Gin

At lunch the next day, Lauren takes the sandwich I pass her and bites into it, eating in silence. She has dark circles under her eyes, and her clothes are wrinkled. I wonder sometimes what motivates her to get up and come to school every morning. It’s not her mom, that’s for sure. Lauren does more to take care of the household than she does.

“You okay?” I ask her.

She shrugs. “Long night. My little sister threw up at one in the morning. Then again at three, and again at six. I just gave up on sleep at that point.”

“That’s the worst. Anything I can do to help?”

“No, I’ll be okay. I’m gonna crash so hard after work tonight.”

I hear my phone buzzing in my bag with a text, and I get it out, assuming it’s my mom. But when I look down at the screen, I see a message from Chase.

Chase: Hey Ginger, got a smile for me?

I roll my eyes, unable to keep myself from grinning like an idiot, and look around the cafeteria until I see him standing in the lunch line, his phone in hand. He holds my gaze and smiles back.

“What’s going on between you two?” Lauren asks.

I put my phone back in my bag. “Nothing.”

“Liar.”

Raj sits down next to Lauren, looking back and forth between us and apparently deciding not to say hi just yet.

“Don’t be paranoid,” I say, twisting open my bottle of water. “Just because I look across the cafeteria, that doesn’t mean I’m looking at anyone special.”

“You’re a fucking liar.” Lauren shakes her head. “I’m not an idiot. You got a text from him, you looked over, and then you smiled like a twelve-year-old at a boy band concert.”

“Oh, geez. Don’t be so melodramatic.”

Lauren turns to Raj. “She’s got a thing with Chase. The guy who wanted to gangbang her.”

Raj stares straight ahead, staying out of it. My aggravation with Lauren rises.

“I do not have a thing with him. Stop it,” I say in a low tone. “This is how rumors get started.”

Lauren curls her lip at me in disgust. “It’s one thing to have a crush on his golden-boy looks, but this? What the hell, Gin? Are you gonna be sitting at his lunch table next? Wearing his fucking football jersey with a ribbon in your hair and going to his games?”

“Enough.” I silence her with my tone. “Don’t take your bad mood and lack of sleep out on me, Lauren.”

There’s movement next to me, and I look over to see Michelle Zimmerman standing there, biting her lip nervously.

“Hey…is this still okay?” she asks me.

I told her this morning that she’s welcome to sit with us, but from the way she silently nodded at me, I didn’t think she actually would.

“Of course,” I say, gesturing at the open spot next to me. “Guys, you know Michelle, right?”

“Hey, I’m Raj.”

Lauren glares at me for a few more seconds before saying, “Yeah, we’ve partied together before.”

“Well…thanks for letting me sit here,” Michelle says, busying herself with opening her carton of milk and eating her mashed potatoes.

“I actually missed cafeteria food in rehab,” she says, laughing lightly. “They only serve super healthy, raw foods there. I lost weight from not eating much.”

“Do you feel like rehab helped you?” I ask. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

“No, you can ask me anything you want. I don’t mind talking about it at all. The hardest thing for me is when people just stare at me and say nothing, like I’m some kind of freak.” She takes a deep breath. “It helped me a lot. The change of scenery was what I needed. Getting away from the bad habits and situations that had me feeling so…hopeless. And my parents came to do therapy with me, and it really set in what my death would’ve done to them.”

“Did you come close to dying?” Lauren asks.

“I don’t know…my mom found me right away and got me to the hospital.”

I just look at her for a few seconds. She looks almost frail, her frame waifish and her eye sockets hollowed. But there’s a light in her eyes that doesn’t match the rest of her. It’s like her eyes are promising there’s strength inside her that can’t be seen.

“I admire you,” I say. “For coming back here and facing this group of judgmental hicks. That had to be hard.”

“I think the hardest part was finding out who my real friends were.” She shrugs sadly. “Turns out I had none. Once I stopped drinking and getting high, no one I used to hang out with wanted anything to do with me anymore.”

“You don’t need to be around people like that anyway,” I say. “If you’re putting all that behind you, I mean.”

She nods. “You’re right. I just thought they’d…care, you know?”

“People are basically self-centered assholes,” Lauren says, looking at me. “Using you until something better comes along.”

I don’t fall into her trap. Lauren’s insecurities make her think no one values her, but she comes by it honestly. Neither of her parents has ever valued her as they should.

“Some are,” I say, looking at Michelle. “But I’m not. If you ever want to hang out, I’m usually around. When I’m not at play practice or teaching swim lessons.”

“Thanks,” she says. “I’m so buried in homework right now, but I’m hoping for a social life someday if I ever catch up. They didn’t let me keep up with my work in rehab. I just had to focus on therapy and meditation.”

“Well, shit.” I arch my brows in surprise. “You have a month of makeup work?”

She nods. “Some of my teachers are being really cool and only making me do the big stuff. But Mrs. Luft, not so much.”

“Ugh. Calc?”

“No way.” She wrinkles her nose. “It’s advanced algebra. I’m not a math person.”

Raj speaks up. “Well, uh, I am. If you need help, I mean.”

“Really?” Michelle smiles at him, and his blush is so deep it’s visible even with his dark skin.

“Yeah, anytime.” He clears his throat nervously.

My phone buzzes with another text. I glance at Lauren before taking it out to read it.

Chase: You’re probably wondering if I took off my shirt for you, but it was cuz I spilled water all over it.

I look over at his table, where’s he’s wearing not only his T-shirt, but also a huge grin.

Chase: Knew you’d look.

I shake my head, a warm flush creeping up my neck.

“You’re disgusting,” Lauren says, getting up from the table in a huff.

Michelle gives me a confused look.

“She’s just in a mood,” Raj says. “She’ll be fine tomorrow.”

I’m not so sure, though. Lauren’s never been one to forgive easily. And I can see why she’s upset with me. Chase is the captain of the football team—the leader of everything that disgusts us.

I see him changing, though. And I’m not turning my back on him. I hope my longtime crush on him isn’t clouding my vision. I believe Chase when he says he’s done with the Sweet Sixteen. That’s not for me to share with anyone, though. I just hope Lauren will get a chance to see for herself that things aren’t exactly as they seem.

Even when she’s grouchy and brutally honest, she’s my best friend. I don’t have enough friends to be trading a new one for an old one.