parents.”
“No, it’s okay. I don’t have a curfew, and she…doesn’t have one tonight,” Fay said.
Mr. Nichols looked at us gravely, trying to discern if Fay was telling the truth. He also suddenly seemed to realize he was standing there in his underwear. “Just get on home, alright?” he said, and awkwardly backed out into the hall, shutting the door behind him.
I glanced at Esta, who looked sort of sad. “He thought a boy was sneaking in here. He wouldn’t have burst in half naked if he knew it was you,” she whispered.
“I wish it was Bennie who climbed in your window,” I said. Esta had discovered Bennie at school, and had developed a strong affection for him. Unfortunately, Bennie had discovered Molly.
“If I have to live the consequences of my sister’s teenage pregnancy, it’s too bad I don’t actually have a boy sneaking in my window. “You know what? I am going to sneak out. For more than a year I’ve done the time, I might as well do the crime.”
Fay laughed and sprawled out on the floor, getting comfortable. I sat down beside her.
“I’m serious. Next time you do something, I’m coming. Right out my window. You’re going to be amazed.”
A loud thump echoed through the wall, follow by a shout. “Good night, ladies!”
Esta motioned with her hands for us to get moving. Fay and I got up and scrambled out the window.
Safely on the grass, Fay looked up at Esta in the warm glow of her bedroom. “Celia’s birthday. That’s when we’ll sneak you out. I don’t know what we’ll do yet, but something good.” Then she linked her arm with mine, and we took off down the streets of Juniper.
We stood on Fay’s porch, the light from the front window showing me her furrowed brow. “Mom’s never up this late.” She turned the knob and walked in quietly, and I followed close on her heels.
Abe lay sprawled on the couch, his mouth slightly ajar as he slept. I heard soft voices from the kitchen. Fay must have heard them too, because she smiled and stepped in that direction. I grabbed her jacket sleeve before she could make too much noise, and tilted my head to the hallway beside the kitchen. “Let’s listen.”
She frowned at me, but let me lead her around the edge of the room, and we stopped in hallway where we could hear without being seen.
“There’s plenty of room here. You know Fay and Celia would love to share a room again,” Olive said.
Fay looked at me, a mock-horrified expression on her face. I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my laugh.
“And what? You and I will share a room, too?”
“I don’t see why not. We did it until you married Todd and moved out.”
“And we fought terribly,” Mom said. They both laughed softly, likely remembering arguments past. It was quiet for a moment.
“I don’t want you to go back there, Donna.”
Mom sighed. “I am twisted up in knots. Nights like last night are rare.” More silence. They communicated in looks, a lot like Fay and I. Words weren’t always necessary. “Todd still writes me love notes, can you believe that?”
“That…no, actually. I’d never have thought so.”
“I have shoeboxes full. Mostly they’re just little scribbles, hearts on a scrap of paper, that kind of thing. I found a good one in his sock drawer last week. It said, Boo! Thanks for keeping my socks white as a ghost.”
Olive chuckled. “Oh, wow. He’s in the holiday spirit.”
“No kidding. He even drew a little ghost on it.” Mom sighed again. “He’s always been goofy like that, and I’ve always liked it.”
“It’s complicated,” Olive said. “I get it.”
“It’s hard to think about leaving, instead of thinking about helping him. It doesn’t feel right.”
“It’s not what you want, but maybe it’s what you need. And what the kids need. And maybe even what Todd needs.”
There was no response, so I could only assume Mom had nodded.
I could feel Fay’s eyes on me in the dim hallway, but I kept my head turned away from her.
“Don’t give a second thought to the money,” Olive said. “That part will take care of itself.”
“I did see the gas station is hiring.”
I pointed to the living room, and Fay nodded. I tiptoed to the door, and we both stepped outside onto the porch. Fay didn’t say anything, but simply put her arms around me and squeezed me tight. I squeezed her back, and then slipped into the darkness toward home.