Paul squeezed his phone in his hand as he put it to his ear. He stepped out of his mom’s room into the hallway. “Hello?”
“Hey, did you get your letter?” Malcolm’s voice rang with tense excitement.
“Yeah. I got it.” He took a deep breath, trying to switch gears. An hour ago, Paul had opened his mailbox to find his acceptance for early admission to IU. He wasn’t sure how he managed it, but holding that envelope in his hand had been amazing—until he walked into his house.
Malcolm released a huge breath. “Thank God. I was afraid to call you and tell you, in case you didn’t get one, too. Why didn’t you call me?”
Paul glanced into his mom’s bedroom, where she lay curled in a ball on top of her covers, crying with the pillow wrapped around her head. “Same reason, I guess.” He heard how he sounded morose, and forced a change of tone so Malcolm wouldn’t suspect anything. “We all knew it was a sure thing for me, but it was a long shot for you. I didn’t want to rub your nose in it.”
Malcolm laughed, and Paul’s shoulders dropped a fraction. “I think I’ve picked which dorm we should stay in. What do you think about Wright Quad?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t thought much about it. It’s still pretty far away.”
Malcolm sighed. “In some ways it feels like it’s coming up too soon.”
He was thinking about Fay. Paul knew they’d make it work; he didn’t have any doubt of that. He leaned his head against his mom’s door frame. “I better go. Things are a little crazy around here.”
“Yeah, I bet your mom is so happy. Mine wants to throw us a party.”
Paul blinked, the roaring starting up in his ears again. He rubbed his thumb across his brow. “Yeah, sounds great. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
He tucked his phone in his back pocket and ran his hands through his hair. He’d just learned his mom had been fired again. Apparently she’d messed up the billing in a spectacular way. Paul didn’t have it in him to be shocked.
He walked back into her room and sat down on the edge of her bed. He sat silently for a while, his eyes traveling over her things. On her dresser was a picture from his parents’ wedding day. He wanted to throw it in the trash.
His mom reached out her hand and rested it on his lower back. “You’re angry with me.” Her voice was muffled by the pillow.
Paul sighed. “I’m not angry.”
A moment passed. She poked her head out from the pillow. “That’s almost worse, Paulie. You should be angry.”
“Well, I’m not.” There was no point to anger. What they needed was money. He thought about his college savings. Between him and his mom, they’d managed to put almost a thousand dollars in there. Maybe he’d use that money to get a truck so he could drive to work somewhere. He was sick of relying on Malcolm to take him places. He could get a job in Bakerstown for the winter. Shoveling driveways wasn’t going to cut it.
It didn’t matter if he used up his college fund. There was no way they’d be able to afford school now, even if he got a big loan. He’d need to help pay the bills until she found another job, and frankly that may not happen. She was deteriorating faster than ever the last couple of weeks.
He could get a job at Dearing Plastics when he graduated next spring. At least there he’d make enough money to support both of them, and could even save some money while he figured things out.
“Mom? Have you thought again about seeing a doctor for some help?”
She sighed a long-suffering sigh. “It’s the doctor who says I need these pills. You know I need them.”
“I know.” It wasn’t worth arguing.
“I can’t work without them,” she said, continuing trying to convince him in spite of the fact that he’d already given up. He didn’t used to give up so easily.
“Just get some rest, Mom. I’ll make something for dinner.”
“Will you bring me a cold, wet washcloth first? My head is pounding.”
He went into her bathroom and pulled open the drawer where she kept her washcloths. It was empty, and he muttered a curse under his breath. The laundry was piling up. He opened the next drawer down, hoping there might be a rogue washcloth in there.
But it wasn’t washcloths or lotion or extra soap in the drawer. He drew in a sharp breath and his vision swam. He rocked back on his heels and put his hands over his eyes, trying to unsee the baggie full of white oval pills.
In a flash of anger, he grabbed the baggie in his fist and stormed to his mom’s bedside and ripped the pillow from her head. “I’m angry, now, Mom. What are these?” he asked through gritted teeth.
She slowly closed her eyes.
“Tell me.”
She shook her head from side to side, eyes still closed.
“Fine. Don’t tell me. It doesn’t matter because I’m going to flush them.” He turned toward the bathroom.
She shrieked and jumped up, grabbing him by the elbow. “Don’t flush them!” He raised his arm to keep her from reaching the pills.
“What are they?” Paul shouted, as his mom lunged for the bag again. He took a step toward the bathroom and she wrapped her arms around his waist.
“Paul, I’m your mother and I’m ordering you to hand them over!”
He laughed humorlessly and shook his head. “What. Are. They.”
She let go of him and sunk to the floor. He stood above her, chest heaving. She cried quietly for a moment, then whispered, “Hydrocodone.”
He breathed out slowly through his nose. “Did you take them from the dentist’s office?”
She didn’t respond.
“Is this the real reason you got fired?”
A nod.
“How did you get them?”
“Stop asking me questions!” She scraped her fingers down her neck, leaving red streaks on her skin.
He squeezed the baggie in his hands, wanting to crush the pills into bits, and stalked to his room, slamming the door.
He dropped his body onto his bed and pulled out his phone to do a search on Hydrocodone. Narcotic. Opioid. Addictive. Not to be mixed with sedatives. This was just fantastic. His anger fell away and despair took its place. A little fear arrived when he wondered if she’d done anything that might cause Dr. Shepherd to press charges.
He lay there until he felt calmer, then he lifted his phone again and scrolled through his contacts, stopping on Celia. The picture by her name was of the two of them, goofing off by the pond the day of their sneak-date. He smiled at the memory, even as his guts twisted in pain.
It had been almost three weeks since they’d pressed pause. Around her, he managed to keep it light. His smile wasn’t fake, because he was always happy to see her, and be near her, but it was hard. It felt like it had in the beginning, when he wasn’t sure if they’d ever be together. In some ways, it was like they’d pressed rewind instead of pause.
He’d called her every single night since then, to check on her. He usually waited until later in the evening to call, but he needed to hear her voice right now. He touched her name, and put the phone to his ear. She answered two rings later, and some of the weight lifted off his chest. “Hey,” he said.
“Hey.”
He could hear the smile in her voice. “How’s that cat of yours?”
“She’s getting big. And she has shredded the corner of my bed. The naughty booger has put holes in my sheets.”
He chuckled.
Celia continued, “So Fay just called me. I hear congratulations are in order.”
“Oh.” He didn’t want to think about college anymore. Didn’t want to think about his mom. Didn’t want to think.
“Congratulations, Paulie.”
“I have to admit I’m surprised I got in.”
“It must have been your essay. Or no, let me guess—you attached a picture the haircut to the application, and they had to let your sorry butt in out of pity.”
“That haircut would make me too awesome to pass up.” A door slammed down the hall, and he heard his mom shout his name. “I can’t talk long, Celia. I just wanted to call and see how your day was. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, Paulie. Congratulations again, and I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
His mom pounded on his door. His doorknob wiggled as she tried to get in, but he had locked it. “Bye, Celia. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He set down his phone.
“Paul! I paid for those pills from patients who didn’t want them. They are mine!” She thumped against the door, and he heard a scraping noise as she slid down it and sat on the floor of the hallway. Paul turned over and lay on his side, hoping she’d fall asleep there and he could deal with this later.